Mother And Me; the Acceptance of Karma
I Was Wrong, forgive us oh lord our trespasses
Fairy Tale Endings Happen
Mother had come to me homeless and I had taken her under my roof. I knew we were working off the karma business. I was eager to finish it up.
It was late in life for her, at age 81, she would live only a few more years; I was actually quite happy to have her company for awhile. My farmhouse was quite adaptable to the various projects she would have going on, like her sewing business, and the produce business, and of course, the chickens and ducks mother made sure I had plenty of!
Mother had never liked her middle child, me, all that much. Didn't pull any bones about it. She used to say weird things to me; like "you weren't supposed to be born." And this one had me wondering too; "you're sneaky!"
She had tried to give me to a childless couple, and they kept giving me back to her over the years. I always wanted to be with her as I could run the neighborhood free as a bird when she went off to work, which was all the time.
It wasn't until I was 50 yrs old I found out why she'd just as soon I hadn't been born to her. Then I understood all too well just how awful the truth can be and how hard it is to face the truth of what you've done to another. As you read my story think about how it is we can have clan wars that continue century after century, until one of the clan just up and says, "I'm sorry."
Please, let's begin again.
I asked Spirit one day "why does mother not like me?" It was evident to my siblings that she didn't. Simply put, I was here to pay back a deed I'd done to her.
Spirit does answer you, if you're sincere, and if you're strong enough to bear up under the truth. You won't be given more than you can handle.
Shortly after I'd asked this most curious question about why she'd not bonded with me, as most mothers bond with child, I got this dream as my answer.
I was in some sort of mansion or facility of many rooms. Mother was not my mother I sensed, but I recognized that it was her, who was my mother in this life. I sensed I was a type of aide to her; I might have been a servant, I might have been a court jester as well. All I knew was that we worked together closely, daily, over a span of many years it seemed.
As I stood watching her in the shadows, she bent over some papers and she agonized over a problem concerning the slaves.
Out in the courtyard I viewed the people as with childish mentality, all in short, white skirts, as in Greece perhaps. There were all hungry and working many hours of the day. For years I brought to her, who was ruler, the problems of the slaves.
For years she promised to do something about the conditions. I awaited an alleviation to the suffering, but none came. It seemed that I had served her for nothing and that she was lying to me on purpose.
Now, in this life, I do not think she lied to me; I think that she was a poor ruler, but that she was not intentionally wanting the slaves to suffer, out of any inherent greed, but rather she had no real leadership skills, she was trying. I saw that later. I snuck up behind her back and plunged a knife into her. I heard her moan and immediately I was sorry I had done the deed.
I came back in this life to make it up to her. Now I knew why she had said I was sneaky. It's because of that other life, I had sneaked up on her. It was a political scene and so it was assassination pure and simple.
In this life, I won't go anywhere near political arenas.
After the deed I joined two others, slaves, who were to become my daughters in this life. One of these I whispered that I had done as we planned. Soon a crowd gathered round as they had discovered the queen was dead and they were free now. Instead of what I'd expected to happen, the slaves became irate and the question became whether I should be stoned right away or receive a trial. The one who had conspired with me began my defense proceedings, but I knew I would be put to death.
End of dream and personal revelations began. Although my defense was an excellent orator, even as she is in this life, I sensed that she too would share my fate. It seemed during this period of history, to kill was a quick answer to most any problem. Times really haven't changed that much, if you think about that people still kill other people in crimes of passion.
I now preach against any type of killing, even animals.
Back to real life here and now. One day on the farm, mother came up to me and said that Nanny (her own deceased mother) had been telling her things. I was hoping that she hadn't had the same dream. As it turned out, she did not, or if she had, she didn't mention it to me. I still felt this heavy burden of guilt over the dream's message.
She did mention however, that she knew she had been a queen. I had not believed her at first when she said this, because all people who are the slightest bit new agey or psychic, will say, oh, I was queen or a king, or I was quite famous...yada, yada.
Now however, I knew she had been a ruler. I also knew I would not be believed that we have these other lives simply because I am saying my mother was what she said she was and I could now confirm it. I knew the part I'd played in her life and why she found it difficult to be around me, because in her subconscious, she knew me quite well, and throughout childhood I would be attempting to get her love and suffer not getting it.
I remember well the way she sighed as she sat down at the kitchen table. The sad look on her face, the faltering words, the full silence that said she had something to tell me.
She said I just found out I have never treated you well....that's all she could manage to say by way of an apology the sense of rejection I'd suffered even to this day from her. I breathed a sigh of relief that she did not say she knew more about me, and what I'd done to her.
When she said what she said, it released my soul from it's bondage to her and it was as if she had forgiven me that great trespass of a former life. I had seen that I had chosen this life with her, to clear up the karma, I'd had to suffer as a little girl, but now to see the whole picture of the relationship, the why of it, and hearing her admit she'd made me a scapegoat in this life, was the instant the karma was cleared.
