How to Really Bomb on Your Dream of Being a Bowling Superstar

as to why I am publishing a hub about bowling. Well, I can only say that I have never in my years of being a member of HubPages, written a hub of this nature, featuring advice, tips, and help on those who are solely-dedicated to "not" being another Billy Hardwick, rest his soul. Note: remember "not," for it is my key word to this piece.

And for those who are not familiar with Billy Hardwick. He was the "A-Rod" Alex Rodriguez of men's bowling. Hardwick was on fire each time he set foot in any bowling alley. He drew instant respect from everyone in the bowling alley from the shoe rental clerks to the pin setting machine tech's. Hardwick was, as the guy saying goes, "da man!"

At this peak, Hardwick won 18 Professional Bowling Association titles and that is not hay, friends. It took massive hours of practice, sacrifice, and self-dedication to the sport he loved. I know that I sound like a news release by singing the praises of Billy Hardwick, but Shannon Sellens was Hardwick's counterpart in the L.P.B.A. Ladies Professional Bowling Association. Her cat-like reflexes and sense of timing helped her to rise to the top of her game and become a household word where bowling is loved and adored.

you ask? Sure. Bowling is an equal opportunity sport with no prejudice against anyone based on sex, national origin, or political affiliation. If you have what it takes and you dedicate yourself completely, you might end up as another Billy Hardwick or Shannon Sellens.

But I want to be fair with you. Bowling is not easy. It may look easy and to those like Hardwick and Sellens, it became easy, but it is not easy for everyone. There are things you have to watch carefully if you have any chance of being a professional bowler.

Just take a gander at these areas for you to watch if you want to be a successful bowler and if you are patient and dedicated, we can watch you one day on The Pro Bowling Tour on ESPN.

But if you just simply want to wave good-bye to your dream of being a professional bowler, all you have to do is . . .

• Daydreaming a lot--is definitely a great start in not keeping your commitment to be a professional bowler. Cram your imagination with visions of the lovely Lynda Carter who was Wonder Woman on ABC Television. Carter in real life is just as lovely as she was as Dianna Prince, and daydreaming about her is a great way to start the decline in your career as a bowler.

• Over eating--goes without explanation as a way to not be a successful bowler. Now I am not saying that the overweight people cannot be barred from being a pro bowler, no way. But you must have loved junk food with dangerous food preservatives more than you loved watching your red bowling ball roll gracefully down the lane and giving you a strike.

• Socializing--with "some" of the people who love to hang out at bowling alleys may help you in not helping you succeed in being a successful bowler. You see, up until now, you have not touched cigarettes, "weed," or other controlled substances, but since you tried to mix friendships with people who love the dark side of the law more than bowling, you can kiss your bowling dreams farewell.

• Inflated ego--can destroy a bowling career way before it starts. But in your case, I would say that you wait until you bowl against another man or woman with the same dream of becoming a professional bowler just like you then after you manage to defeat him or her, then believe everything your loyal friends tell you of how great you are at bowling. Before too much longer, your ego will be so fragile that when someone else shows up and mops up the floor with your butt then as you crawl out of the bowling alley, you can start dreaming of becoming something else like a hobo.

• Participating--in games of friendly sports can also be as lethal to your bowling career as an inflated ego. I suggest that if you are not that serious about being a professional bowler, play tag football, softball, and all contact sports where the danger of getting severely injured or one of your limbs broken is high so as to use this as a great excuse as why you are not in the alley practicing to be a great bowler.

• Vocation--is important to the up and coming bowler. If you are a day laborer doing work such as roofing, pouring cement or carpentry, ask for more work of this nature. Hey, it's a weekly paycheck and that dream of being a professional bowler is years away and the money too, so stick to the sure thing of being a cement worker.

• Relationships--can affect your skills as a bowler. You think that I am silly, right? You should sit down and really think seriously about whether or not you really want the career of a bowler as opposed to going out with girls with questionable reputations. Bowling is a game that requires a sharp mind and healthy body, but you are weak and your lack of self-discipline led you to quit practicing your delivery of the ball and you started taking out those girls whose names are written in men's rest rooms in bars.

• Sleep--or the lack thereof is a great way to just lay down and quit the gruesome practicing each Saturday that comes. Who said you could be a bowler? You did. And now, you lose sleep going to all-night poker games and parties thrown by power drinkers who feature hardcore drinking games as their attraction and you can sleep it off the next day without fear of having to practice that boring game of bowling.

• Television--and film choices are very important to all amateur bowlers. If you watch shows about depression, defeat, and self-doubt, before long you will be all of these things and these things do not belong in the bowling alley or in your career. But maybe you had rather live a life of dark depression than a healthy life of competing against some really good people and if you keep at it, you might have a successful bowling career.

• No bodily exercise--is like you saying "I quit" if you want to defeat your goal of being a pro bowler. So take an extra half-hour of sleep, nap a lot throughout your day and forget those sit-up's, push-up's and deep knee bends. Who needs it? You did a few months ago when you were serious about bowling.

• Yearly check-up's--are not to get in your way on your way down from being a successful bowler. Oh, I do suggest that you do get a yearly physical check-up to keep your awareness high about your body. But that is all. Oh, last year, when you were a devoted bowler, you wanted to get two check-up's a year to stay in tip-top shape. Now that you are a non-bowler, once a year is passing.

• Pet choices--for the ones like you who couldn't go the distance when it came to keeping your bowling skills sharp are not that tough. So what if the Terrier you bought gets angry and bites your hands several times? Or the cat you bought to keep you company scratches your eyes almost out? So what? You are not going to see your dream of being a professional bowler come to fruition, so get out the rubbing alcohol and gauze. You and your angry pets can learn to live together.

I am finished. See you at the alley.

Good night, Kenosha, Wisconsin.