"The Promise Fulfilled" ~ Part Four ~

Faith and Hope

Getting back to my obedience to God the Father. Obedience, like love, is an action word. So here I am again, sitting before a computer this time but still typing on a keyboard. I, at long last have come to that place where it is my hope that I will not allow myself to be distracted or shy away from my story because of evoked memories of people, places and/or things. For His praise, glory, and His honor. And yes, for you too, the addict who may still be suffering. No matter what, or whom, you may be addicted to. No matter how “sick” you may perceive your idealization and addiction to be? I’m here to tell you that God through Jesus Christ can, if allowed, help you to be delivered of and set free from them all. That’s my promise, no not mine, His! For God knows this world is full of all manner of perversions and addictions!

I don't mean to keep repeating myself, but then again some things may bear repeating for me to continue the narrative of my story. I will endeavor to relive the actions of my “old man” and the consequences thereof, for the addict who still suffers out there “in the world.” That one who helplessly remains locked within the walls of what has become their prison or lifestyle pattern. The person who is not "living life" as it was meant to be lived from the foundation of this world, but one who is merely existing in an invisible prison which no one else can see except for maybe themselves and another just like themselves. That prison of your flesh which no one else can comprehend except another just like you. I am that person for it is impossible for a “free fish” to understand what a “ hooked fish “ feels like.

Yet, paradoxically, even those who are also addicts cannot truly fathom yours, even though it is just like our own. We each live trapped in our own individual hells while practicing what we have come to hate doing to ourselves and to our family‘s and against God Himself. There exists for us all the clear and undeniable fact that the bond that we do share between us is that we are addicts one and the same. Be it addicted to drugs and alcohol, actions, people, places, or things. Be it sexual addictions, powders, pills, liquid or hard, such as crack cocaine for example, or anything else which I may have failed to mention. Whatever it is God can see you through it and through Jesus Christ you CAN be set FREE from it!

I'm here to share with you that you can come out of your own personal "hell" if you so choose. I am here to show you the Way out, in love. We all like to think that ‘we” are somehow different, but we aren’t. When I said “We all live in our own personal hells” I didn’t mean that we are basically” different” from one another. If that was true A.A. and N.A. would have folded long ago. I meant different in a personal way, just as your life and my life are different from each others.

As far as addiction goes I wasn’t “different“, and neither are you if you are an addict who still suffers the life altering and traumatic events that I once did. Indeed, the traumatic events I my own self brought to pass in the life of myself and in the lives of others by my choices.

Believing that we are somehow different is simply another one of the millions of lies and deceptive tactics Satan will use as he attacks the battlefield of our minds. The battle we wage is in reality a spiritual battle. One with which the enemy will come against us in a multitude of ways in order to bombard us with all manner of doubts about our ability to change our own lives. He will try and cause us to doubt our ability to quit using, or doing, whatever it is that we are addicted to.

Satan loves to whisper seeds of unbelief in our ears attempting to convince us that we cannot quit and that we are unworthy of being saved. Indeed that is true as none of us are, in ourselves, “worthy” at all but Jesus is. It is Christ' whose righteousness He has placed upon and within us at our salvation who is worthy. Even as He took our unrighteousness upon Himself as He chose the way, the only way, of redeeming mankind to God the Father for once and for all time by way of His Cross at Calvary. JESUS MADE US WORTHY. So today, in the here and now moment of your lives? I sit here declaring this undeniable FACT as I promise you: SATAN IS A LIAR.

Nothing is impossible or too difficult for God’s Omnipotent Power to help us change. NOTHING.

" For nothing will be impossible with God.” {Luke 1:37}

Beloved addicts God loves you and delights to help you!

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."{John 3:16}

Think about it, would He have done that if He considered you to be worthless? NO!

In case I haven't told you my experimentation with drugs began approximately at age thirteen. Little did I imagine where that road I so innocently and carelessly embarked upon would take me.

I will attempt to assimilate my thoughts and share with you some of the choices I began to make at such an early age. This was a period of time when most little girls were still playing with dolls and dreaming of Princes riding in to save them on white horses. While I instead made the choice to experiment with drugs. At first it was I using them, but somehow, somewhere along the way these roles got reversed and the reality set in after a period of years, that the drugs and alcohol were using me. Although, as I said, the realization of this didn’t clarify itself to me until many years later into that lifestyle choice. Again I have repeated myself and I do apologize for that if you are reading this now.

As I was saying, I became addicted to drugs right off the bat. From the very first huff of glue and that euphoric feeling that washed over my brain and numbed my senses, I became hooked. That feeling of escaping all my problems at home and being “outside” of myself and all the problems that came along with being “Susan”, seemed to just disappear.

