When I Die I Will Be The Type of Ghost Who Will . . .

This could be "me" in the near future

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All of These "Images" Could Be Me

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THIS IS A STUDY OF TWO GROUPS: THE "HAVE'S," AND THE "HAVE NOT'S," AND ME, AS A GHOST

Lately, and for the last few years, I have grown to literally hate certain segments of my life. To those on HubPages who know me well, know that I do possess a healthy sense of humor. But I’m not kidding this time. I wish I were. Truth, my late sainted mama told me over the years, will stand when the world is on fire.

I believe that she was dead-on in her philosophy. Over the years when I was blessed to know her, I tried hard to always tell the truth, but when you are a scared teenager knowing that “if” you tell the truth, it will be your hide tacked up on the smokehouse wall, it just seemed easier to lie on the spot and by myself some breathing room.

Until that night. It was in the darkness my always-quiet conscience began to speak up, speak out and speak into my ears, “liar! Don’t you know that lying will break your mama’s heart?” Many is the night that I’ve argued with my conscience and lost miserably. Oh, I gave it a good try alright, but I somehow knew going in it was a losing proposition.

I said all of this to justify and explain why I “hate” certain segments of my life. If you will, please allow me to expound on just one area and we will “call it quits” with this introduction to my hub .

The area of my life that I have the most hatred for is the time in my high school years when I couldn’t go to my junior or senior prom due to my family not having the money for me explore “this” part of every high schooler’s dreams.

I hated it then. And as the years progressed, the hatred grew. And grew. Now I am the proud owner of a fully-grown, fully-matured, fire poker hot hatred for those two disappointments in my life in back-to-back high school years of 1971-72.

My dad wasn’t puny when he told me, “no money for proms this year, Kenny. Maybe next year.” But even as he told me this in my junior year, I knew then that even in my senior year, the same thing would happen again. No money for proms.

I can’t blame my dad. He did his best to feed and clothe me, so that leaves my mother. No, she wasn’t to blame. I guess “I” could blame. Maybe not. Just maybe sometimes there isn’t anyone to blame at all. Just live with the heartbreak and learn to live with it.

I did better than that. I not only learned how to live with it, but convinced myself that I really didn’t care about missing these two areas of personal growth from teenager to young adult that now would only be something that “certain” groups of kids in my class got to enjoy.

Was I the only one to miss both proms? No. But at that point in my life, I didn’t know the value of caring for others more than myself, so I just “took it on the chin,” and frankly, overlook my bragging, did a great job of pretending things would be fine if I didn’t complain. Guess what? They didn’t. Oh, the things in and out of my life were fine, but the deeply-imbedded hurt made itself a home in my heart. And loved it there.

I said all of this to say this: Last Friday night I had the accidental opportunity of watching a “Grade B,” movie called, “Prom,” on Starz, only on DirecTV. If I had only used my “change channel” button prior to this “lesson in pain” on film came on, this hub would have never been written. I promise.

To offer a summary, my high school class, which might have been much like yours, was made up of just two groups: The “have’s,” and the “have not’s.” By now you can clearly see and understand which group I belonged. Even then, in 1971-’72, I was simply amazed by how great of an act the “have’s,” put up.

The late Marlon Brando, who scored huge fame in “A Streetcar Named Desire,” where he was cast as a down-trodden, hard-drinking, maligned face in the crowd named, “Stanley “Stell--a! Stell--a,” Kowalski, would have been proud of how talented our group of elite city kids with city parents with stores, jobs of prominence, and always looking and being cool, “acted” every Monday through Friday at school, and if bumped into one of this elite group over the weekend, their acting was “kicked up a notch,” ignoring my greetings and friendly smiles.

Stephen King, acclaimed horror/mystery writer’s mouth would have flew open as he watched these “chosen vessels,” of opportunity “strut their stuff,” and always be “the center of attention.” I have to give some of this group some honest, from-my-heart, credit, because “some” of them actually “made it,” in the real world--graduating high-level colleges and becoming lawyers, CPA’s, teachers and other important roles in life.

