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Please help The Spaghetti Monster Understand Your Bible.

  1. Spaghetti Monster profile image61
    Spaghetti Monsterposted 7 years ago

    Dear Religious Hubbers.

    I've been reading your bible in an effort to understand why the religious forums here are so full of aggressive, hating, people.
    I think I've found the answer, because the bible is a very strange document that sanctions all sorts of violent acts and behaviours.

    I've posed some hypothetical questions relating to some specific quoted passages from your bible that will make these matters clear.
    Hopefully I can get some intelligent answers to these questions, so that I can come to understand your strange religion a little better.

    When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you religious hubbers have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

    And if you want to move away from this violent Christian religion, be assured that you will always be made welcome under the noodly appendages of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

    RAmen.

    1. livewithrichard profile image86
      livewithrichardposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Really? If you can't tell then you haven't been with her long enough to be having contact with her. smile

    2. underhiswings profile image61
      underhiswingsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      What is your motive for wanting to understand?

      If you gained understanding to all the matters listed, what would you do with said understanding?

      1. profile image0
        Leta Sposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        What he usually does.  Laugh. And call out the crazies... wink  You must be new around here.

        1. underhiswings profile image61
          underhiswingsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Oh, I thought he wanted an answer for a reason that would draw him to a conclusion because he said he wanted to "understand" and I thought he might be sincere in his asking.
          Perhaps his motive is not to "understand" at all. But, it just seemed to be somewhat of a well thought out group of questions.

          Perhaps he really is in need of "understanding", so I will look for his answer rather than assume you speak for him.

      2. tantrum profile image61
        tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Well Idon't understand you living in Psalm 91 ,as it says in your profile ? smile

        1. underhiswings profile image61
          underhiswingsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          And did you have a question regarding this living?
          What is it that you do NOT understand?
          What perplexes your mind about it?

          1. tantrum profile image61
            tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            I'm not perplexed at all! You're not that interesting. What I'm saying is : if you live in Psalm 91, how come you didn't realize you're in the wrong thread big_smile  Or maybe you're trying 2 convert us ? sad

            1. underhiswings profile image61
              underhiswingsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              Oh, well you said "Well I don't understand you living in Psalm 91"

              To NOT understand is to be confused grasshopper.

              You said "You're not that interesting."

              What is interesting is that how someone who is NOT interesting can understand greater things than the one who is.

              Which is why YOU remain confused. Lack of understanding.
              I am right where I need to be...it says in the title of the forum "Please Help"

              1. XTASIS profile image60
                XTASISposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                you're really mad , aren't you ?  Poor thing ! sad

      3. Spaghetti Monster profile image61
        Spaghetti Monsterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        It's not really any business of yours, but I will deign to answer you this time.

        I am a very with it deity, and know the benefits of market research and increasing my market share.
        I will of course be using the information gained to woo Christians over to the Pastafarian faith.

        Too bad that everyone is treating this as a joke, and not answering my questions.

        RAmen.

        1. underhiswings profile image61
          underhiswingsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          From our previous chat you said this.
          "I would be like me. Indeed, I AM like me. I am that I am."

          I said this.
          "So if I understand you right.
          You never change?"

          You said.
          "You don't understand me at all. I change whenever I want to."

          I said.
          "This term   "I AM like me. I am that I am"
          means Never Changing."

          I seem to have caught you in a contradiction and you have dropped your noodles all over the floor. Sad when someone beats you in 3 moves on the chessboard of understanding.

          You said.
          "christians who harangue others with verses from 8 different versions of the same book never change."

          I said.
          "Yes, using 8 different versions can cause confusion.
          That is why I read the original documents."

          Interesting what a mind filled with wet noodles can DISPLAY.
          Last time I read the package, spaghetti has an IQ of 666

    3. Make  Money profile image73
      Make Moneyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      What you are describing is Judaism, not the Christian religion.  But obviously Jews can not even hold to the Mosaic Laws that you have described above any more.  Muslims also believe that these laws still exist.

