10 Things Wrong with Erin Andrews
Hannah Storm, Linda Cohn, Rachel Nichols, and Michelle Bonner. What do all of these sassy and famous females have in common?
They are all sportscasters. Most have worked for, or still work for ESPN, the vanguard sports network.
And let’s not forget Erin Andrews. She began her sports journalism career with ESPN in May, 2004. Of the four female sportscasters mentioned in the first of this piece, Andews has drew more media attention from being stalked by a low-life who says he captured her in the nude in photos he took from an adjoining motel room.
I would be safe in saying that you name the program on ESPN and Erin Andrews has worked on it. From ESPN National Hockey Night to the College World Series. She has also been on ESPN College Football Saturday Primetime as well as ESPN College Football Thursday Primetime. And reported for Major League Baseball.
Today this vivacious blond works for the Fox Sports Network.
It would be a safe bet to label Erin Andrews as a talented hot sports babe. Okay, so I went all manly on you. Sue me.
Sadly, and it hurts me as a fan and a man, to do this, but I have to come forward with "10 Things That are Wrong with Erin Andrews."
1. HER SEXY, RASPY VOICE just imagine, guys. You have this gorgeous blond as your date to one of your company parties. All of your upper-level management will be there, so you will have to be on your "A-game," but when the C.E.O. of your company says to Erin Andrews, "and who is this lovely angel?" Before you can intercept her answer, she begins that raspy voice that embarrasses your C.E.O. His face is red with humiliation. He glares at you. This might be the end of your ten-year career as one of the top vinyl siding salespersons in Texas.
2. HER PERFECT PHYSIQUE let's imagine that you and Erin Andrews become a married couple. Life is grand. You have found "the" perfect girl. But it is bound to happen sooner or later. You and Erin attend your family's annual reunion with picnic lunches, lemonade, and fun in the summer fun. That is until your drunken-brother, "Hal," who is the disgrace of your family, lets his liquor get the best of him and challenges Erin to a footrace and is beaten miserably by this lovely girl with an electric smile. You think everything is fine, but "Hal," who is still smarting from the defeat at the sexy feet and legs of Erin Andrews, starts a fist -fight with you and beats you up in front of your family. Your are faced with a huge dilemma. You endure this every Fourth of July or divorce the "girl of your dreams"? Good luck with that.
3. THAT FLASHY SMILE Erin Andrews never frowns. Watch her sometime. It's always an angelic smile flashing on the camera. But that might get you in trouble if you are "her man." She might forget one day that she is not on camera and accidentally flashes that sexy smile at members of Hell's Angels who are waiting at the same red light as you and Erin. Do you want me to write what the Hell's Angels do to you next? Well, okay. They take your car in broad-open daylight and take Erin with them. Two days later she returns to you and what is worse, she smiles even bigger when you ask if she made it alright.
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4. WHAT ABOUT HER LOVELY BLOND HAIR poor Erin. Such a sad case by way of not knowing that most hot girls in 2014 are beginning to wear their hair like controversial celebrity, Myley Cyrus. You see? Erin is a liability to you. Even an social-embarrassment.
5. THOSE LONG, TANNED LEGS if she is in a sundress or short skirt, can cause other guys to gaze at her gams when you are trying your best to read her some sensitive poetry that you heard that famous girl celebrities will love. There will always be that problem of other guys lusting after Erin's pretty legs, so do not make any plans to try to make her your girlfriend.
6. EVER GAZE INTO ERIN ANDREWS' EYES well, don't. They are way too deep and mysterious for a man of means like you, pal. You need to be focused at all times in this fast-paced society in which we live. What if she were to come to your job site to have lunch with you? And you of course, agree. You are taking her to a nice restaurant for lunch, but suddenly your eyes meet hers while you are driving and well, the consequences are bad. Just by glancing into her eyes.
7. ERIN IS WAY TOO TALL for a man like you. You stand about four foot, eleven inches tall. And Erin, well, in those pretty high heels, she dwarfs you. So you best think about being kept "in Erin Andrews' shadow," if you are thinking about a serious relationship with her.
8. ERIN ANDREWS CANNOT help you work on your car if it tears up. This is part of the "Girlfriend Code," if you haven't forgotten. I can just see Erin in cut-off jeans, her blond hair in that sexy ponytail bending over underneath your car hood saying things like, "uhhh, huneee, what is this thingy?" and "Huneee, my legs are burning. Can I apply some sunburn lotion?" She will always be inept when it comes to automotive care.
9. ERIN CANNOT CARRY A TUNE in a burlap bag. Hey, what if you and your frat buddies get together for a Super Bowl Party and Erin isn't having to work and you and the guys get a buzz on from the beer and begin to sing old Beatle songs? Suddenly you hear something that sounds much like a cat's claws raking down a sheet of roofing tin. Guess what? Poor Erin Andrews. She wants your buddies to like her, so she tries to sing, "Revolution," and it leaves your pals with mouths open and in shock. Do you really want your college pals to think of Erin as an untalented freak who cannot sing? This is a serious question, man.
10. ERIN ANDREWS CANNOT DRINK whiskey like a sailor. Or curse like one too. Sometimes in your line of work, a client may want you to take them out for a good time with some hard liquor and man talk. And there sits sultry Erin just sipping her mineral water and smiling at your client. This is crucial. What if your client asks her to join him in a drink of Jack Daniels number seven and tell some vulgar jokes? Worse yet, what if she declines? You just might lose this important client and the $50-dollar commission that goes with the sale.
These are only 10 things that I found that are wrong with Erin Andrews, talented, gorgeous sports journalist. There might be more.
I just didn't feel like hurting her feelings anymore than I had to.
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