Nauha, Marsia and Manqabat

Nauha, Marsia and Manqabat

Shia Culture Part IV/IV

Nauha and Marsia are the literary wailing by the Shias, describing of the atrocities of the Bani Umayyad in laments, which the Yazeedi tyrants in Karbala, Koofa and Shyam unleashed on the progenies of Imam Husain Als. The oppression of Yazid on the progenies of Imam Husain Als was described lyrically, which they had to bear. Nauha was a dedication of pure elegy and Marsia an appropriated placement of elegy and eulogy in the verses of ode in describing the scenes of Karbala. Both literary works are the gifts of Majlis, emerging from the commemoration of the martyrdom of Imam Husain Als. And out of these genres a continuous high degree of literary work is in generation and circulation and amassed in the archives of the Shia literature. These literary works are in continuous progress with their poetic sophistications and these are in production, enriching the literature inspired by the story of Karbala.

Marsia is a long ode, read from the Menmber with articulation and is not dealt here, since it is an art to read the Marsia in intone and with expression of command on the language by the reader with accentuations of the key words. Not dealt here also is Soze-o-Salam, the prelude of the Majlis in lyricism whose style is uniquely unique, with verses and stanzas originated by the Shias and the lyric read with special intonation.

But dealt here are the Nauhas, a few of which have been written here with a touch of modernity, though carrying the same old flavour in lyricism of the Nauha narrates. Nauha is the dedication of the poetic verses bringing out sorrowfulness connected with a particular martyr and is a group performance in intone by the Azadars. The mourners read it in group chorus lyrically at the end of the Majlis.

The third aspect of the poetry is Madha – the eulogising – the Manqabat, the pure eulogy, and is dealt here to some extent, since its abundance fills the literature of the Shias by the Shias and by the non-Shias alike. And invariably in it are the masterpieces of the literary works of the poets emerging out of their inbuilt devotedness in them, all inspired by the miraculous addresses, acts and deeds of the Shah of Najaf, Hazrat Ali Ibn Abi Talib Als and the impeccable life of Bibi Fatima Zehra SUA.

One of the greatest of the poets of the Aehlebaait, Mirza Salamat Ali Dabeer Alal Lah Moqamahoo has such verses to say in Manqabat as to arouse intense stimulation of love and devotedness in the Shias for the fourteen Masoomeen – the infallible God appointees. This poet of the Aehlebaait has set standard in the delivery of literary work in relation to these Aehlebaait-e Athaar and the Khatmulsareen - the Prophet SAWW himself. The imagination of the Shias must be fired to impearl and their purity of thought must be continuously on move to bring out weighty verses to stand to the glare of the Masoomeen’s high standard. Poet Mirza Dabeer in his outstanding Musaddas says:

Too Apnay Aek Jam Peh Nazan Haai Saqiya

Chauda Pilanay Walay Haain Parwah Haai Mujhko Kya

Butla-ay Deta Hoon Tujhay Maaikhanoan Ka Pata

Buthaa wa Kazmaain, Khurasan wa Saamara

Khursheed-e Muddoa Mera Burjay Sharaf Mein Haai

Aek Karbala Mein Aek Mera Saqi Najaf Mein Haai

O cup – bearer you are proud to be offering one peg

What do I care, there are fourteen thirst quenchers (for me).

I (do this favour), tell you the address of the drink house

The land of desert (Karbala wa Najaf), Kazmaain, Khurasan and Sammara

The glowing glare of my cherishing is in the house of honour

One is in Karbala; one thirst quencher is in Najaf

These verses from Mirza Dabeer inspire such awe in the Shias that these are repeated and repeated and their inspirational strength is never less than before, because the Shias are filled with Moaddat – the uninhibited extreme love for the Aehlebaait and a little spur by such exuberance in wordings from Mirza Dabeer makes their love spill over with slogans and recitals of Salawat and Durood – the praises and the implorations from God for blessings on the Prophet and on the pious progenies.

The Glory of Marsia

If on the one extreme of the literature is Ghazal – the lyrics, then on the other is Marsia – the epic. The Ghazal relates to Ramz – the allusions and the imagined, but the Marsia relates to the real episodes and its content is not all sweet narrate, but verbosity of battlefield description, pain, valour and chivalry. When a scene of Karbala is versified in the style of Marsia – the elegy is read with intone in the rising and falling voice – a generic cut and created to suit the descript, where every scene of Karbala depicted is articulated through unique and subtle wording of the Marsia.

