The Choices We Make

The Choices we make.........

THE CHOICES WE MAKE.... I am sometimes intrigued by the choices we humans make; the choices we regret having made, more often than not. What governs our power to make any specific choice? Is it compulsion, love, mental block, 'need of the hour', an animal instinct or simply a human desire which pushes us in a direction, eventually leading to darkness, stifled cries and untold misery? Whatever the reason might be, the results are generally atrocious. How often we wish we could turn the clock back and undo what has been done? How often we twitch in grief regretting the relationships we entered into, the opportunities we missed, and so on and so forth. The list might be endless but do we ever take out a minute out of our busy schedules to ponder on this issue. How many of us really learn from our past mistakes and promise to ourselves never to take hasty or faulty decisions so as to salvage whatever we might be left with? One wrong decision can have such far reaching effects which most of us don't even comprehend while taking such a decision. It is sane to learn from one’s own mistakes but it is saner to learn from the mistakes which others make.

The Choices we make......

Do you often find yourself regretting the decisions you made in the past?

  • Yes
  • No
  • Never thought about it
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The choices we make

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Comments 40 comments

countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Anjali- I feel personally where we are is because of what we did earlier and where we will be tomorrow will depend on what we do now. If we do wrong things at the wrong time then somehow expect a right result then that doesn't happen.

Well my father used to say "If you don't take control of the situation then the situation takes control of you". I guess I just feel we should look at positives from every situation we face in life. Life is too short to be fretting and regretting over things which I have no control over once they are done with. I feel if I worry about that too much then even on things which I have control I will lose control over it. Anyway all things that have happened for me was for a reason and hopefully I have matured a little bit after every experience in life.


Mystyk profile image

Mystyk 7 years ago from Allendale

While at work one day i over heard two co-workers talking about bad choices in their past, and what they would change.. then one piped up and asked me what I would change if I could, and I surprised them with the answer that "I would not change not one single thing, after all, I am proud of who I am and all my experiences made ME"!!


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

anjalichugh says: For Countrywomen:2 hours ago

Thx for responding. I guess there has been a small misunderstanding. What you are trying to impress upon is absolutely correct but it is based on ...'How things should be' principle but what I am putting across is ..'How things, uinfortunately, are'. Regarding your 'karma' and 'destiny' theory, I completely agree. After all the relationships we fall into, totally depend on our previous karma. And as you said, we have no control over the past but we can do something about our future.

Well, different people have different experiences, as you rightly pointed out. I would still want you to have a look at the book which I have written on this subject. It is due to be published in 3rd week of Jan'09. I would really look forward to having comments from you. Bye.

To Mystyk:

Thanks very much for your views. I agree completely. Although I wouldn't like to change anything about my past for the same reason, but sometimes it's not about the 'persona'. Certain choices result in damages which are beyond repair. As a human being, we at times, cannot help whining about those moments in which such decisions were taken. After all human nature! I would like to share more of such incidents with you in near future. Till then wishing you all the best. Bye.

Bye.


premsingh profile image

premsingh 7 years ago

If someone says that I haven't committed any mistakes in the past, it means he or she is speaking half truth. All commits blunder and if given a chance to correct them they'll definitely go for it. Someday I will write my biography and explain if I have taken this decision instead of that life would have been more easy and much worth living. I've all the appreciation for your style of writing and command on English language. Thumbs up for good work.

Prem


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Hi Prem

You appreciated my article--I am honored. I would like to read more of your stuff as well and let's keep sharing our individual views and experiences. It will be great.

Bye.