I didn’t. Make it, that is. Nor did any who was in my group of “have not’s.” Let me share just one example of how my group of “have not’s,” were treated by our “respected” teachers. In my high school back then, we had to have a certain amount of units in order to graduate. 21, to be exact.

We, the “have not’s,” were not told this until we were seniors. I’ve always entertained the question of why didn’t the “respected” teachers tell us earlier so that we could have a shot at getting an Academic diploma which would have helped us in our attempt to get into college. Instead, the “have not’s,” were quietly and shrewdly steered toward a Vocational diploma which would be fine for us who’s destiny was chosen by the teachers and their “pet” “have’s,” group, to being nothing more than members of “blue collar society.” And that is nothing to be ashamed of, so don’t be offended at me using the term “blue collar society.”

I just hate the fact that “we,” the “have not’s,” didn’t count for squat. We didn’t matter. Simply because we didn’t have wealthy parents who inherited flourishing stores from their parents thus securing a sold future for their “snoogie uggums,” the “have’s.” And buddy, it worked as smooth as the D.B. Cooper skyjacking that to this day has never been solved.

But we of the “have not’s,” did walk the aisle and graduated. And then the ultimate slap in the face, not being invited to any of the post-graduation parties thrown in homes of the, you guessed it, the “have’s.” The “have not’s,” just had the hoods of our cars to sit on and watch this so-called special night of our lives slowly become just a particle in the multiplicity of time and space.

Some in the “have not’s,” had dates with other members of the “have not’s,” some got drunk, and some, namely me, had a date with a pathological liar named, (let’s not use her real name for it still turns my stomach), “Brenda,” who was decent to look at and fun to talk to, but knew how to lie as as well as Satan himself. I grew to hate “Brenda,” even years after the “have not’s,” vanished from my hometown of Hamilton, Alabama.

Now to be clear. There is still a handful of us “have not’s,” still existing in our hometown. Still holding on to a beautiful lie, a believable philosophy that “all things happen for a reason,” but, and not to offend any religious readers, that is true, then why is it taking so doggone long for me to see the reason that the “have not’s,” and myself were so beaten-down by the system of our high school and town itself?

Were we stupid? Blind? Never grasping the certainty of where we would end-up after high school? Probably. But hey, all of you positive thinkers and manufacturers of instant sunshine, we tried and tried hard to make it in this hellish world of a two-class existence.

We studied. We applied ourselves to the breaking point and failed. That’s correct. Failed. Socially, academically, and in life, precious life itself. I guess I should apologize to Jesus right now, but I know “the” Jesus of the scriptures who not only knows my inner-being, but expects pure, unadulterated honesty in my life as well as my writing. Sure, I admit it. This piece is harsh.

Sure, I admit it. This piece should have been written three years ago when I became a member of HubPages. I was afraid that I would be banned from the Hub Community. Even tarred and feathered. Well, not that radical of a banishment, but close.

You see, I’ve always lived a life in the shadow of fear. And I was equally-afraid of being labelled as a malcontent and heathen who didn’t know how to be thankful.

So with my lengthy intro done, let me say this in closing before I open up to the “meat” of this story. As a member, an unashamed member of the “have not’s,” I failed like I said earlier. Sometimes in “this” life of mine, I get severely-depressed. So depressed that I would love to just go to sleep and wake up in the after life. Honest.

And with suicide being possibly a sin and in some states, illegal, I will just “tough it out,” until my time in this world is over. But I promise you this. And it being purely a personal fantasy. When I die and could come back as a ghost, I know that I, and other ghosts from the “have not’s,” would then be able to taste the sweet success of making perfect grades in school, dating the right girl, always smiling “that” smile of “look! I have arrived,” and other things we were denied in the flesh life. Ghost? You gasp. But why a ghost, Kenny? You persist.