Marsia is a gift to the language by the Shia unmatched power in literalism and in the poetic theatre of Urdu it is a revolution, weighed word for word and Marsia is read and gestured. Its biggest and the mega poets of all the times in the Urdu literature are the poets, titled the poets of the Aehlebaait, Mir Babar Ali Anis and Mirza Salamat Ali Dabir who have set trend of Urdu composition for Majlis from the Menmber, versifying narratives of Karbala and drawing its complete picture in words which should be described by the genesis as God versions. The languages of the world are still trying to catch up with the translation of their work for the beauty and the majesty of their expression. Below is an extract of a passage from the book ‘The ‘House of the Prophet’ by Sayed Athar Husain due to be published, early 2011:

‘The poetry of Musaddas – the six line stanza of consistent descriptive with the first four lines of one weight and the last two lines of different weight, with its Qafia – the end word rhyming and the word put in with more power in the expression of the descriptive of the subject event in the Urdu literature was credited to be introduced by the poets of the Aehle-baait - Hazrat Anis and Hazrat Dabir, Aalal-lah Moqamahoo – may they be raised to high elations by God SWT.’

‘Many later poets have benefited from the works of these two great litterateurs. Hazrat Anis describing of the distinctions and the sublimes of the status of Fatimah Zehra SUA near God, says the following verses in his Khassa - the singularity of his style that was his own creation. The diction of his poetry and the style of his narrative were so distinctive in the soaring heights of the flights of thoughts, seeing visions and translating these into expressions to say what was to be said that his poetry with such intonation will be considered revelatory poetry, and whatever is said in praise of such verses said by Hazrat Anis was small. Describing of the honours of Fatimah Zehra SUA, the poet says:’

Allah Ray Fatima Ki Buzurgi Zahay Sharaf

Baba Mila To Fakhray Rasoolan-ay Ma Salaf

Shauhar Mila Ameer-ay Arab Shah-e- ay Najaf

Allah Ney Hasan-O-Husain Say Di-yey Khalaf

Dono Imam Khalq Kay Haajat Rawa Hooway

MushkilKusha Kay Betay Bhi MushkilKusha Hooway

Haan Aay Zaban Khamosh Adab Ka Hai Yeh Moqaam

Kausar Say Moonh Ko Dho Loon To Loon Fatima Ka Naam

Aay Dil Bajuz Durood Na Kuch Keejio Kalaam

Aay Kulk Apnay Sar Ko Jhuka Day Ba Ehtaraam

Kaghaz Pe Pahlay Soora-ay Maryam Ko Dum Karoon

Phir Fatima Ki Ismat-o-Iffat Raqum Karoon

Look out! What an expression in the narration of the purities of Bibi Fatimah Zehra SUA the poet describes. Here is the translation:

What a greatness of Fatimah’s reverence, O God!

Father she got was the pride of the Messengers of those of the past.

Husband she got was the head of the Arabs, King of Najaf.

God gave sons of the likes of Hasan and Husain.

Both of them Imams became the acquitters of the dismays for the world.

The sons of the opener of the knots of difficulties also became the openers of the knots of difficulties.

O tongues remain quite; it is a place to show respect.

I Wash my face – do ablution with Kausar[1] –then I take the name of Fatimah.

O hearts without sending Durood - seeking God’s peace and blessings on the Prophet and the progenies of the Prophet SAWW, (without it) do not venture express any thoughts.

O tip of the pen bow your head in respect.

First I must recite the Sura-e Maryam and breathe on the paper (to raise it in appropriations).

Then I (venture) describe of the Holiness and of the Abstemiousness of Fatimah.

Then I (venture) describe of the Holiness and of the Abstemiousness of Fatimah.

‘And the other poet of the Ahlebait, Mirza Salamat Ali Dabir Aalal lah Moqamahoo, describing of the loftiness of Janab-e Fatimah SUA, says those excelling Rubaiyat – the quartets which is extreme in lyricism, in simplicity and impact. In description and imagination and literalism to where the poet’s flight of thought is taking him to tell of the purities of the Fatimah’s house is beyond the scope of the ordinary. The poet describes Janab Fatimah’s one singular distinction that of being the daughter of the Prophet and other things of piety web around it. Janab Dabir writes.’

