The Real Truth

At long last, here it is, exposed.

The real truth is:

  • Not only is the check not in the mail, you never intended to write the check and you still don't intend to write the check.
  • You ate the cookie.
  • You copied Sherman's test. Now give him back his slide rule, and don't hide his glasses anymore.
  • You broke the window. You, not Bobby.
  • You smell.
  • Not what you put down as your chariable deductions.
  • You didn't trust him because of the color of his skin.
  • The joke was funny. The way you told it was not.
  • You did not give at the office.
  • It is not a headache, it is a hangover.
  • Your singing voice could kill a crow.
  • You were late because you did not really want to go.
  • You got lost because you did not really want to go.
  • Everyone noticed, and they will never forget.
  • You are hygiene challenged.
  • There is nothing wrong with your car, therefore you could not have had 'car trouble.'
  • You weren't sick when you took that sick day.
  • Not the grade point average you put on your resume.
  • You weren't "off your game." You just aren't any good.
  • Not only do you do it, you love to do it.
  • You do have some spare change.
  • She DOES look fat in that dress.
  • You knew damn well how fast you were going.
  • A shovel is prettier than your face.
  • You did not have to stay home and wash your hair.
  • I don't really like you. I only pretend to like you because you read my hubs.
  • You stole it.
  • When you found it, you knew whose it was, but you didn't give it back.
  • You do go down.
  • You inhaled.
  • What you experienced was not meaningless.
  • You were, in fact, hurt by that statement.
  • It will not be done by Friday.
  • You did so mean it.
  • Your mother pays for that car.
  • You did not really go "to the mall."
  • You did not lose the change, you spent it on something for yourself.
  • You were not just tested, use a condom.
  • You hate that thing they're wearing.
  • You have no intention of getting back to them.
  • It was not an accident.
  • You are NOT listening.

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Comments 22 comments

St.James profile image

St.James 7 years ago from Lurking Around Florida

I really didn't read the whole thing, but I felt compelled to comment as though I did.


EYEAM4ANARCHY profile image

EYEAM4ANARCHY 7 years ago from Las Vegas, NV.

Truely good.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

St. James - lists ARE tough aren't they. Thanks for being truthful!

Thank you, Eye!


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

I read it all..but you left one out..."It wasn't me" you know when that odor comes from behind.....LOL great job sweetie...G-Ma :O)Hugs & Peace


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

G-Ma, "Wasn't me" is a great all purpose lie! For example, "Wasn't Me" does most of the mischief around our house. Thanks for making sure it got mentioned.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Very clever, and I DO mean that :)


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Ha! Sure you do

:0)


TheRealTruth profile image

TheRealTruth 7 years ago from Virginia

but it doesnt answer


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

On the contrary, it says that the real truth is the opposite of what one hears every day. It says that the real truth is that we naturally begin to lie beginning at the age of around four when we realize that people don't know what we know, and unless we work hard not to, we keep doing it our whole lives.

What we don't realize is that lying is really self deception, because the truth binds us to the reality of ourselves.

Perhaps the asker meant some specific truth, for example, ultimate truth, or the truth about reality, but as it was phrased, I took it to be a query on the nature of truth itself.

Because truth is something we both value highly and abuse daily, it is a fair target for humor.


TheRealTruth profile image

TheRealTruth 7 years ago from Virginia

well said


bevy400 profile image

bevy400 7 years ago from scarborough

a great hub


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Thank you RealTruth and Bevy400. I try, I try.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

Your Hub made me laugh and is really great. Well done. Thumbs up (I really mean it, he, he, he)


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Bill Cosby said that we laugh hardest at the truth ... do you think he was pulling our leg?

Thanks, Tatjana!


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

Nice and right tittle for 100th Hub! Congratulations!


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

"It says that the real truth is that we naturally begin to lie beginning at the age of around four when we realize that people don't know what we know,"

Oh dear. My darling son's started early at the grand old age of 3. "Mummy says Isaac eat chocolate!"


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Thank you, Tatjana!

LondonGirl, you have a prodigy on your hands!


Bruce Elkin profile image

Bruce Elkin 7 years ago from Victoria, BC Canada

Thanks, Tom. I printed it out and posted it by my phone. Great one.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Wow, Bruce, thank you very much!


The Real Tomato profile image

The Real Tomato 7 years ago

This was a fun read!

I can't help but remember the Brady Bunch episode that coined the saying

"Something suddenly came up"


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Ya, Tomato, "Something I would rather do came up." It is actually pretty effective. They say, "Something came up" and I think, 'Do I really wanna know?'


Elijah Returns profile image

Elijah Returns 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Great work

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