Bullies Help us Grow Spiritually

We asked for them and they provide us with substantial opportunities for spiritual growth

I had a lot of experience with bullies in elementary and junior high school. I know the pain of being bullied, and I’ve allowed bullies to make me behave in ways I wish I hadn’t. There were times I caved into peer pressure and there were times I resisted it. In fact, if you were looking at a graph showing my popularity during my school years, you would clearly see where I resisted and where I gave in. After spending a great deal of time reviewing my life looking for life scripts, patterns, and windows of opportunity* in my life, I know I’ve allowed myself to be bullied at school and in romantic relationships as well.

The “Bully window” was opened for me so many times that there is no doubt that this was an important must “learn item” on my spiritual “To Do” list for this lifetime. By becoming aware of the nature of bullies, I’ve been able to put an end to them in my work life and my personal life. My Guide Group has been very clear in the information they’ve provided on this subject, and here is the shocking news about bullies—we plan for the bullies in our lives! They are a type of relationship villain** and the learning that happens from this type of interaction is as important to the person being bullied as it is to the bully him/herself. Here is some interesting information about bullies from my Guide Group (the “GG”), which was dictated to help us gain a better perspective and understanding of this distinct type of relationship villain:

“Bullies are an ugly thing but they are very much a planned occurrence for any given lifetime. When someone bullies you, you feel badly about yourself. Bullies stab at one’s self-esteem and make one feel that they are not good enough or smart enough to fit in with the ‘in crowd.’ When a soul decides to be bullied in a particular incarnation it is usually because they want to work on building confidence and self-esteem. We can tell you, too, that the ‘idea’ of being bullied when you are at the planning table is very much different from the actual feeling of the experience during an incarnation. Many things that seem like they will be a breeze to go through when you’re on the planning side of the veil don’t turn out to be easy once you are back in body.

Being the bully is not a job that souls cherish and if you look at them, really look at them, you’ll see that they have issues they need to overcome, and the role of bully gives them the opportunity to do so. The person who bullies you is most likely your ‘universal frenemy,’ because only someone who truly loves you would want to take on such a nasty role. Those that love us want to help us achieve our goals and our growth in the shortest amount of time possible.”

Looking back, there is no doubt that each of my bully experiences were windows of opportunity for learning—they were all pretty much the same (life script!) and were based on ostracizing someone. It pretty much went like this: the “in group” decided like didn’t like someone, and if you were friends with that person or continued to stay friends with that person, then you were on the receiving end too. The first time I experienced this I was in elementary school, and I’m sorry to say that I gave in. The next time I experienced it, I gave in as well. The next time I experienced it was in junior high school, and I didn’t give in that time—I had always felt extremely guilty for what I had done in elementary school. For two years I was on the receiving end of a group of bullies, and I lost most of my friends. But I didn’t back down this time—I stuck with my friend, learned the lesson, and I never had to go through this particular scenario again. In fact, when I was in High School, I had lots of friends from many different cliques.

So how did I deal with it during those two years of constant bullying? During those difficult times, I tried my best to ignore them and continue on with my life—I never let them see that what they were saying had any impact on me whatsoever. I wasn’t “fun” for them because they got no reaction from me. I didn’t lose all my friends, I still had a few, and they were a great support group for me, although I had no idea what a “support group” was at the time. I noticed that my particular bullies like to strike when you were alone, so having other people around definitely helped. I continued with my life and pursued the things that I liked best—I joined clubs, I took the classes that I knew would help get a job when I graduated from high school, and I excelled at those classes. I developed a great deal of confidence and self-reliance during that time, and I met a lot of other people whom I eventually became friends with. But to put a stop to the “bully window of opportunity” repeating for me, I had to take a stand for what I believed in. I had to learn not to cave into peer pressure—that was my big lesson to learn and the bully experience was the tool for me to learn it.

We all have different lessons that we want to learn, that we planned to learn, during this incarnation. The best way to figure out how to stop attracting the same unpleasant circumstance, be it a bully situation, or something else, is to do a mini-life review and look for life scripts and patterns. Once you spot them, examine how you acted or re-acted in each situation and make adjustments in your behavior. Changing the way you deal with a situation that keeps repeating itself is the best way to complete a lesson and go through a window of opportunity. And remember, we planned the bullies in our lives—hard to accept, I know, but becoming aware of our part in planning unpleasant experiences will help us wake up faster, spot the windows, learn the lesson, and expedite our spiritual growth.