Kya Saaheb-e Faqr Bint-e Payamber Hai

Iffat Hai Libas Noor-e Haq Zewar Hai

Fizzah Hai Kaneez Aur Boo Zar Hai Ghulam

Ghar Mein Bara-e Nam Yeh Seem O Zar Hai

What a disconcertion with the worldliness the daughter of the Messenger of God SAWW has!

Chastity is her dress, and the brilliance of the righteousness is the ornament.

Fizza is the slave and Abu Zar is the servant.

This for namesake is the silver and gold in the house.

There is not a Momin, grand, greatest, the humblest and the holiest whose heart will not throb, jump and bounce to break its shackles to kiss the hand of the writer and sip the sense and the purity conveyed in the quartet and even the unconcerned ordinary would not remain passive, not invigorated and not excited not to fling arms in wonders.

Hazrat Abu Zar Ghaffari RA was the revered companion of Prophet Mohammad Mustafa SAWW. His abstains, his shunning of the world, his style of prayer very much appealed to the holy Angles and they so admired and so liked to be Abu Zar Ghaffari that they recited his prayer in the heavens and there was humming in the skies; that pious stood at the house of Fatimah Zahra SUA for service of her house.

Hazrat Abu Zar Ghaffari was known for his outspokenness and he would criticise even the Caliphs for deviations from rightful path ever if they incurred. Doing a wrong and harm was unthinkable. He became unbearable to the Caliph in power and was banished to the wilderness of the desert of Rabza by Khalifa-e Rashid III; such were the administrative dormancies of this Caliph.

The other revered in the service of Fatimah Zehra SUA was the pious Fizza RA. After the death of Janab-e Fatimah Zehra SUA, Bibi Fizza was married to Abu Thalabah. She bore him a son and soon after that Abu Thalabah died. Janab-e Fizza therefore returned to the house of the Aehlebaait and accompanied Bibi Zainab and Imam Husain AS to Karbala on her own reckoning because of her love for the Ahlebaait. And she rendered outstanding deeds in the service of the remaining family of Imam Husain Als in the courts of Koofa and Sham, shielding the ladies from mistreatment at the hands of the arrogant Ziad the illegitimate son of Abu Sufyan, governor of Koofa and by the accursed Yazid in Damascus.

In the company of Bibi Fatimah Zahra SUA, Janab Fizza had developed extreme competency in the recital of Quran and her eloquence and competency in the Quranic knowledge had increased and reached to that degree that she replied each question quoting an Aayet of the Quran.

The Rubaiyat and the Musaddas of Mirza Salamat Ali Dabeer and Mir Babar Ali Anis, their birth year 1803, died 1875 and 1874 respectively were unbeatable. About a hundred years after their glorious period, Allama Sheikh Mohammad Iqbal, born 1877 died 1938 said his poetry on the same subject. His grandfather had turned Muslim about the time of Anis-o-Dabir who were the god poets of Salam-o-Marsia, enriching the literature. But Allama Iqbal’s fervour for nationalism made him a nationalistic poet and he was characterised to say the obvious with fire and zeal, highlighting the ethos of Islam for Muslims to attain the past glory.

Allama Iqbal had an obsession and he threw down the gauntlet in competing to correcting the people. And his address was straight without application of humour and as if programmed to do the arduous and he had to lecture the Ummah. He has said repeated verses for the Tabal to be sounded – the drum to be beaten for the battle. This unfortunately became later a disease and a malaise for the wholesale correction of the Muslims and has been taken over by the Taliban and they besides using the words of mouth use the stick and bomb as if it was a God ordained mission to carry out correction through killing and maiming and as if it has been levied on their shoulders. Allama Iqbal says:

Aaeenay Jawan Mardan, Haq Goi Wa Bebaki

Allah Kay Sheroan Ko Aati Naheen Roobahi

The Law of the brave is speaking truth and taking to bluntness

The Lions of God know no fox cunning

Allama Iqbal inflicts taunt on the addressee and uses words like Roobahi – foxy. Bit heavy going for the litterateur and to the disposition of the cultured used to listen to words sweetened with sophistications. Allama Iqbal in the process was made an idol; a poet to be worshipped out of the necessity of Pakistan and made one of the symbols, who were creators of Pakistan. Though he did not propose of a separate state of Pakistan, yet this honour was forced labelled on his name. So therefore dragging Allama Iqbal’s name as the wizard who proposed of the creation of Pakistan is not any service to history. He himself writes in his letter of 4th March 1934 to E. Thompson, quoted by Poet Faiz Ahmad Faiz:

‘I have just received review of my book.You call me protagonist of the scheme called ‘Pakistan’. Now Pakistan is not my scheme. The one that I suggested in my address is the creation of a Muslim province – i.e. a province having an overwhelming population of Muslims in the North West of India. This province will be according to my scheme, a part of the proposed Indian Federation.’

