Why Church?

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Religion - a hot button topic. I remember being asked why I go to church. I do not need to tell people that I am a Christian. I don't hide it in anyway but the proclamation of it was never necessary. People can see it in me. People can hear it in my voice and read it in my words. I do not quote the bible, I do not try to 'save souls', and I do not wear a religious title on my sleeve. I just try to live by love. I smile. I strive to be genuine. I'll try to lead by example.

I was exposed to religion at a very young age. My mother was one thing my father another. It didn't cause any problems because, like many today, they represented 2 different households. As a teenager, I entered an elder's bible study and theology coarse. In everything I learned one thing stood out. It has been so long that I don't even remember where it is to quote it but there was only one church in the bible. That one detail would change everything for me. Being a young, curious teenager I decided to do a little experiment. It made some people unhappy, but I have always followed my own path. That year I visited many different faiths to find similarities and differences. I went to Catholic, Pentacostal, Baptist, Jehova's Witness, Morman, and even got to sit in the back of a Synagogue and a Buddist church (COOL). I remember seeing so many similarities. One thing they all had in common was that they all considered themselves the one true church/religion. I think they are all right in that statement but they meant the only one church.

When asked why I go to church, I like to put things in perspective. I do not believe church goers are more or better believers that people who don't go to church. Of coarse, I can read the Bible at home and learn things online.
Why do you go to a gym? Why do you go to seminars? Why do you go to college? All things can be done at home. The truth is that sometimes we are more motivated in a group of like minded people. It is as simple as that. I go to church to enjoy time with others who love God. I go dancing or to a concert (not in years but) to be with others who love music. I have cd's and dance games. I don't need to go out. I go to martial arts classes because it is more fun to learn in groups. There is connection, competition, and energy. Church is no different.

There are a lot of views and opinions on the topic of church. The first thing that comes to mind are hypocrites. I prefer to call them contradictions. Are there any? Of coarse, I am one and so are you. You get people together in any location and observe them you are going to see contradiction. The personal trainer with the collection of snickers bars in their gym bag. The dietitian that rarely eats veggies. The child psychologist who doesn't have kids. I don't know where the expectation of Christians to be super human came from but the only difference between a believer and a non-believer is their dedication. I am sorry to say that being a believer does not take away problems or vices, sometimes you are challenged more. It doesn't mean that as soon as you choose good things that your normal reactions, bad thoughts, and other habits are just going to fall off of you. All it means is that you are going to try harder. You are going to purposeful. You will always slip and fall. You may not even get it right before you leave the earth. Many people think that they know what that means. Did Whitney Houston go to heaven? She praised, acknowledged, and thanked God all of her life. She lost a battle. I can't say if she did or not, I am not there to let her in or block her path. I really think that struggles and failures do not keep you out. I think that malicious intention, greed, and down right badness keep you out. Again, my two cents. Can't be sure, yet.


A lot of Christians judge. I can apologize for them but it is in our nature. We judge everything from fake or real body parts, to food, to lifestyles, to sexuality, to appearance, to style of clothing. Even with nothing else available to judge, people will judge the paint color in a church. Don't take it personal. We all eat, we all sleep, we all judge. I say things like 'did you see that crazy guy just cut me off!' all the time. I don't judge things like status, sexuality, social standing, etc. The list is long but it still doesn't include everything. I will always be a work in progress. I can tell when I am being judged as well. I usually address it with humor too. Most of my friends came to me because of that. I am one to say, 'I know, I know, I am skinny but if you sit with me I can show you my awesome little muffin top.' It only comes out when I sit :D. I am getting muscles now, so I am not sure how long I will get to keep my muffin top :(

It took a long time for me to find a church. I visited many. I guess I am picky. I am not into the constant 'your friends are going to he**...' kinda place. I don't want to feel guilty for not making them come. I don't like churches that are too busy comparing themselves to others to talk about the important stuff. I don't like the overdressed church or the calf workout church (sit-stand-kneel-stand-kneel). I didn't want the religious chanting type of sermon that stretches out words (ooohhh Go-o-o-o-d, we commme before yo-o-o-ou toodayyyyy). I didn't want anyone running laps or doing flips down the church halls. I didn't want to go to a place with out smiles. I didn't want to go somewhere that didn't help the community. I am into the come as you are type of church and I will test it. During my darkest days, when my husband passed, I came to church in sweats. I was a mess and in a fog but I wasn't angry with God so I wanted to go. I couldn't care less about what I was wearing. I cared enough not to go in jammies but that was all the effort I had in me. I am sure people noticed but the Pastor and church staff didn't react. I know some places that would have made the air thick until I left or others that would ask me to sit in the back because of my attire.


Church gives me bi-weekly inspirational seminars twice a week for free, that is why I go. I could pay hundreds for Tony Robbins, but why? I am not walking on fire! I helped make food kits for Kids Against Hunger, that is why I go. Pastor Terry makes me laugh, that is why I go. He let people (anyone, believer or not) come see the super bowl on the church's big screen just because he could and he was a Giants fan. They had a funny women's conference called beautiful. They host plays and concerts. Believer or non-believer can come and go as they please. This church offers a lot for my daughter. I go.

Like I said, I could stay home. I could workout here instead of the gym, but I achieve more and am more committed if I go to a gym (I don't, yet). I could try to learn martial arts from you tube, but I build my skill, improve my form, and compete my fellow students in a class setting. I could read my Bible at home (I never do, yet) but I like to hear the way it is delivered in church. I learn more there. So, I go to church. If you ask me what kind, I will say it doesn't matter. It is my church and if you feel comfy there you can call it yours too. If you ask me what my religion is I will just tell you, I believe and love the Lord and I try to live by his loving example.

Why do I believe? That is a whole other hub but basically all things have a source. I would prefer believe that there is a source for all the good, be inspired, and be wrong than not believe only to find out I was wrong.

Why don't/didn't you go to church?

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feenix profile image

feenix 4 years ago

Hello, Moms-Secret,

This is a useful, awesome, beautiful, interesting and inspirational hub. I am very grateful to you for writing and publishing it. It really has given me some new insights into being a Christian.

And I especially liked the part where you made the comparison between why you go to church with the reasons why you go to the gym, martial-arts class and so forth.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Feenix - nice to meet you. Love your name here and your beautiful comment. Thank you. I really appreciate it.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

Moms-secret a liitle knowledge I took away from this hub thanks so much for sharing be blessed


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you for reading it Frank! I am glad you got something from it. Many blessings to you too.


mrslagibb profile image

mrslagibb 4 years ago

I quite a agree Moms-Secret, find that church where you are comfortable. However, I love the new word for hypocrites,'CONTRADICTIONS'. The way I see it, a Strong believer in God, the church is in their hearts. It is with the love of God I think, we try to spread this Love around. To try and make this world a better place to live in.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Mrslagibb- Yeah, I never understood how it is okay to be flaky or have multiple changes of mind and heart on a regular basis about all aspects of life including careers, having pets, wanting marriage, and more but as soon as someone shows the same trends in religion they are all of the sudden hypocrites. I think you are what you always have been, human, made to produce many different styles of errors. In seeking religion you are only trying to be a joyous, faithful human producing many styles of errors along the way.

Thanks for reading and commenting.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

What particular form of Christianity would you consider yourself now? You said you went to various different churches. Sorry, I was just curious.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I don't mind curiosity. In fact, I don't mind anything. I try not to label myself at all actually. Labels and contradictions tend to be good companions. I believe in good and bad. I believe in a creator. I believe in loving others. I guess what I believe is too complex to be held down by any label. I am a believer.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I am a seeker but not a believer. You have attributes I lust for (love, strength, not judgmental).


