Church of Ned Flanders A New Religion

Saint Ned

The Church of Ned Flanders Welcomes You


Are you tired of the same boring sermons every Sunday in your church?

Would you like church to be more upbeat?

Do you leave church depressed rather than uplifted, as you should?

Do you think that there is more to life and to the afterlife that your church is offering?

Are you thinking of converting to a new religion?

If the answer is yes to any of the questions above then maybe it is time that you made that change.

Join the Church of Flanders today Diddley! bring the joy of God back into your heart.

Flanders to God!

Everybody Loves Ned Flanders

The Man Behind the New Religion

The son of Beatnick Parents who refused to discipline him, Nedward Flanders was a wild child, until his parents decided phsyciatric help was needed to calm the young ruffian, Dr Foster the phsyciatrist sent him to the University of Minnesota Spankalogical Protocol, which involved eight months of continuous spanking.

As a result of this treatment Ned became the man he is today, unable to express anger of any kind and babbling jibberish when he gets flustered.

He is a highly religious man who would do anything to help anyone who needs it.

Flanders is a widower, having been married to the equally religious Maude. They had two children together; the sheltered and naïve Rod and Todd

Ned is usually honest and sincere in carrying out the Christian doctrines of charity, kindness and compassion. He is frequently shown doing volunteer work, and is rigorously honest and upright, even going so far as to spend an entire day tracking down a Leftorium customer in order to give him the extra change that he had forgotten to hand over.

Praise Land

The Church of Flanders

Or the C.O.F as it is Better known is a church set up to celebrate Neds Religion, The man who is often seen talking to God on Television, and being answered by the Almighty.

He is a true desciple of God and he has many followers.

In 2001 and 2002, The Greenbelt Festival, a British Christian music and arts festival, held a special Ned Flanders Night.

The 2001 event featured a look-alike contest, as well as the tribute band "Ned Zeppelin". It was held in a 500 seat venue that was filled to capacity, and an extra 1500 people were turned away at the door.

Join the C.O.F Today and insure your afterlife now.

In Ned We Trust

© 2008 James Paterson

More by this Author

Comments 16 comments

Stacie Naczelnik profile image

Stacie Naczelnik 8 years ago from Seattle

Nice! This one is going to carry me through the day.

Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 8 years ago from North America


In northwest Ohio, there was a "Christian Amusement Park" in the 1990s, based on the Bible. I never went, but I think it's kaput. Too goofy for me.

Funny Hub!

Bonnie Ramsey profile image

Bonnie Ramsey 8 years ago from United States

LOL, this is hilarious! Good job, Jimmy!


debrakcarey profile image

debrakcarey 8 years ago from West Plains, Missouri

It's what comes of being brainwashed...of not thinking for your self. Of being a sheep....that follows ANY shepherd. We all have minds, we all are capable of finding the truth. Ned is one who gave up the search. Making fun of the search for truth....just makes the search that much harder for those who ARE seeking God.

jimmythejock profile image

jimmythejock 8 years ago from Scotland Author

Lighten up Debra, it's a bit of fun.....jimmy

RFox profile image

RFox 8 years ago

I am renouncing my faith and joining the Church Of Ned Flanders. All hail Ned! ;)

recoveringredneck profile image

recoveringredneck 8 years ago from Idaho

Good humor Jimmy, I agree we all need to "lighten up". Some of us take ourselves WAY too seriously. Some days I'm guilty of that. Did they REALLY hold a Ned Flanders night or are you just messing with us gullable Americans? Either way it was funny.

G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 8 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

what a sense of humor you have. tell me how? Thanks for the smiles it brought. and HAPPY EASTER G-Ma :o) hugs

stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

Hilarious! Thanks for a great big belly laugh, Jimmy! :-)

jimmythejock profile image

jimmythejock 8 years ago from Scotland Author

Thanks Guys, It was fun to write lol.....jimmy

sdorrian profile image

sdorrian 8 years ago from Chicago

Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh, Jimmy.

Sandy Dorrian

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual 8 years ago from One Nation Under a Groove

Now this is a great freakin HUB!

Lighten Up! indeed. Getting angry at Ned Flanders lovers doesn't usually help you find enlightenment either.

Ned's wife Maude's character was killed off after the actress playing her demanded a raise and then suddenly quit after a decade on the show.

Ned operates The Leftorium which specializes in selling goods made specifically for Southpaws.

His sons Rod and Todd are on the fast track to "Sweatin to the Oldies"

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual 8 years ago from One Nation Under a Groove

What is diddley is going on with this thread. Did I kill it with homoerotic innuendo?

If so sorry...I read it all the time.

jimmythejock profile image

jimmythejock 8 years ago from Scotland Author

lol DJ, thanks for your comments,diddley.....jimmy

Woody Marx profile image

Woody Marx 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

thanks diddly do neighboor! good fun.

jemma 2 years ago

ha ha this made me laugh

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article