ELGIN BAYLOR COMES TO SLAP KERNER WITH HIS JUNK -- History of the NBA Finals Part 9

April, 1958 

Bob Kerner and the St. Louis Hawks had finally done it. World champions.

Lots of people out there were very happy about this.

Kerner's one little win, despite however many losses, was, according to likeminded people...all you needed to see whose philosophy was king. 

They were the Dallas Cowboys, walking away as the team of the 70s while carrying 3 Superbowl losses.

They were the 49ers, who people claimed was the best team ever when all you needed was four linebackers to beat them.

They were the Yankees, who people don't seem to remember needed 10 years and blew a 3-0 lead against Boston to get that title.

St. Louis could not do any wrong.

Boston looked like a freak show.

They looked like...America according to Adolf Hitler.

Hitler simply didn't take America seriously because we're a land that values money and democracy.

One of them...he said...will eat the other one.

The most conformist conformist of all time, Adolf Kerner, knew that there's no way a team that integrated...could thrive amongst fans that fucking nasty.

Which is it? Are you white conservative or Jewish/black liberal? Cuuuuuzzz...we're just conservative...and we're going in a very straight, unperturbed, unified direction. You guys meanwhile...are Congress if the doors were locked eight years ago and everyone inside had to learn to get along or die.

To Kerner and Hitler and company -- this dynamic could only lead to chaos and self-imposion. 

This idea...of big cities thinking little city teams were naturally "self-destructive", would be the most COMMON COMMON COMMON ARGUMENT AND THEME THEY WOULD HAVE.

It would be the official stereotype of white small town teams forevermore to justify what they were doing.

Sounds kind of familiar to what racists used to say about former slaves to justify sharecropping, doesn't it?

Because they're small town and white...the hopes are...if they make the connection, expressing it would make THEM sound like the racists. 

The NBA thus was headed in a direction following this world championship for Kerner...that was similar to a small-town's recycling plant.

They used to have garbage dumps, right? Meet the dumps for garbage that will be used again to help the environment.

Okay. Sounds good, your girlfriend would completely fall for this, right?

One problem.

The recycling plants all have clothing bins as well. Full hampers for old clothes that people donate for the needy.

Other poor white people are always going up to these hampers to look for free clothes.

They are turned away.

Why?

It's for "overseas".

To which the bums are now left...angry at a bigger league...knowing that they'll look like jackasses for telling them that they "should take care of Americans first".

And this was what Kerner and other businessmen envisioned as the ace in their pocket to assure obedience forevermore.

White people are not allowed to discuss race. This is a BIG tool that people use when they want to take a small town filled with whites.

Before you even begin to believe it's something that can be verbally expressed...all the teams are gone except for Syracuse, which now has George Yardley and that's why they're still there.

But Kerner and big NBA forces had unfortunately counted on something false, and this would lead to the end of them for LIFE. 

He sees all these guys copy Auerbach's innovations...the black player, the four corners, the hack-a-shaqing, and thus assumes that it is now impossible for one great black player to come in and fuck all these people up, because after all...even the biggest smart-ass rebel Red Auerbach...professes five-on-five TEAM BASKETBALL.

This would lead to anybody coming into the league, they figured, and being broken down to fit the system anyway, despite all the seemingly shallow and cosmetic differences in Auerbach's system there was...

Ha ha.

WHOOOOOOOOOO boy, Elgin Baylor.

Minneapolis would get to take this dude, for they finished the season before with 19 wins.

Mikan was the coach.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (fart)

Mikan's ghost is going to kick my ass. Kerner's too.

While Mikan's ghost is fucking with me, I will tell him that Ray Meyer, his good pal when they were both young and at DePaul, was bullshit too.

Kerner however might decide that my neighbors are better to fuck with, which will send all the ghosts in THAT direction.

So I'm covered.

And so was Minneapolis.

For Baylor was insane. 

He becomes the first and only rookie to score 55 points in a game. 

Meanwhile George Yardley had gone to Syracuse, the last of the NBL originals. 

Their front court now consisted of Yardley, Schayes, and Johnny Red Kerr.

Cousy, Russell and Sharman will need the extent of a 7-game series to take them down in the Eastern Conference Finals.

They win Game 7 130-125.

125 points Syracuse puts up.

Russell was the league's rebounding leader and Cousy had the assist title. 

So who will the Celtics play in their 3rd straight NBA Finals?

----------------------

Minneapolis with Baylor beat the Pistons in Round 1 2-1.

They would then go to the Western Finals to play...Kerner's Hawks.

It is here that Baylor...slaps Kerner with his junk.

They win in six games and Minneapolis is IN THE FINALS!!!!

HE WAS A ROOKIE!!!! THEY WERE IN LAST PLACE!!!! LAST YEAR!!!!

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The 1959 NBA Finals

Russell really put the clamps down on people. 

These teams were all accustomed to scoring 130 points in losses...Russell would keep them below 116 the whole game.

That's some defense baby.

Boston sweeps Minneapolis 4-0.

Baylor is surrounded, hounded, and has no help.

The Boston Celtics are the 1959 NBA World Champions, their 2nd in 3 years.

AUERBACH TITLE-O-METER = 2

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