      But try moving on to the New Testament in the Bible, it starts with the Gospel of Matthew.  That's where you will find the Christian faith.  We have a New Covenant that replaces the Mosaic Laws.  It's really cool man. cool

      I heard that you have to sacrifice animals in the Flying Spaghetti Monster religion for meatballs.  That sounds pretty violent but tasty. lol

      Is it true that the Flying Spaghetti Monster religion demands that you guys have to heat your meatballs up to 666 degrees fahrenheit in your cauldrons? lol

      I'm getting hungry.  Coincidentally I'm having spaghetti tonight. lol

      Maybe we can have a "theological" discussion another time. lol     

      Ra.. um Amen lol

      1. underhiswings profile image61
        underhiswingsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        You said:
        "But try moving on to the New Testament in the Bible, it starts with the Gospel of Matthew.  That's where you will find the Christian faith.  We have a New Covenant that replaces the Mosaic Laws.  It's really cool man."

        You need to be corrected here sir, your statement contradicts Messiah.
        Messiah was and is a Jew and The King of The Jews as a matter of fact and here is what He said in that Gospel of Matthew you referenced sir.


        Mat 5:17 "Don't misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to fulfill them.
        Mat 5:18 I assure you, until heaven and earth disappear, even the smallest detail of God's law will remain until its purpose is achieved.
        Mat 5:19 So if you break the smallest commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God's laws and teaches them will be great in the Kingdom of Heaven.
        Mat 5:20 "But I warn you-unless you obey God better than the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees do, you can't enter the Kingdom of Heaven at all !"


        And this from Paul The Apostle and former Pharisee:
        Romans 3:31
        "But by shifting our focus from what we do to what God does, don't we cancel out all our careful keeping of the rules, laws and ways God commanded? Not at all. What happens, in fact, is that by putting that entire way of life in its proper place, we confirm, establish it."

        You also said:
        "What you are describing is Judaism, not the Christian religion.'

        Messiah DID NOT come to "start a new religion", rather He came to live and do the perfect law of God, after all, it was Him who wrote it.

        The Words that proceed from The Mind of Messiah are a sharp two edged sword that must be wielded with great understanding, not after crafty wisdom that men create out of darkness.

        #1."Fighting against the Truth and embracing the Truth, both are painful, only one is also peaceful."

        1. Make  Money profile image73
          Make Moneyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          We are to still follow the 10 commandments given to Moses, in fact if you continue on passed verse 20 in Mat. 5 you'll see that Jesus starts talking about them as well as the New Covenant.  What Jesus fulfilled as mentioned in Mat 5:17 is the part of the Mosaic Law that Spaghetti Monster quoted from Leviticus above and an eye for an eye, stoning adulterers, killing someone if they strike their parents and all the dietary and arbitrary laws.  Surely you are not following those old laws?  If you are you should be jailed.

    4. atomswifey profile image68
      atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      So, you have read the WHOLE Bible??
      Or did you just pick through Old Testament Scripture??

      Yes, in those days of old, the traditions and laws were varied from those in our time and even in those days that followed AFTER the Messiah came.

      You call our "religion", violent? Jesus taught in every scripture in the NEW TESTAMENT that we are to LOVE one another. That if "a man strikes you on the cheek, you are to give him the other". How is that violent?

      The Old Testament is written to those, for those who choose the LAW over the NEW COVENANT.
      "Those who live by the sword shall die..."
      But we, as Christians under the new covenant are not bound by the laws of old. We were given to a new mind and heart. Through Jesus christ.

      True it may be that blood sacrifices were done, Jesus took all of that on the cross with Him. He was the ultimate sacrifice for sin.
      After He sacrificed Himself, there was no need for blood sacrifices of animals and such.
      God RECONCILED Himself with man, through Christ.

      1. Spaghetti Monster profile image61
        Spaghetti Monsterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Of course We read the entire thing - We are omnipotent. But your miserable interpretation and condescending statement aside, Jesus himself tells you to follow the laws of the OT:

        “For truly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass the law until all is accomplished.  Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but he who does them and teaches them shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.”  (Matthew 5:18-19 RSV)

        "It is easier for Heaven and Earth to pass away than for the smallest part of the letter of the law to become invalid."  (Luke 16:17 NAB)

        No wonder you are all so confused and unable to cook a decent bolognese.
        RAmen

        1. atomswifey profile image68
          atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          But there you are speaking of the Commandments and not of the previous tid bits of scripture you took apart earlier.

