Your Deceased Loved One Wants to Talk With You

In this article I’ll explain how you can achieve closure after losing a loved-one with virtual communication. In the second part of this article, I'll take you on a philosophical examination of what the afterlife might be like.


Has someone close and dear to you died before you could discuss questions you've had? Have you wanted closure with a deceased loved one? Would you want to have the chance to talk with your Mom or Dad who passed away, or possibly a good friend who died too young?

You can still visit them after death by doing so in your own mind, by imagining that you are having a conversation. You can still ask questions that bother you after losing a loved one by using your knowledge of how they may have responded.

You can recreate their persona, or psyche, in your mind. It's as if you were visiting them to have a talk, even though they are no longer physically there.

This may help with bereavement, or having closure, by finding a way to complete those discussions that you wish you had had. It is also useful if he or she was some sort of mentor for you, and you didn't let them help you when they wanted to be there for you.

Using your own knowledge of their personality, you can recreate their persona and use it to offer a response to your questions.

Consider a Virtual Visit with the Deceased

Imagine in your mind a meeting with the deceased and having a conversation as if they were there with you. This is sort of like a virtual visit with him or her.

When we remember loved ones who we lost due to old age or health problems, we most likely visualize them as they were last remembered. It's important to decide at what age we chose to visit them in this virtual visit.

There are many different results that can come out of this depending on what age they are in our virtual visit. Maybe we'll want to exercise visiting them at several different stages in their life and discuss things that were pertinent at that time.

You can do anything you want in your own mind to accomplish this communication with a deceased relative or friend. Do whatever is necessary to help with bereavement or to resolve an issue so you can feel closure.

During your virtual visit, pay attention to their expression. Bring their reactions to life in your own mind. Try to get in touch with the feelings they would have had. You'll need to help it along by representing both yourself and the deceased as you imagine the conversation in your mind.


Unfinished business needs to be resolved in our own mind. This can still be achieved with a deceased loved one by using our knowledge of how they wished to help us.

What You Need for Closure

As you carry on the conversation, make the most use out of it.

Do you just want to have some precious time with them that you feel you missed out on when they were still around?

Or was something troubling you and you never made an effort to discuss it when they were alive?

  • What would you ask?
  • What would you want to tell them?
  • What would you expect in return?

Plan ahead by thinking about what you would want to accomplish. Were they a source of comfort? Do you need that now? Are they the only one you can get that from?

Do you need their approval on some issue that you never had resolved?

Were they critical of you and you are now ready to understand the reason why? Or did you already resolve that and you just want to share the news with them? Maybe even thank them for making you aware of something important?

Do you need their input on something that’s going on for you right now that you are anxious about? Are they the only one who can help?

If it's unfinished business that you feel you need to resolve, how will it affect you if you get the answer you want? Will you be able to handle it if you get a different result out of it?

There are many issues that need to be considered, but you can get a lot out of it by imagining in your own mind how a discussion with a loved one might go. Use some idea you have of their attitude to imagine what they might tell you and what answers they may have in response to the questions lingering in your mind.

The Deceased May Tell You Something in a Dream


Many people experience dreams where deceased loved ones reappear. This seems to be a common phenomenon and there has to be some psychological meaning with these dreams. They may be the result of the brain trying to make some sense out of an unexpected loss or to resolve emotional issues.

When we have dreams of a loved-one who had passed away, it is our way of completing unfinished business that needs to be resolved with that person.

I did some research on this and find that most people know in their dream that the person is dead. They even ask why they are there because they shouldn’t be there if they’re dead. However, they never seem to get an answer.

I’ve had my own experience with the deceased appearing in my dreams. For me it was different. I never thought twice about it in my dream. It seemed completely normal that they were there, as if they never had died yet.

It wasn’t until I actually woke up when I realized the person in my dream had already been dead. In that dream they were very much alive and functioning as normal without me realizing that they should not have been there. It’s as if they were immortal in my mind.

Dreams of deceased relatives can occur anytime. Even decades later they can come back to revisit in a dream that our subconscious mind creates. My father, who died 30 years ago, has been in dreams of mine long after his death. In those dreams he was very much, unquestionably, alive.

Why the Dying Seem to Communicate With the Dead

In addition to our subconscious mind bringing back the deceased in our dreams, possibly for the purpose of our mind needing to work out some unresolved issue, it is also common for people who are dying to have conversations with those who already passed away before them.