Now, we became like room mates; I no longer expected us to be mother and daughter; we had returned to the previous life, where we did not share the same DNA. Now I could even forgive myself by forgiving her. We wiped the slate clean. There is no feeling like it, when forgiveness happens.
But there's more slate wiping we did! I do soul retrievals. A retrieval is in the simplest of explanations a way of working with those who have left their bodies and so they are not in the physical dimension, but a plane that is close to the physical dimension.
Not always, but sometimes people who have died may be confused about where they are and need a little assistance to propel them into the next level of their new life. Thus we have what you may call retrievers. They assist the newly departed.
Most of us are greeted by some being after transition. Some of us do this, while yet retaining our physical body, and it is known as going out of body, or obe.
I've done a couple dozen retrievals over the years. I never expected to be doing a retrieval on my own mother, but that's what happened. I can't begin to tell you of the love we shared for one another in this retrieval. I had learned to love her, just as she was and I think she had learned that she needed me to orient her in this other realm.
Account of retrieval: I stood on the steps of my station. This was an apt. I kept. Every night I came to my "office." I took some of the passersby to the light. It was like a way station or a half-way house in a large city. The sidewalks were bustling as a New York scene. People were hurrying everywhere. In the crowd I looked out over the heads of the crowd and saw mother's white head bobbing up and down, being jostled in the crowd, she seemed lost and severely agitated.
"I'm looking for my daughter!" she urgently relayed to a bystander. She did not see me yet, standing on the steps. My heart gave a leap to be called daughter, for this had not happened in real life.
This astral region is replete with assistants. Now a man approached her and told her there was an information booth just up ahead and there they would give her directions to her next level of activity perhaps, or some sort of destination.
The job of the retriever, in these dimensions is to extract the attention of the retrievee, for as can happen, sometimes the retrievee is caught up in their dilemme, their emotion, to the extent, it can be difficult to gain their attention.
Mother vetoed the idea of going to the information booth and just at that instant I called out MOM! I'M OVER HERE!" A look of relief came over her face as she made her way through the crowd and I took her hand to lead her into the sparkling white apt where I knew she would stay while I found guides and assistants to take her to her new home on this side.
It would take a few days it seemed, and so I thought of how to keep her busy and occupied while she waited.
Into my mind came a "rote." A rote is a bundle of images and thoughts that you unravel. In this rote I remembered how mother had loved to sew things. She had done this sewing for the townspeople in her last days. She had served the town cheerfully with her work. I now produced with my mind, her old Singer sewing machine. Presto! She at once felt quite at home to sit and begin sewing while she awaited to be retrieved to her station in the afterlife. Y'all would be amazed how easily it is to produce "objects" on the other side. Once you get there, you will be taught how to do it.
I told her I was going to bring some helpers to take her the rest of the way. I am a retriever and she knew a little of what I was up to before she died, but didn't really understand it. Other retrievers are more proficient at what they do. I most often am good at getting their attention, but must rely on other helpers to take them to their special place in the afterlife.
End of that particular retrieval. As it turned out, it was quite a surprise retrieval. I did not even know my mother had transitioned several months before the retrieval took place. I wrote down the details of what I considered a very vivid dream. Several months later I was browsing social security records on the Internet and learned my mother had died. She had lived with me 3 yrs and we had parted the ways after the clearing of our karma.
I recalled around the date of her death records, my sister had been crying on the phone to me, but hung up before I could find out what she was crying about.
That is why it was a retrieval as retrievals are only done on those who have transitioned in most cases, although I have done a retrieval on a foal about 2 weeks before it died.
In most cases those who get "stuck" in this mid point area, do not realize they have died. I know this sounds strange, but this other realm, when in it, on the first level, it appears we are still in a physical body. It feels solid to us, in other words.
Being stuck can be of various linear time to us, but time passing for them, is not such a concern, it's always like the now moment to the newly deceased. There are helpers and retrievers everywhere, so not to arouse fears that this is some kind of hell, it's not.
There is just an adjustment period to think about. Help will arrive. My mother was a forgiving person. It seems that if you can forgive what she forgave me for, she has to be a very big person! I paid my debt in full to her and now we need never repeat such patterns as we portrayed. I have learned also to be a big person and patience will always save our souls in the long run.
God bless humanity. I'm here to help stop the killing.
More by this Author
You meet some one online and feel you've known them before. Deja vu keeps knocking. To complicate matters they keep popping up from a dream where it's difficult to tell reality from fiction.
A piece about our sexuality as a human race. It is primal and it's here to stay, but we can take it to a new level just by eye contact.
hey! the couple in the apt over are making cat noises! warm fuzzies Last year I had a whopping group of 18 feral cats coming to me for food, yes and protection from heat and cold. This year four more showed up due...