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Atheist cried out: "Oh my God..."

  1. Dennis Pace profile image60
    Dennis Paceposted 6 years ago

    An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees!
    What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.
    Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as
    fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the
    bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe
    at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God...";
    Time stopped.
    The bear froze.
    The forest was silent.
    It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
    The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
    "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
    And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord,bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly
    thankful. Amen."

    1. Julie2 profile image60
      Julie2posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Ouch...

    2. Cagsil profile image60
      Cagsilposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Atheist cried out "Oh my God"-

      So what. Who cares? It's absurd, simply because it was a figure of speech. Anyone who has any knowledge of language would understand.

      1. Dave Mathews profile image60
        Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Cagsil: it is much more than a figure of speech. In a moment of desparation and despair the Atheist calls out to the God he has denied to be spared from the bear.

        1. Woman Of Courage profile image60
          Woman Of Courageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          Dave, Exactly. The title of this thread has a true meaning.

          1. Dave Mathews profile image60
            Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

            Woman of Courage: As true as this thread is about the topic it deals with, there are still those who won't get it because they choose not to, they choose to remain in the dark about the truth.

            1. Woman Of Courage profile image60
              Woman Of Courageposted 6 years ago in reply to this

              Exactly.

        2. Shadesbreath profile image89
          Shadesbreathposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          No, Cagsil is essentially correct. We live in a culture where "Oh my God" is one of the most, if not THE most uttered phrase in moments of fright, both in real life and in movies etc.

          The phrase has been passed through generations and generations. Parents saying it imprint it on children in the same words like "Hello" pop out of our mouths when someone says, "Hi," or when we utter certain swear words when we slam our finger in a door.

          Had we been brought up in households with parents and televisions that had people shouting, "Cat spit!" when they hurt their fingers and "Oh my harmonica!" when doom was near, then nobody would shout "Oh my God."

          1. Julie2 profile image60
            Julie2posted 6 years ago in reply to this

            Nice.... smile

          2. Dave Mathews profile image60
            Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

            The referral to God in the expression is a freudian slip I know, but the fact that God is expressed means that somewhere in the recesses of the mind God exists, and the man calls out to God for help.

            1. Mark Knowles profile image61
              Mark Knowlesposted 6 years ago in reply to this

              Holy Star Goat!

              Thus proving that the Star Goat vomited the Universe. Otherwise - how could I possibly have expressed that? LOLOL

              1. Dave Mathews profile image60
                Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                You do love spewing your nonsensical comments just to see if you can get a rise out of me and others. God bless you my friend and forgive you for all of your doubts.

                1. Beelzedad profile image60
                  Beelzedadposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                  You mean, nonsensical comments like this:



                  smile

              2. Rishy Rich profile image81
                Rishy Richposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                The muslims cry out Allah, the Hindus Brahma, Ganesha, Shiva.

                Some even call out the Goddess of sex for better sexual life!

                The Greeks used to call out Zeus for help who was nothing more than a pervert!

                Some of us still call out God for help. So?

                1. profile image0
                  china manposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                  So   -  you should grow up like the rest of humankind who got over it 1500 and something.

            2. profile image0
              china manposted 6 years ago in reply to this

              No it doesn't it reflects the indoctrination of christianity - and if it stood on its own merits it would not need to indoctrinate its kids now would it.

            3. Shadesbreath profile image89
              Shadesbreathposted 6 years ago in reply to this

              I would argue that it is hope for god more than evidence of belief in him/her/them.

              Hope, as the story of Prometheus and Pandora's box tell, is the quintessential human trait. Belief requires the mind and heart to work together. Hope is simply there, an instinct to want a desirable outcome and to hold out for it no matter how dire the situation we are in. That's why they say, "There are no atheists in fox holes." When the missile or the grenade is coming in, even an atheist might default to his human instinct and hope, even pray that he has been wrong the entire time and that the impossible might be true.

              That is the nature of hope. I believe it really underlies all belief in God. It's just that for some, it's too absurd to consider except in a freak moment of weakness, the belief of desperation and distress (which really isn't belief at all).

    3. qwark profile image59
      qwarkposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Exchange the word "atheist" with the word "preacher."

      Trite! trite. trite!

      Yawnnnn!

      Qwark

      1. pennyofheaven profile image81
        pennyofheavenposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        That would be funny too!

    4. wbfree profile image60
      wbfreeposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      lol Amen!

      That's a good one! I see you brought out the resident, big-name atheists with that one. God WILL have the last word and the last laugh.

