The Leader of the Illuminati and the Bible. The truth behind Genesis and Adam and Eve.

Contents.


The adventures in time of David Icke/Oink.



The Book of Genesis corrected.



The power of the Illuminati and some problems.



Adam and Eve eat of the forbidden fruit, or do they really?



God makes a “Boo Boo”. The Divine cover-up.



How this Earth-shattering information came to light.


Pope Benedict XVI. I am refusing to take his calls.

Source

The adventures in time of David Icke/Oink.


“I must explain here that the Illuminati are all accomplished time travellers as well as shape shifters and David Icke/Oink has always been one of the most proficient. This can account for how he was able to perform such feats as tempting Eve. (The Bible got that one wrong. It was a pig not a serpent and the apple came from “Tesco”. It was a “Granny Smith” incidentally)”.


The above quotation comes from my account of how the leader of the Illuminati, David Icke/Oink caused the sinking of RMS Titanic in the year 1912.


I was explaining some of the background of David Icke/Oink and I made reference to some previous disasters for humanity that had the Illuminati leader’s hoof/fingerprints all over them. One of the catastrophes caused by this shape shifting and time travelling megalomaniac was the Tunguska explosion in Siberia in 1908. Another one was the extinction of the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. It was careless exiting from a wormhole that caused the mega explosions in both those cases. Needless to say, David Icke/Oink was not injured himself in any way. In the case of the 1908 incident, he was returning from Cana in Galilee. He gate-crashed a wedding, drinking all the wine, thus creating a situation detailed more fully in the Gospel according to St John. But it was the malevolent Illuminati leader’s intervention in the story of our first parents that I wish to account to you now. Hence the quotation that begins this story.

Many people have expressed amazement at how all pervasive the influence of the Illuminati seems to have been in the history of humanity. When I made the above mention of how David Icke/Oink was responsible for the fall of man, I overturned a hornets nest. My inbox has been flooded with mail on the subject ever since. Such diverse characters as Pope Benedict XVI and Richard Dawkins have been phoning me for more details on this startling revelation. I have had to instruct my secretaries to stop putting their calls through. I don't have the time to deal with their importunities. But in order that the Holy Father and the high priest of atheism can sleep more soundly, I'm going to tell the whole story now.


The Book of Genesis corrected.


The biblical book of Genesis tells us how God created Adam and Eve and placed them in a garden with Dominion over all the other creatures of the world. It further relates how God gave them permission to eat the fruit of every tree that grew in the garden, except the tree that stood proud in the centre of the garden. This tabooed plant was called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It was actually a very large Granny Smith apple tree, but they were not to know that.


So here we have the situation. Adam and Eve were having a lovely time in the beautiful garden. They could sunbathe nude all-day. They didn't need to lift a finger as all the food they desired was growing all around them. When they got bored, they could while a few hours away naming various animals. Life was indeed a bowl of cherries for the lucky pair. But things were about to change.


Theologians in the Abrahamic religions have been debating for thousands of years over the identity of the serpent that is said to have tempted Eve to take the fruit from the forbidden tree and offer it to Adam. Some say that it was Satan the devil that coiled himself in the branches of the big Granny Smith apple tree. Others actually say that it was a real snake, but one that could talk. I heard a Freudian theologian once say, that it was a sexual fantasy, engaged in by Eve, who mistook the writhings of the reptile for the particular parts of her own father. (That's Freudians for you, full of rubbish. The fact that Eve didn't have a father wasn't registering with this particular “expert”). Still, since Bible interpretation has been overloaded with bull for thousands of years, nothing need surprise.


The truth of the matter is that there was no serpent. The story of the devil/reptile was invented by God to cover up the embarrassing reality of what did happen. It wasn't a reptile. It was a pig, or more correctly a pig/human. It was none other than the infamous leader of the Illuminati, David Icke/Oink and just for once he was actually blameless in the whole disaster.


The power of the Illuminati and some problems.


