Golf needs George Carlin

Ben Hogan

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Golf needs George Carlin

The first major golf tournament will begin tomorrow, April 8th, 2010. Some of the beauty of the Masters is more golf - less advertisement. Why not? Pay attention to the game and its habitate, and don’t allow anything to diminish your focus on the beauty, which is the natural setting and the art form skillfully challenged!

When George Carlin challenged the baseball and football world with the “ ups” and “downs” of sport terminology - playfully poking fun - he’d have a great time with golf today.

George would ask, “Have you noticed a reduction of senior and flexible golf shaft sales? Have you noticed an increase in the stiff shaft and extra stiff shaft sales taking over since Cialis has bought into golf space?

“Are you ready?“, they ask? “Is the time right?”, golf asks! “Is the starters sheet full or is it emptying?” Why have so many golf cars been idley parked behind more greens on the golf course lately? It’s like watching the submarine races from your car that is parked near the shores of Lake Michigan - isn’t it?”

“Since golfers have had less frequency of golf commercials during tournament time, and non-golf commercials have taken over golf’s space - what does that indicate about the behavior of golf participants.?”, asked Jack. “ I don’t think the golf industry has designed the best ball or balls nor the best golf club, or clubs”, said Bill.

“You’ve got that right!, said Art. It has taken one hundred and fifty years to figure the hybrid golf club.We aren’t to swift - or golf is difficult to figure. In any case marketing can cause style changes for profit, but this is the point. Is the profit time right for golf or getting layed, and who can afford or not afford to get their message to the consumer, and why?”

So there is room for improvement! Who is qualified to make the changes and improve?, asked Jack.

“ Money is the greatest temptation because it brings the wine and sex. Materialism is showing up in a different form - not for the “art”, but for the lust. Could it be that health be included with the art form - golf, and with the sponsor’s genuineness?, asked Bill.

“ Do you think epimedium sagittatum, western name (horny goat weed) - Chinese name: yin-yang-huo (Artwork) that dilates the capillaries, and its energy is warm. Could it be that the east will achieve because their herb is more than an aphrodisiac?” , asked Art

“ Yes, by all means “ laughed Jack. The question- “ Will most of "When the time is right” ads finish with their build up of negative after affects, as they quickly warn that your toe nails may grow faster, your nose may drip, your eyes might itch, and stay in bed, miss your golf lesson, because “the time is right” for when “the time is right” - quess what - It isn’t all inclusive!”

Bill added,” Horny goat weed has an organ affinity for both liver and kidneys and can out do its western counter part.

Listen to the problems or benefits that could result - “ Right from the horses mouth”, when administering an aphrodesiac. If one assigns oneself to Horny Goat Weed, an oriental herb, which helps the liver and kidneys, not like the occidental counter part that warns the user not to use.... your cheeks may get too rosy! You may look like Santa Claus, or maybe maybe like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, which may slow down the delivery of all those nice presents that may miss - “go right on by” - “the time is right! What a shame!,” chuckled Art.

“ How could that be?” Who could compete with the natural rhythm of the golf game? Beat them at their own game, as it were?, asked Jack.

“ We know “who”, Jack, but don’t you think we need to answer “why”? Best answer “why” five times like the Japanese do, don’t you think?, asked Bill

“ Right again, Bill, but I’d like to recall George Carlin!, said Art. He could make ‘em laugh, but most importantly - wake people up! Make ‘em think.”

“ How did horny goat weed come onto the scene, anyway?, asked Bill.

It came in the form of a book, The Complete Book of Chinese Health and Healing - Guarding the Three Treasures. It was in response to warmth in the hands. I had mentioned to Ray Marescalco, my martial arts friend, that the warm energy points in the hands were not keeping pace with Qigong exercise. We had been introduced to Qigong nineteen years ago, by Dr. Dean Deng, from China.

Ray had mailed the book to me for my birthday. Invisible hands discovered the second copy after forty-five years of being introduced to his copy from his sensai, Rev. William Foster.

Horny goat weed had continued into the golf shop, and was being shared in book form with Rich Martinez when Bill Holland arrived to help Rich repair a computer flaw. When Bill came into the golf shop to help Rich, I had been speaking of the herb, the name of which I had difficulty remembering at the time. Rich said, “I’ll check out horny goat weed once Bill and I get the computer fixed!”

Bill said, “ You guys are freeking me out!”

“Why” asked Rich.

“ I should have known you guys could speak of such things as you do! Chinese herbs? You’re in luck!", said Bill, as he reached into his pocket and threw a couple capsules (horny goat weed) onto the desk where Jack was sitting.

Bill said, “ Try ‘em out. It will facilitate circulation with your Qigong, Jack.

“You’ve got to be kidding! Presto, and here comes the horny goat weed ”, said Jack.

Invisible hands are great, but double it with George Carlin would be unbeatable! I’ll try to write a script for George as if he’s accepting the challenge and delivering an education. Besides, Carlin is the sign of the Ox, like me, on the 12th of May, and mine on March 12th, 1937. The Ox’s strong suit is endurance, according to Chinese astrology.


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