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you for another smile and for the conversation. I enjoy it. My attributes and I appreciate the compliment hidden in your choice of words. Define for me a seeker?


newenglandsun 3 years ago

One who is analyzing the truth claims of Christianity but isn't ready to step into the figurative water.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

In that sense, I would rather be a believer than claim that I am a Christian. Christian is the title that others put on me. They think it is the reason that I am the way I am but it isn't. I don't do things for the reward or because I feel I have to. I am not sure I would have ever given myself the title if others didn't insist on calling me it.

The things you lust for are probably in you already but can be blocked.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

blocked by what?


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Life, past, doubts, thoughts. Usually the past or the mind. There is a lot about life that makes it easy to believe that the good is not worth it. People lie, they are hurtful, life is harsh, etc. I mean, honestly, there are a lot of times that my ways have cost me. It's not an easy road but then I don't think forcing myself to harden or not to feel would protect me.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I would say that's an accurate assessment of where I am coming from. I have had many people say that it's simply something that is wrong with me and that I need to change.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Change does and will start with you and you can start that change but I do not believe that it is something that is wrong with anyone. We are taught to seek love and happiness, we are not taught how to love and be happy and we are given loads of misinformation on how to live and what to strive for so the blame can't fall on the way that one person is.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I seek that. How am I supposed to live so I can acheive that?


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Do you know who you are? Not what you do or what you like but who you are? Who would you be if you were a character in another time or another world? When the common, tangible goals are stripped and there are no achievements to be made, what roles would you play? And in this world that you create, what would you believe in? What are your truths? You can choose them and follow them with out the proof of the existence of any deity.

I really think that is the first step. There is no such thing as a world with no hurt or no dark but the road is less harsh when you restore your own power and have your sense of self. (totally my opinion tho)

May I have your first name new?


newenglandsun 3 years ago

In a fictional universe, I would be someone with the power to destroy any one who transgressed me. The truths in my universe would be the goal of absolute liberation from all oppressive powers. No one could oppress any one without me having a final say in the matter.

My real first name is Daniel.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Nice to meet you Daniel. I am Lissette.

Power is corruptive but your desire to fight oppression gives clues to a heroes center. There are no rewards for heros. They are rarely famous or even known. They are openly taken advantage of and do not mind it. The best paths are not glamorous and are difficult. Yours may involve letting go a lot. Realizing that you served your purpose in the lives of the friends/people that leave you, have not appreciated you, or have harmed you.

The first sentence is a little dark. It sounds very close to getting even or revenge and would be the contradiction to being a hero. The problem with revenge is that once it is done you are left with nothing.

This all sounds very story bookish and fairy tale-ish but its the easiest way to find out whats at your root. Its the easiest way to remove all the crap that doesn't matter to get a clear view, plus its fun to dust of the imagination once in a while.

At my root, I am a healer. There are pros and cons to everything.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I'd rather call you Legacy (the pen name you took for your book).

I think it is an interesting device that you have created.

The path of a hero unfortunately does have come vengeance in it. Especially when the hero wants every wrong justified some how.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

You can call me what you like. I took the pen name because I loved it. That you know it is flattering. Thank you.

Vengeance vs. Justice. Hero vs. Vigilante. Some would just call it semantics.

Even if every wrong could be justified it can never be undone. I believe, to hang on to the past wrongs in your life is to give away your power. In the beginning, I moved forward simply because I would not give away my power.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I have to start somewhere. Every figure I think of as a hero starts their journey on seeking vengeance.

What does a healer's journey look like?


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Most heros I think of eventually come to terms with the fact that they don't get their vengeance... John Walsh was the first one to come to mind.

I wrote about a journey once. It was called Entirely Me. To keep it simple, I have hope because it was stripped from me at one point. I can heal a heart because I understand.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Harry Potter and Patrick Jane come to mind for me.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I know of Potter but not Jane. I don't know either story. Are they both fictional?


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Patrick Jane:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYfNZbs1_80

A fictional character. A serial killer kills his wife and daughter and now he is devoted to hunting this killer down and killing him.

Harry Potter's parents were killed by the dark wizard, Lord Voldemort and Harry Potter has to kill Voldemort to save everyone.

The real world is messed up. I don't know any nonfictional heroes.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

There are many heroes here but they are human and we have our ups and downs. You will probably learn more about the downs than the ups.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I guess I need to start looking.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hi Daniel. Your base should be in reality. I can relate to a lot of different works of fiction. I enjoy getting lost in it, imagining different things about it, and finding commonality with it but my base is in reality.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

In reality, I am no hero. I am misanthropic. I see no good in humanity. :(


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hmm, it is tough to believe in all of humanity when we are riddled with mistakes and tainted judgement but on a smaller scale there is room for a lot of good. I say shrink your world. My world is tiny, peaceful, and happy because it is the one I created for me and my daughter. I bring people in that should be in and let us fade from those that shouldn't be in it.

Humanity changes in a smaller world. I do not believe you would be talking to me if you saw no good. :)


newenglandsun 3 years ago

That world would consist of only me...


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

In the beginning you will be. I suppose you would have to start reflecting the change in humanity that you want to see before you would be able to attract connections with like minded people. You would have to be sure of yourself and strong enough to take a few small risks in order to meet people and decided to embrace them or let them go. It is a process, like anything else. A world of one is a choice like everything else.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I ripped pages out of one of my Bibles today. It was an NRSV that I got for a class last semester. This Bible can't be used to hinder the rights of gays now though.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Your Bible is a tangible object that belongs to you. I am sure people would take offense to your choice of actions but I don't. Its a book. Its often used as a tool by narrow minded people but it does not produce narrow minded people in and of itself. You could remove all the pages from all the books and they would just write their own to use as a tool to solidify their own views. The hinderance of rights has been part of humanity from the beginning. The only thing that changes is the affected group of people.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I guess this week I can also tear out pages that have content on them that have been used to hinder woman's rights. Then I could tear out pages that were used against black people during those fights for the liberation of black people and the end to racial segregation.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Oh Daniel, maybe its time to pick another book.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I could pick the Qur'an but I don't own a copy of it.

I have a Baghavad Ghita but it always comes out very universalistic and I haven't read too much of it.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Maybe it is time to write your own story.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Why do people debate so foolishly about stuff that can only be made known in death rather than work to solve problems in areas of social justice?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pe9pRkHr9c0


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I probably should remove myself from the world. That would help acheive justice. I apparently cause AIDS because I am bisexual.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Feeble minded people can't hep but judge the choices of others. You not being here would not be justice. The negative force would still exist whether you are here or not. It would just be redirected.

Shrink your world Daniel. Remove the thoughts and opinions of those that do not matter.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

You're right. If I was no longer here, I would be unable to do anything about the injustices. I would be unable to expose the lies of others directed at or against other people in order discriminate. It is unfair what people do to others. I recently watched this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVUUZMi7ZOY

(the part at 3:20).


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Honorable that you would want to do something about injustices. It is unfair. I would encourage you to be part of the cure so long as you understand that you are one person and the injustices are so many that it would take entire nations to make significant dents in its destruction. You can't get discouraged.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

It is difficult sometimes for me because my parents are very conservative in their religious views and believe that things like homosexuality and bisexuality are evil.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Regardless what they think or believe, they are your parents and no one can change that. If they are close minded about things maybe its best that those topics not be debated anymore for your own peace.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

That's a good decision. I guess nothing can dictate as to whether I have to speak my mind to them. The problem is that I normally do that and it leads to myself being misunderstood.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Most people don't know if I agree with them or not. They don't have a true idea of what my position is. There are things that are mine regardless of the views of others. I share them when I want but it really isn't necessary. I can love and accept on a lot of levels without understanding, agreeing, and matching the views of others.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

What if the views of others are evil?