Allama Iqbal has said poetry of very high calibre in praise of Hazrat Ali, Janab Fatimah Zehrah and Imam Hasan Als, but still these could not satiate the soul of the Momin. There are no traces of Moaddat - that limitless love that never fades and that could shake the constitution of the Muslim to vigour, to embrace heights of love and arouse tenderness in heart. Allama Iqbal says of the heights of Bibi Fatimah but reminds her of his faith inhibitions disallowing him to bow him to that degree called the ‘Moaddat’ by the Shias. And Moaddat knows no such thing as to what inhibition is in the way of love! It does not want to know

what inhibition is facing the aspirant seeking closeness with the Aehlebaait. And the self imposed limitations are a clutter to the degree of the purity of the soul.

Her Kas Ra Kanar-e Darya Digar Ast’:

For every person the landing site of the bank (out from the treacherous waters) is different – a concept in the trials and the tribulations.

And we see even ten years of Allama Iqbal’s association in Lahore with the glowing Shia Aalim Allama Sheikh Abdul Ali Hirvi At-Tehrani from 1912 to 1922 - he lived and died in Lahore, could not change Allama Iqbal’s faith convictions though Allama Iqbal had a daily sitting with him and held heartfelt discussions with him. And whereas love should be the yardstick of the Philosophers measuring the behavioural displays of themselves and their practices, sadly the required degree of Moaddat was wanting in Allama Iqbal. The poet with this shortcoming says:

Rishta-ay Aaeen-ay Haq Zanjeer-ay Ma’st

Pas-ay Farman-ay Janab-ay Mustafa’st

Warna Girday Turbatash, Gardeed Mey

Sijdaha Bur Khakay Oo Pasheed Mey

The relation of the law of God is my shackle

The consideration of the edicts of high Murtuza is in front

Otherwise round your tomb I would have circled myself

The soil that associated itself with you I would have sprinkled prostrations on.

The poet in fact says if the law of God had not said that there was no other prostration other than to God, I would have done it. But truly the poet is putting excuses; the prostration is always to God, be it at the soil where Zahra is or where Mohammad is. This reservation in Moaddat which stops the poet from prostrating at the soil where Zehra was is broadly and largely owned by the Muslims; only the Shias wholly rejected it because of their in depth understanding of the Tauheed – the oneness of God. And sad as it is, the grip of the poet on Moaddat was not any degree evident he left behind even in that bit the poet exhibited; he took it with him to his grave, and did not give a bit of it to his son who has views at the far end of the diversities further exacerbated, and farther in Moaddat than his father.

Moaddat was divine and the Shias were only a tool of God with their total submission to it, wherein, in its large gills only righteousness flowed. It was so since Shias were moving in the right realms and it was since their founding fundamental was right. And all ought to know, the secret was the five fundamentals of the faith; which were:

Tauheed: Belief in the oneness of God.

Adl: Belief that justice regulated all cause and effects - the direction to one’s self for correct approaches and disposal of matters.

Nabooat: That divine guidance was a necessity and the appointees for it were the Nabis.

Imamat: That there were Haadis, the Imams appointed by God after the Nabi and the Imams were not the self appointed Haadis or the ones those given titles by the fellow men, but they were God ordained functionaries.

Qiyamat: The belief in the Hereafter.

None of the sects in Islam, be they Wahabis, Ahmadis, Deobandis, Barailwis, plain Sunnis, could match their opposite Shia number in Islam. They could not be even in similitude near them. The reason is the absence of Adl in their fundamentals. Enriched with that one virtue, the Shia excellences have brought Nauhas, Soze-o-Salaam, Marsia, Majlis and Mahfil-e Jashan-e Wiladat of the Aehlebaait – the events of celebration of the birthdays of the progenies of the Prophet SAWW, each contributory to literature, philosophy and culture, which presented expositions into finenesses. And there is no match to the uniqueness of the Majlis anywhere in any of the world religions. And the beauty and the asset of the Shias are their tears for the martyrs of Karbala who laid down their lives and saved Islam from going into abyss, and dying a theological death.

