A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.
Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the
resurrection, a little boy raised his hand........
The pastor called on him and the little boy said,
"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.
That is hilarious. No more TV for my child!
too cute! I love the innocense of children before we corrupt them.
LOL The power of a commercial apparently overcame the empty tomb.
God and ST Peter are talking.God says;I've been working to hard,I need a break.
ST Peter replies;I heard Earth is a fun place,why not go there?
God says;Na,I went there 2000 years ago and met a nice Jewish girl and their Still talking about it...go figure...
During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed into the meeting shouting, The building is on fire!"
The Methodists immediately gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door, declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the doors, hoping the fire would pass.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The Unitarian Universalists rushed to save the conference table and the coffee urns.
The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
Saint Peter was showing a new arrival around heaven when they passed an evangelical church. The new arrival asked why they needed a church in heaven. Saint Peter answered "Shh, they think they're the only ones up here."
Ms. Harris who attended church every Sunday and holy days in addition to being a devout Christian dies. Ms. Unger who is an avowed atheist happened to die on the same day. Both went towards the light in order to have a life review. Of course, Ms. Harris was totally elated. In her mind, she was going to HEAVEN as a reward for a life well lived-in HER opinion.
Well, the life review began. Ms. Harris was so happy. Well, that is until the review began. The reviewers showed Ms. Harris her life. She haughtily proclaimed that she lived her life according to solid Christian principles and never veered from it. In other words, she lived a very prescribed life. She was quite a joyless women who admonished others for living their lives more liberally.
One of the guides told her that she was often prejudicial, discriminatory, and extremely judgmental to those who did not adhere to her brand of religious belief. Naturally, she rebuked the guide, stating that she was RIGHT while others were WRONG. A third guide told her that she constantly nagged her husband to "see the errors" of his ways, denounced her atheistic daughter for her "sinful" ways, and threw out/disowned her son for being gay. She admitted to this with glee and the guides just looked at her.
Ms. Unger then had her life reviewed. Her life was concerned about loving and caring for others. She NEVER JUDGED anyone. All were equal in her eyes. She lived life at full zest and by HER OWN rules. She was indeed JUICY...... and was well loved by family, friends, lovers, and others who knew her. The guides reviewed her life and were pleased with her life review. particularly her charitible works for the homeless and other marginalized people.
Then THE MOMENT came. Ms. Harris and Ms. Unger were summoned. There was a scream from Ms. Harris and a joyous noise from Ms. Unger. In other words, Ms. Harris NEVER KNEW that she would end up in HELL while Ms. Unger would end up in HEAVEN....... It goes to show that things are OFTENTIMES not what THEY SEEM........
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