See, my childhood had never been the storybook type represented for it’s time. You know, like the Beavers on television or the Ozzie and Harriet Show types. But then again, whose really is you know? Just like that motorcycle boyfriend of my friend Dorothy appeared to do, I also wanted to escape from all my problems too. With drugs I found that I could easily achieve that and more. As the years literally flew by my consumption of alcohol and drugs, not to mention the opposite sex, grew by leaps and bounds.

I cannot deny that for many years I was so into the party scene that nothing, nor no one, was more important to me than the using of drugs and then alcohol, and the men I used to acquire them for me when I could not get them for myself. The more drugs and booze the better was how I viewed it at the time.

I realize now of course that from that very first high I became a drug addict and then as my experimentation increased, an alcoholic. I really don’t “get” how people separate the two. Whatever changes your mood and mindset is a DRUG, be it liquid or other substances. A drug, is a drug IS a drug. Period.

I also have come to realize now that Satan was busy at work on my life and in my life. At work on my mind and my emotions as he held me captive in a way such as to leave me powerless, hopeless, helpless, and soulless even. Or so he had me believing.

After Jesus saved me I began to see things more clearly with His help. He gives us the strength to fight an adversary that we can’t see in the natural realm, but he is there nonetheless. Jesus will give us who are His His own strength and the know how to fight all the wiles of the devil. It’s written right there in His Word! :)

The Armor of God:
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."{Ephesians 6:10-18}

See? He gives us the spiritual armor described in earthly terms. It is my understanding the armor spoken of is in reference to a Roman soldiers armor at the time since that is what they wore then.

An addiction will cause us, caused ME, to choose to do and act in ways we never contemplated acting before. Leaving us with feelings of regret and shame which will follow us from one “high” to the next. Which is another reason we seek the highs out, to shut out the “voices” of self-condemnation which scream out verbal assaults at any sense of self worth we may still have left at our particular stage of addiction. Any sense of value period. We can choose to lay them all down at the foot of the cross as, again, it is only through Jesus' shed blood that we will find forgiveness waiting to be realized and embraced.

I don’t know about you, but I had become so self-disgusted and utterly filled with the sinfulness of my actions that there came a time I could not even look at myself in a mirror. When I had to comb my hair or put on make-up I always averted my “eyes” from looking directly at ME. When I accidentally did look at myself full on those accusatory thoughts /”voices in my head” flung out yet more defaming insults upon my psyche.

It was when I finally reached back to that invisible and spiritual hand of Jesus that had been reaching out to me all of my life, and said yes to Him? He forgave and washed me completely clean. Simply because I believed, through faith alone, that He IS who He said He was while on this earth for such a short period of time in human history.

Faith is what came first. Then followed hope. Hope that for the first time in my life caused me to believe that maybe I could change after all. Because of Christ I came to believe in that very real possibility. But make no mistake, and please don’t misunderstand me, it wasn’t easy, but it seemed possible for the first time since the age of thirteen that I could actually quit doing drugs. That I could truly allow the drugs to stop abusing and using me.

After a period of time in which I was introduced to concepts of that faith and hope and embraced the Person who gave them to me? This was what led me to trust in the Power of Yahweh God who is so much greater than any “self power’ I might have considered in my own pride that I possessed. Along with this realization comes our own responsibility of putting “on” the armor that God has given to us to use. Our “armor” is the Word of God Himself.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." {John 6:33}

If you will commit to getting a Bible, if you do not have one, and then reading His Word, just a verse or two every day in the beginning? You will begin to discover that you cannot help but become strengthened and encouraged as He draws you ever closer to Himself throughout it. You’ll also find that a verse or two will increase your desire for wanting to know Him more and more personally. As we draw closer to Him through our prayers and the studying of His Word He will draw closer to us! If I had the vocabulary of angels my words could not thank, praise, honor and glorify Him justly.

As for me it is just that what He has done in my life, in ME, has been so awesomely amazing. I am filled with such gratefulness and total humility when I think about how He has changed me. What He in His infinite kindness and Mercy did within my own heart and still continues to do today on a daily basis fills me with wonder for Him, for without Him none of it would have ever been possible.

I am so grateful and blessed for God to have loved such a sinner as I that I will not be able to help sharing it throughout my “story." I am so awfully glad that it’s not up to me, or you, to deserve what He has done, We never could! It’s not by any “works” that you and I do, (no matter how “good” we may deem them to be), that we are saved. But by faith in Jesus Christ through God's awesome grace, mercy and love.

Again it is my prayer for you that as He reaches down His hand towards you from Calvary’s cross that you too will choose to reach back. Because there is found freedom, there is found unconditional love and there, in Christ, is found a Joy that you have never before imagined could be possible. Absolutely indescribable in it’s beauty and wrapped in love just for you, the addict who may still be suffering among you.

more to come...

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