I noticed that experience with my Aunt. The few days before she died she began having conversations with her dead husband and her dead sister. I listened to these conversations and they sounded as if she were talking on the phone. That’s how normal it sounded.

My initial explanation for why this is happening is that they may be hallucinating. I’m not one to believe that the dead are communicating with them. I prefer to believe that the intelligence in their mind is at work.

With a memory of the deceased person and knowledge of how they reacted and how they felt about things, they are creating a pathway to complete unfinished business and resolve outstanding issues as death approaches.

Make the Opportunity of a Lifetime for a Heartfelt Conversation

So far I was discussing virtual visitation in your mind in order to have closure. With that in mind, think about those around you who are still alive. Why not take the opportunity to have that long-ignored conversation while you can?

It's best if we think about it before losing a relative to death and discuss things that are troubling us. Give them a chance to communicate with us when they are still alive.

One day when I was visiting my parents when my father was still alive, I observed his elderly condition and I thought about all the questions I had that we're troubling me. I thought to myself, 'I better have a conversation with him and ask these questions before I lose the chance.'


I had that conversation. We sat and talked. He listened to my queries and the reason for my need to know certain things about our early family life. He answered all my questions. He learned a lot from my queries too. He came to know things that he himself didn’t realize prior to that chat.

There were things that he was previously left in the dark about for no special reason other than just not being aware of everything that had gone on. I can’t blame him for that. He was busy earning a living to support the family, and he was a wonderful and loving father.

After all is said and done, it was a learning experience for the both of us. We both came away from that evening with a better knowledge, and a better understanding, of the year that lead up to that time.

He died the next day.

If you never had the opportunity to ask questions that you think about now, take advantage of it while you can. There is so much we think about later that is lost forever, such as what their life was like before you were born. We hardly ever consider the fact that our parents had a childhood. For example, we may want to know how they were in their teen years.

If you are fortunate to still have your loved ones alive, then take the opportunity of a lifetime and plan a heart to heart conversation. Get to know them. Get to understand where they’ve been and how they got to where they are.

How a Dead Relative Can Still Give Us Guidance

We may not be able to learn about their past once they are gone, but we can still have them lead us with needed guidance.

You may have more knowledge deep within you about this person than you realize. You may actually have a pretty good idea of how they might respond to various questions by imagining and recreating their psyche. You may determine what they would have told you when you ask for help.

All you have to do is verbalize these answers in your mind as if you were having a conversation with them today.

Give it a try. Have a conversation with them.

In your mind...
In your heart...
Imagine the answers you know they would want to share.
Let them guide you with those answers.

Your loved one wants to help. They will never let you down, dead or alive. Wherever it takes you, you’ll learn something from it.

How is Life After Death in the Hereafter?


A common explanation for those who believe in the afterlife is the statement, "It’s our soul that continues on in the hereafter, not our body."

I have two thoughts on the subject:

  1. For the purpose of maintaining some form of sanity, I would like to think that we do continue on in some way.
  2. From a scientific position, I have to think there is nothing left when our brain stops functioning. Once that happens, all our knowledge and all our memory would cease to exist. That’s the scientific reasoning anyway.

Which one is right, I can’t say. Some people prefer to have a belief system. I prefer to recognize my limited knowledge of things that have no proof in our present life. The proof comes later, when it’s too late to share it with you.

I'm not a religious man and I don’t necessarily believe in life after death, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about it and wondering if it exists or what it might be like.

A Different Way of Thinking

We often think of the continuation after one dies as "Life After Death." I prefer to think of it as "Existence After Death."

Life after death, if it does exist, may not be what we imagine. We think of it in the same way as the life we presently experience, because it’s the only form of life we know.

In order to consider life after death, we need to think outside the box. For that reason I’d like to drop the term “life after death” as most people call it.

If we do continue as some form of existence, it may be a completely different than we can ever imagine, so don't you agree that “existence after death” is a better term?

Everyone in Heaven will forever be at the peak of his or her existence!

If there is indeed a hereafter, I don’t think we would be there in our present form with the body we have in our present life. If that were so, it brings up another question: How old will everyone be in heaven?

Will we be at the age when we died? Does that mean that if one were old and crippled then that will be how they continue to Heaven?

No. I sure hope not! That would not be Heaven. Would it?

So if there were a hereafter, then we would no doubt exist in some other form. We don't take our body with us when we die.

Is Everyone in Heaven the Same Age?

When we go to Heaven and we meet all those people we knew in life, how old are they?

Do we meet everyone at the age we last saw them alive, or are they at some earlier age of their physical life?