The holiness of Imam Husain Als and his companions have preserved the form, ferocity and the piety of Islam and not only that, their impeccable performance at Karbala has put a shine on the face of Islam. Today there is no nation and religion in the world which does not bow their head before the unprecedented sacrifice at Karbala which was to defend righteousness. Only some misconceived like Zakir Naek, call Yazid the RA out of sheer mischief, something beyond God’s justice to accord that status to Yazid who is accursed.

Today in these waters of uncertainty and in the haze of the multi faceted world of different faiths and in spite of murderous attacks on the Shias, their richness of culture is navigating the boat of Islam and protecting it from the extraneous onslaught of non-reason and malady and even throwing its salvos on the heresies and keeping the highway of the Godliness clear of hurdles. And they most vigorously mourn Karbala to keep Islam abreast of the God qualities.

The N a u h a

Nauha or the elegy is one cultural bit of the mourning by the Shias that leases life to the Moharram, to the processions and to the Majalis and here we present the rhythm of the Nauha(s).

A set of four Nauhas have been written by me for the children in February 2010, in preparation for the coming Moharram. These Nauhas will help the children as a precursor to the written Urdu they ought to be taught. The correct pronunciation of the words and the correct phonetics will help the children mould their tongue and bring out accent free Urdu in the Nauha desired to please the ears and at its excellence. The children should be helped to recount the chant of these Nauhas. Momeneen will note special thought has been given to stress on the letters ’Q’, ‘Khh’, ‘Gh’ and ‘Kh’ to mould their tongues. The tune of the Nauhas is the old style one with single undulation – the Gitkiri in the Laai.

[1] River in the Heavens whose water is purest, make ablution from it for worthiness and purification to attain the degree required in worthiness and purifications to take the name of Holy Fatima.

1. Qadam Barhda-o Azm Dekha -o Aaya Ab Moharram Aaya Ab Moharram

Alum Uthda-o Wafa Dekha-o Aaya Ab Moharram Aaya Ab Moharram

Aansoo Baha-o Ghum Oothda-o Aaya Ab Moharram Aaya Ab Moharram

2. Tafseer-e Quraan Shabbir-e Hazeen Detail of Quran Shabbir the grieved

Paaikar-e Wafa Abbas-e Jaree Embodiment of fidelity Abbas the brave

Shakl-e Payamber Akbar-e Haseen Alike of the Prophet Akbar the pretty

Jasd-e Rafaqat Aun-o Mohammad The Body of loyalty Aun-o Mohammad

Hashmi Hashmat Qasim-e Khushdum Hashmi Majesty Qasim the pleasant

Ashab-e Muqtadi Bahattar Ba Wafa Companions in allegiance Seventy two faithful

Ghraeb-e Karbala Ghraeb-e Karbala Extraordinary of Karbala Extraordinary of Karbala

3. Zainb Azeema Kulsoom Baleegha Zainab is great Kulsoom is Highest

Asghar-e Khud Rao Qasim Shaheedan Asghar is Inspired Qasim is Martyr

Masoom Sakeena Aur Aun-o-Mohammad Innocent Sakeena and Aun-o-Mohamad

Sajjad-e Salasal Fizza Ko Yaad Karo Sajjad the Shackled Remember our Fizza

4. Sughra Nay Likha Khat Mein Shaheshah-e Zamun Ko Sughra has written in the letter to the Emperor of the age

Kab Aa-o Gay Baba Kab Aa-o Gay Baba When thou comest home Baba When thou comest home Baba

Bha-eya Ali Asghar Ko Kub Toom La-o Gay Baba Asghar my brother when thou bringest home Baba

Kab Aa-o Gay Baba Kab Aa-o Gay Baba When thou comest home Baba When thou comest home Baba.

Hasrat Thhi Apni Aankh Say Dekhoon Tamam Ghar I longed to see the full house with these eyes

Asghar, Ali Akbar Qasim wa Sakeena, Asghar Ali Akbar Qasim and Sakeena

Auon-o Mohammad Ammu wa Maderaan Aun-o Mohammad Ammu and the Mamas

Dunya Meri Tanha Haai Meray Ghar Mein Husaaina My world is lonely in my house Husaaina

Faryad Haai Baba Ghar Aao ya Baba I plead O Baba Come home O Baba

Ya Shah-e Madina O Emperor of Medina

Ya Shah-e Madina O Emperor of Medina

Sunti Hoon Kih Bay-deenoan Nein Ghera Haai Bhara Ghar I hear Heretics have surrounded the houses.

