okay so my boyfriend is a Jehovah Witness, thats fine I believe everyone has the right to believe in what they want. It's just his family refuse to accept me! They literally hate me. I don't know how to make them like me. It is all based on the fact that I'm not a Jehovah Witness and they are, a fact that they have made very clear. I've always accepted it, its just, how can I make them like me!? Without converting because that is just something I would never do, and I don't want him to leave and lose his family. Please Help!
Well it doesn't sound like they have their "hearts open to the Lord" if ya know what I mean.
Just say this, "for this reason a man must leave his mother and his father and joined to his wife and become one flesh." Eph. 5:31 (the reason being love of course)
They would understand this, maybe they need to be reminded.
They are completely determined to ruin your relationship with your boy friend. It doesn't matter if you were Jehovah, himself, they are blinded and will meddle and make him and you miserable till he either cuts them off or they drive you away. Sorry, but I've seen this too many times in religions. I don't think there is a way for you to "prove" yourself because they will always have another useless, meaningless test. You should be enough for yourself and everyone else. They don't have the right to do what they're doing.
Are you sure they aren't lurkers in the religion forum?
well it is a difficult decision to make, how important is his family to your boyfriend and if he is willing to compromise, or any future disagreement that will arise from different set of beliefs, if he chooses his family, then it is time for you to move on, because you said you cannot be converted to their religion.
if you choose to continue with the relationship even though you have different belief, just be ready for it
I thought this kind of thing went out with the dark ages. Does religion have to be the be all and end all? This is why I follow nothing because I would not want to turn into a prejudiced person who does not like anybody unless they ate pizza. I suppose it depends on how desperate you are to please, but I have a feeling nothing is going to make them like you until you CHANGE. Stop even trying as people like this do not deserve you.
Religion is the death of us. Your BF will wake up one day but you might have left by then.
I may not follow a religion strictly, but I think that is a little harsh. Religion does give alot of people hope and comfort. If people just accepted each others religions instead of fighting with each other over who is right then things would be alot easier and people may be alot happier.
But the comfort is an illusion. It's not reality. And differences in religion has caused so many wars and inhuman practices against people.
Countries that follow one predominant religion are always the worst offenders.
Something isn't right.
The comfort may be an illusion, but if that makes them feel good about themselves. It is the same as a child believing in Magic. It is good to have something to believe in, that there is someone greater than yourself looking out for not only you but everyone you love.
I thought there was only one main wars that was based on religion was the crusades and the English civil war.
Religion is not the root of all evil, people are, they CHOOSE to do those terrible things you are talking about. It was their choice. God didn't make them do it, and their religion did not tell them that they should.
The two wars we are fighting right now is about religion.
The U.S. defends Israel on everything. The Middle Eastern countries (some of them) hate Israel over religious land and differences. Because we defend them, we get Israel's enemies including terrorist groups.
We need to quit defending Israel and we would have WAY less enemies in the world.
Demonstrating your ignorance of religious wars will not make them go away or have not happened.
Odd that you are too ignorant of the JW religiosity before you got involved.
Funny that - seeing as you can hardly miss it.
You can show them that you take seriously their point of view and have not dismissed it out of hand. By going to them and saying, " I know we haven't started off well, and I know it is because you feel I am rejecting you because I have rejected what you believe in so strongly. I am sorry for that. I didn't see it as a rejection of you, I only saw it as a difference of opinion. I belittled your profound beliefs and treated them with disdain, again for that I am sorry."
"I would like to talk to you about your beliefs and get a better understanding of them, because obviously there has to be more to them than I thought, for a person such as yourselves to believe them so steadfastly.
I too have beliefs that I hold to just as steadfastly, because I, like you, have come to know them as truth.
Can we talk about it?"
and then you need to be ready for the heated debate that will start. Don't lie, don't exaggerate but be politely honest.
I hope this helps....Good Luck.
There's not a lot that I can recommend apart from emphasising that you respect their beliefs. If they're worried you might try and "de-convert" your boyfriend, assure them that this is not the case. The ball is mainly in their court however, it's up to them whether they choose to accept you or not. The reason there's not much you can do is because they're not objecting to you personally, their objecting to your beliefs in principle.
You don't have many choices. You can't make anyone like you or accept you. Since your boyfriend's family has clearly chosen not to like or accept you until you became one of them, which you have indicated you do not want to do. And, as you have said, if he stays with you, they will cast him out. That seems to go along with being Jehovah's Witness, although if he chooses to leave, they may not be able to let go so easily.
Here is a situation where you simply can't have everything you want. Basically, he has to choose whether he wants you more than he wants his life as a Jehovah's Witness and therefore more than he wants his family. You have to respect that choice.
Ask God for his blessing--and leave it up to him what that blessing will be as far as this relationship is concerned.
thanks for the help. I guess your right and there is nothing I really can do. Damn them for making him choose. :@
can i just ask you....... does he want to be a Jehovah's Witness and how old is he
is this the same boy friend you have a problem with in your hubs, are do we have 2 going at the same time
As much as I don't like getting into situations like this, your plea for help is one I cannot deny.
As I've learned, the family will not accept, unless it is under their conditions.
In a position like that, you can not make them like you or get them to accept you unless you do as they choose. How ever, that doesn't mean that your only choice is to convert to their religion or live with the fact that they do not accept you, but make them realize that they are acting 'selfish' and not 'selfless', like their own religion preaches.
Inform them that they are irrational, by taking a stand that puts you into a position, where you are FORCED to change religious faiths, JUST BECAUSE they don't approve.
Freedom of religion is practices all around the world and it is time for them to move into the 21st Century.
Also, by them forcing you to choose between religious faiths, they themselves automatically convey an "EGO" - which gives off or emits, a sense of being better than others and that their religion also preaches of no pride.
So, it shows how conflicted his family is in their own belief and makes them focus on the importance of understanding their own religion, before forcing someone else into it.
Once they realize their error, then they should come around. The alternative is that they not like you any more than they already don't. So, it shouldn't really matter.
But, do inform your boyfriend, love or your life, that you will not be subjected to forced conversion to win their approval. If HE cannot accept that(because he could be deeply thinking that you will do the right thing and convert, when pressured enough), then it would be best to part ways now and be done with the relationship before two hearts are severely damaged.
Never give up any individual part that makes up who you are. It is completely dishonest to yourself and will only create conflict within yourself.
I hope I helped.
Firstly, thankyou for the help Cagsil, that sounds like a great plan, and if I could hug you right now I would!
Secondly, he is only 19, and his mom was not a Jehovah's Witness when she first met his dad, she converted after a couple of years because she thought it was right. He thought that they would be okay with it considering that a part of his family aren't Jehovah's Witnesses. Also his Granma was married to a non Jehovah, so again thought his mum wouldn't be hypocritical and make him choose as her own father was not a Jehovah's Witness. (BTW, he is 19)
why if the boy knows you are not a Jehovah's Witness, did he get involved with you, unless he does not want to be one any more. His family would i guess be more angry with him, for leading you on, as he will not marry a non j.w's if he stays in the faith. You are getting angry with his parents, when in fact he is the one you should be trying to figure out. He cannot have both......
So much for love and acceptance . . .
I'm sorry for the trouble you're having - I hope you can work it out.
Sounds like their minds are closed. Don't waste you time on things you cannot change. Try to focus on living the life you'll be proud of. You can't control anyone but you.
He believes some of what he has been taught. He isn't really devote, where they are. He does often miss all the meetings and doesn't follow a few of the rules.
She should, which is why I get annoyed at them, because we are only doing what they did! Besides, I think it is more from the dad side as he is alot older and more set in his ways I guess you could say.
