Hoow long should it take to get over the death of a loved one?

1. 58

   baygirl33posted 12 years ago

   Hoow long should it take to get over the death of a loved one?
   
   Just wondering.

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2. 86

   Sneha Sunnyposted 12 years ago

   I think different people take different time to heal. The pain might stay forever.

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3. 69

   Lord De Crossposted 12 years ago

   Might take as long as needed. which can be added to a journey of healing. Some counseling might improve it too. But come to terms with our sorrow is a good start.
   LORD

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4. 59

   ibbarkingmadposted 12 years ago

   Well, that depends on the person. I have noticed that when one has a deep and abiding faith that it isn't that long because of the hope of seeing them soon. I would like to think I have a decent understanding of this. A cousin who was a best friend died at the age of 16 when I was 15. I have also lost many friends both old and young. I have also almost lost family to diseases like heart failure and cancer. I'm not just talking about extended family here either. Parents and siblings. The faith I have developed has helped me to accept things like this. I do worry. I do get scared, but that anchor has helped me so much.
   Please noticed I have not mentioned what my faith is. I feel any faith can help. I personally believe and my faith also believes that all faiths has some truth.

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5. 60

   Dave Mathewsposted 12 years ago

   It can be as quick as a heartbeat, or as long as an eternity depending on you.

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6. 81

   Seeker7posted 12 years ago

   Hi there,
   
   Everyone is different and it can depend on the circumstances surrounding the death. If the bereaved person has had time to say their goodbyes and perhaps has been able to go towards some kind of acceptance, then bereavement tends not to be so long as it might be with other deaths. This is because the healing process that is bereavement is able to begin quite soon after the death of the loved one.
   
   If a loved one has died suddenly due to trauma or violence of some kind, the shock and inability to see them before death can prolong the bereavement process considerably. It is the same, understandably, with parents who loose children - trying to reach a point of acceptance is often impossible for obvious reasons and therefore bereavement is a long process. It is similar with a person who has lost a loved one to suicide. There are so many mixed emotions, so many unanswered questions that bereavement often doesn't follow the healing path that it should.
   
   I would say, in very general terms, that if people are still grieving heavily two years after the loved one's death, then it is likely that some form of bereavement counselling is required. Bereavement counsellers are worth their weight in gold, when helping people to try and find a life to live again after the death of a loved one. But remember that some people might be over the two years and still going through the normal bereavement process, it really just depends.

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7. 60

   whoisbidposted 12 years ago

   My parents died recently and they were quite young. My mother died over 2 years ago and my father died a few months ago. It was different with my mother because I got over it quicker since my father was around and we became closer as friends and helped each other more. When my father died, it was terrible both before and after. First there was my suffering in seeing him suffer so much and then there was the aftermath. I noticed that many people who were supposed to be my father's friends did not care very much about him going away and only a few missed him but they are not able to miss him as much as I do and I understand why they take it so lightly. I have friends and my own lovely family but none of them are able to console me on this matter, even though they try.
   
   There is a time for mourning and I am still in mourning and I guess it is coming close to 3 1/2 months since he died. I will be honest with everyone and tell you that what has happened has weakened me in many ways. I am keeping busy and trying to "fake it to make it" and things are getting better for me now but there is a void in my soul that is so enormous that I am sure it is going to take some time to be back on my two feet 100%.
   
   I can't stand it when people try to console me because it does not work, even though they might have good intentions. Bless their souls.. but they are going through it, so they cannot comfort someone. I did meet someone in a similar situation and we managed to strengthen each other a bit. I don't think that counsellors know what they are talking about if they have never felt the pain themselves. The words bounce off the walls and have no power. I cannot flip a switch and pretend nothing has happened. I cannot take these things lightly and my advice for anyone who is going through this is to take it easy on yourself. When you are your weakest and most vulnerable you might end up doing some things that you don't normally want to do.. but don't be too hard on yourself and understand who you are and what has happened to you instead. I believe things will get better but I am not going to forget wonderful people just like that. I am sure that my parents appreciate my mourning for them and I guess they want me to stop one day and get on with my life. I am trying to do that but I am not going to pretend everything is just like it was before.

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8. 60

   6hotfingers3posted 12 years ago

   I don't think there is a time limit. I believe some people find a place in their minds to place the lost of a loved one. In that place are the good and the bad memories of the deceased one.Just as we occasionally visit the grave site of the loved one, we occasionally visit the memories of that person in that place in our minds. The deep pain from loosing a loved one is also put in that place too.Some days it feels as if we just lost the person moments ago. Some days we feel comfort in knowing the person is in a better place than here. Its all subjective as to how long we should mourn the death of a loved one.

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9. 61

   lostdogrwdposted 12 years ago

   sorry but, you never do. you just learn to live with it.

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10. 58

    baygirl33posted 12 years ago

    This is not an answer.This is an expression of thanks for all of you who answered.
    I tell myself I have a deep faith and I do have family support .But still I'm angry and I weep at the long lonely road ahead.
    I know I'm not the only one this happened to but it seems that way.
    Thank you all for saying just what I know in my heart is true.
    It helps.

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11. 60

    Onyx Fox35posted 12 years ago

    It would depend on the depth of the relationship and fondness, between you and that person.

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12. 60

    vansh121posted 12 years ago

    We cannot forget our loved one ever. Yes they live in our heart forever. They are not physically present with us, but those moments we spent with them, will always remain in our heart. Usually we become busy in our works, and forget them for time being, but as soon as we are free. we remember them.

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13. 58

    Felixedet2000posted 12 years ago

    it might take as long as you are alive, you can never ever get off it, it will forever be in your mind's cache, good luck.

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14. 76

    Moms-Secretposted 12 years ago

    You sound as if you lost your husband.  I am on the same road tho I am sure our stories are different.  I am not sure there is a such thing as getting over.  I believe, for me there are brighter days in that I struggle daily to come out of the darkness and remain the person that my husband adored.  Pain has away of evolving you into something unrecognizable.  It is the opposite of love.  Where love introduces new colors and makes everything more enjoyable, pain threatens everything you once enjoyed.   I write a lot about it.  It tries to alter the truth.  The truth is that you can evolve from this painful event and still find enjoyment and purpose in life.  It is not getting over it is something better.  It is growing from it.
    
    Good luck to you.

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15. 61

    Lola1929posted 12 years ago

    There is no 'should' here.  It is what it is.  It will take as long as it needs to take.  In the meantime it's important to continue to live.  And... to remember.
    Love from Lola

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16. 76

    cathylynn99posted 12 years ago

    in medical terms, a normal grief reaction lasts from 6 months to 2 years. longer than that is called complicated grief. grief consists of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

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