Learning to Trust the Universe
A Hard Lesson
I recently learned a hard lesson I thought I had already learned several years ago. It was about going against my intuition and not trusting that the universe would provide for me if I honored my spirit. In a moment of desperation, I went against what my heart and soul were telling me to do, and—surprise—it did not end well.
Bad Business Transactions: Twice Burned
Several years ago, I was desperate to get my writing career off the ground and was thrilled when two different people wanted me to ghostwrite their books. The first person, a well-known local psychic, made me feel a bit uneasy, but I ignored my reservations, telling myself that I was just being paranoid. However, it soon became clear to me that, although he may have wanted a book written, his main agenda was hitting on me. I walked away feeling defeated, but that didn’t stop me from making the same mistake almost immediately afterward. The second person who wanted my help with a book was off-putting from the start. I didn’t like how vague she was about payments and deadlines, and I naively didn’t get anything in writing up front. However, I pushed through my feelings of discomfort and worked with her anyway. Again, not surprisingly, I walked away disappointed and with an increased level of distrust in people and the universe.
Lesson Learned, Or So I Thought
Being a perpetual student of spirituality and metaphysics, I thoroughly examined everything that happened with these two people and realized that the experience was perfect. I needed to have an experience in which I went against my own feelings to show me that I don’t trust my own internal guidance or the universe. I honestly thought that if I didn’t accept these shady offers from people who made me feel uncomfortable, I would never receive another writing opportunity again. From that point on, I went with my intuition on new writing jobs. Not everything turned out perfectly, but there’s a life lesson in every experience and I accepted that.
Third Time’s the Charm
Recently, I realized that the lesson didn’t quite take. Another thing I discovered is that, if you don’t learn the lesson early in the game, the universe will up the stakes each time to get your attention. So, a few weeks ago, I was feeling desperate for money because I want to move to a new home. I was pushing myself to my physical and mental limits trying to earn all the money I could when a huge freelancing offer came along. Most of the things I write are short pieces that pay anywhere from $20 to $100, but this assignment paid close to $500. It was on a topic I intensely hate to write about, and the client’s instructions were convoluted. I knew it would stress me out for a few days, but I thought the hard work would be worth it. I accepted the task and ignored that little voice in my head that was screaming at me to decline the offer. I toiled away at this 8,000 word monster for three days and submitted it. During those three days, I was unable to do any of my normal work that guaranteed payment, but I was willing to take the risk of losing that money for a large payment all at once. Well, the client came back and told me it wasn’t what he wanted at all, even though I followed his labyrinthine instructions as best I could, and he needed the revisions done within 24 hours, which would have been impossible since he basically needed a complete rewrite. Plus, the condescending way he spoke to me made me not want to waste another ounce of my precious energy on him. I had no choice but to drop the assignment and wish him luck in finding a writer who would meet his needs. I was out three days of work and $500 at a time when I needed money more than ever.
I Finally Get It
So what did I learn from this very expensive lesson? I learned that I don’t have to accept any old job out of fear that nothing better will come along to take its place. I learned that the lesson keeps coming until you finally get it and change your way of thinking, being, and trusting, and the lesson gets harder each time. I learned that I don’t trust that I will be taken care of (so many people have this sense of mistrust in the universe!) and that I need to practice the art of surrendering to my higher self until it becomes my natural way of being. I’m working very hard on this, one writing job at a time, carefully choosing work that honors my spirit. Trust is a conscious choice that takes cultivating, but it is worth the effort.
More by this Author
When I bought my first Tarot deck, the only spread I had ever seen was the Celtic Cross. In fact, it was the only spread even mentioned in the little booklet that came with my cards. I was so intimidated by the idea of...
Have you been trying to use the Law of Attraction to manifest abundance and aren’t seeing results? Sometimes it’s hard to maintain your intent on what you want when so many negative things are screaming for...
When you have questions about major life events, such as pregnancy and marriage, sometimes a single card can give you all the information you need. Keep in mind that no card has a static meaning. It is important to tap...
No comments yet.