Mystyk profile image

Mystyk 7 years ago from Allendale

Oh I would thoroughly enjoy writing back with you in regards to these experiences, I can help put them in a much more brighter light! I would love to help with it. I also responded to your post on my hub! *Winks* Check it out! Much Love And Light CindySue


STRANGER 7 years ago

It seems your life has been full of trauma. I have recently gone thru your small articles and both the articles, if these are carefully read, depicts & projects the traumatised & bitter side of a life. I dont know what is your perception towards life and why your articles emit negativity and portray the black picture of life. Life can't be generalized and gauged with one man or one woman's bad or good experiences. It must be seen in larger perspective and always with a positive attitude. I fully agree to the comments of COUNTRYWOMEN who infuses fresh energies into life under her comments.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

STRANGER: I should thank you for taking time out to read my article. Regarding this one in particular (Effect of...)...it is only a part of my forthcoming hub. I would say it is a kind of teaser for the readers. It does not intend to imply any sort of projections. In fact it is too general still; the details have to follow. Besides, life has different shades; black is one of them. If you don't like it, it does not have to mean that the 'black' shade doesn't exist. Probably you just don't want to look that side and rightly so; it is so depressing. My motive of writing such stuff is only to compel people (especially the young adults) to stop for a while and think ten times before getting into something which might jeopardize their entire future. I find nothing wrong in that. I'm sorry if you misinterpreted it. And one thing more...whenever you read an article (published anywhere) don't read it with a prejudice that the write up might be related to the author in some way. It doesn't have to be like that all the time. If I feel the pain of others and whine, looking at the sorrows of the people who are not even related to me, is it a crime?


STRANGER 7 years ago

I dont fear black color but is it really necessary to look the darker side of life. Life should be lived to its fullest. The black side is usually referred to the death not life. As long as I live I would like to see all the colors of life and when I die there will be nothing left except that black color. So, In my opinion black color should be left for death and for dead ones.

Love relationships can never be constructed thru a thoughtful process. Love just happens. It does not give even a single moment to ponder upon. You cant first think, take time and then fall in love. More importantly, if you are in love then you have to stand by that under all circumstances till death do you apart.

Since it is life presented by God to us so everything should be left on Him instead of wishing of undoing the things at a later stage.

I m sorry for being prejudiced.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Stranger: How long do I have to address you as a stranger? Can we have the name? You write so well that I am compelled to ask you if you too write blogs somwehere. If you do, please let me know. It would be an honor to read those.

The back color....did I mean that you HAVE to look at the dark side? I just meant that even if you deny its presence, it still exists. To explain further, life has a dark side too; it's your choice, most of the time, to look at it or ignore it. Trust me sometimes you don't even have a choice. It looks right in your face when you least expect it.

Undoing things......I believe that there are people who wish they could undo things (% might be comparatively less) done in the past. At least for a change, I have the Poll answers in support of my statement. I think you can also check it if you click on the poll link above. Almost 40% have admitted that some time in their lives they have wished they could undo.....

You are right...love does not give you a chance to think. It just happens. But here I just tried to surface natural human instinct which is to wish for undoing....

There are many successful people, (e.g. Chris Gardener in his interview) who after passing through lot of ordeals, were asked if they wanted to change anything about their past. Their reply was a definite 'No' but then the other segment also exists. We don't have to deny that. It seems someone is running away from realities? Is it? Just kidding.

I think we have a lot of communication gap here. I would like you to read my forthcoming book (From the desk of a daughter) which is due for release in Jan '09 (3rd week possibly. You'll understand why I write such stuff.


STRANGER 7 years ago

Please dont boast of poll result as it is voted by only 5 persons only and out of which 60% people dont regret their decision whether right or wrong. U hv every right to see/judge your life thru your perspective but that should not be imposed on others. Please dont rob them of their individualistic perception by realizing them of their regrettable or forgotten decisions and thus pushing them further under depression.

Black color is everywhere but does it necesarilly mean to look into that even God has devised such mechanism by making us sleep during night when it is black all around. We are living objects and must have all colors in our lives not to talk of black alone.

God has been kind to u by bestowing special powers like" the art of writing". So, make best use of it.Strengthen the humanity by encouraging them and by teaching them the art of struggle and overcoming the same instead of reminding them their past regrets.