Dar Dasht-e Karbala Dar Dasht-e Karbala In the desert of Karbala In the desert of Karbala

Yeh Raas Na Aaya Safar Dar Mah-e Rajab Aah Hostile was the tour in the month of Rajab Ah!

Ya Shah-e Medina Ya shah-e Medina O Emperor of Medina O Emperor of Medina

Sughra Nay Likha Khat Mein Shahenshah-e Zaman Ko Sughra has written in the letter to the emperor of Zamana

Kab Aa-o Gay Baba Kab Aa-o Gay Baba When thou comest home Baba When thou comest home Baba.


Sayed Athar Husain

Afkar-e Shia (Shia Thought)

London. 13. 8. 2010

[1] River in the Heavens whose water is purest, make ablution from it for worthiness and purification to attain the degree required in worthiness and purifications to take the name of Holy Fatima.

Comments 6 comments

Maqbool 4 years ago

Allah apko nek aulad ata kare

SayedAthar Husain profile image

SayedAthar Husain 4 years ago from London Author

Maqbool Sahib Aameen, I am much touched. Jazak Allah.

itrat abbas 3 years ago

A o a Ineed a marsiya of hazrat bibi Fizza.

John 2 years ago

Thank you so much Banen for sharing your ecxnrieepe. I had chills from beginning to end and you really opened my eyes to the reality of the occupation's effect. The story of the Iraqi people is an undocumented aspect of the war so I thank you for giving us insight of the continued struggles they face.

Achmad 2 years ago

wow Banen, this is a really well witertn and detailed description of what it's like in Iraq. It's daunting and at times difficult to keep your eyes open and absorb the situation in these circumstances but I'm glad you had the courage to because I learned so much from your experience and from this piece.

Jherwien 24 months ago

There may be a lot of people who dirspaage drug treatment but I have found that I get a LOT more crap as:1. A person who identifies as a psych survivor or ex-patient. 2. A person who does not (in my case, cannot safely, but it would be no different if I just chose it) use psych drugs.3. A person who in fact gets no therapy of any kind4. A person who does not even use the disease model of mental illness. Than I ever. Ever. Got as a compliant psych patient accepting and playing along with whatever diagnosis I was given. I should not have to put this disclaimer, it should just be a given, it is a form of injustice that it is required, but I know from long experience that it is required: I don't care what anyone else chooses to do as a result of their problems and am not disparaging people who use the system and drugs and therapy. But seriously. I get told comstantly that if I do not put the same labels on myself that I was given then I must not have had the real problems that are assumed to go with such labels. I hear all the time that if I don't use drugs or therapy then I am categorically different in how my brain works than people who do. I am often based on my choices and identifications immediately seen as suspect someone who must think others are making the wrong choices. I am told that by rejecting psychiatry in the manner that I do then I must be (pick any), paranoid, attention seeking, psychotic, too ill to understand I need meds and therapy, not ill enough to understand that others do. And I have to deal with the danger of being put back in a system that nearly killed me multiple times, on top of that. In short, I receive all the same prejudice I received as a compliant mental health patient and then much more. I am not trying to do oppression olympics here, I am just trying to say how frustrating it is to be in a place where the needs of mental health patients are always explicitly considered, to the letter, but where as a survivor/ex-patient I never ever hear about making things so explicitly safe for anyone like me. A place that tries to encompass so many categories of disabled person but where every single openly psychiatrized person identifies as a person with a mental illness. Which is as good as saying outright that I must always be on my toes and always especially make sure that I explicitly say that I don't condemn people's treatment choices in a place where I have never once heard anyone make similar explicit disclaimers about the right to reject psych treatment and psych labels and even the category of mental illness altogether. I am writing this so that maybe people will think about people like me existing instead of always being erased one way or another. I am not seriously not condemning anyone's choices (translate: I am terrified of being taken for that yet again and rejected, or of getting one more patient explanation that people with REAL problems need drugs or therapy). I am just wondering why in the whole history of this blog has nobody even mentioned the existence of people like me even as they have been do careful to attend to the needs of people like themselves?

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