The world is full of conundrums and paradoxes. Case in point.
We get told that we need to care for ourselves before we can care for others.
Yet narcissism, selfishness and self centered behavior or even putting ourselves first is considered bad.
I consider myself a bad person because that is a consideration based on the standard human view of good and bad. I'm not upset about it, it makes me feel like a stronger person because I can admit that.
So what's wrong with being bad?
Seeing the negative was intended..
not so that it should consume the individual.. but by it they can transform themselves into that which is good.
I t is acheived not by focussing on the negative as the negative,
but to examine it to see how it works to our good benefit.
The transformation occurs when you begin to see that all thing are intended for the good.
I agree with what was posted by Kirsten.
How about we look at things as strengths and weakness...Whenever I do midterm evaluations at work. I give 3 strengths in work habits and 3 weaknesses in work habits.
Those things that we do well at only require to be maintain (minimum) those things where we are lacking requires us to improve on. Looking out for ones own well being is not selflessness...As I cannot help someone else if I myself do not possess the means. And how can I love someone else if I have no love for myself...Finding the "beauty" of myself allows me to see the beauty of others.
And if you really want to get down to brass tacks...Helping others and things along those lines most people do because it gives them the warm and fuzzy or because "the bible says so" and they are trying to get points to make sure they make it to heaven.
And I am not even going to get on a rant about some of the other things...Lets just say...Typically speaking...It takes a "bad person" to know a "bad person" because the "good person" is only going to be looking for the "good"
I think the difference is in the motives for taking care of ourselves, in the definition of "taking care of ourselves", and whether not taking care of ourselves is done in a way that places our own, or others', interests first.
Another difference can be with the "bar" that measures what "taking care of oneself" is compromised of. A mature, well adjusted, adult can take of himself (enough to be the best he can be for others) with that bar at a level so low there's not a whole lot of room for "wrong" motivations to fit under it.
The person with so much immaturity and so many needs (or so little empathy or genuine love for someone else), that the bar is pushed higher; is a person who is always at risk of the crossing the line between the selfless motivation and healthy self-esteem and narcissistic behavior/thinking.
"Taking care of oneself" could be compared to eating: Eating what we need to stay healthy is a good thing. Eating more than what we need, or eating the wrong foods, is a bad thing. So if someone asks whether eating is a good thing or a bad thing, there has to be the additional information of, "What kind of eating are you talking about?"
I don't think the "taking care of oneself" thing is a conundrum or a paradox. It's a question that needs further information in order to determine whether, in any one circumstance, it's "the good kind of taking care of oneself" or "the bad kind".
What exactly do you mean when you say bad in relation to oneself? I honestly consider very few people 'bad people'. I generally think people are people, with strengths and weaknesses, that most people are good people who just happen to do 'bad' things sometimes. It's like my adopted mom used to say, smart people can do dumb things (usually because she thought something I did was dumb), likewise good people can do bad things. I smoke, smoking is bad, does that make me a bad person or simply a good person with a bad habit/addiction?
I think there are unwise things unhealthy things, stupid things, and negative things people do (intentionally or otherwise). Then there are bad things: killing, stealing, child molesting,intentionally being cruel, etc. etc. Good people often do any number of things in that first group. I don't think people who do any of things in the "bad" category can be good people at all - otherwise they wouldn't do those things. Maybe in some cases someone who was once good turns by by doing something bad; but it's conscience that stops some people from doing those bad things, and it's a really good conscience and empathy that makes them not even want to do those bad things. The person who doesn't have enough conscience to keep from doing bad things is not a good person.
I have terrible moodswings and I take things too serious but all that is going to change in a few weeks, Im going to train myself to be a lot calmer.
I think I know what you mean Wrylit. I have had to accept that I'm a very selfish person. There are only a handful of people I will do anything for or even help. People around me might call me a good person, but most of my actions are somewhat selfishly motivated. It's the bad things about yourself that you have to accept all the while trying to be better and achieve some good in the world.
I'm not sure I would use the term bad, for anyone. I think I'd call it not perfect. You sound well grounded. Everyone needs to look at their reasons for doing things and try to adjust when their actions are wrong, in their eyes.
sum people think limberger cheese is bad too. i would not agree.
Hillel's three questions:
"If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?"
"If I am only for myself, than what am I?"
"If not now, when?"
having a low opinion of yourself is very bad for your health!
but I do believe if you think you a "bad" because you are not like the average hypocrite then, you are probably superior and have a good opinion of yourself but want to appear humble, somehow, and have good intentions towards others, even if they are all hypocritical, moralistic schmucks who could not care less about others and only spout moral hypocrisy to try to look good. Therefore you are good, and most others suck!
I don't have a low opinion of myself, that's the point! I have a high opinion of myself, I'm sure some would consider it a superiority complex!
haha! I understand completely! I have always thought that some psyched out psychiatrist made up that term "superiority complex" out of his own "inferiority complex" and jealousy of competent, resourceful, assertive and basically well-adjusted people (probably mostly women!) Probably couldn't figure out a way to get these kind into his office to make money from them without claiming they were maladjusted for being superior!
As Just_Curious said, "I would not use the term bad" when this sounds to me like an expression of self-confidence.
Certainly from my perspective using terms like Bad can lead one to become jaded in their prospective to how they view life-beginning to believe their own press.
I am quite certain there are a number of people in the penitentiary who viewed himself as "bad!"
Self-confidence is simply an attribute utilized by most people.
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