Please Tell Me My Expiration Date

Some advantages of knowing the date of your demise in advance

Wouldn’t it be great to know in advance, the date of your departure from this life; precisely when, where and how you are to shuffle off this mortal coil? You don’t think so? Well, allow me to enlighten you as to some of the advantages.

In my humble opinion, the date of your death should be given to you like a PIN code for a credit card, you know, a secret, personal number/date that only you know; something that you keep to yourself and do not divulge to anyone.

Just imagine that you know the date when you will be off to join the choir invisible, but nobody else does. Imagine what you could do with this information. It would be utterly futile for any insurance salesmen to try to sell you life insurance or pensions for your old age, when you know you won’t have one! You could smile knowingly and tell him to get lost, because you KNOW you won’t need any of that stuff. Instead you could spend your money on enjoying yourself; doing all the things you really want to do. You could really live now, today, instead of making plans for a future that you know you will never have.

There would no longer be any need to be financially “prudent” or to save for a “rainy day”. No. Instead you could really live it up, and spend, spend, spend. You could calculate exactly how much money you will need to see your life out until you go to sleep with the fishes, and when the end gets near. Sod it all! Whoopee. Off you could go to travel the world, or blow the lot in Las Vegas, act out your fantasies, your most heartfelt desires. The possibilities are endless.

On the other hand, as your personal expiration date approaches, you may choose not to be selfish at all, but instead to spend your time doing charitable work, helping others, rebalancing some of your karma, and you may chose to donate your resources and money to worthy causes, in the secure knowledge that you wont need them anymore as your worldly possessions can’t be taken with you on your imminent journey to the afterlife.

Sex and drugs, and rock and roll

Just think, if you knew that you that soon you would pop your clogs, you could start doing again, all the things that you gave up because there were bad for your health. Why would you give up the pleasure of filling your lungs with balefuls of cigarette smoke, so as to not to damage your health, when you know in advance that soon, you wont have any health to worry about.

You could go ahead and REALLY enjoy smoking those cigarettes and cigars, eating all those lovely crispy, fatty foods; stuff yourself with chocolates, cakes and biscuits; have a greasy full English breakfast every day; overdose on alcohol, drugs and rock and roll. You could truly do anything, and it would not matter if you knew that you would be pushing up the daisies in a short while. Why look after the health of your physical body when you know you won’t have need of a body for much longer?

Health planning, or Not

On the other hand if you are secure in the knowledge that you have another 30 years or so to live, then it might be more prudent to prepare for a long and healthy old age, being certain that your efforts will not be in vain. Modesty and restraint may be more appropriate than recklessness and gay abandon.

Speak your Mind

At work, no more need to keep your head down, being nice to that boss you hate, and who treats you like something he would scrape off his shoe after a morning walk in the park. You could tell him what you really think of him; put him in his place. Oh the joy of it. And if he wants to fire you, stick one finger up at him, and tell him to go right ahead. What do you care if you know you will be stiff as a board and buried underground in a few weeks time!. In fact you could do the rounds of friends and family as well (and even your enemies if you have any) and tell the lot of them what you really think of them. You could really have the last laugh. Oh what bliss!

Emjoy a Second Childhood

Somebody once said, “It is never too late to have a happy childhood”. Well if you knew the date of your demise was imminent, you could do exactly that. Let’s face it, you truly would not give a shit if you knew that you would be dead as a doornail within a short time. You could go for it with total abandon. You could laugh and enjoy life with no fear of ridicule or reprisal. You could be childlike; live completely in the present moment, be spontaneous, be irresponsible, be carefree, be happy. You truly would have no reason to worry about anything.

Your Bucket List

What is on your personal list of things to do before you die? See the Taj Mahal? Climb Mount Everest? Learn to dance the Tango? Drive across the USA on a Harley Davidson? Swim with the dolphins? Most of us never take the time to do the things we always wanted to do in our lives because we always think there is plenty of time left, and then inevitably, there isn’t. But what if you knew exactly when you would be giving up the ghost, you could actually do all of them. What would be on your list?

Retirement planning, or Not

My own father looked forward to, and saved for, his retirement at age 65 all his life. He planned to relax, enjoy life, travel, etc. He never received his pension. He died in his sleep when he was 64 years old. Now if he had known in advance, the exact date when he would kick the bucket, he would have probably created a very different end to his life. He always dreamed of going to Las Vegas. He never got the chance to fulfill that dream. Armed with the secret knowledge of the date that he was to go and meet his maker, he would undoubtedly have gone off to Las Vegas, had a whale of a time, and probably lost the lot, but with a smile on his face because he would have known that it did not matter

Financial planning, or Not

Why invest long-term when you know that you will be answering the final summons in a few years time. Conversely, if you know that you have many years before you, then you could indeed indulge in financial planning with a precision which would have been impossible before you knew exactly when you would be falling off your perch. Not a penny need be wasted on the uncertainty of what might or might not be – an obvious appeal to the frugal amongst us, and those of a financial disposition.

Prepare your personal path to Heaven

If you are a Catholic, and you knew with certainty the date when your number would be up, you could break all 10 of the commandments; do all of the bad things you are not supposed to do, but leave yourself just enough time to confess everything to your favourite priest before you take your last breath. That way, you could reserve your place in Heaven, but enjoy yourself beforehand as well.

If you believe in reincarnation, then you could calculate fairly accurately how to positively balance your Karma before you peg out, and so increase your chances of returning as a happy, healthy, wealthy and wise individual, and not a miserable, sick, poor and ignorant peasant, which might otherwise have been the case.

The Grin Reaper might not be so Grim

For most of us, when the gnarled finger of the grim reaper taps us on the shoulder, it comes as an unwelcome surprise; we have had no time to prepare for his visit. But if you had already happily concluded everything that you wanted to do in your life, you could welcome him with open arms and a smile; greet him like an old friend with the words “Come on in, I’ve been expecting you”. You could even offer him tea and cakes! It would certainly make his job so much more pleasant! He may even have to change his name to “The Joyous Reaper”, or something similar.

So, these are some of the advantages to being told your expiration date, I would certainly like to know mine. However, I also suspect that when the date gets uncomfortably near, I might be tempted to ask for an extension. Wouldn’t you?


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