Blessings in Disguise
are "Gifts from the Soul."
So many times, during my bleakest moments entrenched with despair; life
seemed to take on a whirlwind of its own.
Left behind, in its wake, were some of the most powerful and profound
Delicately intricate, they were unique gifts; like threads of gold, interwoven through a tapestry of the heart. Unique gifts that will be cherished forever, as blessings in disguise or what I refer to as, “Gifts from the soul.” Sage Williams
My life experiences have taught me so many lessons; lessons that I would not trade for anything in the world.
During one of my therapy sessions my therapist had referred to my current situation as a crisis. At that particular time I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by that. As usual I always had difficulty understanding the meaning of words. (When your mind separates, feelings from experience often times it's hard to make a connection, therefore impossible to grasp the meaning). All I knew was I felt like I was dying and there was no way out. I would have welcomed death, as to me it would have been a release.
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"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." - Oscar Wilde
Like so many other times, I went to the dictionary to begin my search. I looked up the word crisis. Reading desperately, I tried to comprehend the meaning of the word or to make a connection as to how it applied to my situation.
In my search, I stumbled upon the Chinese definition of crisis. The Chinese refer to a crisis as a dangerous opportunity. Alas! These words cut through me, like a double edge sword penetrating to the heart of my very core. For whatever reason, in that moment, it brought meaning to the word. It ignited a flicker of hope, where hope never existed before. I was strong and knew how to survive danger; yet, I had never seen it as an opportunity to change.
A fresh new perspective was born, I, like the Chinese definition of crisis, learned to recognize and accept each crisis as a dangerous opportunity.
Embracing the Dark Side
My inner landscape as I knew it was entrenched in a world of darkness and despair. I was being held hostage to a life of imprisonment; for lack of knowing any other way. In my mind death was the only way out.
Dangerous opportunity, forced me to dive head first into the deep, dark, vast and deadly place where death permeated my being; an exhilarating rush of impulsion encapsulated me; throwing caution to the wind, I dove! Like going into a tunnel, not knowing if I would ever come out. I soon realized, the only way out was through. I had been side stepping and avoiding my dark side all of my life.
Facing the fear of the unknown was an essential and vital step in taking control of my life. I used to waste so much energy trying to understand every little detail; living in fear and constantly scanning my environment for danger.
Everything I had ever learned was being turned upside down and inside out. Not knowing anything, and thrusting myself forward into the darkness wreaked havoc through every fiber of my being. The fight and flight panic ensued, the red alert throttle button, was fully engaged. Danger! Danger! Danger!
It was in fact one of the biggest blessings in disguise that
I have ever come face to face with. It
was the beginning of a, new way of life.
Although, painful and grueling at times, I learned to embrace the dark side. I was no longer running from it. With trepidation in each step, like walking on a bed of hot coals, I learned to dance like a warrior. Allowing myself to feel the pain while moving through it tapped into a well of inner strength beyond belief.
Over time, embracing the dark side became a little easier. For each and every time I embraced the dark side; the more enlightened I became. Like a phoenix rising up from the ashes, humility and freedom were born.
Learning to trust…
Little did I know what I once knew as danger would be a prelude into the process of learning to trust; something that I never learned nor knew a foreign language, so to speak.
Traveling into the fear of the unknown I learned to trust the not knowing. Whenever I was in a crisis and plagued for answers to my questions, instead of searching endlessly for understanding and meaning. I learned to no longer questions the why’s in my life. I learned to place the questions in the back of my mind. The end result was always the same; sooner or later, when I least expected it, the answers would come. Clairvoyant in nature,the answers came to me in the form of a knowing. I intuitively knew when the answers arrived, they were crystal clear; there was no uncertainty what so ever.
Gifts from the soul were abundant. I learned to not only trust. I learned to trust in the process of, not knowing as well. I learned to trust myself and with the gentle loving kindness and compassionate guidance of my therapist. I learned what it meant to trust others. I understood fully and completely the meaning of the word Trust.
Awareness is Born
It was through this process that my soul given gift of awareness was born. Awareness was a gradual process; like a polaroid camera clicking in my mind as the picture slowly developed right in front of my eyes. The picture came into focus when I came face to face with the reality and decided to take a closer look. My mind, body and spirit began to reconnect in a fashionable style.
In the beginning it was quite painful at times to see what was really there. However, in time I’d have to say that my awareness grew to be one of the most unique gifts and favorable qualities that I cherish to this day.
With this heightened sense of awareness came many new challenges and unique gifts. Taking risks, stepping outside of my comfort zone; traveling into unknown territory and trusting in the process were only a few of the endless challenges/opportunities that followed.
The more consciously aware I became the more I realized just how fortunate I was to have so many blessings in disguise.
The Virtue of Silence
My silence was another big one, a rare yet beautiful gift; truly a blessing in disguise. Having been silent for 31 years of my life served as an advantage to quieting down the chatter in my mind.
One of my dearest and oldest friends, a survival technique, known as
dissociation, not only removed me mentally from danger, it taught me how to separate from all the chaos and noise in my
I was amazingly comfortable with silence I could sit in silence all day long. I usually didn’t have to turn it on, it was already on. Although, in years to come when this process was no longer necessary and became self defeating, new techniques were learned to implement healthier ways of coping.
Words of Wisdom...
Reflecting back on a tid bit of wisdom from my therapist. One
day, in an effort to comfort me from my frustrations of battling the survival
techniques. My therapist had said, “There may be parts
of these techniques that you wish to keep.”
At that time, I just wanted to be free of all the survival techniques that had become ingrained and were wreaking havoc with my life. Later on in my journey I chose to keep a small part of this technique. I chose to keep the ability to separate my mind from the chaos and noise around me. Silence is a place where, I am free to be who I am. A place where I can connect to my soul.
A Blessing in Disguise - 39 Lessons
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Underneath it all I have come to realize that we are all spiritual beings. In the middle of all the chaos, I learned to be aware of my senses. I learned to not only hear but to listen to what my spirit was saying to me. I learned to trust and to follow. I learned a way out.
By thrusting force into the unknown, I inadvertently set myself free; My spirit came forth making a connection at a soul level.
Today I have the ability to seize the moment, to indulge in silence and to seek out what truly matters in life.
Through my journey of healing I have been blessed with an abundance of unique gifts from the soul. Gifts that I will cherish forever in my heart.
Article(C)2010 Sage Williams. All
The copyright to this article is owned by Sage Williams. Permission to republish this article in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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