          Yes, Jesus Himself commanded we live by and follow the Commandments handed down to Moses.

          Can you show me even one of them that tells us to sacrifice a lamb? Or, our enslave our children???

          "The laws" I had mentioned were traditions and sacrifices people made in those days to serve and honor God. It in no way was meant as a retraction of the Commandments!

          Jesus also said, that "there is but one way to the father, and that is through the Son". Before He came, people made blood sacrifices and lived in a world bound by the laws of blood sacrifices in order to receive forgiveness from God.

          Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice for forgiveness. Again, we under a NEW COVENANT with God. The Old ways are passed away and BEHOLD! everything is NEW.

          Now let me pose this to you:
          I am white
          prior to abolishment of slavery in the United States, the white man did in fact own black slaves.
          Because I am white then now, does that make me a slave master?

          My point being, that just because some white people had the practice of their time to own slaves, does not make every white person there after a "slave master". Just as, just because people in the Old Testament had the practice in THEIR time, to sacrifce animals, does not make The Christians of today, violent animal killers.

          1. Spaghetti Monster profile image61
            Spaghetti Monsterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            Can you not read foolish mortal?

            “For truly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass the law until all is accomplished.  Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but he who does them and teaches them shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.”  (Matthew 5:18-19 RSV)

            "It is easier for Heaven and Earth to pass away than for the smallest part of the letter of the law to become invalid."  (Luke 16:17 NAB)

            The Law

            Black men still own black men today. As they did in the days of slavery in your puny little country (except New York, where you can buy real Pastafarian Spaghetti Bolognese) - Where do you think the white men purchased them?

            RAmen

            1. atomswifey profile image68
              atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              The LAW Jesus spoke about WERE THE COMMANDMENTS! "Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so,..."
              You need to read it! Although, "professing themselves wise, they became as fools".

              The truth is, you posted this topic in an immature attempt to negate the awesomeness of your creator! He wrote the law my friend! Passed it down to us all! His SON followed them and instructed us to do the same.
              What on earth do the 10 Commandments have to do with what you... (who was obviously amusing yourself more than others), were trying to say?

              You know what? I feel kind of sad for you now. Sad that you do not know or have chosen after reading His great Word, to not open your eyes and heart to what God was trying to do, when directing you to get into The Bible.

              Sad, that you are allowing deception by the enemy to cloud your judgement about the TRUTH in God's word. The truth about how His son gave His life for you. How he shed His precious blood so that people like you may receive Him and find forgiveness.

              I will end my post with the following:

              The practices of their time (Old Testament) differed from those that Jesus spoke of and taught on in the New. That is why Jesus said, "I come not into the world to bring peace, but a sword." He knew his very exsistance would bring conflict. Conflict from those who practiced the old ways and could not comprehend the new. Just as you misconstrued it's contents, so did the men of old. Questioning their Messiah, their God. They just could not handle the changes God was making.

              They could not understand that God was reconciling Himself with them through Christ. And they were blinded by their religiousity. They tried to confine God or what they thought he was in a box. A box of doubt and fear. Why can you not understand that??

              And that Jesus, who being of God and Man was that reconciler. He shed His Blood so that men would not have to sacrifice theirs.

              Let me clarify what we as christians and our "charge" is.
              And since you love reading scripture, though obviously NOT for same reason(s) as I...

              here's one for you:
              "Love does no wrong to one's neighbor [it never hurts anybody]. Therefore love meets all the requirements and is the FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW." Romans 13: 10


              The New Covenant:

              "I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another."
              John 13: 34


              "But God shows and clearly proves His [own] love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us." Romans 5: 8


              Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us. Romans 5: 5


              "And walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another] as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a slain offering and sacrifice to God [for you, so that it became] a sweet fragrance." Ephesians 5: 2

              [Let your] love be sincere (a real thing); hate what is evil [loathe all ungodliness, turn in horror from wickedness], but hold fast to that which is good. Romans 12: 9

              Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another.
              Romans 12: 10

              Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in practice and in sincerity). 1 John 3: 18
              ***ohh, what did he say there? I do believe he said "IN PRACTICE".

