"The Promise Fulfilled" ~ Part Eleven ~

"God makes the Impossible, Possible"

The cross that men and women seem to hate with ever increasing contempt and fervor today speaks of the perverse wickedness of men, but the love of GOD. He did it for all of us, not just a select “few”…though odds are more will die having rejected God’s free offer of redemption than will accept it Him. Red, yellow, black, white or brown, we are precious in His sight.

It is with these words I shall again begin re-visiting the years of my past upon this earth that He created for the likes of you and me. One thing though, what He really created for you and I was the garden of Eden way of life, pre-Satan. Not the world we daily live in now.

Mine was a life which I chose to live on my own terms. A life I chose to live out in any way that I saw fit to live it. Determining for my own self what was right and what was wrong. No human being has the right to decide those issues, only God Himself.

Again I reiterate that I lived my form of life with regard for no one else's wishes but my own. And did what I chose to do, when I chose to do it. It was all about me, me, me during those years.

Of course I had not as yet met the Master, nor figuratively sat at His feet and learned of His loving ways. Ways that were totally contrary to anything I had ever before thought, felt or believed existed. You may think that Jesus is only one of about a ka-zillion ways to God but you would be mistaken. Jesus is not A way He is THE WAY. Mohammad is dead now and what is left of him is in his grave. So it is with Buddha and Confucius and any other myriad of so-called "gods" or men who led the world to believe they were called of God to give to the world an exemplary way. None of them ever claimed to give their lives as a ransom for mans sins, nor did they, that I am aware of, ever claim to BE God.

Jesus did. He said "I and the Father are one":

Jesus Asserts His Deity:


At that time the Feast of the Dedication took place at Jerusalem; it was winter, and Jesus was walking in the temple in the portico of Solomon. The Jews then gathered around Him, and were saying to Him, “How long will You keep us in suspense? If You are the Christ, tell us plainly.” Jesus answered them, “I told you, and you do not believe; the works that I do in My Father’s name, these testify of Me. But you do not believe because you are not of My sheep. My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one." {John 10:22-30}

Jesus is the only one, and the one and only Son of the Living God, who proved that He was very God in the flesh by physically resurrecting from the dead after three days in the tomb.

Jesus Is Risen!


Now after the Sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to look at the grave. And behold, a severe earthquake had occurred, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled away the stone and sat upon it. And his appearance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow. The guards shook for fear of him and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid; for I know that you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified. He is not here, for He has risen, just as He said. Come, see the place where He was lying. Go quickly and tell His disciples that He has risen from the dead; and behold, He is going ahead of you into Galilee, there you will see Him; behold, I have told you.”

And they left the tomb quickly with fear and great joy and ran to report it to His disciples. And behold, Jesus met them and greeted them. And they came up and took hold of His feet and worshiped Him. Then Jesus *said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and take word to My brethren to leave for Galilee, and there they will see Me.” {Matthew 28:1-10}

Jesus, who is infinite, paid for our sins. We are finite beings in a finite period of time. While we who are finite and separated from God, (unless we are "in Christ"), would have to pay for our sins for an infinite period of time that would mean that we would have to pay for them throughout eternity. For of a certainty there remains no other payment for sin than Jesus as there is nothing that you or I can ever do to restore ourselves to God. Only Jesus can do that.

I'd like to share with you that the “life” that I led through the years without Christ had become unbearably hellish ones as I was driven by, and obsessed with, dreadful cravings which towards the end brought forth visions in my minds eye of myself as a puppet dangling on a string, while above me, orchestrating my every move were the Puppeteers of drugs, alcohol and sex. Which were, in reality, demonic tools of Satan.

My drug of choice was cocaine in the latter stages. It was that same “white lady” who turned me into a paid whore. When I say latter stages it really describes such a helpless and hopeless time in my torturous life. That particular stage lasted approximately 15 years, more or less. Over time, these drugs began to take total control of my body, mind and soul. The unbearable cravings for them led me to do unspeakable things just to appease those cravings that screamed throughout every fiber of my being to be fed, regardless of what it took for me to do so. Just some drink or some man, as the men in the end became simply the means to an end. Because, let me tell it straight up, I had nothing to give to anyone., not even myself. For in reality, I did not have the "deed" to me, Satan did.

Truth be told, I had always been on a path of self-destruction from my earliest memories. Of course this is an “after the facts” observation and/or realization. As I said, my life consisted of drugs, booze, and men. And the drugs, in turn, became my life. I used to live and I lived to use. I lived for the sole purpose of getting high. From the second I awoke in the morning until I passed out exhausted or on whichever night my body just gave out or shut itself down in protest of the way I was abusing it.

