KNICKS N' LACERATIONS -- The Myth I Always Heard About The '90s Knicks

I love my Knicks.

I love my Knicks so much.

I wish the Knicks would get the Nobel Peace Prize.

I wish the next black president to be Allan Houston or Latrell Sprewell.

I think the rest of New York City needs to pick up a spare job in order to bestow my Knicks more money when they go to the Garden. 1,000 dollars is not enough.

I love my Knicks and play NBA Live 08 every day where it's me, Randolph Morris, Tracy McGrady, Mo Williams and Macjej Lampe.

Okay -- now when I was growing up and the Knicks were failing to dent the Bulls, I heard a theory. And it goes like this --

Someone, like a big mob outfit, paid a couple punk teenagers to kill Michael Jordan's father. This we know today is bull because James Jordan pulled over to the side of the road to take a nap in his car, something that African-Americans used to do in the south because of when the hotels didn't let them in. If he doesn't stop, no murder takes place. Could people have been tailing him this whole time? Oh really, and he didn't see them? Na. Didn't happen.

"Oh yeah?" my friend Crappy Carl says. "Of coaws it happened, yo."

"You're full of crap, Crappy Carl."

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH!"

"Alright yo, what about that time when Joaw-dan was in Atlantic City betting on those bakarats? They was all getting on him for eating those delicious pastrami sandwiches at 4 in the morning."

"Your point?"

"Well it was that night when one of the casino bawsses probably introduced a mob guy to Jordan who told him something like "i'll make you an offer you can't refuse--"

"Which was?"

"That you either throw the Bulls series so the Knicks can win the championship," Crappy Carl explained, "or you'll regret it. And Joaw-don...oh he would regret it."

"James Jordan wasn't in his house! They could never have planned it! It was random!"

"25-to-1 odds for the Knicks to beat the Bulls, yo."

"I DON'T WANNA HEAR THIS TOMFOOLERY, CRAPPY CARL!!!"

"The mob was all over the NBA trying to get the Knicks to win the title."

"Crappy Carl they were not!"

"Then why were the officials so harsh on Reggie Miller in the closing seconds of Game 7 of the 1994 Eastern Conference Finals?"

"I dunno!"

"Then why did Hue Hollins call that bogus foul on Scottie Pippen on that missed Hubert Davis 3-pointer in Game 5 of the 1994 NBA Eastern Semifinals?"

"I dunno!"

"And why was Vernon Maxwell so pissed off at that fan the season after they won the title? The mob had tried to get to him too. He was going out there in a touchy situation every night!"

"Vernon Maxwell would sue you if he heard that."

"It's a hypothetical!"

"Then why are you still talking to me, Crappy Carl?"

"Vernon Maxwell left the team for no reason at the end of the 1995 season, you remember that? That was one of the big plots of the Houston Rockets' second title run. They did it without Madmax!"

"That's crazy, Carl. You're not fit to be outside your house."

"And what about UNLV and Duke?"

"Oh STOP IT!"

"UNLV was trying to win by 3 points in the 1991 Final Four game against Duke. They were favored by a ton, they beat everybody by like 60, they beat this Duke team the previous year in the Final Four by 30, they were trying to manipulate the spread."

"But they lost!"

"Yes, because they kept the game too close for too long and didn't anticipate that Bobby Hurley and Brian Davis were going to start nailing everything!"

"Gah!"

"It's the Crapmeister, I know what I'm talking about!"

"Bleh!!!"

"And what about the Pacers-Knicks Game 1 in 1995?"

"NO CRAPPY CARL DON'T!"

"Reggie Miller was able to get away with shoving Greg Anthony down and stealing the inbounds pass to get those 6 points in 8 seconds. The referee didn't call the whistle and watched the whole thing happen."

"Ah-HAH Crappy Carl! That is PROOF that the officials weren't trying to help out the Knicks!"

"No, not at all. What it is is evidence of backing off so people don't catch on."

"SNEH!!!"

Ever wonder why the 90s Bulls broke up? It wasn't due to age. Michael, Scottie and Rodman both played up to seven years after that.

Read on--

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