Why do I believe in God
As I am a Christian believer, I cannot maintain myself from some thoughts and kinds of revelations that live in me and would like to share some of my experience with the rest of you. You may ignore my message and I will respect you choice and opinion. We all have the right to believe (or not) in what we will and only the future experience, events and personal encounter with God and death reveals whether I am right or not. Well, for the starters, why do I believe in God – Jesus Christ as a savior and redeemer of my soul?
I was born Lithuania at a time when we still were under the flag of the Soviet Union – occupied in other words. During my early life up until 1991 events that stirred and shattered the whole Soviet Union, I did not care about God or Jesus or other prophets as well. I was just a boy going to school, hanging out with my friends, watching my parents drink from time to time and trying to have fun (which involved going fishing, playing war games, playing football, basketball and the like).
As I was coming to the age of 14, my mother started seriously thinking to stop using alcohol, because clearly it was leading only one way. We went to some healthy living camp in Trakai – one of the finest small resorts in Lithuania. It was not a Christian camp, just some summer camp of grownups wishing to lead a healthy life with healthy soul and body. I found out that every man has a spirit and that his faith can do miracles – it’s obvious that this principle works everywhere. My mother also learned much about human soul. This healthy life stile was quite a new thing, because during the Soviet times nobody talked about nor practiced it, or he or she would be very soon going to the loony-bin for a very long time. As I look at it now, it seems those days were the first steps to knowing what I am, what is my purpose of life as well as what is God and how he works. Have in mind that I was just a boy of 13, so you could be right in saying that I was brainwashed at some point, because I still did not think for myself much at this age. However, I would like to make some preemption here and say that brainwashing is a thing done for a purpose, which is mostly money. Those people back there were not doing it for some money; they were just sharing their life experience and searching the truth – like every one of us.
After one year, the events of 1991 started happening – Lithuania declared it’s independence from the Soviet Union, thank God and “Hallelujah” I am crying in my heart as I write. For the first time after 50 occupation years, when half of the nation was exiled into Syberia, beaten and tortured in prisons, the rest were under severe brainwashing, propaganda, cheap alcohol befuddling and close observation. Believing in God was forbidden and the consequences for this were either exile or losing your job, being kicked out of a University and party, being mocked and scorned everywhere. Small groups of believers all over the Soviet Union as well as in Lithuania were gathering underground, and later in flats (under the supervision of militia).
Not going deeper into it, my mother went into one congregation of Christians on the autumn of 1991, at the dawn of Christianity revival in Lithuania. She simply accepted the message about Jesus Christ as a savior and redeemer. She went back, told me and my brother about it and we went there. I prayed a simple prayer, and I guess I did not understand much from what I prayed. We went back to our home and I watched my mother – she was changed, I could definitely say that. She quit smoking almost the next day, although before that she struggled with smoking for 5 years and did not manage to quit completely. She was just happy, as if she found 1 million dollar. She was happy because finally she knew her sins and mistakes in life were finally forgiven and there was someone who loved her unconditionally – Jesus Christ. It is the truth worth living for. That was not something only learned from – it was experienced to the utmost deep essence of her soul almost physically. And no – there was no hypnosis, make believe or whatever garbage you want to throw in right now. That makes a difference, because once you experience the utmost and ultimate love of God having heard or known almost nothing before that – believe me, you will never be the same, oh no.
And here comes my part and excuse me for such a long introduction. As for me, I took a small Bible (catholic edition) and started reading it. And then I felt and realized the power or presence of God in my room. I cannot explain it in other words – it was just something which you cannot describe with words. As if I experienced a pure and warm light and hope which I never knew of before and never realized it existed. The light full of deep and soul stirring love, faith, hope, compassion and warmth which ran through my soul and my veins, gently and at the same time powerfully illuminating every corner of my soul to the deepest parts. As if I touched, for the very first time, the essence of selfless and unconditional pure and innocent love of someone who is very powerful and very loving and cares about me. And that someone I found to be Jesus, who gave away his life for me. I had not experienced something like that in my life, I somehow knew that someone out there loved me.
The truth was not just learned – it was heavily experienced by my soul and body. I changed, my life changed, there finally was hope, which I did not have before that. I can’t say that everything before that was bad or something like that, no. My point is – Jesus Christ gave me such hope and love which my heart longed for all those years that the other things in life are just not that important.
Now I am 33, so it’s been 19 years since I believe in God. Was my faith shaken during this time, did I have doubts, did I sin? Yes of course, I would be lying if I said that everything was OK. However, looking back at my life, remembering all the things I prayed and got answers, all the coincidences which led me out of tough situations and all the love and peace that I felt during that time, it’s hard to say that no one is at it and everything is just mere coincidence. Jesus said you will know the tree by its fruit, so I look at my friends, who believe in the same God. Well, I don’t know about you, but I never had more selfless and loving friends since I can remember. The ones which accept you as you are and don’t leave you when you are facing hard tests of life. Those who also love God and speak that love by their actions, because actions speak louder than words. Those who never seek their own good. By the way, if you want to find out whether your friends are true just find yourself in a really hard situation – you may find, you don’t have any. It’s a hard truth to swallow, but we all just have to suffer a little bit and all the pleasant and lovely “how do you do? – oh great and how are you, etc…” disappear and all that is left is your belief – run and save yourself or run and save others. From what I saw I can testify – those who truly believe in God usually run and save others, because they already have been saved and loved and that’s what our savior commanded – love God and love others.
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Finally, I would like to end my writing with a simple thought I found when reading Blaise Pascal. It goes like this: if those 12 apostles witnessing about Jesus Christ and all other things were really lying, they would surely choose to tell the truth, when facing guaranteed death sentence with torture, because one will do anything to save himself and telling the truth at that point is a very easy part. Instead, they held firmly to their belief and did not renounce their faith to the death. Naturally one thought that occurs is either they were all mad which is hardly believable, or maybe they really knew the truth, saw and testified something so dear, loving, powerful, full of hope and life and filled with revelation – it was worth dying for. So they did – they died witnessing the same truth they knew and now I happened to know also.
I hope you enjoyed reading my writing and be blessed. You are welcome to tell me your opinion in comments section. I will respect it, whatever it might be.
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