Well, ghosts are very popular. Just ask Casper, Patrick “Sam Wheat” Swayze, who starred in “Ghost,” and so on. And I will not forget “the” ultimate, the epitome, The Holy Ghost. And besides, I do not want to come back as a demon because after a close, prayerful and methodical inventory of myself, I have found out that I do not harbor any evil tendencies about anyone. Or anything.

So me being a ghost in the next life makes a world of sense. If there are any ministers reading this, you might want to jump in the comment box below and offer your take on this huge, emotionally and mentally-crippling problem I’ve carried for over 58 years, and see if I can use your advice and live just a few, only a few due to me not being selfish, years in peace.

But in my life as a ghost, I promise that “I Would Be The Ghost Who . . .”

  1. Materialize where and when I want to as easy as taking a long drink of ginger ale.
  2. Conform my body into whomever or whatever I please. For starters, I am going to conform myself into a “new” me--cool, suave, devastating good looks and blue eyes that would charm the Queen of Sheba from the arms of King Solomon.
  3. Show up somewhere where people, the so-called “it” people, the “have’s,” mentioned in this column and start playing my Fender Telecaster guitar as well as my now-good pal, Jimi Hendrix, who out of a newly-formed friendship in the “ghost world,” materializes himself to accompany me. Man, I can just see the mouths of the “have’s,” go agape and sit back with amazement in their eyes.
  4. Dress however I please. In expensive suits, designer shirts and shoes, or just wear faded jeans and walk any beach in the material world that I want and for as long as I want. And maybe now-ghost, Annette Funicello will be happy to walk with me hand-in-hand and never have to face disease or death ever again. What a time to be a ghost and happy on Pesmo Beach, California.
  5. Own any car that I want. First, I want to take a ‘57 Chevy Bel Air, hardtop, automatic for a spin. Then a ‘55 T-Bird for when I am cruising chicks. Oh, the burdens I am taking onto myself.
  6. Take Marilyn Monroe to dinner at “the” most-expensive restaurant in the world and then tell her to avoid the Kennedy’s and Peter Lawford (and Joe DiMaggio) altogether. At first she will look at me with those innocent doe eyes and ask why. Then I will elaborate on the outcome of her relationship with John Kennedy and then it will hit her like a sack of sugar. I will smile as she lives out her life as one of the world’s most-talented actresses and humanitarians.
  7. Kick Adolph Hitler’s butt before he tries to rule the world. With me being a ghost, I can manipulate time and space. So I shall go back to when Hitler took over Germany and appear to him in his bedroom and I mean not as a wimpy, noodle-like sheet-of-a-ghost, but a ghost so mean and terrible that Hitler will shed tears like a schoolboy. “leave the world alone or I will be back to see you,” I will say. I leave Hitler frozen with a look of terror on his face. He then shaves that awful moustache and becomes a monk.
  8. I will seek-out all of the early illegal and dangerous drug manufacturers--those who made LSD and other “killer” drugs and also scare the life out of them and make sure that they get a job working with their hands. Let’s see . . .a farmhand job would suit them just fine.
  9. “Visit” all of the world leaders while they are at the United Nations and make sure that they all teach, preach and implement programs of peace instead of constantly bickering about border disputes and other trivial things. . . .and in closing.
  10. (This is my favorite): look for down-trodden people with problems too big to solve and help them without them knowing it. (e.g.) if they have a huge mortgage, but no job, I will materialize in the form of an average “Joe,” and hand the bank clerk cash to pay this family’s mortgage off. Then while this family is asleep, leave a few thousand dollars worth of groceries, a new car, and a briefcase with $45,000 inside sitting in their yard.

Ahhh, this being a ghost is a job that I can get used to. Just look at all I’ve done with just “one” day on the job.

MORE INFORMATION ABOUT "ME"

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Comments 34 comments

writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

Hi, Kenneth! This piece just reminds me of how harsh reality can be, but it's nice to have fantasies. I know I do. I like to pretend I'm a ninja or a princess. It fills in the void that we have at some point of our lives. It helped me survive my lack of a real childhood. Anyway, Wonder Woman sends her best regards and a vote up for interesting!


tamron profile image

tamron 3 years ago

I hated school so I really didn't care about the prom. I was also suicidal all through my childhood. My mom got cancer so I quit school to take care of her.