*Windows of Opportunity: Windows are opportunities for growth and learning that we personally designed and created for ourselves while we were on the other side of the veil planning our present incarnation. Think of your life as a book with chapters, and in each chapter we insert scenarios or situations constructed to help us learn a particular lesson or have a growth experience. Why look for Windows of Opportunity? Each time we learn a lesson or complete an experience on our “to do” list for this lifetime, we have more time to work on other items on our learning list. The more we accomplish, the more rapidly we mature spiritually. To make sure that we learn a particular lesson that we are intent on learning, we incorporate many possible windows of opportunity into our lives so that if we miss one, we will have another chance to acquire the learning or have the experience we need and want for our spiritual growth. As we miss one window and go on to another, the windows become increasingly more dramatic—that is to help us wake up and learn our lesson. Spotting windows “on the ground floor instead of in the penthouse” means that we can learn our lessons with less drama and pain as we start to recognize windows earlier; which, in turn, will help us accelerate our growth so we can more quickly move on to other lessons and experiences.

**Relationship Villains: Relationship Villains are entities who are our closest universal friends when we are on the other side of the veil, but for this incarnation, they have volunteered to play the part of “the bad guy” to help us cross something important off of our spiritual “must learn” list for this incarnation. They might be people who simply annoy us, or even those we consider to be our so-called enemies. They create (or co-create) unpleasant situations that open windows of opportunity for us to learn and grow, or they may take action that forces us to stay on our chosen path. Either way, their purpose is to help us accomplish our learning/growth faster and in what may ultimately be a less dramatic or painful way. Relationship Villains can be anyone and you will find them everywhere. Look for them especially in romantic relationships, family relationships, and work relationships, but they will also turn up at school, at the grocery store, at the airport, the DMV, and anywhere you happen to be! They can be someone you have an on-going relationship with, or someone you interact just once or twice. When you learn the lesson, your relationship with your “relationship villain” will become much more palatable (this is usually the case when the “villain” is a family member) or your relationship will end because your mission together is over (as often happens with friends).


Sherri Cortland is the author of Windows of Opportunity and Raising Our Vibrations for the New Age. For more about expediting spiritual growth, please visit www.SherriCortland.com or www.Ozarkmt.com. Sherri’s books are also available at Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, and Barnes & Noble stores.

Comments 11 comments

Mary Soliel profile image

Mary Soliel 7 years ago from Colorado

Great to see this important and prevalent issue addressed in such a unique and powerful way, stating what is REALLY going on behind the scenes! This will help so many!

imaneogirl 7 years ago

very interesting. being a teenager, I am faced with these situations all of the time.

Debra_Rose profile image

Debra_Rose 7 years ago from New York

This really makes you look at things with a different prospective.

Mike Dennis profile image

Mike Dennis 7 years ago

Yes, even the BULLIES have their rightful place in this world. As the ancient Hermetics said, As Above so Below! I am glad I have met the bully within years ago and did battle and healed him so NOW I don't have to attract that 'mirror' on the outer to deal with an internal issue I had avoided. Ever onward and upward on the path to Ascension and Soul Evolution. Good job, Sherri!

LorLor 7 years ago

This is very insightful, And makes perfect sense when you think about the growth that follows certain situations we face.

Giavanna 7 years ago

WOW! This really makes you think about ALL the windows of opportunity we went through and didnt even realize it! Cant wait till my book comes in the mail!

Sandra 7 years ago

Once again, you have undoubtedly reach a lot of people who have either experienced being bullied or were the bully themselves. Hopefully they will gaine the insight I have from reading your article.

heidi009 profile image

heidi009 7 years ago from Orlando, Florida / Waikoloa, Hawaii

I ordered the book and can't wait to read it.

Monica Grant 7 years ago

I too have been bullied in the past and this allows me to re-examine my experiences and hopefully grow from them.

Steven Scott 7 years ago

I just read "Windows of Opportunity" and it's a great book--very insightful and easy to read. The information about bullies in the book makes a lot of sense.

Watson Baker 4 years ago

This is very informational. The experience with Bullies relates to ourselves just as much as others. To examine others and catagorize others as bullies, that is a skill we all use in the earlier years. It's also for those in the future. I think this helped me reflect very well on the people in my life, and I enjoyed reading it.

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