              Beloved, let us love one another, for love is (springs) from God; and he who loves [his fellowmen] is begotten (born) of God and is coming [progressively] to know and understand God [to perceive and recognize and get a better and clearer knowledge of Him]. 1 John 4: 7

              He who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love. 1 John 4: 8

              Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us. Romans 5: 5


              I CLOSE THIS WITH THIS PRAYER FOR YOU AND OTHERS:
              "[That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]"! Ephesians 3: 19

              1. Spaghetti Monster profile image61
                Spaghetti Monsterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                It is no wonder you are confused:





                But you will always be welcome in the True Church.

              2. Mark Knowles profile image60
                Mark Knowlesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                And I hope that you eventually come to your senses. wink

                1. tantrum profile image61
                  tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  She can't go anywhere. She's lost. Less come to her senses ! big_smile

                  1. Mark Knowles profile image60
                    Mark Knowlesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                    Seems like she thinks jesus was a real person and you need to believe this stuff to get what is on offer. Not getting it myself. wink

                  2. atomswifey profile image68
                    atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                    I have to laugh when you say, IM LOST.
                    And too let me add, that I KNOW where I am going, very sad that you do not.

                2. atomswifey profile image68
                  atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  Ohhh, you mean the ones God gave me?
                  I just have to say though that I walk by faith and not by sight. That goes without saying of course to the fact that I have SEEN miracles happen and I have HEARD God's voice.

                  But if you will allow me, let me ask you this...
                  If I, being a faithful woman were to die today and YOU being a non believer, were right, and there is no God, No hell, No need for forgiveness, redemption and the like then I would have to conclude that
                  I was a blind follower and cease to exsist..the end...BUT
                  If I am right, and God is there, and YOU were to die in your disbelief and sin,
                  Then what?
                  Ever ask yourself that question?

                  I suppose though, that people like you who are far far more superior in your intellect and knowing all the mysteries in the world and beyond would have figured it all out by now and thus, determined that it was MAN who created this "fictional being" known to millions, as GOD. And I suppose you draw your conclusions from what source(s)?
                  Science? Ahh, but then how could science possibly refute the exsistance of God, when science hasn't even been able to PROVE Darwins theory?

                  You would think after all these years with all of your collective great minds put together in think tanks you could atleast have done that by now! OH but even Darwin himself said that if in so many years the theory had not been proven to disregard it.
                  Funny how we teach evolution in schools when that is the case.

                  Yes, "professing themselves as wise, they became as fools"..

                  Yep, and I wonder if you will argue your points with God Himself one day. what are going to do? Stand there and tell him to come to His senses??

                  1. Mark Knowles profile image60
                    Mark Knowlesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                    No - I mean the ones you could have developed if you chose to.

                    Delusions do not count - sorry. Get Her to speak to me and I will believe you.  ;(


                    All the time. Fortunately - the argument put forward by god's fan club are so irrational, and the behavior of most of the members of said fan club so bad, I figure I will get a pass. wink

                    On the other hand - how much of the one life you get have you wasted spreading this stuff? How many scientific advances have ou chosen to pretend do not exist? What could you have done with your life instead of pissing it away on this quest to spread something everyone is prepared to kill each other over?


                    If I should stand in front of your invisible super being,(very unlikely) I will tell him where he went wrong. I am a clever guy after all. Far more superior in intellect - as I am prepared to admit I do not know rather than make up a story to scare the kids with. wink

                    Like the thing about needing proof though - very clever - lol

                    God - 100% absence of proof - Believe

                    Evolution - Millions of pieces of evidence and no question it happened - Not enough proof lol lol

  2. Mrvoodoo profile image61
    Mrvoodooposted 7 years ago

    Why does the flying spaghetti monster look a little like a ladies special place?

    http://i566.photobucket.com/albums/ss110/MrVoodoo123/blood-supply-uterus-vagina-ovary-ut.jpg

    1. Spaghetti Monster profile image61
      Spaghetti Monsterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I fail to see any resemblance.
      Your diagram looks more like a representation of the average Ram of God.


