Moral Codes Enforced by Fine System

My cousin attended the ironically named Liberty University and her daughter is going to be a freshman there this fall. Getting ready for the fall semester includes more than back to school shopping, it requires reading up on the moral code of conduct and become aware of the fines one might be assessed if caught breaking them.

Important lessons if you want receive your "Crusader for Christ" diploma as well as the rest of us if Rick Santorum somehow became President.

For example in perfect "Footloose" fashion the evangelical preachers who run Liberty University have outlawed dancing. The fine for attending a dance is $25.

Also valued at the $25 sin level is gambling. Tell that to all of the lawmakers in cash strapped states trying to push through gambling legislation or all of those sinners who lined up for lottery tickets. I'll bet (oops that's $25 in the kitty), its the ones on the loosing end of the bet who turn the other ones in.

Smoking in the boys room or even possessing a coffin nail will set you back $25. No smoking not even in designated areas. Who would have expected such a nanny state type of moral code from conservatives?

Going to the movies to see Schindler's List or Bully! will set you back and additional $50 payable to "Liberty" U. on top of the cost of a ticket and popcorn. Attendance at, possession or viewing of, an "R," "NC-17" or "X"-rated movie - $50 fine.

Crawling into weird spaces (perhaps to spy on the opposite sex? What else could the motivation be?) will set you back $5) because entering the space above ceiling tiles is a $50 fine.

"Liberty" University frowns on any demonstration of personal liberty. Participation in an unauthorized petition or demonstration - $50 fine. The only authorized demonstrations involve the proper fitting of a chastity belt.

Fraternizing with drunks, bums or Frat boys earns one a whopping $250 fine - association with those consuming alcohol - $250 fine. Better yet, failure of three Christian/Community Services without reconciliation (what ever that means) gets you a $500 fine.

Before you think about packing that ouiija board for the Saturday night board game socials, think again. Involvement with witchcraft, séances or other satanic or demonic activity is $500 fine. Michele Bachmann is still paying off her fines.

But if you save up your allowance you might be able to pay for some good times. Assault or sexual assault is a reasonable $500 fine which is actually less than the going rate down in the red light district of Lynchburg.

Be sure to practice safe sex because if you get an abortion you'll have to pony up an extra $500.

Cool Facts about Liberty University

  • Founded by TV evangelist Jerry Falwell
  • It went nearly bankrupt a few years back and had to be bailed out by the Sun Myung Moon Cult (moonies)
  • "Creation Hall Museum" - located in the back hallway of the Arthur S. DeMoss Learning Center features fossils and all sorts of make believe biblical "evidence" - why did God kill off the Neanderthals anyway?
  • Revoked the recognition of the Democratic Club
  • Ranked worst Christian school by Radar Magazine
  • Student web-pages are not permitted.
  • Alcohol is not permitted on campus.

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Comments 2 comments

WD Curry 111 profile image

WD Curry 111 4 years ago from Space Coast

I remember when I first got saved. It was an incredible experience. Then I wondered, "Does this mean I have to like Jerry Fallwell, now?"


peanutroaster profile image

peanutroaster 4 years ago from New England Author

What about the second time?

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