      Psalm 59:8
      But thou, O LORD, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the heathen in derision.

    5. Stump Parrish profile image59
      Stump Parrishposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I enjoyed it myself, I must suck at being an atheist. Hmmm perhaps I'm not a true atheist

    6. pennyofheaven profile image81
      pennyofheavenposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Too too funny! Thanks for the laugh!!!

    7. Titen-Sxull profile image94
      Titen-Sxullposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Hi. I'm an atheist. I say "Oh my God" all the time. It's a figure of speech common to the English language, nobody I hear using it says it to mean anything deep or spiritual. I'm a former Christian and am thus fully acquainted with the notion of God and can use that word just as I can use the name of other fictional characters.

      As for "denying the existence of God" one doesn't need to deny the existence of something which is already indistinguishable from the imaginary. The only reason I as an atheist bring up God is because he's the only fictional character I know of that causes people to fly planes into buildings or discriminate against homosexuals.

    8. Shahid Bukhari profile image60
      Shahid Bukhariposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Humans, are humans First ... Aetheists, Communists, Capitalists, and Jews, later ...

      Humans calling God ... Is Human ... though it be an inadvertant slip of the tongue or an unwarranted phonetic expression.

    9. profile image67
      paarsurreyposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      It is only a story; not a reality.

  2. lyndre profile image81
    lyndreposted 6 years ago

    lol lol

  3. melpor profile image90
    melporposted 6 years ago

    Very humorous short story. A lot of people used that expression casually, as an expression of surprise, disbelief or when they are in a scary situation as the man in story. I do not think the majority of people use this expression for what it is saying. I have never used this expression. The late actor Charles Heston used this expression in the movie "Planet of the Apes" when he saw the half buried "Statue of Liberty" sticking out of the sandy shore.

    1. Mark Knowles profile image61
      Mark Knowlesposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Religionists like to think it means atheists are really denying god and will stop doing so when faced with a life threatening situation.

      It makes them feel better about their ridiculous beliefs.

      Still - no atheist needs to make up stories like this to laugh at believers. Their beliefs are funny enough not to need it. lol

      1. melpor profile image90
        melporposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        I agree with you Mark. It is just an expression. Hard core criminals say it all the time in their situations and have the nerve to wear a cross around their neck.

      2. Pcunix profile image89
        Pcunixposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Check and mate smile

      3. Dave Mathews profile image60
        Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        When in a "WAR"  There are NO Atheists to be found in Foxholes or Trenches. Live with it. You are only an atheist when it suits you to be so.

        1. Beelzedad profile image60
          Beelzedadposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          It's not surprising that this myth is still being perpetuated be religionists, considering that in reality it is actually theists who become atheists after experiencing and witnessing the aftermath of war.

          Atheists rational minds are always working with no thoughts of magic whatsoever, and when faced with the conditions of war, it is only the rational that is focused upon, not gods. smile

          1. Dave Mathews profile image60
            Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

            Beelzedad: My God teaches me to love the sinner but hate the sin, therefore I love you brother, but I have that you would deny God and not accept him as God and embrace him. God Loves you still no matter that you deny Him.

            1. Beelzedad profile image60
              Beelzedadposted 6 years ago in reply to this

              Yes Dave, I do understand that in light of the myths you perpetuate, you also feel compelled to tell me that your god loves me and that he teaches you to hate me. No one is teaching me to hate you or anyone else, Dave. Big difference, eh Dave?  smile

              1. Dave Mathews profile image60
                Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                Beelzedad: I perpetrate no lies, no myths. I truly resent that you would openly lie stating that my God teaches me to hate you. You know that is a lie. My God teaches me to love you but to hate your sinfulness and that is what I states. I forgive you for your transgression though, obviously you think you can fool me. "You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool me ever." Your deliberate twisting of the truth is a poor way of trying to escape the truth, that there is a God and that I love you and God loves you too.

                1. Beelzedad profile image60
                  Beelzedadposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                  And yet, you perpetuate the myth that there are no atheists in foxholes.



                  You don't love me, Dave, and you know it. There is probably little you don't despise and hate of me because I don't share your beliefs.



                  I neither need nor want your forgiveness, Dave. Clearly, by making that statement, you place yourself in a position of superiority over me. Does it make you feel better to feel superior, Dave, is that why you are a believer?  smile

  4. Beelzedad profile image60
    Beelzedadposted 6 years ago

    If an atheist decided to put up a similar story about a believer, would they be labeled a god hater or some such thing? smile

    1. profile image0
      just_curiousposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I agree with you, but I don't think the joke would have worked as well if it was a believer in that predicament. so the story would have to be dissimilar. Just a thought.

