God: Hey Jews.
God: So listen guys, I'm thinking we go in a different direction with this whole religion.
God: You know, do a non-gritty reboot. Same God taste, new God packaging. That sort of thing.
Jews: We don't follow.
God: Okay, work with me here guys. Remember the whole angry God' thing?
God: Where I killed a whole bunch of you and-
God: And forty years in the-
Jews: We remember that.
God: Not to mention Robo-Hitler. Yikes.
Jews: Wait, what?
God: Whoops, forget I said that. "Spoiler Alert", am I right?
God: Anyway, we're going to re-work this whole God- thing. For example, kid-friendly is big these days in religion.
Jews: So, like...?
God: For example, I'm super chill now, for some reason. Plus there's a heaven. Oh, and this is Jesus. He's my son, and he's God too, or something. It's complicated, ok?
Jews: I think we'll stick with the old one here.
God:Look, I love the brand loyalty Jews, I really do. But this whole God- thing isn't playing to the right demographics. Jesus is a hip, young God, you know, for the whole A.D.- generations.
Jesus: Surfs up, dudes!
God: Ha, that Jesus. What a character, right? This is going to play huge in Rome
Jews: This goes against everything you've ever told us.
God: No it doesn't, so just shut up. Also, Jesus, you're going to die.
Jesus: What? I thought I was your son! Or God. Or both!
God: Look, this is just complicated, okay Jesus? Besides, you totally return when you fight the Devil.
God: Right, he's another new character. He's like an evil God. Plot twist, right? We're arch enemies.
Jesus: Why would you make your own arch-enemy? That's really stupid.
God: Shut up, Jesus. And what would you know? You're made of bread and wine.
Jesus: What? Why?
God: Sponsorships, alright? New testaments aren't cheap.
Jews: I'm sorry, this is just way too different. Is this your fan-fiction or something?
God: Of course not. This is the logical progression of Judaism which I planned all along. Like when I made all those references to a lamb.
Jews: You made, like, five.
God: Well, they were all about Jesus. Foreshadowing. Um, I guess. So there.
Jews: Couldn't you have been clearer then?
God: I work in mysterious ways, okay? Look, just go with it guys. I worked really hard on this. And come on, you totally owe me for the whole 'creation' thing anyway.
Most Jews: Well, I guess we could.
God: Awesome! 'Most Jews', aka 'New Christians'-
New Christians: We're what now?
God: You won't regret this guys, I have the whole thing planned perfectly
Holy Ghost: Oooooooooh!
New Christians: ...
God: You're going to love it.
It sounds soooooo logical! The new book is so much nicer about sending people to hell!
Blasphemy, I can't stay here, lightning is sure to strike. Grow Up!
by Truly Different5 years ago
"Why don't Jews believe in Jesus?"Every time I come from Israel to visit my friend here in USA, I am asked this question by certain people. I always answer that Jews do not deny existence of Jesus, they just...
by Captain Redbeard21 months ago
I just read a post from someone stating that Christianity is based on the Bible which stands to reason, "If Christianity is based off the bible then that means it would have never come to furition since the book...
by JimLow4 years ago
This list of beliefs I wrote about 5 years ago, came from an approximate 20-year study of the Statements of Beliefs by many different Christian denominations. These were the beliefs I found that were of most common...
by earnestshub6 years ago
10 Questions To Ask A Christian.If you ever find yourself in the unfortunate postilion of having to spend time next to a christian it's important that you have things to say. Often at times when the christian feels the...
by Julie Grimes7 months ago
I think that the Christian religion would have been entirely different, if Apostle Paul hadn't screwed things up. It is my firm belief that if Christians really want to be Christ-like, they need to have a dual...
by Jeromeo7 years ago
No not everyone goes to heaven when he or she dies.Jn 18:36 Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world . . . this realm" Jn V3 I will come and receive you that where I am YOU may be also Its your home and...
Copyright © 2017 HubPages Inc. and respective owners.
Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc.