Poem: Abandoned

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Abandoned

I wake to blackness and call for you,
But an answer never comes.
I search for you and find emptiness,
I light a candle in the dark
but the wind blows it out.
Like a child, I call out to you
While the darkness laughs at me.

Where did you go?
What did I do?
What do I do... now?

Like a child. Abandoned.
Is God laughing too?
I can't look Him in the eye.
My failure is my shame.
Alone. I am truly alone.
How do I go on?

I know I am alone by choice.
I choose not to turn around
And run into arms outstretched.
I hear Him calling but still it feels
like laughter to me on the inside.
Maybe because I am laughing at myself.

Unready to face my Father,
I simply lean back against Him.
I feel the warmth and power
Of His embrace.
Finally, I rest.

How do I grow?
How do I know the path?
I rest for almost an eternity.
Patiently He waits for me.
I light a candle in the dark
but the wind blows it out.
I light it again,
And chastise the wind.

This time I refuse to take no for an answer.

Finally, I turn and face Him.
I see the light of His smile.
I am hurt, but He will heal.
I am lost, but He will guide me.
The pain stays. But, so does He.
And, He is more than enough.


A Note From Mike

Obviously this poem came out of a very dark time in my life. My wife had left my son and me, and I was there trying to figure out how to take care of a 3 year old boy by myself. At first I really only thought about what my son was going through. I felt so bad for him and I wanted so badly to take the pain away. In the first couple months, it seemed like he would cry for an hour every night caling for his mommy before he would finally go to sleep. There were definitely nights that I just held him and cried right along with him. Watching this little guy go through that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Eventually, I began to deal with my own loss, and this poem really is a reflection of that. For me, it's true that there was intense shame for not being able to make it work. I have an uncle who who is divorced. That's it. Everyone else in my rather large family has made it work (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc.). I never expected to end up there, and I was shocked when it happened to me. I actually refused to talk to my family for about a month after it happened. It felt like all eyes were on me everywhere I went. Even God was distant, because I had pushed Him away.

I'm thankful to say that I'm very much healed and in a better place now. It was a very difficult time but I think it made me stronger and wiser (at least I hope so!). That is where this poem comes from. Thanks for reading!

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Comments 14 comments

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton

Dark, but very well done.. I loved it :)


lostwithinmyself 5 years ago

I like the darkness in this poem!!

Loved it.. x


sonfollowers profile image

sonfollowers 5 years ago from Alpharetta, GA Author

Frank,

Thanks. Yeah, it's the darkest thing I've written so far. Thanks for checking it out!


sonfollowers profile image

sonfollowers 5 years ago from Alpharetta, GA Author

lostwithinmyself,

Very much appreciated. :) Have a great day!


prashant angiras profile image

prashant angiras 5 years ago from shimla(india)

the poem is dark yet beautiful..


sonfollowers profile image

sonfollowers 5 years ago from Alpharetta, GA Author

Thanks, prashant. :)


truthfulee916 profile image

truthfulee916 5 years ago

I'AM GOING THRU IT STILL EVEN AFTER MAKING CONTACT WITH MY KIDS AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS...AND WHEN I FINALLY MADE CONTACT I THOUGHT WE'D BE ABLE TO CATCH UP...BUT THAT WAS FAR FROM THE TRUTH...WHEN IT WAS SHE WHO RAN THE STREETS WHEN THEY WERE BABIES, WHEN IT WAS ME HOLDING THEM UNTIL THEY CRIED THEMSELVES TO SLEEP...WHEN IT WAS SHE WHO TOOK THEM AND RAN AWAY ONE DAY WHILE I WAS ASLEEP...SO THANKYOU SO MUCH...STARTING TO GET VERY EMOTIONAL


sonfollowers profile image

sonfollowers 5 years ago from Alpharetta, GA Author

truthfulee916,

Welcome to HubPages, my friend. I'm sad for the loss you feel. There aren't really words anyone could say that could help. Pain like that is recurring, like peeling an onion. All you can really do is allow yourself to feel it and work through it over time. It's significantly harder when you still have to deal with the negative effects of it in your life (ex. relationship with your kids). I hope that you never give up on reaching out to them. From my perspective, they're still your kids and they need you as much as you need them (or more, even if they don't realize it). That's all I have, really. God bless you. Thanks for dropping by.


Rajan Dhir profile image

Rajan Dhir 5 years ago from Delhi, India

I have liked it reading.

Voted up and beautiful!

Thank you


sonfollowers profile image

sonfollowers 5 years ago from Alpharetta, GA Author

Thanks, Rajan! I appreciate it.


lambservant profile image

lambservant 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

What a beautiful hub. We all go through dark, dark times. I have had a lifetime of them. But God knows your name, he know every tear that you cry. And hallelujah, he loves you and your son, and even your wife. I am sorry for the pain you and your boy have suffered. My prayers are with you at this moment.


sonfollowers profile image

sonfollowers 5 years ago from Alpharetta, GA Author

lambservant,

I agree with and appreciate your comments. Thank you very much for the encouragement. Jesus, the great physician, specializes in healing hearts most of all. Have a great day!


mepm2011 profile image

mepm2011 3 years ago from Blackfoot, Idaho

This is a beautiful poem,with lots of feelings and meaning. Thank you for it. It means a lot to me.


sonfollowers profile image

sonfollowers 3 years ago from Alpharetta, GA Author

Thanks, mepm2011! I'm glad you were able to identify with it and that it meant a lot to you. That's awesome. It still does for me as well. This is one of those that felt like a gift for me more than something from me. I am very thankful for it for sure. Thanks for stopping by!!

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