May 21st 2011 - The Rapture DID occur.

Harold Camping
Harold Camping

Camping got it right for me.

Some people seem to think that Harold Camping, prophet of doom, is some sort of delusional old duffer with a morbid desire to see the earth brought dramatically to a cataclysmic ending. Even in the photo featured here, one can see the similarity that his shadow bears to Mr Burns from the Simpsons, another twisted old freak who takes advantage of the innocent. But I think you've all got him wrong.

I believe his prediction actually came true, only not quite on the scale that he had anticipated. But from my point of view, it was just as he stated. The rumbles, the quake, the eruption, the destruction - Rapture!! A truly Heavenly experience.

Ya see, on the evening of the 20th May, 2011, I made the mistake of ordering a severely 'hot' vindaloo curry for my dinner. It was truly delicious, but combined with the fact that I had been suffering the discomfort of mild constipation for a couple of days, I should not have been surprised at all by the effect that such a dangerous meal would have on me.

Like Camping, I went to bed on Friday night with a sense of doom, almost a certainty that tomorrow would be awesome. And I wasn't disappointed!

All day, 21st May, I could feel the tension growing, with several rumbles thrown in for good measure. I spent several hours reading the various hubs dedicated to Camping and his beliefs as I waited patiently for what I was sure was about to occur.

Would you believe it, at five minutes to 6pm, all hell began to break lose... the rumblings became major quakes.... there was earth movement.... everything you might expect during the built up to a massive eruption. It was unavoidable....I couldn't fight it. Praying that it would be over quickly, with a minimum of fuss, I raced to the porcelain throne, divested myself of my earthly garments, and braced myself for the predicted devastation.

Five minutes later.......RAPTURE!!!! the pain was gone! The relief was Heavenly bliss.

You see, the 'End' time was really a reference to MY end... my rear end. The Rapture was my relief at rejcting from my body all that is foul and evil. A cleansing, if you like.

And much like Harold Camping's Rapture..... really a great load of shit!!!

Welcome to the rest of your lives....... until the next predicted rapture.... or the next Curry Vindaloo.

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Comments 7 comments

SteveMacken profile image

SteveMacken 5 years ago from Galway, Ireland.

I'm relieved that your rapture didn't rupture your rectum.

Voted up and funny.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

What an amazing spiritual experience! I am glad you released all of the evil from your body at 6 PM on Saturday. I must say, that was a bold meal choice on Friday considering the situation.

Great hub! This was totally unexpected and funny!


The Dirt Farmer profile image

The Dirt Farmer 5 years ago from United States

OMG!


Trish_M profile image

Trish_M 5 years ago from The English Midlands

Not quite what the 'prophet of doom' was expecting, methinks :)


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

I was about to have my breakfast, but I think I may be putting it off for a while now.

Very funny, but a bit too graphic.


Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 5 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

Hilarious, PK! I started laughing at your first mention of Vindaloo and laughed so hard all the way through that the cat jumped off the bed in disgust!

Funny, funny man ... x


Thatguypk profile image

Thatguypk 5 years ago Author

A critical cat? I hate that!! :-)

Get well soon, christopher!! :-)

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