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How long is the average Noodly Appendage?

  1. Inspirepub profile image86
    Inspirepubposted 8 years ago

    In the spirit of recent times on this forum, I think we should broaden the pseudoscientific explorations here beyond just one or two religions.

    Pastafarianism is sadly under-represented in discussions here, and I think we should honor the FSM with some serious consideration of important topics such as this one.

    How long is the average Noodly Appendage?

    (Those who are unfamiliar with the tenets of Pastfarianism should read up on it before attempting to think logically about it - The Church Of The FSM)

    By my reckoning, since He lives in Heaven, or thereabouts, and can touch each and every one of us with His Noodly Appendages, then the average Noodly appendage would be at least three angel-days in length, although I am not sure of the exact conversion from angel-days to light-years. I would have to consult a Christian Scientist for that coefficient.

    Serious responses only in this thread - none of that motley rabble who have nothing better to do than scoff and fret their hour upon the stage. This is Science, and should be respected as such.

    Jenny

    1. Kelsey Tallis profile image77
      Kelsey Tallisposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      Dear Jenny,
      I agree that Pastafarianism is sorely under-represented in the forums here compared to other religions. However, please note that not only have I recently proven that the FSM is female (but does not, however, prefer the female pronoun), I have also discovered a method of contacting The Blessed One directly: http://hubpages.com/hub/the-Flying-Spag … -is-Female

      It never occurred to me to ask this most pertinent question when I was previously graced with the sacred presence, but I will certainly do so at the soonest opportunity. It is also my understanding that The Blessed One prefers direct contact with worshippers and prefers acolytes to seek an audience rather than engage in disinterested hypothesis.

      Dear Mark,
      Because of the occasionaly amorous nature of the divine Noodly Appendages (which I have also described in the link above), I firmly believe said appendages are longer than 26 cm.

      Respectfully,
      Kelsey

      A True Prophet of The Flying Spaghetti Monster

      1. Mark Knowles profile image60
        Mark Knowlesposted 8 years ago in reply to this

        A False Profit!

        I have clear proof there for all to see that the Noodly appendages are actually only 26 centimeters (any more would be a waste and make the rest of us feel inadequate).

        As for this ridiculous notion that He is a She......... You need to remove the full stop from the end of the URL for that link to work smile

        1. Kelsey Tallis profile image77
          Kelsey Tallisposted 8 years ago in reply to this

          If The Blessed One confirms this with you personally, I will take your accusation into consideration.

          As for male inadequacies, they are also explained in my link, which is now corrected; my apologies for the error.

          1. Mark Knowles profile image60
            Mark Knowlesposted 8 years ago in reply to this

            His Noodlyness spoke these truths directly into my head. Barilla (piece be upon them) are the official one true noodle maker and only use genuine bad angel appendages. Sometimes the space/time/length perception of humans (especially females) gives the impression that things are larger than they are, but this is a misinterpretation of the truth. 26 centimeters is it smile

            I am not understanding this reference to "male inadequacies."

            Being directly created in the chosen image of His Noodlyness, the word "inadequate" is inappropriate. We were created this way for a reason. Sometimes that reason may not be entirely clear, but correct medication usually brings clarity and truth.

            Ramen

            1. Kelsey Tallis profile image77
              Kelsey Tallisposted 8 years ago in reply to this

              Well, of course you aren't, but that's okay smile.

              This is true, but don't worry, I'm sure you'll eventually find one that works... sometimes it can take a while sad.

              Ramen

  2. Inspirepub profile image86
    Inspirepubposted 8 years ago

    Oh, all right, then.

    The motley rabble can post non-serious responses, too. smile

    Jenny

    1. Eric Graudins profile image61
      Eric Graudinsposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      Does this include spagnostics?


      Brilliant work. This definitive work will be hailed for centuries, and propel you a couple of steps up the ladder towards canonisation - sorry - canneloni-isation.

      1. Mark Knowles profile image60
        Mark Knowlesposted 8 years ago in reply to this

        Thank you Eric - I was touched as I was doing the painsteaking research and felt sure this would be the case. Will it arrive in the male or should I go and collect my accol-aid?

  3. Misha profile image75
    Mishaposted 8 years ago

    Umm, I think you are sort of limiting the glory of The Lord. Did not expect that from such a high figure as you really! yikes

    How about our green friends from Alfa Centauri? I have no doubt  Noodly Appendages reach them too! wink

    1. Jewels profile image81
      Jewelsposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      Is that alfalfa Centauri?  I need guidance.

      1. Amanda Severn profile image91
        Amanda Severnposted 8 years ago in reply to this

        On alfalfa centauri they add spinach to their noodly appendages to obtain the required green shade of pasta.

  4. Mark Knowles profile image60
    Mark Knowlesposted 8 years ago

    After long hours of medicating on this question, and many arduous hours of serious contemplating (well - a couple of minutes anyway), I have come up with a definitive answer. Proof of His Noodly existence if you will.

    It turns out - and I know this because I had it put directly into my head by His Noodlyness - that the Pasta maker Barilla (piece be upon them) is actually the licensed official Noodly appendage maker. Using cast off bad angels (this avoids the inevitable conflict of leaving them to go their own way) they turn these bad angels' appendages into human worthy pasta, and the length of the appendage may surprise you.

    Due to the massive time/space/length distortion involved in moving from one plain of existence to another, the length of an average Noodly appendage is only 26 centimeters in human terms.

    And here is the proof:

    http://markpknowles.com/wp-content/uploads/noodly.JPG

    And I hope this gives you a better idea of just exactly how bored I am this afternoon. big_smile

  5. Jewels profile image81
    Jewelsposted 8 years ago

    A True Prophet of The Flying Spaghetti Monster...........?

    Is there an initiation to become a true prophet?  Perhaps you have to have good book sales on pasta recipes. What rituals are taught by this religion?

  6. Research Analyst profile image78
    Research Analystposted 8 years ago

    246 kilometers

  7. Bob Cedar profile image64
    Bob Cedarposted 8 years ago

    *pulls up pants* I'm so embarrassed. I think I'm at the wrong party.

    1. Kelsey Tallis profile image77
      Kelsey Tallisposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      LOLOL!

 
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