A curious feature of the shape shifting pig/human species is that when asleep they always revert to the porcine form. This means that if you were to sneak up to his bedroom window to spy on David Icke/Oink, when he was asleep, you would be faced with the sight of a snoring boar in a shell suit, rather than the former television presenter and current propagator of outrageous “porkies” that you would expect to see. This sometimes creates a problem when the leader of the Illuminati is travelling for long journeys on either trains or planes. His normal practice is to cover himself with a large coat when he feels like nodding off. Two flight attendants and three railway ticket inspectors have had to take extended sick leave, because of the shock they suffered, when they looked under the coat. If he is travelling with a companion who knows the score, that person is instructed to nudge him if they notice him dozing off.


Adam and Eve before meeting David Icke/Oink.

Source

The Leader of The Illuminati as he appeared to Adam and Eve.

Source

Adam and Eve eat of the forbidden fruit, or do they really?


But to get back to our story, David Icke/Oink was returning from his local Tesco superstore after buying a bag of the Granny Smith apples that pig/humans are particularly addicted to. He was using a mini wormhole for his journey. As well as being head of the most evil organisation in the world, the Illuminati leader is very tight about money, (another example of “the banality of evil”, I guess). He never shops in the present time, but always goes back about 10 years to get his groceries at cheaper prices. He was listening to a tape of Lyndon LaRouche giving a speech about European history and the evils of the Lombard conspiracy. I don't know how many of you have actually listened to this serial American presidential hopeful. I can assure you, the rubbish he spouts in his speeches, is only exceeded by the sheer boredom exerted by his turgid delivery. If you are driving a car or traversing a wormhole, don't listen to a Lyndon LaRouche speech. It's guaranteed to put you to sleep. This was the mistake made by the shell suited megalomaniac as he returned through the wormhole. The result was inevitable, another wrong turn. No dinosaurs were destroyed as a result this time. Neither were any trees in Siberia flattened. Instead, the snoring pig/human materialised at the foot of a large Granny Smith apple tree before the startled eyes of the progenitors of the human race.


Adam and Eve had been having an altercation. The problem with living in a garden, with nothing to do but eat delicious fruit all-day and name some animals, was that boredom could be a constant hazard. They had just been arguing about whether to call this little insect a “flea” or a “jumping biter”. The argument was just about to reach the stage where they started throwing fruit at each other, instead of eating it, when a sudden bang at the foot of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, attracted their attention. A large pig appeared at the base of the tree. It was snoring loudly and there were Granny Smith apples spilling out of the Tesco carrier bag that was lying beside its supine form. Our first parents stopped their squabbling immediately. Eve dropped the overripe peach that she was aiming at the head of her husband and the watermelon, with which Adam was about to brain his irritating spouse, slipped from his up- stretched hands. This was something different. Life certainly wasn't so boring after all. With shouts of excitement, the couple rushed to greet the strange arrival. The noise must have startled the pig. It woke up and of course changed back into David Icke/Oink. This certainly was turning into a day with a difference in Paradise.


When the leader of the Illuminati woke up to find himself lying in a garden, with a wildly gesticulating naked man and woman running towards him, he didn't think about the unique situation he found himself in. He just knew that there were a couple, who seemed at least as mad as himself, bearing down on him at a run. His instinct was to flee and that is exactly what he did. The wormhole was still shimmering above his head. So he grabbed his Tesco carrier bag and dived for the 21st century. In the rush, he didn't notice that he had left one of his Granny Smiths behind.


When the stranger suddenly disappeared Adam and Eve got a shock. They had been looking forward to some company. It was a big disappointment to them when the visitor vanished. They just stood underneath the tree looking around them, to see if perhaps the stranger was hiding. The looked up into the branches, but nobody was clinging there. Then there was a moment, a bit like when Prince Charming finds the glass slipper. A shiny green apple was glistening on the ground. So somebody had been there after all. It wasn't an illusion. This lovely piece of fruit must've been left as a gift for them. Eve reached down and picked it up. She took a bite out of it and handed it to Adam so he could have his share as well. The father of mankind bit into the Granny Smith. He really shouldn't have done that.


