Songs of My Deliverance Part 1: Quiet Rest Near to the Heart of God
Near to the Heart of God
There is a place of quiet rest near to the heart of God.
Journey to crisis
Twelve years ago, my life fell apart. I was a Christian woman, married (unhappily) and had 4 children. The two oldest were out on their own. I had a 17 year old and a 7 year old still in our home. Our marriage was crumbling all around us. There was nothing but hostility. It had been going on most of the 25 years we were married.
That summer, I broke my ankle quite severely. I had to have surgery, and they had to open me up on both sides of my ankle. If you look at an x-ray of my ankle, you will see enough hardware in there to fill the shelves of home depot, plus fill up the back warehouse. For some reason they left me in the plaster cast for a long time instead of putting me in the regular ones. So as the swelling went down, my ankle was not secure enough in the plaster cast and I was in a lot of pain. I was frustrated with trying to figure out how to do my domestic chores while being on crutches.
The six months leading up to this point, the insidious onset of depression began in me. I got angry when my mom or close friends would say, "I think you may be suffering from depression." So I ignored it. But it continued to snowball. When I broke my ankle, it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I knew I was going down too far. A friend took me to the doctor and she gave me an anti-depressant. She said it would start working in 4 to 6 weeks. Hearing those words sent my mind and my heart plummeting. I could not make it that long. But her magic wand was retired due to lack of power.
I went home that night, and here is the rest of the story...
The first song of my deliverance
As I lay on a hospital gurney weakened by dehydration and malnourishment, my mind was in numb despair, and my soul cried out to God -- who seemed nowhere near -- "Lord, where are you? Why is this happening to me? I just want to die. How did I get into this state and how do I get out?"
Two prayers were answered at that moment. Not only the one I had just prayed, but one of my friends, Terri, had been praying for me -- that God, in my depression and despair, would give me a song. As I lay there in the hallway of an overcrowded emergency room, unknown to my two friends and all the busy people bustling around me, a guitar began to gently strum in my ear and a sweet male voice sang to me, "There is a place of quiet rest near to the heart of God." It's an old, old hymn I had maybe heard a few times. He sang those words to me throughout the seven hours I spent in the emergency room and on into the night as I lay trying to sleep in the psychiatric ward. Was it God or an angel? I don't know. But I know it was real and as audible as anything I have ever heard -- a seed of hope.
The following two days the Lord gave me two other songs as well, which I will share in the next two parts of this series of hubs. I look back on it now in awe and amazement because I realize that it was a way that God used to reach down to me and let me know there was hope, and a way to His peace and rest. And that hope was in Him. Medication, therapy, supportive friends who were there to listen, pray, advise, and hold me, were all of great help to me, and it holds true today. But what I learned is that my greatest hope is in God alone. He provides the lasting peaceful rest and refuge I need.
The psalmist David realized this as he said in Psalm 62, "My soul finds rest in God alone...He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." A few verses later he goes on to command his own soul, "Find rest, O my soul. in God alone; my hope comes Him." Then he cries out to the people of God, "trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."
Where is your hope placed today? Where do you seek the peace and refuge your heart and soul so long for in times of trials and storms and valleys of despair? Heed the old hymn, and psalm 62 and pour out your heart to the Father. And after you do, sit quietly in His arms and listen to His heart and abide in His rest.
© Lori Colbo 2011. All rights reserved.
Parts 2 and 3 of Songs of Deliverance
- Songs of My Deliverance Part 2: His Love Takes Good Care of Me
A woman walking through a dark valley, finds a song of deliverance from the God who loves her.
- Songs of Deliverance Part 3: Because He Lives I Can Face Tomorrow
Have you ever felt you couldn't go on? In the third installment, read how a woman finds hope in the darkness when God sends her a song of deliverance.
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