My Catholic Christian Faith and Beliefs Undermined By Occasional Doubt and Confusion


I am Catholic and generally my faith is rather strong. I will be the first to admit that, in a number of ways, I am not a very good Catholic. Overall however, my core faith and beliefs tend to be quite solid. Lately however, I have been tormented by some doubtful thoughts that I will share. I really do believe, for reasons unbeknownst to me, that I am being made to suffer by some kind of dark force/s and wonder why.

I am well aware of the doubting Thomas thing per the Bible. In general, my faith is stronger than was Thomas' as I do not need to see or touch as I have faith and believe. Jesus said blessed are those who do not see but who still believe....or something thereabouts.

Here is one thought I've had recently that disturbs me. What if we just die and it is lights out...just blackness and nothingness? I had a minor surgical procedure a few months ago and chose to go under via anesthesia. The anesthesia was put into me by intravenous drip and I lost consciousness without even realizing it. From the time I lost consciousness to when I awoke it seemed I did not exist. When I came to, it was lights on -- as if I had been re-born. This experience made me wonder...what if there is no soul, afterlife, tunnel, heaven but instead, just nothing?

What if I am the same as the dead, bloated dear on the side of the road? When we drive by the dead deer do we think about the deer in terms of sin, god, heaven, etc.? Why am I more special than the deer? The Old Testament tells us we are made in God's image and were given dominion over the animals but...

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Insane Mundane profile image

Insane Mundane 20 months ago from Earth

That is funny you mention Bubblews because I wrote a Hub about them in 2013. Maybe you should check it out; ha! I don't know if I'll start writing Hubs again or not. I have crap spread out on 7 blogs and 3 other websites right now. At the moment, my offline job is taking most of my time - especially since I'm only currently getting 2 off days a month. Cheers!

Missing Link profile image

Missing Link 20 months ago from Oregon Author

I meant no offense in any way. Do you have any plans to write a hub on some of your spiritual beliefs? I quickly checked out your profile, etc.---very interesting!

Some time ago, I became disillusioned with Hubpages and took down many of my hubs and put them on Bubblews. In time however, I grew disillusioned with Bubblews so am, as we speak, bringing back to Hubpages my stuff from Bubblews....and some other stuff too.

You said in your profile, etc. you are trying to decide the best online places for your articles, writings, etc. I hope Hubpages works out well for you---thanks again!

Insane Mundane profile image

Insane Mundane 20 months ago from Earth

Yeah, I might have swerved from point to point a bit, but I think that all of my commentary fell within the same insane genre you presented in the Hub above; ha-ha!

Missing Link profile image

Missing Link 20 months ago from Oregon Author

Thanks Mr. Mundane for your colorful and somewhat tangential feedback. And guess what---I understood all of it so maybe I am insane too? :) Thanks again!

Missing Link profile image

Missing Link 20 months ago from Oregon Author

Thanks handyman22,

I will try to do what you advise. Thanks for the information and for taking notice of this hub! Best wishes!

Insane Mundane profile image

Insane Mundane 21 months ago from Earth

Those are normal thoughts albeit there is obviously a way to "remember" the "before" and whatnot -- if put under the right drugs or by utilizing deep meditation and/or other psychotic methods of mass soul-searching destruction, etc. As the wise spiritual person often says, "open/decalcify your pineal gland." As the dogma dung from the popular religions often say, "read my freakin' book and take heed."

At any deathly rate, I've heard this same sad story before, way too many times. It is almost like common, everyday anesthesia is "proof" for atheism, for some folks. Were you dead during the anesthesia? However, even though I'm not religious in the slightest, I couldn't be an atheist if I tried. I was born with my own recollection, evidently, as weird as that may sound.

With or without any divine beliefs of any type, even nature and the semi-known cosmos from our tiny speck-of-view constantly demonstrates a recycling process. So, at the very worst, atomic reincarnation is still real; ha!

handyman22 profile image

handyman22 21 months ago from Altamonte Springs, Florida

The Catholic Church through Constantine Created the Bible using the doctrine of Paul. What you are experiencing is the doubt Paul had about His relationship with Jesus. To find the truth focus on Matthew and John and you will find that according to the Prophesie of Moses when God spoke to Him and said, "I will raise up a Prophet like you and put my words in His mouth." Then Jesus says the words I speak are not of myself but the Father in Heaven." Thus making His words directly from God. If you want to know about the after life and be comfortable with it focus on Matthew and John and God will answer any question you have. Your relationship with God and the afterlife is your personal relationship with God. Not public traditions, ordinances nor from anyone else.

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