After she died I saw her on the ceiling and beside my bed. She always said she would show a sign if she died.

My husbands mom I took care of died and before she died I said to her I wished I had a little mirror to pluck my face and put makeup on with at the table.

After her funeral the next morning there was a little blue mirror on my dinning room table that no one knew where it came from so ya I believe.

I don't know anyway to give you encouragement but no one or nothing is worth committing suicide for.

Sometimes God Puts Us in Places We Don't Want to Be


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 3 years ago from Central Texas

Amazing work, Kenneth -- and so many of us can relate to the "have nots" as we then - and occasionally still do -- look back on that part of our lives and find a hole that should have been filled and wasn't. I agree that you'll make an excellent ghost -- but wait a while, huh? Your presence on this old planet as an excellent human being is so very treasured by so many of us. Best/Sis


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 3 years ago from the South

Kenneth, life can be unfair and it's even harder when you're young to face these disappointments and hurts. I have one major argument with you though. You said, "I didn’t. Make it, that is." I think you are putting to much emphasis on money and social position and not enough on what kind of person you turned out to be.

It is far more important to be the loving, kind, and decent person you are. Please let go of these tough emotional times and realize that, in the end, things turned out pretty good! Not perfect, but good. I hate to see something like this eat you up so...

As far as your ghost activities...they are terrific! And yes, I do firmly believe in ghosts and have had several "ghostly" experiences.

Be at peace my dear friend.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

People can be so cruel, it started with Cain and it hasn't stopped since. You, like many of us, have seen the evil and risen above it Ken. Of course there's a touch of bitterness, but you have risen above that too. You have a wonderful family, a wonderful sense of humor and a wonderful talent for writing, including hubs like this one!

Voted up, useful, and interesting.


Fossillady profile image

Fossillady 3 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

Well Kenneth, this is a heck of a ghostly bio . . . I know the feeling of have and have nots, but I now realize that there are many gray areas and when I look at other's with much less, then I'm grateful for what I have. I believe we're truly here to grow our souls and we chose a life before it begins in the spiritual homes we come from in order to do that. Are you sure you want to be a ghost, they are caught between worlds and don't know they died, seems kinda sad. Anyway, you would be a ghost with a good imagination and intentions! Sending you angels and joy today! Hugs, Kathi


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, writinglover,

What a charge I got from your comment. One would never know from your hubs that you too, have some "have not's," in your life.

I have learned something from you and all whom commented on this piece.

And to me, YOU ARE a princess.

P.S. Superman said to send you a wink. ;)


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

Thanks, Kenneth! My hubs have helped me get through my "have nots" and so did Superman and Wonder Woman!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear tamron,

I'm breathless. And I do believe in what you shared with me in your comment--the blue mirror. What a fantastic title to a reality/spirit book. Why dont you write one?

Thanks for your support. You are a true confidant.

Come back anytime for you are always welcome.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ writinglover,

How true. How true. Wonder Woman has already helped me not only face, but deal with most of these dark areas in my life.

How's this . . ."Boooooo!"

Uh, oh! To Egypt! Away!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Angela /sis,

I love you and your warm comment. I really needed these comments.

Hey, HubPages, I have THE BEST followers on your website!

Please visit with me again.


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

I think you'll scare em' away in Egypt, Superman. I have to make a trip back to see the Amazons. I'll be back later! :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Catgypsy,

Thank you so much for the candid comment. I love you for that. And you quite possibly have nailed it for me.

Maybe I did put too much emphasis on money and social position rather than the ones you mention.

Thanks again and if we, up this way, can help you . . .just call.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ writinglover. Happily again,

Lol. You got that right. They'll all scream for their "mummy."

Hurry back from the Amazons. You are NEEDED here.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, tillsontitan,

You are right. Cain started this downward spiral. I never let my mind go that far.

