taking the hard no

but i really want to.

Have you ever noticed how the answer to your prayer is not necessarily yes. I mean we all want it to be sure, but how often was what you asked for what you really needed. I know that I wanted to marry my high school sweetheart. Looking back though the passage of time though I can see how the hard no I got on that prayer was really a yes to what my life could become.

I have always been a, lets see how shall we put this, a curious person. I have always wanted to know the why of something, why does that car move, why can a plane stay in the air, why is she such a ah hmmm well let's leave that unsaid. I have always been a very spiritual person, I remember very well begging my mom to bring me to church, and then loving nature and discovering the truth of magic. It's all about energy manipulation, but that's a different hub. I have always known the truth of a creator, even when I was a practicing pagan.

What I never understood was the things that happen in your life if there is a god why doesn't he fix it. Here very recently I have had good reason to doubt the divine plan, I had to quit my job, in a recession. I am about to lose my house. My family depends on me to take care of these problems, I can't say that I blame them. I am the man of my household, I am very involved in everything that happens here, and I am ultimately responsible for how it turns out. As a converted christian I in turn, place these in god's hands. I mean after all it is his job to take care of us right.

I have also been shown the wisdom of god's timing here recently. Besides the above mentioned marriage, which is happy if by no means easy, I can see where God has brought me to the place I needed to be and brought the people I needed around me. When my truck was broken he brought someone to fix it. The random act of kindness of a neighbors friend who spent fifteen hours removing my intake manifold twice, all for a case of beer and some good conversation. This man also pointed me in the right direction to get some benefits that I wasn't even sure I qualified for. Now the only question is did the man show because the truck was there or did the truck break so the man could show.

I have also felt the opposite end of this stick. A job that I really thought I wanted, that I didn't get. A mortgage that I can't pay, and a dwindling supply of hope. I take these lumps as they come, after all we weren't told that it would be easy, just that we would have company on the way. I just keep trusting that where I'm supposed to be.

Sometimes the no is really hard to take, I keep praying that we will be able to save the house, but what if the answer is no, what if I am supposed to take my family and move hundreds of miles away. Now everyone will tell you that there is no sense to be found in uprooting yourself and family and moving somewhere just because it feels right.

Then I think that maybe there is a yes around the corner. Since I started this hub some things have changed, the neighbors friend who fixed my truck, he wants to buy the house. So we may not get foreclosed on if we can get it together in time. To think that if my pride hadn't kept me from sharing with this man I now call my friend, we could have gotten started months ago.

In conclusion to my rambling rant on the subject of everything. Sometimes the answer is no, as hard as it is to accept. Sometimes the answer is yes, and that is always easy to hear. But sometimes, sometimes the answer is not right now, or even ok I'll let you do that.

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