September Horoscopes 2014, The Alternative Horoscope

Monthly horoscope for financial gain. love, life, employment and children.

Alternative horoscopes are not quite what you may wish to hear, only for readers who may seek reality. September is a chiller of a month for many people whom believe in horoscopes.



Aquarius

Well what a month is in store for you, it's not actually that good, so I would stay in bed for most of it. I wouldn't not even bother to answer the phone near the full moon. This month, September, is not going to be the best month ever, even though your birthday is only a few months away.

You should of been born under a different star sign if you wanted better news, I would blame your parents. There is good luck and bad luck in this world, and this month, especially for you, most of yours is not the kind that you would like, so tough.

For you, if there is a possibility of something going wrong, it will, so the easy answer is to do nothing, don't take on anything till the new month comes, that's October if you want to know. Be patient, wait it out, time is a virgin waiting to be plucked, ensure you are not the one being plucked.


Pisces

The moon is rising in your quarter, what does that mean? The moon rises every day, who writes all this nonsense? Your moon may be rising, whatever that really means, but it is time for you to stop messing about and get your backside into gear.

Dilly dallying about only means that you are getting absolutely nowhere, and pretty fast. Where were you a year ago? if you answer that you are more or less in the same position, then you have really done nothing except sit on your behind. Activate your brain cells, both of them, get them working together, where do you want to be next year? still in the same position? You could always dig a small hole in the garden, stick your head in it, and wait for the world to pass you by, which it will.

Don't do it, stick your head high, put one foot forward, try it, it does not hurt, do something with your life, make your kids proud, if you don't have kids, go and get one, it may be a pain, but think of the fun you could have trying for one. You months aim is to get off your behind and do something which may change your life.

Advice for the Month: Change your life around, do something positive.



Aries

WOW ! You may be in for one hell of a month, all I can interpret from the skies above at night is togetherness, and lots of it. Whether is was the clouds obscuring my view or the water in my eyes from getting dirt in them, all the signs are pointing to romantic interludes or pure unadulterated lust.

Whichever, you are going to have a long and knackering month, if you play your cards right. That does not mean become of easy virtue, you can now choose who you want, when you want them, and how you want them.

Be careful though, don't let the wife or husband know about this, it may put a dampener on things, the last thing you need is for them to walk in on you with the milkman, unless your husband is already the milkman.

Take things easier for those of you who are youth challenged ( Politically correct statement for the old gits ) as a heart attack may be the way to go out of this world, but you will miss out on more fun. Your aim for the month is simple, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

Advice for the month: Enjoy your sizzling month, but don't set fire to the sheets. Be wary of milkmen.



Taurus

The bull, full of bull, usually Taurus are quite broad minded and full of themselves. If this is you, then you don't need me to tell you what to do with your life as you already have it planned, and probably your kids and grand kids lives as well including what college they are going to, who they are going to marry and what style of clothes they will be wearing.

Well done to the Taureans who can manage to do all this, and what a let down the rest of this group is. Come on boys and girls, sort your life out, some of you couldn't manage ordering a coffee in a cafe without a fuss. What is wrong with you?

I am not here to feed your wimperish needs of some self indulgent anxiety needs, do it yourself. Your aim this month should be to sort your life out, get some order into it, baby steps, do this first.



Gemini

Through a slightly marred set of beer goggles early one morning, or late one evening, I still cannot remember, I saw several lights streaking across the sky. They were either a meteor shower, strange fireworks, the entire ET family going home, or hot coals being thrown from our cannibal neighbours.

Either way, by my own interpretation, travel, was the word on my tiny mind. Maybe you have booked a small break, or will plan a journey in the near future. Most people see travel as a holiday, but it could simply be to visit a relative, hopefully one of the few relatives that you like. Or it could be an adventurous trek into the wilderness to lose a few pounds of weight or to try and lose your boyfriend or girlfriend because you are fed up of them.

A travel sign could mean anything, we all travel everyday, even to the kitchen to put the kettle on. If you have not arranged to get away for a while, maybe you should, it may help with your life and reduce stress. Some parents go on holiday without their children, even for one night in a hotel. It is good for the soul, and for a relationship, and the kids love it, it's a break for them as well. Your aim for the month is to take a break.



Cancer

Who in the right mind would call a star sign this?? The worlds biggest peace time killer, so what do the boffins do at Astrology HQ, they name a star sign after it, how could they shoot John Lennon and let these guys live. For all you Cancerians out there, this month will be a peaceful month, not much happening, so maybe its time to relax, put your feet up, slap on a gag on the children to help keep them quiet, take a break, take an extra chill pill.