Thank you, dear lady.

And thanks for the votes, and more importantly, your friendship.


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

I am back and ready to read hubs and patrol! :D


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Fossillady,

Thank you sincerely, for your valuable input.

Sure I'd love to be a ghost--being able to travel past the universe, being anyone or anything I choose. What a gig.

If I leave this world before you . . . I'll pay you a friendly visit.

Deal?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ writinglover,

Wow, you look great. Your hair is different. Say, what do your Amazon sisters use to give (your) and their hair look so great?

Ooops, C.I.A. is summoning me . . .awwwwaaaayyyyy!

:)


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

Just a special kind of hair gel! I would venture a guess that it's made from moon dew, or so the legend says. Either way, it's good stuff. :D


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ writinglover,

Moon dew? Wow, is that ever creative! Just for the record, I like your hair best.


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

Thank you, Kenny. I think they did a fine job, even if I do say so myself. :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

You are welcome, and hey, the next time you are called to their secret place, let me know and I'll fly there and with their permission, you and I can dine on their foods and relax a bit leaving the crime-fighting go for a day or so, and please, do not tell Lois!


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

Sounds like a plan. As for Lois, I have no plans on telling her. There's no telling when she'll go on rampage!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Writinglover,

Great. And if you only knew.

She could count her lucky stars that I, oops, I mean, Clark Kent, was blessed with super-patience.


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

Yes. I think Clark was blessed with super-patience. Before I forget, I brought some moon dew for you to try. Not only is it used for hair gel, it's edible, too! It has healing qualities just in case Lois Lane goes beserk and somehow manages to hurt Clark Kent. :D


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

:D writinglover,

What a WonderFUL Woman you are! Edible!? Wow! Fantastic. I will put Lois on stake-out and let you know if and when she hurts Clark.

I'll be sure to tell Clark what a "super-friend," you are.

Honest.


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

:D I believe ya! And you're a super-friend too!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear writinglover,

I hate to vanish, but "I" need to go take nightly med's--I'm hurting a lot. Please understand.

You, my dear friend, have truly made my night. Gave me lots of smiles. I want, rather need you to know how much I've enjoyed this talk with you.

We need to do this often.

You take care "princess Diana," oops, sorry. I promise to talk with you again and again and will tell Clark you said to be cool.

Good night. Peace to you, dear writinglover.


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

Good night, Kenny! Hope you rest well!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear writinglover,

I came back to see if you replied. I'm glad that you did.

Good night and I'll talk to you soo .

Promise.


anndavis25 profile image

anndavis25 3 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

Ken, have you seen the Long Island Medium on sunday night TV. I cry every time she is on. She talks to the dead. And I tell you, she is real. I never believed in spirits ( I won't call them ghost) until I saw her. It's phenominal. I am just checking in on a few friends. I see you are still the best. What a creative and wonderful mind you have. Seems like you should be famous or something. An old friend, Ann Davis. A 'have not'


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

May 14, 4:28 p.m., Cdst

My Dearest Ann,

Thank you, sweet friend, for your warm comment that lit up my face and touched me.

You, dear Ann, are way too kind. I just do hubs that will make God happy as well as you, and my Hub friends.

And dear Ann, you are that. A dear, talented friend. NOT A "HAVE NOT."

not as long as I'm living. And afterwards.

I promise you.

Love you LOTS . . .Kenneth


Joanne M Olivieri 3 years ago

Kenneth, love your writing style and yes, we have all experienced the "have nots." Ghosts, yes I do believe in energy from other realms. First thing that came to mind is when I die I will be the type of ghost who stalks Brad Pitt :) Seriously though, I thoroughly enjoyed this hub. Voted Up!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Dear Joanne,

Sorry to be so late in responding. I'm recovering from my fourth eye surgery and it is a slow process.

Thank you sweet friend for your input. Well when I achieve "ghostdom," I'm going to pay some visits to foreign countries that I've never been able to afford a ticket to see.

Say, like Rio. Hmmmmmm.

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