      The cover says "Holy Bible".

      1. lrohner profile image84
        lrohnerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        There are no less than 8 versions of that "holy bible" that you put forth. So let me ask my question again, dumbed down: What VERSION of the bible are you speaking about?

        1. Spaghetti Monster profile image61
          Spaghetti Monsterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Are you saying that there are different words in different versions of the bible?

          My Goodness. No wonder the christians are so confused - with 8 versions of a rule book telling them what to do.

          I do not know what version of the bible I was reading. some of the pages were ripped out.
          But it was black, had very thin pages, and the edges were covered in gold if that's any help.

          RAmen.

      2. profile image0
        dennisemattposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Mine starts with THE. smile
        not trying to cause a big thing, as I gave up on understanding religion a long time ago, but what I have learned is, all the previous qouted scriptures are from the old testament, no longer law. All old laws still needing to be followed are reiterated in the New Testament.Why some people choose to ignore that fact is beyond me. And now I am strangely hungry for spaghetti, so I cant think about this anymore.
        Oh yeah, also...how to tell if its "that time"
        somewhere in there it says women are supposed to stay out of society untill its over.

  3. lrohner profile image84
    lrohnerposted 7 years ago

    Um, being a recovering religious person,I have to ask..what Bible are you quoting from?

  4. Chris1|Chris2 profile image60
    Chris1|Chris2posted 7 years ago

    Haha, you are hilarious, SM. I too am baffled by much of what is in the bible, and wish to be illuminated as to those passages you listed.
    By the way, why does everyone here say "Ramen?" I do enjoy its noodley goodness, but have never heard it used in this context...

    1. Spaghetti Monster profile image61
      Spaghetti Monsterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      It's spelled RAmen, and signifies one of the holy noodle varieties. I use it as my official conclusion to a prayer.

      Other religions have stolen this word, and shortened it to "Amen" to also end their prayers.

      For more information about the history and practices of Pastafarianism, please visit
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster

      1. Chris1|Chris2 profile image60
        Chris1|Chris2posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        It all makes sense now! tongue

    2. profile image0
      wordscribe41posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      It's our CFSM (Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) "Amen".  Of course we add the "R" to honor our Spaghetti Monster.  RAmen.

      1. livewithrichard profile image86
        livewithrichardposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Are you sure?  Maybe when Mark shows up he can clarify.  He is the leading expert here on the CFSM. smile

  5. tantrum profile image61
    tantrumposted 7 years ago

    All that is true  as it is in the Bible, But Spaghetti mMonsters are allowed to do whatever they please ,according to the lesson of the great Pesto Salsa

  6. profile image0
    Leta Sposted 7 years ago

    "Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? "

    lolololol.  Well, of course you know this is because certain hues of peoples are more pleasing to the Christianist God that those of other hues.  In fact, the darker the coloring, the more ungodly, earthly and sinful those peoples are, and indeed could and should very well be slaves, as it is this God's ultimate plan and will.  Therefore, on a whole, Canadians are just too pale to make good slaves.  But Mexicans.  Well, you know about Mexicans, your Goodness.

  7. Jane@CM profile image60
    Jane@CMposted 7 years ago

    Hmmm, me thinks this has the same tone of our infamous Panda God.

    1. Eaglekiwi profile image74
      Eaglekiwiposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Maybe some game sites might be in order for the kiddies,sigh

      1. Jane@CM profile image60
        Jane@CMposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Thats it, we need a games forum.

  8. Eric Graudins profile image60
    Eric Graudinsposted 7 years ago

    Yeah, well at least the spaghetti Monster appears to have a sense of humour, and makes intelligent comments. And no way it's the same person as pandagod.

    By the way - Looks like there's a new kid on the religious block.
    underyourwings. Same MO as quietnessandrust. asks lots of rambling questions. Same person, methinks.

  9. Jane@CM profile image60
    Jane@CMposted 7 years ago

    Okay, so he isn't Panda God, your right, he does have a sense of humor.

