What Is Happiness The World's Happiest Man Speaks
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What Is Happiness: The World's Happiest Man Speaks
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This morning while I was embracing a lamppost along the river to prevent being blown away, the World's Happiest Man happened to ramble by, returned from Glasstown.
World's Happiest Man: Are you trying to make some sort of phallic statement on Mother's Day? Hanging on for dear life. It's unnecessary, you know.
The wind doesn't bother you, does it?
World's Happiest Man: Wind is for the unsettled. It's a shake up. Holding on like that, you'll never get to experience the full effect. You'll miss the opportunity.
Opportunity? Of what?
You're recommending chaos?
World's Happiest Man: Better than clinging to that post like a refugee. You're going to have chaos anyway. Why fight it?
Maybe I'll think about it a while first.
World's Happiest Man: That again. Anyway, it's Mother's Day. Shouldn't we be talking about evolution, Mom's little way of making sure she's part of your life forever. Also your children's. And grandchildren's. And on and on.
Not many people are going to see it that way. It's a more immediate thing, a mother you can see and touch and remember.
World's Happiest Man: True, but passing the most essential part of themselves along as part of the essential you is the third greatest gift a mother gives her child.
I'm almost reluctant to ask what the first two are.
World's Happiest Man: Are my answers scary?
World's Happiest Man: The truth hurts and sometime irks. So, do you want to hear or not.
It's my job to ask. The first two are, in no special order...
World's Happiest Man: First, obviously. Our mothers teach us love, but not just that, also the whole range of interpersonal relations. Limited and restricted by their own capabilities, of course. By the way, blaming Mom for your being inept at any of those categories is completely appropriate.
A lot of that going around.
World's Happiest Man: It's an industry, Dave. What would all those all those analysts have to do with their time, if not for Mom, theirs and yours, as a catalyst for misery. Sheesh, they might have to get jobs. Yuck to that.
You're joking about mothers being a catalyst for misery, aren't you? I hope.
World's Happiest Man: I am, but they're not. Every psychoanalyst in town should fall down and thank mothers for being there to point fingers at. Then, your analyst can tell you that either blaming is wrong or charge you just as much to work through it. Nevertheless, mothers are our most profound teachers, no matter what else happens in life.
World's Happiest Man: I don't know. You'd have to ask one of those groups always out taking surveys. What's good? What's bad? Mothers teach us how to have relationships, conditioned by our inheritance, and we go from there. Look, our mothers mostly love us, so within their limits, they teach us to find fulfillment and completion.
World's Happiest Man: ...are present and can be helpful.
World's Happiest Man: They try and even more so lately, but mostly, they don't know what they're doing. In terms of immediate relationships and personal love I mean. They're not good at is, and hey have neither the capacity nor the opportunity to teach. As toddlers, we're hooked on Mom. Sorry, fellas. It's evolution, and change takes too long.
So, what do father's contribute?
World's Happiest Man: We can do that on Father's Day. Let's stick with Mom, today. She only gets the one, sort of.
If you say so.
World's Happiest Man: Just did.
Okay, so what's the second most important thing our mothers do for us?
WHM: It's more general, of course, but mothers gave us evolution, as part of the generation process by which we exist at all.
World's Happiest Man: Mothers gave us evolution, the process by...
I heard that. How can you make a statement like that? Nobody knows...
World's Happiest Man: Oh, Dave, now, don't be such a sexist. Use your head. When was the last time you heard about a man giving birth? They can't even be inseminated and carry a fetus. How could the male have created a birth giver. Man came from woman. It's as obvious as, well, I hate this, the nose on your face, which very likely also came from your mother.
The Bible, as you know, says that woman came from man.
World's Happiest Man: Who do you suppose wrote that book? Women, you see, made one big mistake.
And that was?
World's Happiest Man: They created their male counterparts as bigger and stronger but never gave them enough empathy to compensate for the inevitable bullying. As soon as they could, the boys started controlling the girls, body and soul. Oh, and of course, they wrote all the books.
That's why they call it his-story, right?
World's Happiest Man: Feminists did finally point out that little discrepancy, didn't they?
Women are making a comeback, though, don't you think?
World's Happiest Man: Clever, aren't they? At some point in recent decades, the world men created–and it's a really good one, if a bit too violent, don't get me wrong–the world men created peaked. There is nowhere else to go without ceding some powers to women. We boys can't do it alone anymore, leaving the womenfolk at home to raise the kids and keep the house. They bring a lot more to the table than that we can use to spice the pie.
World's Happiest Man: Spirituality, society, art... But I don't have time for that now. The wind has let up. I see you were able to let go of that lamppost.
Hey, I did! Hardly noticed.
World's Happiest Man: Well, it's a man thing.
World's Happiest Man: Hardly noticing.
How come you don't stand up for your own gender a little?
World's Happiest Man: I have the conditional title of "happiest." I want to keep it.
You don't mean...?
World's Happiest Man: Oh, yes, I do. We can talk about it next time. Gotta go.
And he did. One thing about the world's happiest man–separation anxiety is never a factor. He seems to walk off cliffs, socially. Guess I should ask him about that.
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- David Stone, Writer
Creative writings by David Stone, offered for consideration and sale.
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