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Its difficult for me to answer since I have not gotten close to anyone who was truly evil. It isn't in my nature to keep what my definition of evil is around me. I do know people that view themselves as worse than I see them. I may not agree with the decisions they made or the way that they think. I may be completely different than they are but I can accept them. I do not ask them to change or try to change them. I care about them and I show it because it is so easy to love the lovable but so few are willing to pour love into those who have never gotten it and do not know how to show it.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

They've gotten it and they feel they know how to show it. It's difficult because of their conservative stances.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I know a lot of people who are so wrapped up in their own opinion that they don't notice that it breeds the unfair judgement and treatment of others. Fighting against them wont change that. Debating them only fuels the fire. At some point it is better for you and your mindset to be unconditional with them since they are your parents (you are my parents regardless of our relationship or my decisions. My decisions are mine to make and out of respect for all will not be the topic of discussion). Then live your life as an example. You don't have to explain it or defend it. Do what you do that makes you happy and then live happy. Noticeably happy.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

okay


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I blocked out a conversation with my mother last night when she brought up the issue of homosexuality. I agree with you. It is better this way.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

My older sister made statements on her facebook today that came out biphobic. She's a lesbian and still comes out biphobic even though she dated a lesbian. I find her positions on some things to be self-contradictory.

She claims she can't be biphobic since she dated a bisexual. But then turns around and says that Christians who believe that homosexuality is a sin regardless of whether they have homosexual friends and family or not are automatically homophobic. She sounds like a Dan Savage.

I guess if there are heroes in the real world, there have to be villains too.

Sorry, I'm talking too much. You're right. I should avoid conversations about anything dealing with sexuality.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Maybe not stay away completely, just chose your audience. It will be a small list of people who can have a decent conversation and accept your opinion even if they do not agree with it. I find that even people that I do agree with have views that are different from my own and that is okay. I am not looking to build a club of minds that are exactly like mine. Good thing since I don't believe there are other minds exactly like mine anyway. Never apologize for speaking to me. I enjoy your talks.

As far as your sister goes, so many of us do not have a clear enough view of ourselves to see exactly how we contradict ourselves. I think that is funny. Contradiction is human nature. We are always changing after all.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

"Everybody lies." - Greg House

Any way, I deleted my facebook account. It's useless to me.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

"Never apologize for speaking to me. I enjoy your talks."

I wish I could speak with you in person some day but if your hubpages location doesn't lie, then regretfully, we live on opposite sides of the country (I'm from AZ).


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I actually enjoy my facebook but it stays drama free. I could understand how some let it go. I keep mine generic and limit the personal information. I use it to share photos and stories much like a yearbook. Keep up with old friends etc. I use msg a lot with my friends that like to or want to just talk.

My location does not lie. Your comment is very sweet. I am flattered and I appreciate it. With the distance it looks like relying on technology is the only choice for this friendship.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Yeah. Sometimes social networking is good cause you can keep up with old friends, but there are other ways to do that as well.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I might decide to go with FSU for a master in religion. IDK. I think my family might be planning to move to Colorado but they might stay here. Poor college students like myself tend to go where family goes unless their family can support them elsewhere. My older sister lived in Tucson (away from home near Phoenix) going to U of A. I go to ASU right now.

http://religion.fsu.edu/graduate_fields.html

It looks like the stuff at FSU is better any way...


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I tend to be distant and a bit of a loner so social networking works well for me.

Sounds like you have some options to sift thru for college.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

just a master's program.

fsu seems to be looking for people with outstanding grades. i have a 3.65 and got 4 a's and a b this recent semester. hardly what would be considered "outstanding".


newenglandsun 3 years ago

hmm...wouldn't this be an interesting book to write about for someone doing a research paper pertaining to religion and trying to make a comparison to something in fantasy?

http://www.amazon.com/The-Complete-Star-Wars-Encyc...

I know my Islam in the Modern World professor last semester made a Star Wars comparison between Wookiees and Muslims in discussing whether or not Muslims were violent or started out that way. James F. McGrath blogs on his Patheos blog a lot about religion and sci-fi so it's been done before by people studying religion.

The history and ethnography of religions program looks intriguing.

Sorry, fiction helps me connect to reality a lot. I'm a huge fantasy nerd when it comes to genres. Although your book looks interesting too.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

The bible has been the inspiration for many stories both fiction and non-fiction. I relate a lot to fiction too so there is no reason to apologize. I don't know much about fantasy yet but I do love the art and imagination.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Fantasy is a genre that incorporates the supernatural as if it happens in every day of life.

The first definition of fantasy from dictionary.com is "imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained". This is pretty much what fantasy is.

Winnie the Pooh would be a classic example of children's fantasy where the imagination runs wild allowing the stuffed animals to talk. The Chronicles of Narnia is another great example where a magical portal is opened up to the fictional land of Narnia.

The Lord of the Rings of course is a very classic fantasy where wizards have magical powers. From Sauron to Sarumon to Gandalf. Even magical rings.

Sometimes fantasy incorporates gods and goddesses into it and this would make Homer's The Iliad and The Odyssey classical examples of fantasy. Basically, magic or some other supernatural or surreal theme incorporating the imagination into it makes something fantasy.

There are many sub-genres of fantasy as well. High fantasy, low fantasy, contemporary fantasy, science fantasy, dark fantasy.

http://www.cuebon.com/ewriters/Fsubgenres.html

This has more of the fantasy genres.

Have you read any of Jerry Spinelli's books? Maniac Magee and Loser made me cry.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I found this genius song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qz8xWRyx7iU

Ever feel like that sometimes? My older sister looks at lesbian porno and claims to be in favor of LGBT rights all the while making them look bad. Comes out as a man hater making feminists look bad and is way too much on the "politically correct" end of the spectrum. Meanwhile, my parents want everyone to live a life of Christian faith and believe that if one announces a conversion to Islam, that means that they're now all of a sudden a terrorist that wants to blow up America (can't say I blame the ACTUAL terrorist groups that base their assaults on America due to their Islamic faith especially the September 11 attacks). Or that there are people in this world that want to destroy people's faith. Thus, on the very far piously correct side. Leaving me as the "evil" (I prefer misunderstood, personally) one.

Sorry, I'm not certain why I considered either uber far politically correct side or uber far piously correct side with the "correct". These sides are hardly ever "correct" about anything. No joke, sometimes I long to just live on my own away from my family. I mean they're my family but I hate being pushed around feeling like I have to take their side or any side for that matter.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

can i talk? i feel empty...


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Yes. You can always.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I haven't done any community service in a long time. I want to do some and I feel like I've wounded myself.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I haven't done any in a long while either. It provides a different feeling doesn't it. Has a way of putting things in perspective. I recommend you do it. Wounding ourselves is natural. We do it all the time. Makes for great stories sometimes.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I am from an Evangelical Protestant upbringing but am exploring Roman Catholicism right now. I always hear from my father especially how Roman Catholics struggle with works. But it'd be like if I only had faith that I was married. If one only has faith that they are married then the marriage will break because nothing holds it up.

Service to others is missing from me. When I'm not serving, it's like I'm not even existing. When I just accept free gifts, it leaves a hole in me. A tremendous hole.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Religion is a title, nothing more. People often use titles for stereotypes that you do not have to chose to abide by. Giving to and helping others is not tied to any particular religion. It is part of a spirit. If there is a void, fill it as soon as you can.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I'm taking a philosophy of religion class right now. Religion is no noun. Religion is a verb. It is what you do for a living. I used to despise religion until I learned what I hated was a noun and not a verb. If people call me religious, I want them to do it based not on my superstition but based on my doing.

No, giving and helping others is tied to religion. I made a decision to explore Roman Catholicism when I found they did the most out of all religions.