    1. profile image0
      Leta Sposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      wink Either Mark K. or Eric hisself, methinks.

      1. AEvans profile image71
        AEvansposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        me thinks I know , well I definitely know and will never tell this should be a fun thread. big_smile

  10. AEvans profile image71
    AEvansposted 7 years ago

    Alright Spaghetti Monster you are quoting from the old testament of the Holy Bible and I see you have not added the meatballs!!! lololo big_smile

  11. profile image0
    sbeakrposted 7 years ago

    Spaghetti Monster wins funniest thread EVER...at least for as long as I've been here...

    big_smile  big_smile  big_smile

  12. Randy Godwin profile image94
    Randy Godwinposted 7 years ago

    Under hi swings, I get it!

  13. Spaghetti Monster profile image61
    Spaghetti Monsterposted 7 years ago

    Being ineffable, I have no gender.

    And while in some aspects I may indeed resemble womanly parts, those who have been Touched by My Noodly Appendages have a more masculine impression of My Serene Self.

    I embody and ineff all, male, female, transgendered, intersexed, unsexed, ingendered and ingenuous.

    All are created from, and all return to, The Sauce.

    1. underhiswings profile image61
      underhiswingsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      OH, I see now, this is just for fun.
      OK, thanks for clarifying your lack of understanding and wisdom.

      1. Mark Knowles profile image60
        Mark Knowlesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        How dare you accuse my God of having fun. Is that a sin?

        1. underhiswings profile image61
          underhiswingsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Interesting what a mind filled with wet noodles can DISPLAY.
          Last time I read the package, spaghetti has an IQ of 666

  14. Misha profile image75
    Mishaposted 7 years ago

    What's the deal with 666 IQ? You keep plugging it in every post?

    1. Mark Knowles profile image60
      Mark Knowlesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I was wondering that. Spaghetti is not sentient - only the FSM is. But this one has the original bible documents as well, so you can take everything he says with a pinch of salt and fresh ground pepper. smile

      1. Misha profile image75
        Mishaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Cayenne pepper please smile

  15. underhiswings profile image61
    underhiswingsposted 7 years ago

    From Mark Knowles:

    To me 08/10/09

    "How dare you accuse my God of having fun. Is that a sin?"

    Mark does NOT believe in sin, nor does "the god" he adores and worships, so why would Mark ask this illogical question based on his reasoning and wisdom that he gathers from the wet noodle with an IQ of 666, that sin does not exist.

    The question should not be uttered from such believers.

    That makes Contradiction #2.
    That is 1 for the wet noodle god and 1 for his worshiper.

    And we have Checkmate.

    1. Mark Knowles profile image60
      Mark Knowlesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      LOLOLO

      Checkmate? Please........

      You believe in sin therefore I was asking you - as you are the expert with the original bible documents. wink

      1. underhiswings profile image61
        underhiswingsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        What happened...STANDS.
        File you complaint with a wet noodle.
        His IQ will surly understand your pain.

  16. Spaghetti Monster profile image61
    Spaghetti Monsterposted 7 years ago

    I found the original bible.

    http://godspuzzlesolved.com/

    All 48 pages of it - just click on it in the bookshelf.
    Is this is one of the 8 versions of the bible?

    1. underhiswings profile image61
      underhiswingsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I said.
      "Yes, using 8 different versions can cause confusion.
      That is why I read the original documents."

      One can see them like one can see
      The Untied States Constitution or The Bill of Rights.

      Interesting what a mind filled with wet noodles can DISPLAY.
      Last time I read the package, spaghetti has an IQ of 666

      1. kerryg profile image87
        kerrygposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Where?

        My understanding was that the oldest complete Bibles were the Codex Sinaiticus and Codex Vaticanus, which are only complete when combined (Sinaiticus was discovered in the trash and both are missing pages) and those two still only date from about the 4th century AD.

  17. Susana S profile image91
    Susana Sposted 7 years ago

    Great FSM, as a believer in your eloquent and unrighteous word, I wonder if I, as your humble servant, would be permitted to share the wonderous word of your noodly self? In particular, I feel I have been called to a quest to find the answers to your questions about this strange religion and would like to share with my countrymen & women the questions you ask, in hope of finding suitable answers.