All I could seem to think about was the ways and means to get and use more. To keep a steady supply of the drugs that kept me from everything that seemed to hurt and gnaw at me for all of my life. I simply desired relief from it all………………all the hurts, ,all the perceived feelings of rejection, all of it.

I got high to be able to live because, by that time, there was no other way for me to exist, no other “choice." As I said before, I could see no way outside of the cocaine covered doors of my life. I have a few “poems” from that period of my life and within them I can still feel the sadness and the desperation of the soul of that person who wrote the poems. I’ll include one or two here to share with you.

"COCAINE COVERED DOOR"

Cocaine within her caused her body to feel whole,
But cocaine inside of her siphoned out her very soul.
She felt truly alive with each magical "hit",
Then found she was dying slowly, bit by ebbing bit.

She'd say or do anything to get her cocaine,
because the only time she felt truly alive, was when cocaine coursed though her veins.
As time passed by she always found she needed yet still more,
She could not seem to find her way outside of the cocaine covered door.

Here I will share one more of them after I began to have some hope through learning who Jesus is to me personally in His Word and through prayer.

"MEMORIES"

Memories that arise to the surface through dreams,
Good ones and bad ones, not much in between.
Either black ones or white ones, no gray ones I perceive,
Dreams to be dreamt of, some to reach out for in the hopes to achieve.

Monkey on my back, who only wants to "play",
Monkey on my back that I need His help to drive away.
I am so tired I tell him, please, please leave me alone!
Quit tempting me through cocaine, my true danger zone
But now I have Hope in my heart, leading me ahead,
I no longer sit and wonder if tomorrow I will be dead.


I'm not much of a poet but they were a way of getting my feelings outside of my mind and into the open air to be examined.

You see, along with feeling I had no other option than to use while living, conversely I thought my only way to quit using was to die. I had no idea about anything Godly then, not really. If I had been able to process clear thinking death would not have been an option for me at all! Especially knowing what I know now, which of course I didn't. Rather I should say, Who I know now.

I was helpless against this white powder and then later this little “rock” that took a hold of me. Helpless too against the needle I’d stick into myself any and everywhere in just the vaguest of hopes I’d hit a vein. You see my veins had never been “all that” anyway, but once I began hitting up the hunt was on. I’d take a chance on hitting anywhere into myself hoping to inject that substance into my body. Over and over and over again, like a madwoman not willing to accept anything other than a true hit. As I said, it didn’t matter to me where it was I was sticking that needle. Not if I was “jonsing” and I even THOUGHT I saw a possibly? I would go for it. I've shot up air bubbles before too but you can see I’m still here, so I don’t know what all that is about. WAIT! I forgot about the God factor.:)

I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that when I ran out of fresh needles I would go for Doctors visits which were scheduled and when the nurse left the room I’d reach into that little red box filled with the used needles that Doctors have in their offices for different things which they had used on people. I didn’t know, nor care, that the needles might have been infected with some sickness, HIV/AIDS even. All I cared about was being able to inject cocaine and other substances that I could break down into a liquid form to inject for a chance, any chance, at catching a buzz.

The suicide attempts which I believe that I may have already mentioned included overdosing, setting myself on fire, slicing my wrists multiple times and my own neck to name but a few ways. There was once even a young man by the name of Walt who I met in a Florida psychiatric hospital. He had HIV but not the active virus yet, although at the time I didn’t know there was a difference. He was also a drug addict and when he and a male prostitute named Brandon, and I got out of “Circles of Care” in Melbourne, Florida we all decided to bunk together at this seedy little motel where we could also work for our room. At least one of us worked, the only thing I worked at was getting the drugs I needed to get high. Walt and Brandon did too but did so in their own way. Now Walt knew a cocaine dealer and he introduced me to him. At the time I had not yet decided to use Walt as an instrument of my suicidal inclinations. But to get back to my story, it turned out that Walt was “pimping” me out for drugs through this dealer, and as to get high was my life’s goal? I didn’t complain but went along with it to get my own stash of cocaine.

Things later became hectic, and a little scary too as one night two black guys entered our room at the Motel with baseball bats to beat on Walt. I remember begging for them not to do that to him…it was all about the dope, they said, that he had sold them, that wasn’t really “crack” at all but shaved soap. Man what an addict will do to get the money to get high and you know that I am speaking to you from personal experience.