  5. Flightkeeper profile image77
    Flightkeeperposted 6 years ago

    lol  Thank God we have a sense of humor. lol

  6. superwags profile image81
    superwagsposted 6 years ago

    Douglas Adams; "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?"

    I thought God gave humans dominion over all animals? Why's the bear attacking him in the first place?

    Surely this story is even considered dull in your Suday School!?

  7. pisean282311 profile image57
    pisean282311posted 6 years ago

    "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

    Now none can expect a brutal entity to react in any other way...let us now write a new story ...suppose same man had ridiculed his parents , denied them credit for everything they did for him , even insulted them in public...now if they would have seen him running for life , chances that they would try to save him in very very high...why?...because their love is not conditional one like religious god...

    1. Dave Mathews profile image60
      Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      pisean: Are you certain the parents would try to help the man after they had been mistreated and shamed throughout their lives, or do you think maybe a display of "Tough Love" was in order from the parents, and they permitted him to fend for himself.
      God places no demands on anybody other that to acknowledge him and return His love. God gives His love even though you do not recognize Him or love Him.

      1. pisean282311 profile image57
        pisean282311posted 6 years ago in reply to this

        demand is condition...thats what i m saying...god is not love but conditional love....you do this and i would love you...so love is not for person for what he/she is but for act he/she does...in other words god craves for acknowledgment...religious god punishes too if not acknowledge...i dont blame religious god for that....he can't do anything which writers dont want him to do...

  8. profile image0
    Twenty One Daysposted 6 years ago

    lol now that's funny.

  9. Mark Ewbie profile image82
    Mark Ewbieposted 6 years ago

    Having a slight problem here with a couple of things.

    First up - a talking bear.  Now I don't want to cast stones upon the water or whatever - but I don't believe there is such a thing.  A dancing bear maybe, and perhaps 'talking' through the power of mime under fear of punishment.  But it's just cruel.

    Second up - God in the forest.  Maybe it was a crane or something felling trees with a bright light on the front.  That would frighten the bear maybe.

    What would have been quite good in the story is if when the bear saw the light he topped the mans OMG with his own OMFG.  Thta's if you were going for the more raucous end of the disbeliever of course.

    Anyway a good story and I'll vote it up if I can find the button.

    1. Mark Knowles profile image61
      Mark Knowlesposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      If they swallow the talking snake - why not a talking Christian bear that kills unbelievers?

      1. Mark Ewbie profile image82
        Mark Ewbieposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        Come to think of it - that talking Christian bear's a winner.  If we were back in the Dark Ages with only a priest to guide us - I'd believe it.

        Trouble is nowadays we need to see it on Youtube.

        Five loaves? Two fishes?  Yeah right mate.

        1. Dave Mathews profile image60
          Dave Mathewsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          The anti-everything Atheists strikeout again,with their very limited intelligence and wit to poke fun at others. Bashing is all they know.

          1. Beelzedad profile image60
            Beelzedadposted 6 years ago in reply to this

            You mean, bashing like this:



            smile

          2. profile image0
            Brenda Durhamposted 6 years ago in reply to this

            Yeah, they can't take a joke unless it's on Christians or conservatives.   Then of course they find a "sense of humor".

          3. frogdropping profile image85
            frogdroppingposted 6 years ago in reply to this



            And that isn't bashing? What's your excuse?

  10. TahoeDoc profile image97
    TahoeDocposted 6 years ago

    So everyone who says "bless you" when someone sneezes thinks they really have the power to "bless" someone too?

    Fine as a joke, but "Oh my God" really is just an expression, like bless you. I mean if we were to take it as literally invoking the God being everytime someone cried out "Oh my God...", well, nevermind...

    There IS a story of God sending a bear in the bible. It didn't talk though. It was sent to tear some children apart for making fun of a bald man.

  11. Pcunix profile image89
    Pcunixposted 6 years ago

    Though of course the true story is that it was a Christian who fell to his knees and prayed fervently until the bear killed him. No god appeared and the bear said nothing for obvious reasons.

    The man's family insisted that the man was in a better place, though later that week what was left of him was actually in a pile of steaming bear scat.

    But the OP 's story is so much more colorful,isn't it? Let's pretend it happened that way.

  12. spookyfox profile image80
    spookyfoxposted 6 years ago

    I heard a similar story:

    A christian is walking in the forest and admiring its beauty when a bear appears. The christian, scared for his life, says with all his heart "My God, save me!". The bear kills the Christian. The end.

