Online Confessions

Absolution Solution

Confession online - what a novel idea!

I booted up my computer the other day and happened to glimpse something about the Catholic Church considering "Confessions Online". I must first confess that I did not read the article, rather I only glimpsed the title. This is a beautiful idea! Having been baptized in the Catholic Church myself, I must first confess that I have gone to confession only one time. Confession is so humiliating, which I suppose is what it's supposed to be. The righteous say humbling, I say humiliating. I say Po-TAY-to, you say Po-TA-to. My guess is that only good living, elderly people go to confession to confess all, and the rest of the masses leave out a whole lot. And if you are going to sit in that booth confessing your sins, isn't it a sin to leave out the really bad parts? Wouldn't it then be a sin to partake of Communion?

I'm confused. If God is everywhere, why do I have to share my deepest darkest indescrepencies with God's Cabinet? Couldn't I just say my prayers at home, confess to God, and tack on a few more Hail Marys and Our Fathers that night? I'm thinking if we really could confess online, God would hear a whole lot more mortal sins thrown in there with the pile of venial sins he (or she) is getting now.

And hasn't the Church become a business? Let's be honest here (we are on a religious topic and religion and honesty go hand in hand), therefore, the Church needs money to pay the light bill and oil bill just like the rest of us. They need money to do their Catholic Charities work. And they need money to buy choir robes and candles. Why can't we "PAY" pay for our sins? We could email our weekly list of sins and decide what we think is a fair price per sin, and then put that money in the collection plate on Sunday (or on Saturday night if you prefer the Youth Mass, like I do! I just love the music!) If we could confess on line, I would profess, to undress my sins to God, on a weekly basis! I'm even willing to pay the church retroactive confession money. (Of course, I would have to pay in installments on this, but it could be done.)

I just think that God's Cabinet should know (or at least admit) that a lot of their sheep have jumped the fence because we don't want to voluntarily go into a confessional booth feeling like we are going to get butchered. And us non-confessors do not want to stand up and take Communion, if we have to add that to our list of sins: Communion without Confession...isn't that a package deal?

I think that my first confession might read something like this:

Dear God,

Forgive me of my sins. It's been 36 years since I've confessed. 1.) I've coveted my neighbors husband; 2.) I've stolen several things over the years; some of which are: a Barbie Wig from King's Dept. Store (this was partly my sister's fault, because we stole this wig together, and her being the older sister, she should have known better!), I stole an 8-track Rita Coolidge Tape (By the way, I loved her rendition of "Desperado") , I stole 37 cents from a church once (back when the church kept their doors unlocked at all times...not unlike us New Englanders), I stole a tube of Ora-Gel once because my teeth were killing me and I had no dental insurance (but I got caught stealing that one and believe you me, I paid for it! But, I am still willing to pay you), I stole $20 worth of dimes/5 rolls from my parents, and I stole an AMAZING suede fringed Indian Hippie jacket from a rich girl (but I returned this prize the very next day...my conscious would not let me keep this little gem, even though I had that beauty home free!); 3., 4., 5., 6. & 7.) I've cussed; used the Lord's name in vain; driven a car probably when I shouldn't have; skipped school (again, influenced by yet another older sister, made easy due to the fact our Mom died at an early age and my sister wrote all the dismissal notes); and I've even taken hits off the gallon of milk in the fridge without using a glass when no one was looking.

Okay, you get the point. Confession on Line- what a Brilliant Idea! Of course I have a million other sins to confess, but that's for me and my God, and unless I know for sure that I'm typing my Confession on a secure site, I'm not putting anything that can be used against me in print.

Now aside from Absolution and a having a clear conscious, I'm guessing that if one was to put a "retribution value" to it, with just those few sins alone that I listed above, I would fairly value that at $1,000 that I owe to God, to the people I have trespassed against, and to help me in the forgiveness of myself. Add to that, the Big Sins I've committed, and you've got yourself a Sunday Regular depositing my payment in the collection basket.

You know, I've been kind of worrying about when it comes my time to meet my maker. I thought, "Will I go out in a cloud of dust withoutever truly having Absoultion?" Not if Online Confessions catch on, I won't. Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Comments 4 comments

Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Anita, as a Catholic who actually dreads and hungers for Confession at the same time, I gotta say, I hear ya. Couple of things - since shortly after Vatican II, the Church has been calling it the Sacrament of Reconciliation. And it should not be humiliating - EVER. A good priest ought never make you feel that way. That being said, sometimes simply admitting that we've F'd up pretty bad is humiliating in and of itself. I get it. I encourage you to try it again sometime. And not that you would, but if you ever wish to discuss it with someone fairly objective, yet knowledgeable, I'm more than willing to be a listening ear. I'm a former religious sister and actually have some valuable insight on the subject.


Anita Sue profile image

Anita Sue 5 years ago Author

Dear Motown,

Wow! Thank you for your very kind, concerned and understanding comments. Yes, I was Baptized and married in the Catholic church, and my 4 children were Baptized in the Catholic church. But as you can see...I am a 50 year old Rookie - A "Catholic in Waiting" so to speak. There's always some trepidition when you write about a "touchy" subject, but why sweep these subjects under the rug? If I have questions and concerns, I'm sure others do too. And you can always find the funny or something to smile about regardless of what the topic is. On the far too few Sundays (or Saturdays) that I have attended Mass, I can either leave feeling "Joy in my Heart", or leave feeling like "I'm a hypocrite". I don't want to go someplace that makes me feel bad. I know that I am not really bad. Likewise, I cannot pretend that I believe every single Catholic policy or view...not "every" one. I can't vote a straight Democratic or straight Republican ticket; I "will" change up a "tried-and-true" recipe in my kitchen if I want to, etc... It's "not" black or white for me...I DO see shades of gray, charcoal, ivory & eggshell. Yet the way I understand it, I can't be "part" Catholic. Anyway, one might think I'm a cynic, but I do not believe that all the parishioners in the Communion line on Sunday have confessed all and I think that online "Reconciliation" (thank you- Mo), will help many a Catholic swallow their bread easier.

Again- thank you for your kindness & comments. Anita Sue


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Lemme tell ya something.....Canon law actually only requires confession ONCE a year - prior to Easter. So, yeah, lots and lots and maybe even lots MORE of those folks in the communion line haven't been to confession in quite some time. And one other thing - there's no such thing as a "part" Catholic - you either are or you aren't. The Church (her people I mean) may not accept you as you are, but Jesus does, and He is the ultimate head of the Church. The catch, though, is that while He loves you just as you are, He loves you far too much to let you stay that way. ;-) His LOVE is what changes you, not the LAWS of His Church. As far as they hypocrisy, just take a gander at my 5 things hub and see what you think. It's my pleasure to read your writing, not mention you're funny as all get out. Makes for an interesting and fun ride!


Reynold Jay profile image

Reynold Jay 4 years ago from Saginaw, Michigan

You may hear from me from time to time. I've been busy writing novels and you are first on my list to see what is going on at HUBS. This and all your articles are so articulate for me it defys how anything could be any better quality. Everytime I read one of your articles , I cannot help but think that you would MORE than enjoy "Seeds from Heaven" the third book in the series as much of what you say is hidden in the narrative. I could write on and on about each point you make here. Well done.

I note that all those HUBS you wrote are gone. Are you still writing that column for the local paper? If you decide to write a novel, let me know and I'll get you started if you wish as I have an intense outline available and we could be writing buddies. I did a co author bio called Eternal Defilement with Amara ( a HUBBER) and it is selling well.

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