You need to think of religion as a verb. It comes from a word meaning re-read and was understood by some of the Church fathers to mean "draw oneself back to God".

"we had detached ourselves and lost hold of Him—being, I say, re-attached to Him, we tend towards Him by love, that we may rest in Him, and find our blessedness by attaining that end." (Augustine, City of God Book X, Chapter 3)

"For, that man might be intelligent in his self-love, there was appointed for him an end to which he might refer all his actions, that he might be blessed. For he who loves himself wishes nothing else than this. And the end set before him is to draw near to God. And so, when one who has this intelligent self-love is commanded to love his neighbor as himself, what else is enjoined than that he shall do all in his power to commend to him the love of God? This is the worship of God, this is true religion, this right piety, this the service due to God only."


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I like your description of religion as a verb. I know that people practice religion which qualifies it as a verb but the spirit of helping and giving exist independently of any religion. One verb can exist completely separate from the other. They are not tied together, that your choice of religion makes it a point to help more than the others does not disqualify individuals from the other religions to help just as much. It also doesn't mean that organizations with no religious standing exist that are helping more.

I am not against religion, it just doesn't suit me personally. It hinders my choice to keep an open mind, accept people equally as they are, and keep myself from limitations.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

"The dignity of the human person is rooted in his creation in the image and likeness of God (article 1); it is fulfilled in his vocation to divine beatitude (article 2). It is essential to a human being freely to direct himself to this fulfillment (article 3). By his deliberate actions (article 4), the human person does, or does not, conform to the good promised by God and attested by moral conscience (article 5). Human beings make their own contribution to their interior growth; they make their whole sentient and spiritual lives into means of this growth (article 6). With the help of grace they grow in virtue (article 7), avoid sin, and if they sin they entrust themselves as did the prodigal son to the mercy of our Father in heaven (article 8). In this way they attain to the perfection of charity." (Catechism, 1700)

Yes, other religions can also help others but I cannot think of a religion that has done more for other people. Buddhism and Hinduism are more individualistic, Islam and Judaism have focused more on their own people, Protestantism has grown stale, Eastern Orthodoxy is mostly philosophical, atheists and agnostics just like to harp about how evil religion is. Roman Catholicism is more like a boat.

http://img1.etsystatic.com/006/4/6279013/il_570xN....

Yeah, there's been some tough sailing with inquisitions. But it's the only boat that I can actually see going any where.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

:) then use it as the vehicle to meet your goals for giving. I admire your desire to find a like minded group.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I've been trying to memorize the Hail Mary right now, lol.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou amongst women,

and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

pray for us sinners,

now and at the hour of our death. Amen.


newenglandsun 3 years ago


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

How different those two songs are from each other. :)


newenglandsun 3 years ago

The second one seems to me to be about a man who has become tormented in that he cannot find true love and every time he tries, he harms his lovers, so becomes a rapist unintentionally.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Yes, I heard. Calls it his demon. Everyone has their own darkness. I suppose the strong or the fortunate keep control enough over their darkness to not let them become actions against others. I don't believe in unintentional. I believe in choice and action.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

How do you know he was among the strong?

"Those who habitually lack the use of reason are considered to be incapable of a delict, even if they violated a law or precept while seemingly sane." (Code of Canon Law, 1322)

It is unfair to say that a man born mad can honestly have the potential to make rational decisions on his own in the same way others can.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Those born mad are an exception to the rule and are not as common as those that are driven mad by life which is a loss of control. I know that he was not among the strong but I wouldn't say that those that chose to discontinue struggling for control can be excused from accountability. People do this a lot with children... enable them. Letting go of control is the easy part but the consequence eventually come and they are high.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

But then we are also faced with the question of intention. Maybe he is trying to control himself. You are not him. One must show compassion.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I am not as cold and judgemental as I seem in these writings and I don't hold others to the standards that I hold myself too but I am a small woman and I know what I can chose they can chose. My fight with my darkness belongs to me. That they attack me is acceptable, that they would attack you is not and weather you knew it or not I would die or surrender myself before I would allow you to be hurt by them. Most of what I say is only my perspective not a generalization of what I think they should do. The fact remains that it is still a choice.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I believe in full empathy although if my life was threatened, I would defend myself any way I could. Showing compassion and empathy does not sacrifice self-defense although my own mother thinks that this is so.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Don't forget to say the Hail Mary.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou amongst women,

and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

pray for us sinners,

now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

I ALMOST have it memorized! I keep messing up on the firts and lsat lines though :(


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

When I was designated catholic by my family, I was a bad one. I didn't memorize or use any of these scripted prayers. Hahaha... You will do fine because it is something that you want to succeed in. If you have the rest just focus on the last line a bit.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

What made you leave Catholicism?


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Nothing there to keep me. Religion in general doesn't keep me for too long.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Me, I stopped searching. They require you to believe that the human race shares a single pair of ancestors. PZ Myers though shows why that is false.

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2010/10/24/sund...

Their attempts to reconcile their theology with the facts are pitiful and come out racist. I wouldn't say I abandoned Catholicism. I'd say Catholicism abandoned me. I'd rather die having knowledge of the material than eradicating my entire knowledge of the material to devote it to a tug of war between God and science. So right now, I'd say God hates me. Pondering suicide again...


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

You may not like what I have to say... this life is hard. Its hard on the mind, on the body, and on the soul. The world is huge and harsh. I truly think that our purpose had nothing to do with figuring out how it all works, not by Science or by God.

That being said, any moron can end their life. For a thinker like you, I doubt that it would satisfy you and since we can never know how all of this works no one can assure you that your consciousness will not exist, tormenting you, even after you gave up your shell. It is my personal feeling that the only ones who can safely check themselves out of this life are the ones with minds that do not long for knowledge or understanding. It's just like will and thought... seeking to understand is both a gift and a curse.

Oh... in case you are wondering... I believe that our purpose is to shrink our world and make connections that lead to our personal peace. It requires acceptance but not understanding.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Right now, I think you're a bitch. And I hate you. But later on, I'll have my head on straight and I'll think you're some sort of angel who fell out of Heaven at just right the time. I've always pondered the question of what's on the other side but I've always been a coward.

I'm certain there are so many who have walked my shoes before. My guess is that I'm at the stage where I am trying to figure out what I believe and just need to keep moving with it. I wish you would just let me take the easy way out.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I am a constant. I sit out the storms so I don't mind that you hate right now. I don't walk away when its easy and I while I am not harsh, I don't protect people from the truth.

Honestly, I would rather see you denounce the world around you, society, and its religions and go live in a simple country, in an earthen home, surrounded by nature and people of an entirely different culture before I would see you take the 'easy' way out. Hasn't this life already proven to you that there is nothing easy.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Meh,

I was banned from this forum recently. Not that I really care. A lot of my questions were just misinterpreted any way as simply "deliberate attacks on Catholicism".

http://forums.catholic.com/

All honesty, I didn't think they were attacks at all. Mere questions stemming from perhaps an overly curious mind. Religions and their attacks on doubters.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I don't know why but my questions always seem to be turned into threats due to some bozo who's not really the most empathetic of the human species.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

All honesty, when it comes to religion, much of the time, I feel like the girl in the song.

"Judgment looms under every steeple, with lofty glances from lofty people, who can't see past the scarlet letter, and they've never even met [him]"


newenglandsun 3 years ago

That is, "threats on their faith".

Sorry, so many comments recently. I had more of a thought-line than I had originally thought.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Never apologize. I like your comments. It is very flattering that you chose to always come back and talk to me. My Dad used to defend his position so blindly that he wouldn't even entertain the information being presented to him, not by me or others. Now, he will at least hear me but he still doesn't hear others. I think that is true of all people, they often get so blinded in their efforts to defend their position that they often become unreasonable, hostile, and violent when their position is threaten even if it is threaten by truth.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I love that song. It's a good group. I heard the melody while reading the words.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

What religious beliefs of your father?