I guess I'll be joining the club of 'Not getting on with the in-laws.' lol.
well i will say it again, he is stuck in the middle, but he is the one that is causing the problems really..... in laws are not easy at the best of times, i am a Jehovah's Witness, and i would say that if you really don't believe in his religion, and he really does, it is not only in laws you will be battling with, so get it right before you make a commitment...... hope things work out really for you i really do
Its not you personaly. I am sure they have nothing against YOU, if they have even taken the time to get to know you..
it is a diffiuclt religon. Like it or not, they believe it, (and many people over-do it.) Just try to undersatnd how hard this is on your boyfirend.
I know how hard it is on him. I really hate that it is this way, thats why I asked this question, I want a way to make things easier.
BTW. I'm sorry if I'm getting it wrong, it is not intentional.
If this relationship proceeds to marraige you have to realize you really do marry a family. As long as you are in dating mode I would be happy and pleasant but alittle distant let them come half way. If marraige is in the future you and your boyfriend need to sit down at the kitchen table with them and come to some sort of truce. The one thing you want to avoid at all costs is drama, no drama. If it's not working the first time pick-up and try it again another time. Your boyfriend knows both sides so he has to be the major player in this process. Good luck.
it is so petty and i know Jehovah's Witnesses are not popular, but why can't any one get their name right
what bugs you Justine, that you got kicked out or nobody knows how to pronounce Jehovah's name
the pronouncing thing is what I was referring to. I mean, its it not that hard to say it right, even if you dissagree with someones religion. The kicking out thing is not something I want to really get into any further in public. Yes, it bugs me.
Let me hasten to say that I am not a Jehovah's Witness, but I have attended their Kingdom Hall meetings on a few occasions. This religious group takes their beliefs very seriously, right or wrong. For that reason, they push for people with the same mindset to eat and drink with them. That involves family life or even relationship of any kind. When it comes to cultural differences, which includes beliefs relating to marriage or dating, the Witnesses apply the same principle and hope that people don't take it personal. It is also understandable when you look further down the road to marriage. Let's say one partner is religious and the other is not. But it's time to raise a baby. Whose dictates really matter, the believer or the non-believer? It's like raising a child born to a catholic and a Jew. These partners can run into a lot of difficulties that could have been avoided had the cultural difference been thought about at the onset of the relationship. The Witnesses are regimented in their decision to stick to their plan of worship and they expect kids and associates to be under one cover. That's the best way I understand their take on worship.
I'd just talk to them. I wouldn't comment on what I thought of their beliefs. I certainly wouldn't call them irrational. I would simply sit down with his parents when I got the opportunity and say: I know you don't like me because I don't share your beliefs. But we have something in common. We both love your son. It's really important to me to have a good relationship with you as his parents. So is there some way we can at least have a civil, respectful and peacful relationship with each other.
If their response is negative, then I'd be happy that I did as much as I could to ressolve the situation and I'd consider it their problem not mine.
BTW I know your boyfriend is only 19, but he does have to take some responsibility. This is not something YOU have to deal with. It's something you BOTH have to deal with as a couple. He should be right there beside you talking to his parents about this situation. Talk things through with the parents together, as a couple. You don't have to become best friends with them, but basic respect and civility should be the absolute minimum. I hope things work out for you .
you know what he talks a lot of sense. Your boyfriend is old enough to make his mind up.... they may be disappointed he has not chosen to remain a witness, and to marry a witness, and you of all people know there views on living together etc.... i just hope that this is sorted. If these people are decent people, and their son loves you, they will not toss you aside, he knows what he has let himself in for, and you should not allow any member of this family to make you the scape goat. god bless
Believe it or not I was engaged to a JW a few years ago so have a bit of experience on the subject.After the initial love attraction dimmed a little our different views did get in the way unfortunately. However I was not aware he was a JW as he never initially told me, as we drank, played the pokies, amomgst many other nocturnal activities.
We used to argue over if we were to have a child and the child was injured whether we would allow a blood transfusion. I was yes and he was no,that was the beginning of the end for me, I just cant understand that way of thinking sorry.
