How You Can Make America's National Pastime More Exciting

A homerun.
A homerun. | Source

Notice to all of America:

I love you all. Please do not get upset. I am simply trying to do something different with something that has not changed since Abner Doubleday's first cry of, "Play ball."

Baseball is what I am referring to. And the only thing I ask of you is please be honest with me and yourself when I ask, "Do you think that the game of baseball can be a bit dull?"


I do. And what do Americans do when there is something to be done? They do something about it.

I am an American. And I am doing something about the game of baseball having its dull moments by telling you, "Mr. Daring American," "You Can Make America's Pastime More Exciting."

The ump has the eye of an eagle.
The ump has the eye of an eagle. | Source

More baseball action

Safe.
Safe. | Source
Rounding third heading for home.
Rounding third heading for home. | Source
Sliding into home.
Sliding into home. | Source
What concentration this pitcher has on his face.
What concentration this pitcher has on his face. | Source
Home plate ump cleans home plate.
Home plate ump cleans home plate. | Source

Just how will "I," "Mr. Daring American"

pull this off? Well, I am glad that you asked that question. It is as easy as eating a banana cream pie on a hot Summer's day. You can't ask for anything more easier than the ways I have for "you" to help all of America when you do these things below to make the all-American game of baseball more exciting.

  1. When the game begins, run onto the field waving an American flag and yelling, "I love America," to the top of your lungs. Even when the security guards start chasing you, keep yelling this chant. Honestly, it is tough to arrest someone who loves America as much as you do.
  2. Run up to the home plate umpire and hand him a cold soda, then run away. This will empty both dugouts each team claiming the other team is trying to bribe the ump into calling the pitches in their favor. The crowd will love it.
  3. Sneak into the broadcast booth and take over the microphones and say, "Time to sing The Star Spangled Banner," then run away. This will give the announcers something to yak about between innings.
  4. Dress up like legendary baseball announcer, Harry Caray, voice of the Chicago Cubs, and get free seating. Then ask for free beer and hotdogs for the entire section. No telling what free stuff you can get during the game if you can stand the heavy costume.
  5. Fake jumping off of the top level of the stadium. All of the cameras will be on you and the crowd will appreciate the break and getting to stand-up.
  6. Dress up in a uniform of one of the teams who are playing and when a team manager calls for a new pitcher, YOU trot to the pitcher's mound and throw wild pitches, walk all of the players you can and when the angry manager runs to toss you out of the game, run away yelling, "I love America."
  7. Get to the home team's locker room and drain all of the whirlpools, put up a sign that slurs the team name and sign it from the opposing team's manager.
  8. Do a dance like the famous Rockettes on the field when you feel that the game has become dull and listless.
  9. Bring a trained billy goat with you and turn him loose onto the field, but you will have to be extra-careful. If the goat bleats loudly, you might get caught.
  10. And when the policemen corner you after a lengthy-chase, you salute them, shake their hands, and surrender quietly while yelling to the crowd, "Aren't these police officers a great bunch of guys?"

Wrigley Field, Chicago, 1962

Source

And one more thing

"Mr. Daring American," you did one great job of putting some life back into the game of baseball.

Don't worry. Your sentence will not be over six months in the city jail because the judge that ruled over your case loved how you sang, "The Star Spangled Banner."

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Comments 16 comments

sheilamyers 2 years ago

Good ideas! Or we could just find a way to make baseball a contact sport.


yourhealthmatters 2 years ago

It all sound like great fun, Kenneth! I will keep these points in mind when I root for my beloved Chicago White Sox at U.S. Cellular Field this summer! (I will overlook the references in your hub to the Chicago Cubs - ha!) Voted up and funny, thanks, Kenneth!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

Hey Kenneth. I think some of these suggestions just may work. Hope you sing the SSB good though.


midget38 profile image

midget38 2 years ago from Singapore

LOL! You'll make all sports exciting, Kenneth, with those ideas. Pretty cool pictures, I must say. Sharing!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 2 years ago from USA

Maybe it's unAmerican, but I'm one of those who thinks that watching a baseball game is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Perhaps if you start to do some of these interesting things during televised games, I'll become a fan!


Kosmo profile image

Kosmo 2 years ago from California

What, you write about MLB? Well, I guess I'll have to become a fan of yours. Anyway, baseball can be rather slow and dull, but that's because it has numerous cerebral aspects and much slow-building drama. At any rate, any game can be boring, even football, soccer and basketball. Go Dodger Blue!!!!


carter06 profile image

carter06 2 years ago from Cronulla NSW

Love some of these cool ideas..think the game of cricket needs an innovative person such as yourself to come up with some ideas to spice up the sometimes drop dead boring game as well:) here's hoping..cheers


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 2 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

2.Run up to the home plate umpire and hand him a cold soda -

Kenneth Avery - where are you from? "a cold soda"? Seriously?


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sheila,

Okay. Let's start a campaign for MLB to become a contact sport because when the runner slides into the catcher at home plate, this is not enough. We want the first baseman to tackle the runner, not tag him out; the pitcher to body-slam the ump behind the plate and spin-kick the batter. Oh my. What a great game baseball would be--and Vice McMahon could oversee the games.

Thanks for the support.

K.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello. yourhealthmatters,

Hey, it was all in fun. I like the White Sox and the Cubs. I loved the Sox when Ozzie (forgot his last name) was there. He made the game more interesting except his addiction to profanity.

Thank you for your comments.

K.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Jodah,

Even as we speak, I have Britney Spears flying in later today to give me the needed-lessons as to not embarrass anyone when I stand on the pitcher's mound and belt out the SSB. I love America!

K.

And thanks for the nice comment.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, midget38,

Thanks so much for your comments. I appreciate my beloved-followers and their intelligent remarks. Photos helped, I think.

Come back soon.

K.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Stephanie,

I agree with you. I do not like watching paint dry either. Or cars rust.

Nahh, you and I will not be un-American. We are exercising our Semi-Free Speech.

Visit with me soon.

K.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Greetings, Kosmo,

Yeah, I do some observing on MLB, not reporting. But you gave me something new to think about--the building-up to the drama of the pitch, swing, slide and catch to see if he is safe or out.

And the fights. I neglected this segment. Maybe next time.

Thanks for your comment.

K.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Carter06,

I never considered Cricket when it came to liven up the game. Besides, Prince Charles and all of the royalty love it the way it is. But if Kate Middleton called me and asked me to publish a revamped cricket hub, you bet I would do that.

She might be on HubPages as far as I know, and I will not offend my followers.

K.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Kathleen,

Nice to read you again.

I am confused. Yes, a cold soda. An ice-cold Mountain Dew, Pepsi or Coke.

The umps are under the hot sun too.

Thanks for the great comment.

K.

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