    RAmen

  18. Buck Wheat profile image59
    Buck Wheatposted 7 years ago

    FORGIVE THEM FSM.  THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY TYPE.

  19. underhiswings profile image61
    underhiswingsposted 7 years ago

    #23."If you have only a thimbleful of experience, then please do not share with me from your barrel-full of opinions.
    Thank you.

    If you want to fill a larger container with understanding, wisdom and knowledge, then realize why you have 2 ears and only 1 mouth."

  20. underhiswings profile image61
    underhiswingsposted 7 years ago

    #25."If I do not agree with your opinion at first or at all, it is because I ran it through The Refiners Fire and found it wanting. Please remove all the dross and then re-present it to me for further consideration."

    1. XTASIS profile image60
      XTASISposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        lol lol lol

  21. underhiswings profile image61
    underhiswingsposted 7 years ago

    #58."We are but a moment in time, spend your moment with ________"

  22. atomswifey profile image68
    atomswifeyposted 7 years ago

    I think it rather "odd" that there are those who use the term "CHRISTIAN", and not know what that word really means. Case in point, this topic and post.

    He said, that the "CHRISTIAN RELIGION" is/was violent. Yet all the scriptures he was quoting were from the OLD Testament, long before Jesus came to be. And the term, CHRISTIAN is taken from Christ and means, to be Christ-like or minded.

    I wrote previously that, the days of the Old Testament differed from that of the New Testament, as Jesus WAS/IS the ultimate sacrifice.

    We are no longer bound by the "laws of old" when concerning our faith to God. We have been given a NEW COVENANT by which we live.
    The END.

  23. tantrum profile image61
    tantrumposted 7 years ago

    I think Jesus was violent enough . What about the issue with the pharisses in the temple ?

    1. atomswifey profile image68
      atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      HAHAHAHA

      Oh yeah that proves Jesus was violent. And right after, Herod had John the Baptist's head cut off!
      please.

      1. tantrum profile image61
        tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        terrible times ! And Jesus was a human being as everybody else. And no, he didn't begin this religion, he didn't founded a church. Other human beings did.

        1. atomswifey profile image68
          atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          HE IS THE CHURCH

  24. atomswifey profile image68
    atomswifeyposted 7 years ago

    2 Corinthians 3:6 (New International Version)
    He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.


    Hebrews 9:15
    For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.

    Hebrews 12:24
    to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

  25. profile image0
    sandra rinckposted 7 years ago

    Why does it always have to be about blood?

    1. tantrum profile image61
      tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        because it's a bloody  religious thread  big_smile

    2. Mark Knowles profile image60
      Mark Knowlesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lol

      Good question. Not that blood thirstiness is a christian tradition or anything.

  26. tantrum profile image61
    tantrumposted 7 years ago

    atomswifey wrote:

    Yep, and I wonder if you will argue your points with God Himself one day. what are going to do? Stand there and tell him to come to His senses??

    Not a bad idea  big_smile

    1. atomswifey profile image68
      atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Oh yes, since you seem to know more than HE does anyway

  27. thevoice profile image61
    thevoiceposted 7 years ago

    Because GOd Jesus are human life not books of human based writings. God gave human life humanity wrote books tortured killed enslaved in the name of almighty religions. Jesus was healer teacher not any religion . Human holy history by religions has blood soaked god earth in human blood. God cares only about freeing human life from all religious faith unto God of all life. By God Jesus science will meet up with God someday. Religions are post human based faith taht kill torture starve human life. life of God by Jesus was peace teach heal. The books of humanity preach only degradation hate of human life.

       There is only one God maybe many names yet God is God of all human life . Religions are money based faiths that judge condemn milk people of money.

  28. Lady_E profile image82
    Lady_Eposted 7 years ago

    From reading your post, its clear that you are someone who used to be a member of HP or is already a member of HP with a duplicate account.

    Keep on stirring....

    Salaam alei Kun.

    1. atomswifey profile image68
      atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      If you are talking about/to me, I just found this site two weeks ago

      1. Lady_E profile image82
        Lady_Eposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Welcome to HP Atomswifey.