See we spoke about that, I don't think blood should be given as he solution as everything, and we agreed if we ever went that far and it was minor we would use the blood substitutes, but if that was not an option blood would be given.
Just like he accepts my choice to give blood, like I accept his not to take it.
Well the talking with the parents would seem like a good option, but they refuse to meet with me. They aren't intrested in me as a person, they stand on the ground that THEY know whats best for him and he will do what they say or he will leave. He tried talking to them before a few times, each never ended well, the first time his dad just yelled at him, the second they lectured him for around an hour on why I wasn't good enough and finally the last time he tried they told him if he left to be with me he wouldn't have a home or family to come back to.
He may be able to give or take his family but I want them to be a part of his life because I know he loves them, and family is really important to me. I just wish things were easier for him.
Pretty, I'm not here to offer advise on your situation and you know something, I know that this is not really the place to have your problems resolved.
From what I have read maam, the Parents are obivously upset with their son not so much you. Their Faith is real to our God because our God Jehovah is real.
You know that old saying, water and oil don't mix?
That's about how they feel.
They are parents with a responsibility to their God.
The Father is the Head of the household and he is probably feeling as if he is failing his God and his family and his son.
With respect maam, you won't be able to understand that. Now, the son is still living in his father's household and his father has a spiritual responsibility to that household. As long as the son is in his father's house, and listen well, the son may have to make adjustments for himself if in fact his relationship with you is upsetting to his father and mother. Obviously, I read about much emothion going on here. I don't know how true the yelling or anythihng else is but if it is so, no one and I mean no one on the face of this earth has a right say say a single thing about anyone's imperfect ways. Especially anyone in this forum.
If the parents are that upset and acting and displaying emotions that need to be checked as true christian parents, then tht just may be so. Again, we are all struggling as true christians to take off the old personailty and put on the new. Still, one cannot judge them. Not a soul on this earth.
I don't know what they do because I am not there. Each and evey person have to make the "Truth' their own the Bible says. Use to be called 'The Way' before it was called christianity, that is in the Bible as well. The 'Way' because of their newfound chrislike attitude and personality, which became a way of life for the 1st century christians.
As true christians, we have to train them (our children) according to Bible principles and hope they will have Love for God and serve him with Love as the Parents or Parent do. But, children grow up and those children do and some don't.
When that happens, not every 7 million Christians, Jehovah's Witnesses are acting out as you say these parents are, with their children when the grow up and happen to be in a relationship with someone who's beliefs are not that of their own.
No, talking about it here will accomplish nothing. You don't have to believe that. The young man (which he is) will have to make a decision, on his own and not with your help maam. After all, he has Free Will.
We serve Jehovah because of our love for God and neighbor. That should say it all there.
Have a good day and try not to have your business in the street, the Forum.
It will positively do you no good whatsoever.
i understand that, that is why i am telling this young girl to put the responsibility on the shoulder of her boy friend, before she gets deeper...... how deeply does he believe, as he may not be active now for reasons best known to himself, but he will probably go back to it.
and as we are talking about Jehovah's Witnesses here, they do not fight in wars, they would be put to death before they would kill anyone
All religions have a version of "thou shall not kill" in their rules.
Doesn't mean religions follow it
then again it is NOT the religion, it is the PEOPLE following it.
There is no religion without followers. It's a vicious cycle. Religion doesn't exist without people who believe in it.
Again, religions are the death of us. Goes back to what I originally said.
Love should be love. It shouldn't matter what religion you follow or what color you are or what sexual orientation you are. Religions are the ones that point those things out.
It's more important that you like yourself and not be concerned that his parents don't like you. I have heard many stories of couples, like the relationship you are in, have this very same problem. To the parents, it's the same issue as if he was white and you were black, or Muslim or Catholic v Hinduism. It can become a real test of the all important sense of self respect v pleasing someone else despite your own needs and wants.
