Where Could I Go But To The Lord?
Jesus Calms the Storm
It was 3:00 AM and Ruth was still awake. She tried to go to sleep, but grief, worry and fear gripped her. In her mind, she replayed the whole event over and over again. Searching for an explanation that would give her rest. Some sort of assurance that everything would be alright.
Calvin was her soul mate. They met in college, dated for a year and fell hopelessly in love. They married, finished school together, and decided to start a family. Both were high school teachers. He was her practical side. She was his playful side. Together they made a whole. When Abby was born Ruth became a stay at home mom. Together they lived like every one else in America. The best they could. They had seen some hard times and some good times, and were in love the whole time. They had been married for only 6 years.
At 5:17 PM Wednesday evening, just 10 hours earlier, she received the news. Calvin had been on his way home from work when he was killed in a accident on the highway. The two policeman who had knocked on her door were as kind as possible. They gently explained the last seconds of her husbands life as best they could. It was a freak accident. No other vehicles were involved. The left front tire blew out while he was going around a sharp curve. The combination of his speed and loss of control sent the car into a spin. The car was stopped mid-spin by a telephone pole. Throwing Calvin against the door of the car with so much force that his head broke the window and snapped his neck. He was killed instantly.
Just like that, he was gone. No warning, no time to prepare, no last goodbyes. Just gone. She was having a terrible time accepting this reality. How could the whole right side of her body just disappear? She rolled over. Putting her back towards Calvin's empty side of the bed. The darkness made it possible to pretend that he was there. She allowed herself to imagine the sound of his breathing, His cologne was still in on the sheets and pillow. But even here she found no rest. The bed just did not feel the same. It seemed lighter, off balance somehow. This, she was unable to pretend away. it just wasn't the same.
She rolled back over and moved her whole body on to his side of the bed. Strangely this helped. It made her feel closer to him some how. She took his pillow into her arms and breathed in. This is real, she said to herself, I am going to have to face it.
In the stillness of that moment came a whisper. A voice that had comforted her so many times in her life. Once when she was 14 and her pet dog Lilly died. When she was 24 and thought she had breast cancer. When she was 29 and nearly bled to death giving birth to Abby.
"He's not gone you know, Calvin is with me. You will see him again."
"I know," she said despairingly. "But its not fair, he was so young and we still need him! What will Abby do without a father? What will I do without him?" She began to sob bitterly into his pillow!
"It will be OK Ruth, I have a plan that you can't see just now. Can you trust me? Will you trust me?"
Trust Him? God had never let her down. She had indeed learned to trust Him. But never like this. She felt resentful, what choice did she have? The deed was already done.
"I know what I am doing. This was not random, nothing like this is ever random. This is how it must be. Trust me."
Over the last few hours she had been treading water in an ocean of grief and fear. She felt her self loosing her grip. For the first time she understood how people can temporarily loose their sanity. It was like a river was washing over her. She felt as though she was helplessly being drug along in its current, out of control, with nothing to grab on to. In her sorrow, she had not given a single thought to a greater plan. To God's sovereign purpose. For the first time in 10 hours she found an anchor. Something to grasp onto with both hands while the Fear and doubt washed over her body. The realization that God was over seeing this whole affair brought her stability and security.
"Trust you?" she said out loud, burning the words into in her mind forever. "Yes, I will trust you."
The Storm is Calmed
With that, a peace came over her, enabling rest to find its way to her mind. In the midst of uncertainty, she had found assurance. Everything would be alright.
It is moments like these that brings us face to face with what we believe. Our Faith enables us to get through our ordeal with hope and courage. It is the anchor that holds us fast in the storms of life. In moments like this, our faith reveals and defines our Character. Often it is the difference between life and death. The Apostle Paul called our faith a shield, and so it is. For it is where we run for refuge. Helping us identify with the words of J.B. Coat who said
" Where can I go but to the Lord"
Your Brother in Christ
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