If a person commits a trangression against you, are you more likely to forgive him/her or do you seek revenge aginst him/her? Why? Why not?
Forgive. We are all perfect in our imperfect ways.
I would want to understand the transgression and seek compensation if necessary.
Revenge and forgiveness are outdated concepts.
For me, it would depend what the transgression was. I believe some things are simply unforgiveable (like committing a crime against someone). However, if someone called you a name or berated you, then apologized, I might consider forgiving them. That being said, if the person asks for forgiveness and then repeats the behavior, I would rescind the act of forgiveness. Even if you do not forgive someone it does not mean you have to act vengeful towards him or her. Just cut off all ties and never speak to the person again.
I tend to want to figure out why they did what they did. I want first and foremost to keep people out of my life who do things that harm me (transgress). Revenge does not usually suit this outcome, seeking revenge keeps the person I don't want in my life, in my life. Not very sensible. If I can understand I can forgive, I can also work to establish boundaries that will prevent the same sort of transgression to happen again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I can forgive but I don't easily forget.
Revenge. I was considering forgiveness for a short time till they did something unforgiveable.
You are more likely to feel good about forgivness than revenge, and it may have a positive effect on the transgressor, enabling him to see the error of his ways, maybe!
I think the answer to this question strongly relys on what that person specifically DID... but me, I'm more prone to forgiveness. Probably more than I should.
If someone shot me with a rubber band, I'd probably shoot back.
If someone lied to me about where they were, I would probably seek an understanding.
Holding onto their negative sh#t only makes me sick. I know that intellectually.
I know very well that forgiveness is essential to my own sanity and well-being.
However, in the case of someone who transgressed against me who is still out there transgressing against MANY others, I'm seeking vindication.
I may not get it. But at least I'm trying.
But with or without the good feeling of stopping her from hurting others, I'm still left, on a personal level, with getting to forgiveness.
It's not easy!
Forgiveness, not Revenge.
I do, however, believe in justice. I can forgive someone and still hold then accountable for their actions.
For example, if some guy rapes me, I will get him put in jail. But I will forgive him for my own sake. I don't forgive for other people's benefit, I forgive for mine; because holding a grudge never hurt anyone except yourself.
I don't feel the need to forgive if I don't want to. I don't give out forgiveness like it's candy. Sometimes, it is best to accept what has happened before moving on. Vengeance? No. It's not my style.
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