Don't get me all wrong; But I am going to play devils advocate. The religious difference sounds like an excuse they are basing their displeasure with you upon.
Everyone knows that people as a whole do not usually address the real issues. We beat around the bush getting ticked off about all kinds of things other than what is really bothering us.
They (Tha Parents) may not want to confront the real issue that they have against you. Therefore they are addressing the easiest avenue to justify themselves with the situation.
Ya need to cut through the baloney and get down to the real issues in a discussion with them. Plan on this being a reconnaissance mission. Find out what ya can. Be ready to "LISTEN" to them. You already know what you think so let them talk. Hold your temper, remember that this is reconnaissance. Nothing may be settled at this meeting. After this initial discussion, plan on another get together with them after you and your boyfriend has had time to analyze what you have learned. This may enable you to make your best decisions about your life.
I'm probably wrong. This is just an idea. So do this at your own risk, What ever happens is not my fault.
Sounds like good advice. Something else to remember is it's not you. You've done nothing wrong. They wouldn't like anyone who is not a JW, regardless of who the person was.
Be careful not to compromise too much. The temptation must be to become a JW yourself, because you feel that would solve the problem. But would that really be right for you? Doing or becoming something you don't really want to try and please his parents could make you and your boyfriend both unhappy in the long run. Sometimes you can compromise so much it becomes a loose-loose situation rather than a win-win.
He is not a real Jehovah's Witnesses because real ones are not supposed to date non-Witnesses. So this conversation is a mute point. He is a fake one or one leading a double life.
I have gone through the same exact thing. And let me save you some heartbreak and alot of wasted time fighting: Religion is always a deal breaker. Especially for people who are super religious (such as myself) in the end, it'll likely end in divorce or an unhappy marriage.
Sorry but this is just one person's opinion =/
Sad situation. Your BF's parents are basically predudice against non-Johova Witnesses and there's no way you're going to get his parents to like you. I've seen this and I'm sorry to say this, but your BF's parents are going to do put pressure on him to dump you. So prepare for that. Whatever you do, don't give in and convert. You don't want them or anyone else to convert or "mold" you. His parents are predudice, plain and simple, don't bow down to people like that.
I've seen quite a bit about the parent's views and your views... but what does your boyfriend say about the situation? Does he defend you to them? Does he agree with their thoughts about you converting?
If he is siding with them, then you should move on! If he truly loves you and cares deeply for you, he would be defending you at all costs!
I could not be in a family where I felt I wasn't wanted! I would have to tell the boyfriend that I am moving on! If he cared, he would stick up for you! Or does he toss you under the bus and side with his parents?
I would not even bother discussing the issue! They have made it well-known what they expect! There's no way I'd conform to a religion to be in good with the parents! I would have to move on! There are far too many people in the world to subject yourself to ridicule and disrespect! And I believe this disrespect is from the parents and your boyfriend! I'd say bye bye!
2 Get them to convert
3 Wait for them to die off
4 Determine if your boyfriend will love and be with you even if it means cutting off ties with his family (or them cutting off ties with you both)
5 Find another boyfriend
Move from worrying about how his family feels about you not being a JW to how he feels about it. Does he get pressure from them to have to convert you or leave them? If he isn't sticking up for your independence he is effectively allowing them and hoping that they succeed in getting you to convert - do they ever threaten him with Disfellowship (being kicked out of the JW's) if he doesn't make you one or leave you?
Have you ever actually put to him that he might one day have to choose between you and the church? If his family hate you now, they might get worse if you marry their son, especially if the marriage is not through their church itself, ie, another church or in a secular registry office, and you could put up with this situation for the rest of your life - the only one able to get them to back down and start respecting you is him - if he isn't prepared to do that, support you, protect you or choose you over them if it comes to the crunch, is he really right for you? I know that sounds harsh, but it might well be the most realistc way to approach this situation. Hope whatever happens, it's the best possible outcome for you - good luck.
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