Some weeks later on my way home to Virginia I heard people talking on the Greyhound bus about some guy who had been shot at a “meeting place” and left for dead because he had tried to rip off some drug dealers with the same soap scam as Walt had. In my heart I just felt, I just knew that that guy was Walt. Sometime later when I once talked with Brandon over the phone after I got home to Virginia he told me I was right. :(

So the guy I did eventually sleep with in a bid to die as a means of a suicide as he would have died without intention from AIDS? Died before me……from drugs. And no, I never did catch AIDS. GOD AT WORK AGAIN!

As earlier I stated, perhaps more than once, [please bear with me], for me the drugged life all began at the approximate age of thirteen. At first it seemed like a blast, you know, a lot of fun. Being high all the time with my head in the clouds and laughing at everything that moved. I had no idea of what I had placed in motion by choosing to do what I did that very first day so many wasted and irretrievable years ago. I thought it would be “all good”, but I am here to testify to you that that was a lie. It was an illusion all dressed in glamorous and joyful outer garments. But the outer garments did not speak of the filth that was underneath the shiny material that was made to order to “fit” every ill known to mankind. Made to impress and tempt the house of flesh I lived in on this earth.

It would be a long, long time before I was to awaken from this nightmare that I had created within my own life by making this one…..”little” …seemingly insignificant choice to use that first time. Lost and irretrievable years before my head was to begin to arise out of the drugged haze that I saw to it that it remained under the sway of. There was murder, there was rape, more than one actually. I didn’t murder anyone, but I witnessed the murder of someone who was very dear to me named Timothy. There always seemed to be something that caused the addict in me to want to seek the solace of that next almighty buzz. There always exists reasons to “use”…it’s raining, the sun is shining, I feel good, I feel bad, I’m angry or “it’s all your fault so I’m going to get high AT you!” We can come up with hundreds of reasons to “use." It is coming up with good reasons NOT to use that give people like us the problems.

That too becomes a learned behavior. But for the addicted person, we don’t have to struggle too hard to come up with a reason to do that which we want to do anyway. And by the time we, if we live long enough, come to the brilliant conclusion that hey! All of this is A LIE because I can’t even seem to get high anymore, I mean, not really high. By then it becomes more of a necessity than anything else. Getting high became my obsession….it was like being possessed by a spiritual entity through my flesh. An oppression that took place upon my mind, body, spirit and soul.

For me the straight up fact of it all was, (though I can’t remember thinking this then), that it had been years since my behavior was, in fact, an intellectually chosen one as opposed to an I HAVE to do this behavior that I HAD to do in order to just “BE“. Not to be happy or serene or complete or well, or whatever else have you. But just to “be”. Just in order to survive.

What had begun as merely an experiment in fun with a friend ended up being a thief that stole multiple years of my life. The quality and the quantity of it. Not only from me, but also from the relationships and journeys of discovery’s via the Lord I could have had with my children, and perhaps later, grandchildren as well. My parents, sisters and brothers too.

Yes, Satan came to me in the guise of “fun” dressed up in all the lures and lusts of the flesh. In other ways too, Ouija Boards, Tarot Cards….I did some pretty stupid and dangerous things thinking them all harmless when in fact they, each of them and more, are anything but harmless to any mortal human being.

Nothing we choose to do is either simple or insignificant. Every single decision we make matters and leads somewhere. Our choices have impact and consequences on us and on all those around us. One decision leads to the next decision, so that if we do not carefully weigh and consider all the possible consequences to a choice we are about to make because of a situation that is set before us? We will wind up eventually doing ourselves and those people we claim so to love and adore a great disservice. Perhaps this disservice may become an internal and an eternal one in their lives…………..

As for myself.... it would be many years before I was to be delivered of the spirits of addictions that I had so thoughtlessly introduced into my life to take control of my flesh and my mind. Neglecting to give proper attention to that which I carelessly consumed into my body, I instead became it’s slave. If you noticed I said the words “spirits of addictions”, rightly did I call them that. All addictions are at the baseline “spirits” which come in to ruin our lives. More so, these spirits of addictions purposefully seek to come in to kill us before we can find freedom and forgiveness in the truth which is found alone in Christ Jesus.

The spirits that I speak of are demonic spirits. Now come on! You don’t think that demons are going to come knocking at your mind and body's doors asking you if they can come “inside” that way, or any other way for that matter, do you? Of course not! And think about this….why do you suppose they used to call alcohol “bottled spirits?” These spirits and / or demons use all manner of addictive drugs and things, even people and sexual addictions. They will use books about witchcraft and the supernatural or Satanism, anything that has to do with a lie they will use. They use games filled with blood, gore and violence with sexual depravity and content in the mix. So that’s what you will wind up being, all mixed up about all of it.

