10 Asinine Things Not to Say to an Elite-Level College Football Head Coach

I'm a non-thinking person

The majority of elite-level college football coaches love to rule their teams “with an iron fist.” Well, maybe not that tough, but close. And sometimes it takes being tough to get a team of young men to respect their head coach. The sign of a good head coach is someone who tempers his leadership with moderation, understanding, and not abusing his power.

Now to use a very-famous phrase, “there’s one in every crowd,” to illustrate my story, because there “is” one non-thinking person in every crowd. Do not ask me why. It’s just a part of life I guess.

At this point, take a good look at the photos of all the elite-level college football coaches to your right. No, I didn’t have the space (or time) to publish every notable college head coach’s photo or else I would be here into the night.

Paul "Bear" Bryant, then football coach at the University of Kentucky, poses with Paul Jr., their pet dachshund and wife Mary at their home in Lexington on Feb. 5, 1954.

So, my friend, here we go

To make this story work, “I” have taken on the role of the non-thinking person. And I know that to be convincing, I have to really throw myself into the title of this piece which is

10 Asinine Things Not to Say to The Head Coach of an Elite-Level College Football Team

NOTE: this hub is children-friendly so you can be comfortable in reading this to your children without being reported to the Child Services Dept. (Kenneth).

1. “You think you are some football god, but listen to me. I could do your job blind-folded. You know. Like you do every Saturday in the fall.”
2. “Do you think it’s noble to lose every time you walk on the field?”
3. “I overheard you chewing-out the middle linebacker for over-eating, but coach, that is so hypocritical when it looks plain to me that you have been packing on the pounds lately.”
4. “Coach, do you need someone to explain what the term “defense” means?”
5. “Coach, look at this present a few of the team boosters got you to show their appreciation for the job you are doing. It is a one-way airline ticket to the place of your choice—as long as it is out of the United States.”
6. “The best thing you can do for this team is resign. Oh yeah. You don’t even know how to do that.”
7. “Did you sign a long-term contract?”
8. “Did you hear the roar of applause last Saturday night from the fans? Yeah, it was all because you left the field.”
9. “Don’t you make a mistake next Saturday and “actually” coach our team to making ‘a” touchdown.”
10. “Coach, I just want to prepare you. This Christmas when we students have a party with our teachers and coaches, well, do not get upset if you do not receive an invitation.”

Question: How did I do?

Things Not to DO to an Elite-Level College Head Football Coach

• "Flip him off" in front of the team or the student body.
• "Moon" him in front of the team or the student body.
• Call him vulgar names with the use of a bull-horn.
• Throw soda on him during a heated-game.
• Throw mud on him during a heated-game.
• Run onto the field dressed as an ape and charge him.
• Wave a banner from the stands that reads: "I Wish We Had a Coach."
• Con radio or television announcers to get yourself on-air during a broadcast of a game and begin talking nice about the coach, then switch to nasty things and laughing at him.
• Post goofy photos of him that you have Photo-Shopped on Facebook.

Source: Me.