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I had some time to think myself and I wrote this

http://newenglandsun.wordpress.com/2013/09/18/mono...

and now am considering converting to Catholicism again albeit an Eastern Rite Church. Perhaps a Maronite, Byzantine, or Chaldean. Did you know you have a Maronite Catholic Church near you?

http://www.saintjudechurch.org/index.php


newenglandsun 3 years ago

And a Byzantine Church too.

http://orlandobyzantine.com/

I have a Byzantine and Maronite Church as well near me in Phoenix.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

My Dad is a Pentecostal pastor. I visited St Jude Church before. My husband used to have an attachment to anything related to St. Jude.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

The holiness movement. Pentecostals are always very...hyper. Not formal. I could never be a Pentecostal.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hahaha... yes there are many things said about them. I certainly don't fit in well. Do you find it odd that I don't want to be in any?


newenglandsun 3 years ago

The link for Pastor Terry in this writing of yours sends us to Living Water Fellowship Assemblies of God. I don't find it odd that you don't want to be in a Pentecostal Church. I find it odd that you attend one in the first place.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Attended. This is where the human aspect comes in. It felt more like a non-denominational. He didn't subject himself or his church to the stereotypes of the religious title he chose. He was extremely active in helping the community around him and his work had meaning beyond the scope of religion. The actions he took in real life, beyond the bible, is what called to me. This was in my old area. I have not been anywhere since I moved away. This month makes a year.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Ah, that explains that. You still in central Florida though, right? Unless you haven't updated that?

I always picture you as more leaning toward Catholic or Orthodox living a monastic life. More of a mystic.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Yes, I am still in Central Florida, just over an hour away from where I once was.

I am the type that could abandon society and live in nature, visit the monks of other countries, or live in simplicity among traditional people in a valley by a stream somewhere. Still I do not fit the monastic lifestyle because while I do like my spirituality and follow my own path, I like people in small quantities of different varieties. I am a bit of a loner but I was not made to be completely alone or surrounded by others who all believe the same things and am no where near as dedicated to one thought as needed to become a nun... lol. I am more of a nomadic gypsy tho I prefer to remain uncategorized.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Nay. I can still picture you as a nun.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I got a C- on my philosophy of religion test today....I was preparing for it and was preparing to write short answer questions when it was really all multiple choice and some answers had multiple correct answers with some being more correct than others. Concepts such as monolatrism and henotheism.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I am sure I would get kicked out of the nunery... I don't like clothes in mass quantities...

Sounds like the test format caught you off guard. I am sure you can make it up. You seem to have a passion about religion. Nice venting tho. First step to a clear mind.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Maybe. I think professor gives lots of extra credit opportunities on our assignments.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Apparently, my score got bumped up to a C+ (157.5 out of 200 as opposed to 143.5 out of 200 both with 17 possible extra credit points). Then, I found that the average score was 136 out of 200. So I was above average any way. Then...professor gave us 25 extra points which means the new median score is 161, not 136 and that would bump the grade I got to about a 182.5. So I didn't do as atrocious as I thought. Our professor was saying he was surprised at how many people thought the AIDS question was related to free will theodicy (AIDS is God's punishment on us). Either way though, I want to study hard though for the next exam. I have a Biblical Hebrew exam this week (we all bombed our first quiz, but I got the highest grade with a 50%).


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Sounds like he gave the extra points because of the amount of people who understood the same thing. The numbers show that the group as a whole did not get the teaching needed to excel in the test, so technically you would have aced it had it been a fitting test. Congrats!


newenglandsun 3 years ago

He told us that a lot of our answers reflected our biases more-so than what he taught us.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Nah, I don't think the clothes of a nun would bother you at all.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hahaha, your teacher is funny. If the questions allowed for biases then his test was too subjective and didn't represent factual information. His reason still points to a flaw in the test itself.

The nun clothes thing.... obviously written before the swimsuit conversation started hahaha.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Nah. I can see why some people would put their biases into the test. He's told me that a lot of my posts are really great. Such as my political connection of atheism. I also pointed out Tolstoy's Russian Orthodoxy to another student who was asking if Tolstoy's faith story was reflective of Evangelical Christianity. Our professor has constantly warned us about not putting our own biases onto the material. We are allowed to disagree with the views of the philosophers, we need to accurately understand their views though. I don't think too many have gotten that yet.

Nun clothes are hardly swimsuits @_@


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I have a birthday coming up in two weeks! Yay! Which means I get birthday money and hopefully an Amazon gift card. I so want to get this book by Joseph Ratzinger.

http://www.amazon.com/Introduction-Christianity-Ed...


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

There are ways to ask both open ended and multiple choice questions that make it clear that factual information is the only correct answer but I know that there is a lot of gray area there. Not having taken the test, I could only go by the trend set in the results.

October birthday, very nice.... I love Amazon too.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

There was plenty of factual answers on the test. Not being in the class, you can't really make a statement about how the students were basing a lot of their stuff on their own biases rather than on what we learned in lectures.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I like the way that Pope Benedict XVI (and all the recent Popes for that matter - Francis I, John Paul II) paint a beautiful picture of God's love.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

It's almost as if the Catholics and the Orthodox worship a different God than the Protestants.

My cousin is very fundamentalist and recently defended the position of God's anger and wrath - much to my horror obviously.

http://www.kirstenkline.com/2013/10/04/when-god-ge...


newenglandsun 3 years ago

My relatives who are more fundamentalist in their approach to Christianity, I honestly consider in a far worse position than my older sister who is an atheist. She might be searching in the wrong places but at least she's searching which will eventually lead her back to his love. My fundamentalist family such as my grandparents, my cousin, my uncle, they just have given up searching altogether, haven't resorted to mysticism of any such, and think they have already discovered "truth".

Theotokos God-bearing Maid, rejoice, grace-filled Mary, the Lord with thee. Praised thou among women, and praised the fruit of thy womb, because it was the Saviour of our souls that thou barest.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I remember reading that we were made in his image, so I really don't see why people would believe God to be unchangeable and unable to make mistakes of any kind especially when humans are so fantastically flawed and almost require lessons in hindsight. God's anger, his wrath, his love... it sounds a lot like ours and is probably influenced by the current situation much like it is with us. He, being the creator, may just not be as hard headed as we are. Just a thought, not a belief that invites the burden of any proof.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

This might help.

http://www.oodegr.com/english/ag_grafi/pd/genesis/...

If God was imperfect, then his sacrifice would not have been perfect.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I learned something about clerical celibacy today. Apparently, when it talks about celibacy in some Eastern Rite traditions (Eastern Catholicism and Eastern Orthodox), it is referring to celibacy being seen as a consequence of obligation to continence.

Interesting. I had always thought celibacy meant refraining from marriage. This explains why Peter and at least 11 of the apostles (not John though) were married and yet somehow priestly celibacy was still the norm.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Oh, I'm attending my first Mass on the 27. A Byzantine Mass. I heard Eastern Catholics are quite serious about these so I thought I'd dress up for it too.

The Greek Hail Mary is easier to remember.

"Theotokos Virgin, rejoice, Mary full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, for you have borne the Saviour of our souls."


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Wow, how did it go? Did you enjoy it?


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Silly, the 27 is *this* Sunday.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Okay, correction, it's actually *divine liturgy*. Mass is actually a western term and is improper to use of an Eastern Christian service.

It went well. There were babies crying which made it difficult to keep up with the non-stop chanting. I met the bishop and the priest though.

http://newenglandsun.wordpress.com/2013/10/28/my-f...