They use vehicles such as television, videos, movies, (depending on the nature of the programming), music, sex, natural and unnatural, all manner of deviant un-Godly and unnatural uses for what God intended to be between a man and a woman in the marriage bed. I’m here to share with you that any avenue that they can find to enter into your life with the agreement of your mind, they will jump on it! In a heartbeat, even less. Demons and evil spirits are Satan‘s agents of malevolence whose only aim is to get inside of a human body and mind so that they can wreak havoc and sow destruction into that life, and hatred, discord and suffering among us. I am not speaking about “ghosts” - for there are no such things as ghosts, only spirits. And those in no wise “good” ones.

"For the living know they will die; but the dead do not know anything, nor have they any longer a reward, for their memory is forgotten.” {Ecclesiastes 9:5}

The Bible refers to death as being asleep. From my own understanding I interpret that as we are not dead as in the world sees death. Our spirits will live on somewhere, either in hell awaiting the Great White Throne Judgment or already in heaven with our Lord awaiting our rewards for the things that we did for Him with right motives of heart. The things which will eternally matter are those things, anything else will be burnt up.

In the book of Matthew in the Holy Bible it speaks of Jesus coming into the country of the Gadarenes and being met by two who were possessed with devils-(demons). It says they were coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce so that no man might pass by that way. And behold they cried out saying …well let me allow the Bible again to speak for itself:

Jesus Casts Out Demons:
"When He came to the other side into the country of the Gadarenes, two men who were demon-possessed met Him as they were coming out of the tombs. They were so extremely violent that no one could pass by that way. And they cried out, saying, “What business do we have with each other, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before the time?” Now there was a herd of many swine feeding at a distance from them. The demons began to entreat Him, saying, “If You are going to cast us out, send us into the herd of swine.” And He said to them, “Go!” And they came out and went into the swine, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and perished in the waters. The herdsmen ran away, and went to the city and reported everything, including what had happened to the demoniacs. And behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus; and when they saw Him, they implored Him to leave their region." {Matthew 8: 28-34}

There were there, it says, many swine / hogs, and that there were there only two men who were possessed of these evil spirits. This scripture alone alerts us to the fact that many of these same spirits can inhabit a human being or their psyche at one time and can do so consecutively. I think what must make it all the more “entertaining” for them is that we have existed upon this God created earth for thousands of years and have went about our daily business ignoring and / or denying their very existence in our midst. I have some extremely sobering news for you, demons are real, so too is Satan and his fallen ones who take, I am convinced, orgiastic pleasure in mankind’s miseries. Some of those "fallen ones" are chained in the Pit right now to torment those who, sadly, will have died having rejected Jesus Christ and choosing instead to go there.

Take heart though, they can be defeated by the Power of the shed blood of the Lamb of God!

They, in fact, already are defeated because of He who hung upon the cross and all that His death represented and accomplished. The demons were defeated along with their master Satan. However, in the meantime, until God puts everything under Jesus’ feet and He returns physically to the earth to make all things right in this present world now and the made new one to come after? They are united and determined in their sole purpose to destroy as many of mankind, who were created in the “image” of their Creator, as they possibly can. By any avenue that they can and that we allow them to use that is.

They use today the same entryways into our lives as they have for other people for many past millennia. As long as deception and perversion are successful avenues by which to destroy us, and those upon whom we perpetrate those things, they will continue their collective and corporate campaign to delude and to conquer us through the weaknesses of our flesh and through the avenues of our minds.

Those of us that they can’t crush because we belong to Jesus, and through Him, because of the blood that covers our sins and gives us the strength to fight the next day should we fail in our efforts today by not relying upon the Spirit of Him who lives in us? Those of us who are “in Christ” Satan and his co-conspirators will attempt in every way possible to halt or snuff out the call of the only Most High God. They will lay stumbling blocks and precipices, invisible to the naked human eye, in the pathway of the Believer in Christ Jesus.

Being as there is nothing which is sacred to evil and it’s diabolical purposes they will most certainly use anything and everything to mar the testimony of the redeemed, hoping to destroy us. Anything is more than fair game for the enemy of God and man. Satan is a deceiver and a master at it. A liar and the father of them all.

Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love Me, for I proceeded forth and have come from God, for I have not even come on My own initiative, but He sent Me. Why do you not understand what I am saying? It is because you cannot hear My word. You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” {John 8:42 -44}

As real as these inhabiters of mens minds and bodies are, so too real are the Angels of God who are sent to watch over “the elect." More powerful and mighty than any other angel or prince of the power of the air. These Angels of God do not attempt in any way to inhabit our bodies or to take control of our minds. They already have their own created angelic bodies. These that I now speak of are like those who came to Abraham to tell him of the coming fulfillment of the promise of God to Abraham to make him a father of many nations.