What if they died after us? When we finally run into them in Heaven will they be older than we ever knew them to be in our physical life? Will we recognize them? Have you ever thought about that?

What if everyone is starting over in Heaven is an infant. What if that is everyone’s age in Heaven? Then, of course, we would be infants too. Who would be taking care of us?

Do you see my point? I'm having a problem figuring out any meaningful age for everyone to be when they arrive in Heaven.

I realize the problem is that here in our present life we function under the constraints of time. That creates the confusion that I am discovering in my thoughts about everyone's age in Heaven. We need to once again think outside the box. We need to stop considering "time" as an entity.

Does Time Exist in Heaven?

The concept of time is something we can't comprehend being without. For one thing, the sequence of time throughout our lifetime helps us keep track of past experiences. We usually have some sort of feeling associated with our memories, some fond and some not so great.

Time is also necessary here in our present life to make plans for the future and keep in sync as we relate with other people.

However, if we consider eliminating time from the equation, then we can resolve the question that I brought up earlier about how old everyone is in Heaven. Maybe time is not necessary in the hereafter.

If we accept that time itself is nonexistent in Heaven, then the concept of age is irrelevant and therefore the problem with this question about age does not materialize.

The answer is simple. We meet everyone in Heaven at the peak of his or her lives. Isn’t that a neat way to think of it?

Our bodies deteriorate. With our body we can never remain at the prime of our lives. Therefore, we don’t require our bodies in the hereafter.

Everyone in Heaven will forever be at the peak of his or her existence!

Now that's a thought you can take with you.

© 2011 Glenn Stok

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Comments 10 comments

pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 5 years ago from sunny Florida

Thank you for sharing this. I do not think of myself as wacky but I do communicate with my parents...I talk to them and share with them the events that have occurred since they left this planet. My parents were already elderly when I was born so they left the planet when I was much younger than most people's do. It kind of bothered me, no, not kind of, it rankled my ire, when people would say ..o you had them a long time...because they were older (93 and 87)..and I would, the world had them a long time...I did not. So when they passed on, left this planet, I decided I would talk to them and I do. I feel most closely connected to my Mother when I am working in my yard as she was able to make sticks grow.

So thank you for sharing this so others may at least begin to think about talking to their loved ones.

Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok 5 years ago from Long Island, NY Author

pstraubie48, Thank you for your very meaningful comments. I'm sorry you lost your parents in such as short time (of your life). I can understand how you feel because I also had older parents. My parents were 43 and 46 when I was born.

Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA

This hub made me think of the conversations I never had with my deceased parents and grandparents - I still regret that. Your suggestions and questions would be helpful in working through feelings and grief, but also inspirational for writing about that important person. You've given me lots to think about!

jenubouka 5 years ago

What a great article, I like to think that my deceased loved ones can hear me, and from time to time smile down at me. Voted up!

Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok 5 years ago from Long Island, NY Author

Stephanie Henkel ~ You picked up on the specific reason why I wrote this, to help people working through feelings and grief. That was a very good observation on your part. Sorry for your lose of your parents.

jenubouka ~ Not only do they hear you and smile down at you, but they are also proud of you for working towards your secret dream. Thanks for the vote up.

mathira profile image

mathira 5 years ago from chennai

I could easily relate to this article because I had lost my husband.Though I might have lost him physically, I feel he is still with me spiritually.Whatever problems I might have, I share it with him to this day.

Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

Great article, Glenn, and well dealt with such a debatable topic. I myself had a wonderful experience when I visited my mother's grave and so had my son at the same time. Therefore, it was not just my imagination.

Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok 5 years ago from Long Island, NY Author

mathira ~ I am sorry to hear about the lose of your husband. As you said, our lived ones will always remain with us spiritually. Thanks for following and welcome to HubPages.

Hello, hello ~ I find it interesting that so many people have found a way to continue the communication. It's a reality that departed loved ones will always be with us.

Thanks for stopping by.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 3 years ago from The Caribbean

I'm glad I read the article because the title scared me a bit; however, the theme is not what I thought it was. I could see how fulfilling it could be to "recreate that persona and use it to offer a response to your questions." It is still the mind of the living, rather than the mind of the dead in control. Thank you for this perspective.

Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok 3 years ago from Long Island, NY Author

MsDora - Thanks for that viewpoint about the title. I'm am actually having a lot of trouble with the title for this Hub. I changed it a couple of times. I still have to work on that. I have to use something people are searching Google for. It's not easy. I'm glad you got past the title and read it.

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