Moses, Jesus and this old guy are playing golf.
Moses drives the ball and it goes right for a pond, so moses parts the water and the ball roles up the opposite bank.
Jesus drives the ball and sure enough, it goes right fro the pond and roles across the the surface to the opposite bank.
The old guy drives the ball, it heads for the pond, a squirell grabs it and heads for the woods, just then a hawk swoops down and grabs the squirell and as it flies over the whole, the hawk gives it a squeeze and the squirell drops it in for a whole in one.
Jesus says "Nice shot dad"!
I LIKE IT!
Here's one: A Protestant minister, a catholic priest and a Jewish Rabbi are fishing from a boat. The minister says "I have to pee" so the Rabbi offers to row him to shore. The minister says "No need!" gets out, walks across the water and heads to the bathroom, returning the same way. Soon, the Priest says: I left my tackle box on the dock" to which the Rabbi makes his offer of rowing once again. The priest says "No need!" gets out, walks across the water, grabs his box and walks back. The Rabbi is now looking for a way to equalize the situation says: "I left my lunch on the bank!" to which one of the others offers to row. "No need!" declares the Rabbi. He steps out and disappears below the surface.
The Minister looks at the Priest and says "Should we show him where the rocks are?"
Here's one more. Adam in the Garden : God. Why did you make women so beautiful? God replies: So you will love them.
After a moment Adam says:God, why did you make them so stupid?
God replied: So that they would love you !
An archeologist is tooling around in a cave and stumbles upon a lamp.
A genie pops out and says I will grant you 3 wishes, but be for warned I'm an evil genie, so your worst enemy will get twice what you wish for "who is your worst enemy".
The archeologist says "that's easy my ex-wife".
The archeologist wishes for a billion dollars, the genie says "your ex-wife gets 2 billion dollars.
He wishes for a mansion with 2 tennis courts, the genie says "she gets twice that. What is your 3rd and final wish"?
The archeologist says "I'll have to think on that" and leaves.
He comes back a short while later, hands the genie a stick and says "Now beat me half to death".
Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.
"See here, old fellow," said Jesus kindly, "this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play-- you're supposed to be blissfully happy! What's wrong?
"Well," said the old man, "you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."
"Tears sprang from Jesus' eyes. "FATHER!" he cried.
The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "PINOCCHIO!"
3 guys are at the pearly gates.
Saint paul approaches and says "There's a special in heaven this week. Whoever died in the most interesting way get's in first".
The first guy says "I got home and I found a guy hanging from my balcony, believing she was cheating on me, so I beat his hand with my shoe until he fell. A tree stopped his fall, so I pushed the refrigorator over the balcony and killed him. I had a heart attack from all of the excitement and here I am".
The second guy says "I was working out on my balcony when I slipped and fell, luckily I was able to brab the rail of the balcony bellow and this guy starts beating my hands with a shoe. I fell, but luckily there was tree to break my fall, then a refrigorator fell on me and here I am".
The third guy says "I have no idea how I got here, I was hiding in a refrigorator".
An elderly couple are attending church services... About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband. It says, "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?" He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
Troubled, I wear hearing aids, very funny!
Church Ladies With typewriters . . .
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: (Just a small selection for now, jonnycomelately)
*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
*This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
*The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . *The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.
does the joke have to have religious content then.....
How do you know Moses wore a wig.....
sometimes he was with Aaron and sometimes without Aaron.
I don't think so Joy, not necessarily, but I feel it helps to keep our serious side in a healthy balance.
Thanks for making me laugh, guys! Here's one...
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.
When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?"
"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"
A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity. The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Back on your heads!"
A couple of catholic jokes;
What do you call a nun who lives upstairs?
None of the above
what do you call a Rabbi who lives in a monastery?
What do you call a priest who wears nun's clothes?
by Hokey6 years ago
Post your best jokes on here. Lets see what you got!!!!
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Two pastors were standing on a curve in the road with two signs. The first one said, "Turn around now." The second one said, "The end is near."A man came upon them and shouted at them,...
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