Look for a new job if your old job is giving you to much stress, your boss probably doesn't like you anyway, so don't worry, be happy ( Go on, sing that song ) And at the moment if you are not in employment, try something different, move the TV to a different side of the room, slouch on another chair or couch, wipe the crumbs off your chest or make the world biggest belly button fluff ball. Take it easy.



Leo

When will you ever learn that by reading horoscopes it does not change your life. You change your life by the actions and reactions that you make. Only you have the power and drive to take you anywhere you want to go. It's no good sitting down waiting for something to happen, get out there and grab it by the balls and make it happen. When was the last opportunity rang your doorbell?

Either never or maybe once it did, is usually the answer, well you can either put in new batteries in your bell so you can hear Mr and Mrs Opportunity when they come around again, or you can go out there and get them yourself.

Do a bungee jump, that should scare the life out of most of you, try a parachute jump or base jumping, or for the more timid, try quad biking or karting, go and do something different, stop being boring, enhance your life, throw caution to the wind, you are only visiting the planet, make the most of it.



Virgo

Virgo the virgin, yeah right. Not all names suit the wearers, but hey, live and let live. Your star chart for September is pretty much full. Some of you will have hectic times ahead, whether for a new business, new kids in your life, or even buying a home.

Although these can be hectic, they can be as easy as you wish them to be. Same as life, if you want an easy life, it is up to you to make it simple, it can be as difficult as you make it. If you have children, then your life is already difficult and full of worry, expense and constant hassles, so you can either sell the children at a car boot sale, or buckle up and take it on the chin.

Either way, this month may be a fast mover for you. Your monthly aim is to slow down a bit, do not make life more difficult than is necessary.



Libra

When I looked into the sky, I looked for the perfect symbol which will assist you in seeking out life's luxuries and peacefulness which you deserve. But there were none. It was totally blank, except for a satellite, and that does not really count in astrology.

So this month may be a bit slow for you. Try taking up knitting. It may pass some of the boring moments that are going to be yours this month. Don't try a new relationship till next month, with an empty sky, imagine what his or her brain and heart is like, just put any dates off till next month.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or just allows them the time to find someone else leaving you on the shelf. Whichever way, since you are going to be bored, rent out a DVD, play monopoly against yourself, see if you could even win that. Aim for the month is to stop being so boring and get a life.



Scorpio

This star sign is meant to be the most alluring and sexiest star sign of the zodiac, and I totally agree, we are the best. Anyway, this month may be good for those who seek financial gain, which is, well, all of us really.

Money does not come flowing in through a window, but the ideas for creating some extra wealth are starting to seep through to the front part of your brain. Maybe its time for you to get a wage rise, or a new job with a higher salary, start your own business, even begin writing on the computer.

Something is in your stars to earn that bit of extra cash, even if it is a long term strategy. Start it this month, nurture your idea or plan, watch it grow, even if it only earns you enough for a few pints down the local watering hole, it has got to be worth it.

Lets face it, we all need money, if you have kids, you'll need a whole lot more, so start to make it, don't wait till it's to late. Either that or sell the kids on ebay and start again.



Sagittarius

Hmm, this has been a tricky one, I have seen a vehicle and blue flashing lights, so if you don't drive an emergency vehicle, I would ensure that your car is in good working order, at least get some insurance on it, try buying a tax disc for once or treat your car to its first MOT in ten years, look after your car, and it will look after you, allegedly.

If you use the bus to get around, then either walk for once, it will help save the planet and give you muscles like Popeye on your legs, or change your job, get a job which will give you a decent wage, and then you can buy a car, stop using the bus, pay more on taxes, and begin to learn how to hurl verbal abuse at other drivers during rush hour. So for you, this month, be mechanically minded.



Capricorn

uh oh ! Not a good month for you, I looked into the night sky and saw a bird being shot by an air rifle. No, it was not my air rifle, I think it was the cannibals next door. Anyway, in my world, this can only mean one thing, if you are a female, then there is a slight risk of you falling pregnant or having a phantom pregnancy.

If you are a male, then either you may get someone pregnant or you may also have a phantom pregnancy. ( Hey, whats good for the goose ) It is not as bad as it all sounds. If you are not married and get pregnant, then this is the most common form of a marriage proposal. You can always claim child benefit, think of meeting all those other parents for coffee mornings and anti natal classes, and for the men, you will soon be meeting lots of yummie mummies.

Your aim for this month, is for the men to ensure that they have rubber protection when you go out, even to the shops, you never know, you could wear two rubbers at a time, and if she still gets prenant, you could call it Houdini, and for the woman, keep your legs crossed.



Disclaimer

The astrology predictions above are no indication as to what you should do with your life.

It is merely a sample of what could be done if you wish to do so.

I have no astrological qualifications, I am not related to a religion, and have no interest in telling others what they should do with their life.

I am not in a cult, nor am I in a love triangle with a mystic. I say what I see in my own little world.

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