He said, “I will surely return to you at this time next year; and behold, Sarah your wife will have a son.” And Sarah was listening at the tent door, which was behind him. {Genesis 18:10}

By Abrahams wife, Sarah, would God’s Covenant promise be made with Isaac:

"But My covenant I will establish with Isaac, whom Sarah will bear to you at this season next year.” {Genesis 17:21}

As many as the stars of the Heavens would his descendants be. Uncountable, inestimable:
And He took him outside and said, “Now look toward the heavens, and count the stars, if you are able to count them.” And He said to him, “So shall your descendants be.” {Genesis 15:5}

There are many mentions of God’s Messengers in the Bible. And also stories of His intervention in the lives of all of us who will but choose to humble ourselves before Him. And stories of His unquestionable love for us….in one word and one name? Jesus.

So surely I will choose to call the addictions that gripped my soul and caused me such anguish and torment in my own soul “spirits of addiction." The chemicals, men and substances that had me bound and chained were not of this natural world. I fought a continuous losing battle against my own body and against my own mind. Why a losing battle? Simply put, because I was fighting them spiritually blind and I was fighting against them alone. Using instead anybody and anything to just get my “fix”, no matter what or who the cost.

It so was an “invasion” of the inner most depths of myself that took me over completely and mercilessly. The “strongman” who initiated, through my addictions, attitudes and feelings within me that in turn caused me to choose to steal from my own Mother against “my” own will in order to get my fix. At one point it even rose up in my mind, in a frighteningly real way, to kill someone. Several someone’s, just so that I could rob them of money or valuables that I could perhaps “fence” or trade in order to buy more drugs.

I have committed some pretty desperate acts for the sake of the almighty high. Some of them more terrible than I care to confess to you, at least so far as now is concerned. Suffice it to say that GOD KNOWS and GOD FORGIVES. Whatever you may have done He WILL forgive you too. IF you will allow Him to through His Son, Jesus Christ.

I learned from a “Demonology and Deliverance” teaching from Benny Hinn that the “strongman’s” name over addictions is “BONDAGE." Pretty fitting don’t you think? There are twelve strongmen I have learned. All twelve of them have underneath their twelve “titles” the entirety of the addictions and perversions that have befallen the human race at large. Yours included.

I am speaking plainly and up front to you, mock or even choose to disbelieve what I am sharing with you if you choose to. I’m doing my part by doing the sharing of the truth about Jesus and the supernatural side of such things as addictions. I’m simply attempting to tell you what it is, and who it is, that is behind the doing and saying of all those things that you too have said or done which you may can only vaguely remember by now. The very same types of things as I used to do and say. Things that had you been in your “right mind?", you would never even have contemplated or considered doing ever before in your lifetime.

Bottom line though is that you and I are personally responsible and accountable for everything we choose to do for it is by our own free will we made those choices. The fact that we were not in control of our actions in no wise negates our culpability for any of them. We CAN learn to say no to a temptation of any kind that comes along.

By the grace of God through the indwelling Power of the Holy Spirit sent to live inside of us by Jesus at the exact moment of our salvation? It is through Him that we can learn how to truly live, happily, joyfully and at peace with our own selves and with one another. And most importantly, at peace with God. With Him we can learn to live fulfilled lives, no longer immersed in the regrets of our pasts. For as we choose to accept Christ into our hearts we can be changed from the inside-out. We can truly be set free and, as we yield ourselves to Him, live that way in gratitude for Him who made that which was impossible for us, possible. I never could imagine freedom for myself throughout all those years I was a prisoner in my own flesh. And I never would have experienced freedom at all without Jesus.

Whatever it is that you have allowed Satan to ensnare you in, you can totally and irrevocably be set free from through the shed blood of the sinless Son of God. As I've shared with you, you can be forgiven of everything, no matter what it is that you may have done, because of what Jesus Christ has already done for you. His sacrificial death covers it all and as He washes you clean too, in time, with your pursuit of Him in His Word? You too will find strength for daily living and learn who God personally is to you and His will for your lives. You will come to find out in amazement as did I, that the struggle to not use becomes so much less than that as you are made a “new creature” in Christ Jesus.

A Contrite Sinner’s Prayer for Pardon:


" Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, And my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, I have sinned, And done what is evil in Your sight, So that You are justified when You speak and blameless when You judge.”

“Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom. Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness, Let the bones which You have broken rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins, And blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners will be converted to You.

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation; Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, That my mouth may declare Your praise. For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." {Psalm 51:1-17}

This is one of my favorite Psalms! I am testifying to whomever may read this that Whom the Son makes free is free indeed.

more to come...

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