Kitten Cannon: Horrifying and Disgusting

Kitten Cannon: Horrifying and Disgusting

Everyone has an animal toward which they feel some affinity. Conversely, most of us can easily name a creature that we'd enjoy seeing cartoonishly shot out of a cannon courtesy of an online game.

Unfortunately, the online game Kitten Cannon crosses every line of good taste. Even the planet-hating right-wing carnivores at Fox News would be horrified to play this free online game.

Cute cuddly Fluffy is launched out of a massive cannon. Her concussed carcass flies through the air, bounces interminably, and lands on unspeakable hazards such as a man-eating plant, a nest of spikes, or a cache of TNT. She plops to earth in a bloody heap. She never survives.

The kitty never survives. She is doomed when the game begins. Her fate is sealed regardless of the angle of inclination of the cannon or the number of hazards she somehow manages to avoid. She always lands in a bloody heap of rearranged kitty parts.

The object of the 'game' is to coax the cat to fly as far as possible. Adjust the angle of the cannon, press the space bar, and sit back as Fluffy flounces her way to an early demise.

The cannon is loaded with kitty. Press the Space Bar to fire.
The cannon is loaded with kitty. Press the Space Bar to fire.
Helpless Fluffy Flies Fruitlessly.
Helpless Fluffy Flies Fruitlessly.

Hug Your Pets

A wise person once said "You can't hug a child with nuclear arms." The same cannot be said of Kitten Cannon; merciless launching of ballistic felines surely rates as a disgusting and horrifying way to consume CPU cycles.  We have sunk so low; we all need to go outside and play.

Hapless Fluffy soars over a man-eating plant.
Hapless Fluffy soars over a man-eating plant.
Fluffy has expired on a nest of spikes.
Fluffy has expired on a nest of spikes.
Log your high score and feel ashamed.
Log your high score and feel ashamed.

Do not sully your iPhone with Kitten Cannon

Kitten Cannon also runs on iPhones. The Apple Corporation sinks to new lows by listing this horrifying program on iTunes for the paltry price of 99 cents. Surely we can find better uses for hand-held electronics. No self-respecting iPhone owner hates kitties this much.

iTune.com informs us that something called "AppCraver" insists that "Kitten Cannon is every bit as addictive as it is online.” We suspect that AppCraver also favors these games:

  • Doggy Launcher
  • Gerbil Grenades
  • Baboon Bombs
  • Hamster Hydrogen Bombs
  • Titmouse TNT
  • Anteater Acid
  • Pheasant Plague

More by this Author


Comments 13 comments

dabeaner profile image

dabeaner 6 years ago from Nibiru

You are sick and disgusting. You should be ashamed!

But, how about:

Puppy Projectiles

Gerbil Groping

Hamster Havoc


dabeaner profile image

dabeaner 6 years ago from Nibiru

Wasn't a forerunner called "Whack-a-Mole"?


Sullen91 profile image

Sullen91 6 years ago from Mid-Atlantic Region, US

Hey, did you hear about the video games that involve slaughtering opposing enemy forces? You should probably take issue with video games that sensationalize killing and annihalation of 'people', before you get too wound up over these graphics of a cat being whacked around. Do you happen to one of those people who support years in jail for dogfighting (see michael vick), while thinking nothing of crimes that cause "human" suffering?


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV

Nicomp,

Whoever designed these games must be a first class sadist.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@dabeaner: Moles are disgusting and deserve to be whacked.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Sullen91: meow!


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

You have indeed reached a new low here. Well done.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Stan Fletcher : I'm just the messenger.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@dabeaner: I'm a PG hubber. ;)


dabeaner profile image

dabeaner 6 years ago from Nibiru

I guess my proposed comment on your newer Hub (Kitten Cannon: Horrifying and Disgusting Comments) will then suffer the same boot-stomping fate. ;-(


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

I just read Sullen's comment and your response and I am literally LOL. Really cracked me up dude.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Stan Fletcher : Are we related?


Trollipop 5 years ago

I love this game. The more the cat suffers the better. I hate all living things. I wish there was a human cannon :D

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working