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I talked with a priest last night. He comes from an Assemblies of God background. Used to be very anti-Catholic.

He told me to wait three months before making a decision.

Encouraged me to come to classes.

So I guess I will be becoming a Greek Catholic.

Oh, this was actually a different Church than the other one so the bishop wasn't at this one.

I would highly recommend reverting back to Catholicism for you. There's no rule that you have to be a good one.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Talking is always good. Thinking is as well. Making a decision... while you should be committed, these decisions do not have to be permanent. Why would you have me align myself with any religion? Is it really that odd to you that I chose to remain undesignated?


newenglandsun 3 years ago

It is odd to me, I'll admit that. But I've always pictured you as one who would lean toward Catholic if anything.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I try to be evangelical. I would definitely like to explore more rites than just the Byzantine Rite. I think the Catholic Church is perfect in this sense in that adherents to the Catholic faith can explore various different expressions of the faith. It's nice, quiet, and beyond the Bible (sola scriptura is heresy even). I can highly imagine you as a Catholic. Not a Greek Catholic like myself though. I've pictured you more-so as Roman Catholic to be perfectly honest, and, when you noted your familiarity with St. Jude, Maronite.

Also, if I do end up going to FSU (my dad was being goofy asking me the other day how I was going to get there when I told him that was my plan - he's always a pain in the neck/a$$ - so I told him I would have to move to Florida first), I would like someone to take me to an Eastern Catholic Church in the Summer especially if there are none in Tallahassee. Call me crazy now. Or extraordinarily deluded. Or just maligned in the head.


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

I wouldn't call you crazy or deluded, hahaha. It is healthy to have curiosities and interest so long as they do not hold the power to destroy you should you be disappointed. Religion is man made and anything man made has to be flawed since we are. I find it beautiful. It is odd to me that you can picture me as anything having never known me. I am little more than an idea...


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Yes you are. I should know that by now. However, you are incorrect to say that religion is man-made. Jesus is God and he made the Catholic (a word which means "Universal" so use that if you must) faith.

Although I'm leaning toward the Catholic University of America now which is in Hell, United States. Some know this city better when referred to this picture.

http://blog.appszoom.com/wp-content/uploads/white-...

My plans right now look like this.

http://newenglandsun.wordpress.com/2013/11/13/choo...


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hahaha... The picture only brings this to mind...

http://thetippingpoint-blog.blogspot.com/2012_11_0...


newenglandsun 3 years ago

The one thing the Republocrats both agree on - "An idiot must rule!"


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Rule is a strong word. One person has not had that power in many years here. The office is just an icon to me.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Well, the only reason why no one has had that power is because they all realize they are both evil and stupid even though both hate each other.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

My goofy philosophy of religion professor was showing his biasedness today. I haven't gotten too many professors who aren't biased in some way. He's a Jew so he throws some Jewish apologetics into his lectures. This lecture he was commenting on how Christians and Muslims are bad with tolerance and just want to kill each other over minuscule things (obviously hasn't explored either crusades or inquisitions in depth which are often simplified by non-historians as *just* that). Then acting like Jews have done nothing wrong (not what the Muslims say in Palestine, but...err...okay!).


newenglandsun 3 years ago


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Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

No one can hide their bias for too long. It is in our nature to debate and hang on to the biases that make up who we are. I never disagreed with that. I find it funny. What I don't like is oppression. The part of humanity that insist that they have a right to fight or attack and shun those that do not agree with a belief or way of life. I never understood how that is justified in someone's mind. He sounds like a funny professor.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

I thought you were commenting on my wordpress which I actually wrote partially in response to your hub.

I'm glad we can both have the freedom to disagree on epistemologies. We are both seekers in my opinion.


newenglandsun 3 years ago

Why does my professor make his tests so HARD! I STUDY ALL DAY for the test and I get a LOUSY C! ALL DAY AND GET A C?!?

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mrslagibb 3 years ago

i feel the same way as you do. I never push religion on to others unless they want to talk about it and even then i do not push i just listen to their beliefs. I have different opinions of churches even thought I was brought up as RC. To me you carry your church with you in your heart to me that is true religion is to love one another is that not what it is all about.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

I did comment on your wordpress Daniel and the best conversations happen between two people who can respect their differences of opinion. As far as your grade goes, your professor challenges you. It sounds like he is brushing up some of your valuable virtues. I am sure you will be fine.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Lovely to meet you mrslagibb. We agree. Love is the only truth!


newenglandsun 2 years ago

Love is unfortunately also the most poorly defined truths in our world. Love is also something that we humans are better at speaking but not at doing. Like faith, it is a verb, not a noun. Love is what we do and faith is what we do.

"Faith is the highest passion in a human being. Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further."

"Don't forget to love yourself."

"Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays."

"Without risk, faith is an impossibility."

All from Soren Kierkegaard.

Note: We're all hypocrites when we say something.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

How do you believe in God still after your husband died?


newenglandsun 2 years ago

http://photos1.meetupstatic.com/photos/member/a/1/...

Wanted to comment on this picture. If this is you (and I'm fairly certain it is), you have way too much eye make-up on.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

Oh, yes. I saw the date of this post here.

http://lissetteriena.blogspot.com/2011/09/freebie-...

I nearly cried. 3 days before his death and you were getting him something special out of your heart.

I don't believe you when you say "It is my honest opinion that God is great". Just be honest with yourself.

Even this Eastern Orthodox friar whose blog I follow is more honest than you. And he's a friar if I haven't pointed that out yet.

http://afkimel.wordpress.com/2013/12/25/a-childs-c...

His son died. Read the homily he wrote for his son's funeral if you can.

http://afkimel.wordpress.com/2013/05/05/a-paschal-...


newenglandsun 2 years ago

I'm sure he would also appreciate your condolences on his about page.

http://afkimel.wordpress.com/about/


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

I have to agree. Love is very misunderstood and overcomplicated by people. It seems that here it is more about receiving it then giving it unconditionally to others. The ability to change is part of human nature. We change our minds, we change our paths. It makes us seem like hypocrites many times.

Sigh... That is a good question. How do I still believe? I believe in a source for good. I have had good in my life throughout. I have seen a lot of darkness and such but it doesn't change that good exists. I didn't get much time with my husband but they were good times. It's almost certain that more time would have introduced complications and dark days along with more good times since that is the nature of life. Death is a natural part of life... I do not blame... I would gladly take a few of the worst moments in life in order to have had the good moments that I have had.

Hahaha, it is me. I don't wear make up daily and when I do it is usually light. This time I tried darker shades. I don't like dark colors in make up. It shows too much no matter how little I use.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

The abrupt nature of death sometimes... I appreciate the reminder. Yes, I am grateful that I was loving to him throughout and do not have to deal with the guilt and regret of having treated him coldly or not giving him my best before he died. I never hated God for what life brought me thru. I did grow cold at times. I did disconnect but I never placed the blame on him so much so that I would live my life hating him. I am often indifferent which I am not sure is a good thing. With free will, I believe that we are placed here to create our own paths. Where they lead, what happens, and how we react to it I don't believe are pre-ordained. I visited the links... I will read more afkimel soon.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

I wish they (your husband and Aidan Kimel's son) were still alive. But at the same time, I envy them. I never met them so I don't know why.

If my hypothetical wife were to die, I don't think I'd be able to say that I'm just happy I have the memories.

It's interesting to see how you and Fr. Kimel both turned your losses into really productive opportunities.

I ordered your book by the way. I was telling a Catholic writer about your book as well. He congratulates you on your publication.