God makes a “Boo Boo”. The Divine cover-up.


Up in Heaven God was having a rest. It had been at pig of a week, creating all those stars and planets, not to speak of all the creatures to put in them. The final bit of creation had been making the man and the woman and placing them in the garden. He didn't have the time to name all the animals, so He decided to let the man do it for Him instead. The woman could help him. It would give them something to do to pass the time and He could put His feet up for the seventh day. He didn't make too many rules for the couple in the garden. But He was absolutely adamant, that they should not touch the fruit that grew from the large tree in the centre of their domain. As luck would have it, He chose the very moment to check on them that Eve picked up the apple and the couple ate it. It is not often that God misses something, but He hadn't seen David Icke/Oink. All He knew was that He looked down and saw Adam and Eve scoffing a Granny Smith. God hit the roof, (if Heaven has one). This was all He needed. The couple's feet didn't touch the ground. This is literally the truth, as God picked them both up with His divine hand. They were dropped into a clump of thistles that was growing just the wrong side of the garden wall. “That'll teach them” He thought.


Later on God cross examined the thistle punctured couple. At first He didn't believe them, but when Adam showed him a little stick-on “Tesco” label, that was all that remained of the Apple, God realised His error. I'm afraid this was the only example of an “Oops” moment ever for the creator of the universe. Still, there was no going back now. It was time for the cover-up. God could never admit to making a mistake. It just didn't go with His image. A little bit of fast footwork in the divine mind and the solution to the problem was found. Adam and Eve would be kept out of the garden. (They were a very annoying couple anyway and didn't deserve all the spoiling.) It didn't take long to come up with the story about the serpent. All God needed to do now was to inspire somebody to write a “sacred book” to put the revised version of the fall of man into. There would always be enough people naïve enough to believe, that a book written under the inspiration of the Divine Majesty, must be the literal truth. So it has proved to be. Until this moment nobody, except for me, knew the truth. Even the leader of the Illuminati himself didn't realise the momentous changes that ensued from the wrong turning he took on his way home from the supermarket. If David Icke/Oink reads this, it will be the first time he ever realises his real importance in history. I hope it doesn't inflate his, already over-distended, ego. I don't think the world could take that expansion.


If you like "off the wall" comedy, you will LOVE this book

Source

How this Earth-shattering information came to light.


There are some among you who will ask how I am privy to the information I have just divulged? I can tell you that now. When Adam was expelled from the Garden of Eden he kept a souvenir. This was the very same little stick on label that was on the Tesco Granny Smith apple which he had eaten on the day which will live in infamy, so long as humankind endures. The father of humanity also wrote his memoirs. These, together with the label, were deposited in a cave in the deserts of Iraq. They were contained within a very old pottery jar. They were found in 1982 by a camel herder who sold them to the museum in Baghdad. I heard about them in 1996. When I realised the importance of the materials, I secured them for myself by bribing a corrupt curator, who just happened to be the second cousin of Saddam Hussein. Carbon dating indicated that the label was 6500 years old. When I read about how the mysterious apparition in Eden changed from a pig to a human, I put two and two together. It could only be David Icke/Oink. The leader of the Illuminati is the only shape shifting Time Traveler who shops in Tesco. If anybody knows different, please let me know and I can correct the record.


Find out more startling revelations about the Illuminati here

Read my latest book The Zombie, the cat and Barack Obama for some incredible revelations about the Illuminati and their continuing influence in the world today. Get the real truth about the ancestry of Barack Obama and the Illuminati connection in the Osama bin Laden story.

The proof about the chemtrails conspiracy and the climate exchange conspiracy is presented as well.

Have all your questions answered about this weird world for less than the price of ten cigarettes.

Read the reviews and

sample it for FREE at AMAZON.

United States.

http://goo.gl/ckqfk



More by this Author


Comments

No comments yet.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working