    1. pennyofheaven profile image81
      pennyofheavenposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Your story isn't as funny lol.

  13. Jerami profile image77
    Jeramiposted 6 years ago

    pisean282311 wrote  ..
      demand is condition...thats what i m saying...god is not love but conditional love....you do this and i would love you...

    = - = - = - =

      ME  ....

      In this respect , I'd say that I must have Loved my children with conditional kind of Love .   because ,,
      If they spend their allowance on Heroin or Crack ..  I stop loving them enough to keep giving them their allowance.   

      They can see that as conditional love If they want to ..

      I'll call it what I want to. 
      That is fair isn't it?

    1. getitrite profile image81
      getitriteposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Actually, not giving them money to buy crack is not stopping the love toward your children, it is actually showing love, because you don't want your children to destroy themselves.

      Bad analogy.

      No disrespect.

      1. Jerami profile image77
        Jeramiposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        NO  !  Not at all.

          Same OLE  same OLE ...   
          We are destroying ourselves in ways that we are unaware!

  14. Jerami profile image77
    Jeramiposted 6 years ago

    Dave Mathews wrote:
    The anti-everything Atheists strikeout again,with their very limited intelligence and wit to poke fun at others. Bashing is all they know.

    - - = = - = -

        "IF"   they were as inteligent as they think that they are
    They should ask themselves;  Does a truly wise person make a habit of argueing with a FOOL, ..........





       ...   such as  THEY  say we are ?

     

      Kinda like (but not)  ...  when a bartender refuses to serve someone that is believed to be too intoxicated ?   
      The simple fact that the drunk  argues  ?? 
      proves the bartender  CORRECT !

  15. profile image0
    jomineposted 6 years ago

    the story i think is true. either he personally witnessed it or his god showed the incident in a vision.
    i wonder if the person is a christian and the god is allah what would have happened??

  16. Hannah Ministries profile image60
    Hannah Ministriesposted 6 years ago

    Thanks friend for posting this. I knew the story but it was still a good laught. Anyone who have eyes sees. Anyone who have ears hears. I love Jesus, But he loved me first and let my life made sence to me and to hundreds of others.
    I dont care what anyone says. God loves us even when a bear is there to try to kill us. And I trust God with my life. But anyone who wants to disagree may do so. Anyone who wants to know more about this faith can contact me or go directly to Jesus.

    1. profile image0
      china manposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Does your jesus do english spelling and grammar lessons ?  the ability to fully comprehend texts and textual meanings is central to any understanding of the metaphors and paradigms contained within the words you profess to know and wish to disseminate.

    2. Beelzedad profile image60
      Beelzedadposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      LOL! A ministry in which they don't care what anyone says? I'm not sure whether to be surprised or not. smile

  17. Pearldiver profile image85
    Pearldiverposted 6 years ago

    What an incredibly Childish and Immature OP on this thread!
    How Old are You Mate? hmm
    The Moral High Ground huh? - Pathetic - Everyone with a Brain knows that Bears don't give a shit about religion.. Why would you insult them with such a pathetic assumption that they do? sad

  18. Chouji-Von-Lycan profile image60
    Chouji-Von-Lycanposted 6 years ago

    haha, best joke i've heard all day, though i'm unsure as to why people are stripping every sentence and word and moaning about it, it's a joke, laugh and move on, don't argue the fact that bears can't talk, silly people smile

  19. blogdigz profile image60
    blogdigzposted 6 years ago

    how about OMFG..?

    lol

    1. dingdong profile image59
      dingdongposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Yes big_smile

  20. profile image60
    kawagiposted 6 years ago

    Wow, great, as I was thinking recently about this problem.
    Let us start from here. Where a new baby comes from? The womb, someone will say .. yes. How did it get there in the first place?
    well, it is not that obvious. yes, the child is born as a result of quite well known biological and social phenomenon as a result of sexual interaction, but if you look at the problem closer you will find that the life force comes from somewhere else and is non-material. That is the reason behind every single jugdement in courts of law --  the awareness of any perpetrator is a must before we can make such a person accountable. Yet, we cannot hold  matter liable for damage or misconduct let alone force it  to obey human laws and moreover ethics and morality.
    I have a case to believe that people before are born are conscious in some other way, hence they do know God, well, there has to be someone more advanced than average Tom or Mary. It is statistics to say the least. Evolution would require eons for life too get to the point where someone could be powerful that much but it is obvious that this can happen otherwise we would not exist. I try writing from "scientific " point of view. So, writing as if I had no clue about religious dogma or beliefs.
    Ok, person inborn to this world had lost all conscious memory of previous life experiences. nevertheless a situation which is of extreme shock can break part of that protection veil which screens us from hidden knowledge and experience. Why? The reason is to concentrate on this life. That could account for the fact that in some extreme and rather rare circumstances we can perform tasks that normally are impossible, and in reality if we took purely materialistic point of view , they would never ever could have happened.Now.
    Let us look briefly this time why someone would choose to be an atheist. Simply like a child who wants to be an adult , even if it means that has to bear consequences of good and bad decisions, wants to live their own life without somebody "looking over the shoulder".The other reason is that
    Humans tend to use notion of God to control other humans, hence resistance to accept religion.