I can't wait to dissect your mind even further by reading it. Literature always allows to see how people's minds function.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Faith is a funny thing Daniel. You do not need much of it, there is no ideal amount, and there is no wrong or right way of expressing it. It is natural to lose it and falter. Love is selfless. If there is any faith in me at all that there is a better place or that there is a such thing as spiritual freedom, than it would be selfish of me to keep them here. It would be self centered to not let the pain of losing them go. I try to love as closely to the true intention of the word - unconditionally and unselfishly. He wasn't mine to posses but he was mine to enjoy, while I had him. I would not wish that they were still here. There are worse things down here than death. I believe that there is a price to be paid for the things that we force so I tend to go with the flow. I can see many reasons they are to be envied. Maybe for the mark that they left in the world. In your case, maybe it could be because they escaped the world that you see yourself stuck in.

I am happy that I have the memory and the story to tell. When I say that, what I really mean is that the memory is worth more to me. I could have locked everyone away to protect myself from hurt, pain, and loss but some things are worth the price and those 3 tormentors find there way to you either way, so why not take the memories and good things along the way?

My poetry here gives you a much better view of my mind than anything you will read in that book. I pulled from the dark parts of human nature to write it. There are touches of me here and there but it is not true to life for me.

I am grateful to the Catholic writer for his kind words. Although, I am sure, it is not the book for him. I am not sure if it will be for you either since it highlights things you hate about this world. I am flattered that you wanted to find it tho.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

Crime and Punishment by Fyodr Dostoevsky highlights things I hate about the world. So does his Grand Inquisitor character in The Brother's Karamazov. It is how the author deals with the problem that I want to see.

Congratulations for you, the book will allow me to peer into another area of your head. How you reflect on human nature and its darker parts specifically. I can't wait to read it.

He's more of a sci-fi/fantasy writer but I think he would love your book if he wanted to read it as well.

http://brianniemeier.com/nethereal/


newenglandsun 2 years ago

I worry about your will to just let go and move on from your husband's death. Love is sacrifice. Love is unity. You say "soul mate" but then you just let go? It doesn't make sense.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/badcatholic/2013/04/d...

http://afkimel.wordpress.com/2013/04/01/unless-lov...

I can say what love is but if I was married and my wife died, I wouldn't just simply be happy and okay with that. If I love truly, then when that someone I loved truly died, I would not be satisfied until I was dead with them.

And such, God did not just watch his humans suffer, God went and suffered with them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WosgwLekgn8

I'm not sure I get you. I waver between absolutely hating you and calling you out and challenging you as a hypocrite and between desiring and enabling you to build you up to what you can be. One case would mean you have standards which you fail to live up to and I wish I could help. The other instance would make you a liar and a faker.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

Lissette says: "I could have locked everyone away to protect myself from hurt, pain, and loss but some things are worth the price and those 3 tormentors find there way to you either way,"

I HAVE NOT LOCKED MYSELF AWAY! DAMN YOU AND YOUR LYING MISREPRESENTATION! I HATE YOUR FALSE ACCUSATIONS!


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

You may never understand me Daniel and that is okay. Many do not. It shouldn't make you angry. That I am misunderstood does not mean that I am false or need fixing. I am at peace and content. I will not be swayed by the views of others especially those who have not found their own peace. I find more hypocrisy in your desire to fix me. Still, while this response will be passionate, it is not angry. I think we are, however, entering a heated discussion.

Soul mates - this is subjective. It is defined by different people in different ways. I do not believe that in a world of billions upon billions of people there exist one person that has the soul that you are to find. I believe that there are small groups of kindred spirits that, once connected, can live out a long period of time in peace, love, and happiness. I believe that these souls were destined to meet and fill in different areas of your life... ie... my daughter, my mother, my closest friends. All different connections meant to be mates to my soul.

My husband was loved immensely (5 yrs). I am not happy or okay that he died but death is a part of life. I loved a man once before him (8 yrs). One did not take the place of the other and I will love them always. I have loved many others on different levels (friends, family, strangers in need of support). They will all flow in and out of my life and sometimes it will hurt more than others but I will still love. It was what I was designed for. To ask me to live on with out the ones I have loved is hard enough but to ask me to let go of who I am, to condemn me to a life with no joy. Do you really think that someone who loved me would want that for me? I never planned to love any of the people that I have loved. Although I do not look for it, should another man come into my life with the spirit and purity of heart to stir me, then I will have a 3rd long story.

Your reactions are extreme. You go from very positive towards me to extremely negative. Save your hatred for the evil. That you take my words so deeply is a type of honor. Your reactions reveal you. Turmoil? Maybe angry? My comments were not accusations. They were about me. What you saw in them is not because of me.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Friendly debates are fun tho they can become heated.

I do not try to sway your view but do not sway mine.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

I'm sorry. I should have treated you with more mercy. I am going to be taking a 30 day or so break. Only internet activity will be for school and managing my own blog. When I come back, maybe I'll have found myself. I am passionate.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Mercy is a thing usually or most commonly shown by those that are above others or have power over others like Judges, life takers, Kings, and God. I do not require mercy. I would settle for not being judged. Take as long of a break as you need. I will not judge. Passion is an amazing thing but then so is control.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

you are right. i'm a hypocrite. i can't even maintain my 30 day break faithfully (hence why i'm coming back now).

i think this is okay since i start school again the 13 and will have plenty of refreshing breaks in a state of solitary study especially writing papers outside of class.

i'm not certain if you got the e-mail i sent you recently but i wrote these two blog posts about you.

http://newenglandsun.wordpress.com/2014/01/06/my-i...

http://newenglandsun.wordpress.com/2014/01/08/the-...

one of my professors has a master's in the classics (i can personally see you studying the classics) and is having us read plato, plutarch, xenophon, and arrian (ancient historians and philosophers). this is my professor for ancient greece.

i've been trying to do some self-finding and i've realized recently that i'm actually happy we've found at least one thing we can disagree on. if we couldn't disagree on anything, i think you would be the most boring person in the world.

i cried the other night. i don't know why. it was about robert because his presence is no longer in this world. i never met him so i'm trying to figure out why i cried. maybe i'm sensitive about these things?

i can't wait for my other history classes. i'm studying witchcraft and christianity in the atlantic, europe's reformations, and ancient greece in terms of history. i'm studying biblical hebrew with my first hebrew professor who's just come back from her sabbatical (i've made my sole goal in life at this point to translate her book "le representation du divin dans les recits du pentateuque" from french to english and if that's the only thing i accomplish in life, that would be fine). i'm also taking her class on judaism and the origins of christianity and am taking another course on existentialism.

i feel happy sometimes and i feel sad sometimes and i don't really know why. mercy is not judging. you have shown me much mercy. i'll comment here every now and again but i'm afraid my studies this semester might end up consuming me which is fine to have the break.

i love history. it is one of many fields that allow you to escape reality. literature, theology, and philosophy allow the same as well.

i was telling my counselor about what i wanted to do in the future with my education and i was saying that i want to pursue dual masters' degrees in history and ethnography of religion from florida state university and, now that i just discovered this program, their history and philosophy of science program as well.

after looking through the various school opportunities i have, fsu seems to be the one most inviting for myself.

sorry that i failed in my 30 day or so break but i think it's okay since school is starting up again and i'll be able to lock myself away further then. i may just start coming through every now and again.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

It makes us what we are... hypocrisy is a human trait. Not one of us is exempt from it. I think our quest not to be one while still seeing it in others gives it a negative spin when there should not be one. It should be treated as more of a fact. The rain is wet and people change. I wouldn't be so hard on anyone, especially yourself. You made a goal while you were in the thick of feeling something. That you realize that it doesn't work well for you is not a flaw, it does not attest to your faithfulness. You are using logic to justify change... one could accuse you of using wisdom.