I may sound quite critical of u but u must understand that criticism is equally important. If I m critical that displays my interest in your write up too.

One thing more that there seem to be some problem in the blog as the comments posted by me are not reaching u. Again here, I m not finding my earlier comment preceding this comment.


pgrundy 7 years ago

I love hearing what you have to say. You are so eloquent and put things very simply and directly and yet they do not come out harsh. That is a real gift.

I used to think a lot about what my life would have been like had I made other choices. So much of who I am comes from adversity and the effect it has had on my choices and my attitudes, but as you say, even though much good has come even of my 'worst' choices, there is a lot of sorrow and pain that I simply do not pick up anymore because the choices have been made. I have to think most people are this way. All that pain doesn't vanish--itis still out the affecting others, maybe people I don't even know. When you meet a person in any context, you can never know what they have suffered or what they have done.

I also think often of how so much of the harshness in my own life is generations old. It isn't even my bad choices kicking things off--it's more like my bad choices just add to many generations of secrets and damage and it is all connected like this long unbroken chain. When I think of karmic debt, that's what I think of--family debt, curses passed down and in the blood. It's very hard to break the chain.

Great hub. Thank you.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

I am so glad to have met a person here who is not only intellectually but spiritually strong too. When I wrote this small piece, I was somewhat disappointed by the criticism it triggered off. I wasn't sure what went wrong. Having met you, I can clearly see that there was nothing wrong in the manner I had put across my thoughts; it had not reached the right audience, perhaps. To understand such type of intricacies, one needs to be spiritually mature (maturity of the soul), in absence of which the whole content would be nothing more than garbage. Thx


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Anjali- It is easy for us to appreciate those who agree with us and not to appreciate those who disagree with us. And also about disappointment and happiness I would narrate a small real life incident: I bought a brand new Honda Civic car two years back and I used to keep it very clean inside (outside get car wash done about almost every month). Once it was snowing heavily and I parked it close to my apartment rather than my designated apartment covered parking. Due to the strong wind a tree branch fell and broke the front windshield glass. That whole day I was a little upset and then I realized that first of all my little laziness was the primary cause for this to happen. And also that what causes us happiness (like my car) can also cause me unhappiness if anything happens to it. Hence vice versa disappointments/unhappiness are also internal. If you have too much expectations then that is also an issue. Life every moment is teaching us something and it is up to us what lessons we are willing to learn from it.

I am surely not as intellectually and spiritually advanced person as Pam is.  But I hope eventually I do reach that spiritually mature state that you have described above.  I hope I have not hurt you in anyway and I apologize for the same if any words of mine seem to have caused you any pain.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

CW: First of all my reply was meant for Pam only. Secondly we were exchanging our views in reference to some context which you are not aware of. Let me tell you what it was all about. I read two of her articles which were heart rending as they depicted the pain she has undergone in her past. I could relate to her pain and I posted comments in her hub. At least I could not have compared her pain and her deep rooted scars, with the damage of a material thing like 'car'. When I mentioned the 'right audience' in my reply, I didn't mean 'the people who agree with me'. I meant, the people who know how our past life actions are responsible for our present misery. In fact that's what the gist of my topic was supposed to be. I was surprised by her reply because she could pin point the core issue even when I had not explicitly mentioned anything about it,in my write up. That was spiritual maturity---which, I believe only comes when the soul suffers in it's jouney through life after life.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Anjali- I am sorry I guess you felt bad about what I said. I just saw the list of comments and that was her first comment in this hub and this was your response. Ok next time onwards I will not try to intervene between your conversations(or maybe try contacting through email to seek clarifications). And also I feel your hub conveys your thoughts and by no means they should ever be considered as "garbage" by anyone. Bye take care.


pgrundy 7 years ago

Anjalichugh and CW, I have the highest regard for both of you! I can't imagine why this hub has provoked any criticism at all--the only reason I can think of is the one you mention. Sometimes when people have strong religious opinions all they really can think of is their strong opinions. I think spiritual things can be very hard to discuss calmly, and I've noticed that when life becomes painful it is VERY hard for people to stay calm and not lash out. I would include myself in that statement.