  21. dingdong profile image59
    dingdongposted 6 years ago

    Pathetic attempt of an OP lol

  22. profile image0
    BunuBobuposted 6 years ago

    LOL.
    What a strange story.
    I say "OMG" all the time.
    I thought that was "Taking God's name in vain".

  23. profile image67
    paarsurreyposted 6 years ago

    It is only a story; not a reality.

    But sometimes one speaks what one believes in one's heart and is hidden in one's soul naturally.

  24. profile image0
    BunuBobuposted 6 years ago

    Well maybe the bear didn't eat the man because he smelled bad.

  25. wormdo profile image61
    wormdoposted 6 years ago

    "Wow!" the atheist said. "A talking bear!"

    Then he took the bear back to the nearest city and became rich because dude, it's a talking bear.

    1. Lady Wordsmith profile image81
      Lady Wordsmithposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      lol

    2. superwags profile image81
      superwagsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      If only Eve had been so impressed with A TALKING SNAKE!!! then women wouldn't have ended up in this mess whereby they have to give birth to kids and I wouldn't have to work in that damned field every day!

      This is the problem with taking talking aimals too seriously...

      1. wormdo profile image61
        wormdoposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        A talking snake is pretty impressive though. I mean, a snake's tongue couldn't even form the same sounds as a human! I can see why Eve went, "Wow, this snake is probably legit."

        1. superwags profile image81
          superwagsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          Do you think the snake sounded like Kah in the Disney Jungle Book?

          And God punished the snake by saying "you will crawl on your belly for all time". Not much of a punishment for a snake.

          1. wormdo profile image61
            wormdoposted 6 years ago in reply to this

            I think the snake probably had a very soothing British accent, like Patrick Stewart. If Patrick Stewart told me to eat an apple I'd eat that apple no matter what some guy sitting on a cloud had told me.

            1. superwags profile image81
              superwagsposted 6 years ago in reply to this

              Thanks for the compliment on the British accent! Perhaps this is why we get to play the sinister bad guys in Amercian movies!

              Just because I've just watched it, and I love the way the guy speaks:
              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKdGwfMD8u8

              (It's very english in terms of speaking and humour)

  26. Lady Wordsmith profile image81
    Lady Wordsmithposted 6 years ago

    This initial post is a very lame attempt to twist meanings and interpretations into something that they just are not.  Very lame indeed.  I say 'oh my god' quite a lot, and I KNOW that I do not believe in any kind of god at all.  It's not there in my subconscious, this secret belief that even I'm apparently not aware of, because it doesn't exist!  I merely use 'oh my god' as an expression of shock or disbelief usually (ha ha, get it, disbelief, ha ha!)

    My gran is always telling me and my mum that we will come back to God and our faith one day - t'ain't gonna happen, because it was never there in the first place. 

    What IS this little bear story supposed to illustrate anyway?  It's obviously completely made up, so I'm just curious - what's it made up for?

    1. profile image67
      paarsurreyposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I think the OP is not serious; and just makes fun of the non-believers; that is not OK in my opinion; though other could have different opinion.

      1. Lady Wordsmith profile image81
        Lady Wordsmithposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        I think it's okay for Christians to make fun of non-believers, as long as they can take it when non-believers make fun of them smile

  27. wilmiers77 profile image61
    wilmiers77posted 6 years ago

    Shadebreath, so each atheist is brain dead; they don't comprehend the connotations of words? "Oh God" has been subject to an enormous number of peoples's intellect over the past 2 thousand years, and yet it still remains?

  28. wilmiers77 profile image61
    wilmiers77posted 6 years ago

    Mark Know, Holy Star Goat!? Man, logic, reasoning, and scientific proof is for the foundation of our minds materially conditioning us by His immutable laws to recognize God's Spirit. Life is in the spirit, and logic,reasoning, and scientific proofs are mere supports for you as a beginner.

 
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