I have yet to check my email but I have followed the link. I am flattered to have stirred those words up within you. How I am seen changes with the beholder. I enjoyed looking into your vision without your words, I would have never known. Rest at ease... you seek to save me from something that is no longer a threat to me. Don't let the pain that I have risen above become your cross to bare. It has no power over me and should not affect anyone who has crossed my path.

One of my favorite artistic periods is the Baroque period for many of the same reasons sited in your Rose piece. The art pieces often looked like still life. Fruit in a basket, flowers in a jar. For the few who looked closely, the art spoke of life and death, abundance and limitations. Among the ripe fruit, hidden just beneath the surface you would find the over ripped, the rotting, the bugs, and the webs. In the flowers you would find the evidence of death through wilting and the thorns on a rose sometimes with traces of blood from the last person that embraced it. I accept the Rose with much appreciation and gratitude. I see the beauty in the gift that you would give. As far as fading goes... any flower whether it has been plucked or not will fade back into the earth in time. It doesn't change its affect on us or its beauty and only through its demise or disappearance can it nourish the lives that follow it.

I would enjoy the greats. Perhaps, once I get more of my life in order, I will visit their tales.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

Sorry that yesterday wasn't a great day for you. You'll be a scholar some day. Your book came in yesterday. Started The Brothers Karamazov this week so I don't know when I'll be able to get around to reading it.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

I'm having father problems again. My Dad defends his position so blindly that he won't even entertain the information being presented to him.

No peace right now. Want to end my life. I just want to be held and loved by a hand that touches me.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

A scholar :)... one can hope. Your Father doesn't have to be won over just as you do not have to be won over to his views. I would like to see you place the value of your life in something a little more stable than current emotion or circumstance.

Love is the ultimate healer. If you are strong enough, maybe you could consider giving it to someone who needs it while you wait for the love that you are looking for.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

i dont know of anyone who needs it.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

a scholar in ancient history, ancient philosophy or theology, literature, or classics is what i can picture you in.

from what it looks like, if i don't go into theology immediately after graduating with my b.a.'s, i'll have to do another master's program any way in theology then the doctorate.

but that's assuming i'm around that long.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

st. jude is the patron saint of impossible causes.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

my dad just told me that my mom is trying to set up appointment to get me on meds. i dont like meds. ive heard too many horror stories for my tastes.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

I don't care for meds either but I don't reject all of them. I find other ways to handle the issues before I try meds most of the time but I will try them before I reject them. Horror stories are there for almost everything but some things are worth the risk if in fact they improve your life. You can always toss it if it doesn't.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

i'd rather try an exorcism first. i'm tired of so many mood swings. one moment, life is happy and great and then...the world collapses randomly.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

Perhaps you would benefit from shrinking your world. Its hard to collapse a small, more meaningful world chosen by you.

If it exists, I wish it for you. Soon.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

all we have to do is just think about it and it exists (ontological argument).


newenglandsun 2 years ago

I now attend a church at a cemetery. Shrinking my world does work quite well. Having you as a friend has been quite a blessing.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

How nice to see you D! I suppose it doesn't matter where it is as long as it suits your needs. I have made my life about the small things. Shrinking is great. I am happy that it is working for you.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

I'm still a cutter. There seems to be a new cut each week. The pain is never-ending. Auntie's in the hospital right now which is distressing me.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

The pain is as temporary as the shell that you are punishing. I can't say that I understand the battle you wage against your skin. I don't know about cutting. I am sorry to hear about your Aunt. Life is this great, delicate thing. Distress doesn't change the outcome. Your presence is more valuable to her than any time spent doing to yourself whatever distress would make you do. I hear people ask for prayers and I find myself often at a crossroads. The common prayer is to save the cancer ridden patient or the dying child, etc but release of this life and release of this shell promises no more pain or angst in this world so long as its time. So usually, I just pray that the best be done for the person who needs prayer.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

She is my godmother--I call her both "Auntie" and "Mother". A spiritual bond is much stronger than a mere physical bond.

She is getting operation this week. I'm scared i will lose her. She's scared she will lose me. Fear.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

A spiritual bond cant be broken by something as common as death, as for you... your mind will attack, that is how fear works. I am so sorry that you and she are going thru this.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

On a bright note--the priest at this Anglican Catholic parish wants to baptise me so I can partake in the eucharist, the real body and blood o f Jesus without which there is no life!


newenglandsun 2 years ago

She fell into a coma but she woke up from it and has made a marvelous recovery. I am so relieved but I miss her checking in on me. It was a big help to have her daily checking in on me. Not sure what I'd do without that.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

How is she? I hope the storm has passed.


newenglandsun 2 years ago

She's in a recovering stage...she's supposed to get back New Year's.


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Moms-Secret 2 years ago from Central Florida Author

That will be here in no time. The holidays make these months rush. Perhaps you can do something festive to honor her return? Does she like the holidays? Decorate her house, maybe?


newenglandsun 2 years ago

She lives in England far away from me...I suppose I could get her a stuffed animal or a cross. She's a devout Anglo-Catholic so she loves crosses. Or a statue/icon of the Virgin Mary. She's a devout Marian as well.


newenglandsun 23 months ago

How was your Christmas? I've been working on filling out application to grad school. My godmother is becoming a nun which sucks (for me). How is she supposed to be a mother to me?!?

I am having a problem and a love crisis right now. I am in love with my friend but I don't if she loves me. Then there's this other darling in her mid-30's whom I also have become infatuated with (that'd be you) though the age gap is quite a bit...IDK what to do, honestly. A tale of two women.


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Moms-Secret 23 months ago from Central Florida Author

Daniel... Mother Teresa was a Nun and a mother figure to many. I am sure your Godmother can handle both roles and I am sure that you are strong enough to evolve in your role and be a strong, self sufficient son to her.

As far as love goes, it is always a risk to reveal yourself to her. It's the part of love that makes us vulnerable but it isn't something that should be feared. People fear rejection but they do not realize that the consequence of rejection is being paid whether you reveal yourself or not. For example, today you are alone without her and if she does not feel the same about you, you will be alone without her. You have paid the consequence... what you are trying to figure out is if there is a possibility of a tomorrow with her.

There is no tale of two women. I am a voice in your head, an idea. Ideas are always perfect because they lack the details in reality that would taint them. The age would not have been the only obstacle. Tho I am flattered.


newenglandsun 23 months ago

Let's see...other obstacles: you're experiencing widowhood and as such probably will honour your husband as opposed to remarrying, you're a feminist and I'm not, you have a daughter and would prefer her to have a suitable man in her life, etc.


newenglandsun 23 months ago

my apologies for calling you "Mother" and I hope you don't mind if I continue to call you that. you see, though i've felt romantic feelings towards you, i've always considered you another mother. thanks for being my voice, Mother.


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Moms-Secret 22 months ago from Central Florida Author

That is a big compliment. Thank You.


newenglandsun 14 months ago

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?


newenglandsun 14 months ago

I sacrifice the queen here and win in 17 moves.

http://www.chess.com/forum/view/game-showcase/dead...

Epic, right? I like to pretend that I am the king sometimes and that a woman who is close to me and has been at my side protecting me in the past or in the present is the queen.


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Moms-Secret 14 months ago from Central Florida Author

I will sit and learn this one day. Right now I am under the weight of a great many demands. Legacy.


newenglandsun 12 months ago

how dost my lady?


newenglandsun 9 months ago

Ha ha, Legacy--this is my godmother (who I call "Mommy").

http://en.gravatar.com/jessica1hof

I have two pictures she has given me of herself personally but she's not wearing much if any make-up in them.

You two would be good friends by the way.


newenglandsun 9 months ago

http://www.stalbansfl.org/

Anglican liturgy--more kneeling than anything else so technically not a work-out :)

Quiet too.

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