Here in the U.S. people often use the idea of karma to place blame. Maybe I misunderstand the idea, but I do no think that is what it is supposed to be about. My own view is that understanding the consequences of our choices and other people's choices and how interconnected all these things are is a way to develop compassion for ourselves and others. I tried to become a philosophy professor when I was younger, and many things went wrong, but through all that I was able to develop compassion for myself and my sad family, and from that compassion I can sometimes (not always!) have some compassion for other people who seem to be making harmful choices.

I think the best attitude to have toward spiritual principles is to use what helps and suspend judgment on things that make no sense--because later they might make sense. In some traditions suffering is a gift--but this can be misunderstood and misused too. Sometimes I choose to think of suffering that way, just so I don't wallow too long in self-pity. I try to think, what is this trying to teach me? I don't always get an answer though.

Thank you for you kind words Anjali, And CW, I'm glad your car is OK! LOL!


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Pam: I completely agree and when I say 'agree', I mean in 'totality'. I think that should convey volumes.

Besides, you are always welcome.


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

As I mentioned in my hub, being hearing impaired in a noisy world, I would never change the experiences I have had, even the painful relationships, and the error of judgment, because it makes me who I am today- it has added to the tapestry, character and openeness of heart in my life expression. I often look back, and one quality my Mother instilled in both my sis and I, was to keep a positive attitude even when faced with challenges. I believe in the power of thought and focus. 

As for karma, I see it as a neutral law of cause and effect; its not a God giving punishments or rewards; what goes around comes around as part balancing the human experience; I have seen it in full force in my life. One time, when I was very young, and more immature, a cashier gave me extra change for my lunch, and I kept it because I was experiencing financial difficulties. Well... on the next day, when I went to sell my textbooks at a bookstore, I stoped to eat a hot dog and soda from a street vendor, and it cost $2.00; I gave him in error $11.00; I remember the expression in his face until this day, (CW will tell you I have a pretty good memory, LOL) as he took the payment but didn't realize why, that is until, I went to pay for something, I realized I was $10.00 short! This was instant karma. Quite a lesson on integrity!

Just my thoughts.

Have a Happy New Year!


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL

I see ourselves as immortal spiritual beings occupying physical bodies for experience. Life is nothing more than one huge trial and error experiment. The only way we learn is through error. Regret nothing! Learn from everything!


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Violet Sun: 'Karma', as you said, has nothing to do with God. It's another synonym for 'actions' (good or bad). 'What goes around comes around' simply means 'being paid back' which again is synonymous with punishment in case of bad karma. Of course, terming it as 'punishment' sounds a little harsh. I agree with what you said on 'being what one is today, is entirely a result of one's past experiences and one should never think of changing those moments which have gone by. Have a wonderful year ahead!

muley84: Definitely, we are mortal beings who have been given physical bodies to be used as tools to achieve certain goals. 'Life is a trial & error experiment'. Absolutely correct. We have to learn from everything. Thx for a great thought.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA

Very philosophical hub anjalichugh. I thought your question was especially important because to some degree I believe we all regret past decisions, but it varies from degree to degree, and person to person.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

SweetiePie: Certainly, it's totally dependent on the overall attitude towards life and handling the situations, which 'course varies from one person to the other.


St.James profile image

St.James 7 years ago from Lurking Around Florida

Being human is human. We have free-will and we make our own choices at the time, usually not thinking of future repercussions our actions will have on our lives. I would believe no matter what my choices are...I am right where I am supposed to be.

I believe Johnny Ramone once said, "Life's journey is not about arriving in heaven safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out shouting...HOLY SHIT! WHAT A RIDE!"


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

St. James: Very true. We do, what we feel is best, at any given point of time but we have no control on what our actions might lead to. But that makes us what we are.