        It was directed at the author.
        Normally, if Hubbers are responding to someone, they would included that person's post in the reply. (as I have done now, with yours)

        I'm actually on your side, but don't tend to get involved in the discussions as some people are so sarcastic about God and its really not worth getting into it, with them.
        (My opinion anyway)

        God give you wisdom.  smile

        1. atomswifey profile image68
          atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Thank you for the welcome! smile
          I guess much like Peter, I am sometimes. LOL (Lopping off ears)
          But the truth is, if people talk to me in a manner respectfully, than I have no problems in taking with them respectfully.
          Not that I have disrespected anyone. But I have been disrespected on here. Called an idiot, moron and so on. Which I find offensive and rude but I then, just consider the source.


          Rudeness and arrogance are not part of my way of life. I like to express my feelings, thoughts and beliefs and feel as though this forum is specifically for that.

          The ones that come in here and choose to debate, argue, and otherwise, criticize my beliefs are an enigma to me. I tend to navigate towards this forum as I love to talk about the Lord. I fail to see the point, intentions or advantages those who do not believe have in coming here and debating with us.

          Unless it is either A) for the purpose of learning or gaining knowledge about Godly things
          B) To express varied religious views
          or C) which is what I have come to believe,
          That those who do not believe in God, love to try and humiliate or otherwise offend those that do. why they get their "kicks" out of it, is a puzzlement to me. But that is exactly what happens.

          So, I choose from to time to time to swap words with them. My hope and prayer is that they learn the way to salvation. If it takes an hour or so of my time to spread that, ok.

          But I do get your point.
          It is rather futile sometimes. But thats ok, like Jesus said, You tell them and if they do not accept it, shake the dust from your feet and move on".
          I look at it from the view of, atleast the seeds are planted. Whether they grow or not is between them and God.

          1. Mark Knowles profile image60
            Mark Knowlesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            Golly gosh - how incredibly condescending. Who called you an idiot and moron?

            I hope that eventually - one day - with a little self education on your part -  you may come to your senses. If you would like, I can educate you about evolution as well. Feel free to ask and I will supply. wink

            1. atomswifey profile image68
              atomswifeyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              Can you say, A-R-R-O-G-A-N-T??
              I tell you what, I think I will stick to listening to my God, thank you and you can stick to your story until the day comes when you're standing in front of Him.

  29. atomswifey profile image68
    atomswifeyposted 7 years ago

    I am done for the night here. So let all who respond to my posts hear:
    YOUR ARGUMENT WILL FALL ON DEAF EARS

    We can agree to disagree and be done with it. But I still think it's funny how some of you come in here and debate with us. I mean, like any of you are experts in any field of expertise yet alone theology! And please do not even pretend to be, like I said, I'm tired now.
    smile

    We can debate again tomorrow if you'd like. I mean since it obviously gives you so much pleasure to do so.
    But I am really concerned over certain individuals "evolving" into some form of creatures with massive heads!, after they inflate to enormous size with arrogance.

    To others on here,
    Good Night and God Bless smile

  30. ElElyone profile image60
    ElElyoneposted 7 years ago

    Mercy, mercy, all of this talk about me.

    If you believe in me and I exist, then you will have your proper place with me.

    If you believe in me and I do not exist, then you will have lived a righteous life and feel great when you die.

    If you do not believe in me and I do not exist, then you were right and lived however you wanted and you are just dead and cease to exist because I do not exist.

    If you do not believe in me and I exist, then you have made tremendously  great error and I will miss you very much.

    x ElElyone

    1. tantrum profile image61
      tantrumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Who's talking about you? yikes

      1. earnestshub profile image87
        earnestshubposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Nobody is, it looks like another case of megalomania.

  31. Eric Graudins profile image60
    Eric Graudinsposted 7 years ago

    I have no problem with the idea of a God.
    It's his fan club that I can't stand.

    And for my reasons, just have a read through the last few pages of posts in this thread.

    1. Ron Montgomery profile image60
      Ron Montgomeryposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      If they will be the ones populating Heaven, I will burn in Hell for all eterninty with no complaints.

 
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