Happy New year!


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

very nice hub


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Lgali: Thx very much.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hi anjali, I had an interesting time reading your hub and all the comments and interactions that issued. :-) The ongoing journey of our soul is a beautiful thing. As we learn from each experiences, we grow more and more. I celebrate that as well. Take care... :-)


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

ripplemaker: It's true that as we learn...we grow. Thx for visiting.


mikeq107 7 years ago

Bottom line ( great hub by the way :0) ) We will never grow or become mature or use our god given talents to the best of our abilities until we cut the bungie cords to the past....In other words we will never be free to live in the present , instead we will be more of a stumbling block or a hinderance to ourselves and others...think I said that right LOL I think you get what I mean..Its late and i`m tired...Have a great one your Fan Mike ;0)


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

mikeq107: Thx a lot for visiting. You're absolutely right. In order to move forward, we need to severe all connections with our bad memories from the past. That's the only way to survive....and survive with happiness. All the best!


cgull8m profile image

cgull8m 7 years ago from North Carolina

Anjali, good one but sad to see some insensitive comments, they give advice but don't know the basic courtesy of being polite to others. I made some mistakes I wish I could correct it, but since I can't the only way is to not to repeat the same, which I have done so far. I believe in Karma also, I have seen it plenty of times, how it acts like a boomerang for both good and bad actions. I am involved in a challenge "Do one good thing a day for 29 days" but I went beyond I am doing it forever if possible :) Plenty of good things happened and happening :) The only way like CW suggested is to keep doing good things so we can control the future things. That is a better approach then fret and miss the golden opportunities in life. If we can say sorry to those to whom we made those mistakes, we should say it, if not we should move forward and not repeat the same mistake again. Great hub. Cheers :)


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

cgull8m: "One good thing a day" principle is definitely going to give you rewards, sooner or later. Regarding the 'polite' factor, when we become a part of a public forum, we've to be prepared for both bouquets and brickbats. As many people..as many varied experiences and perceptions. Can't help it. Thx for your encouraging comments. It's always a pleasure to have you coming back to my hub.


Mike Kage profile image

Mike Kage 7 years ago from New Hampshire, New England, USA, North America

I like this hub's concept. It does make me think about some of my choices. I am "Always hopeful, yet discontent" maning where I am is OK, but I'm not done getting where I am going. I could have made some better choices, but I would not be where I am today if I had not made them, and today looks to be a good day.

Thanks for this.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Mike Kage: I agree. Our present is ultimately a sum and substance of our choices and past actions, which we would not (and in fact cannot) change. Thx for visiting.


Anamika S profile image

Anamika S 7 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

Nice Topic! Anyways, This is something which I still have trouble in beleaving. I got a thumb reading from a nadi jyotish and he gave me some details regarding to my past birth which has influenced by present.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Anamika: I believe in Nadi / Brighu Shashtra too. It is really authentic. I Hope the influence (on your present) has been in a positive way. Thx for visiting this forgotten hub. lol


Haunty profile image

Haunty 7 years ago from Hungary

The original hub is of readable length so I managed that. The comments are quite another thing. Must admit I skipped to the commenting form. :)

Mistakes... I've made quite a lot. Maybe too much for my age. But then wonderful things could happen to me that I realize would never have happened had I not made those mistakes.

I don't think anyone would write a hub like this without having some personal stake in the matter. So if it's not too personal, might I ask what is it? :)


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Haunty: I know I got a reasonably good number of comments for this hub. Lol. It was surprising for me to have that many readers read my hub since it was my first ever hub published on HP. Speaking of mistakes, all of us make mistakes and that's what makes us the people we are. However, some mistakes when committed simply change the course of your entire life and the damage done is irreparable. One can only accept the consequences and move on. It's only sometimes you think back and wonder what your life might have been if you would not have done what you did. It's a matter of retrospection, nothing else. :) Thx very much for stumbling on my first hub. You just made me happy.

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