NFL Picks. Week 17, 2015.

Stop me if you've heard this one before.
Rex Ryan has lost his locker room.
There's dissension, Shady McCoy is banged up, Mario Williams wants out, and Sammy Watkins is frustrated.
And the Jets?
Well the Jets just beat the Patriots.
Yeah. The actual Patriots.
In a game where Brady played all 60 minutes and overtime.
J-E-T-S playoffs playoffs playoffs?

One more time in Jim Mora voice.
Playoffs?!

Assuming the Patriots keep their starters in, and don't end up in overtime (because apparently, receiving the ball in overtime is overrated), they should be able to beat a pitiful, and I mean pitiful Dolphins team.

I'm almost positive the Panthers are going to rest their starters, but there's a reasonably good chance that they don't because Arizona has a shot at the first seed.
How crazy would it be for a team that was 14-0 to end up being the second seed???
Just crazy my dudes.
Just crazy.

Riding the momentum of a momentous upset in Carolina, the Falcons get a relatively meaningless win over the Saints in a game that ends up being the nail in Sean Payton's coffin.

Really?
Like... really though?
Really? The Ravens won last week!
That's crazy!

However, the Bengals are still trying to find positioning in the playoffs, and they need a win, and I really can't imagine the Bengals blowing this one.

Let's get a big sarcastic round of applause for the Steelers.
Assholes.
No, it's cool.
It's fine.
I thought you guys were good.
JK.
Thanks for coming out!

High flying Jacksonville offense vs. a Texans team on their way to the playoffs?
Could be interesting, could be exciting, and for the love of God, Houston, get a new head coach.

Let's just close the book on the season for both of these teams and look forward to a 2016 where they'll be much more competitive.
Luck and Mariota will be back, and hopefully they'll make games more interesting.

YUP.
BANK ON IT.
The Chiefs are beat up, it's Charles Woodson's last game, and these Oakland Raiders love playing spoiler.
The Raiders end the season on a high note, winning their eighth game and begin a glorious off-season.

Assuming Kirk Cousins spikes the ball in the right situations and takes knees in the right places, the Redskins should be good enough to win this game, picking up some "momentum" heading into the post-season.

This game looks to be explosive.
Just big play after big play after big play because...
Neither team understands how to play defense at all.
Throw in a few of those meaningless one handed catches you guys love so much too.

Too many match-ups in week 17 are completely meaningless and this one is no different.
The Lions and Bears are both wildly inconsistent, and I'm taking the explosiveness of the Lions offense over Chicago's... umm....

The Giants are red hot and the Packers are red... not?
They struggle against the pass and the run, and that's something the Vikings are doing well right now.
Congratulate the new NFC North Champs, the Minnesota Vikings.

The Broncos are also throwing their name in the first seed hat here, beating a Chargers team that has just given up.

Suspending Eric Weddle because he's a good dad?
Good call.
He's going to look great in Silver and Black next season.

I think the Seahawks are exhausted and need to rest up. They're stuck in the sixth seed no matter what and they desperately need to rest starters and get healthy for a post-season run that's going to be hellacious.

I was in attendance for easily the ugliest win in St. Louis history.
Blown calls, botched snaps, and tons of fumbles.
I hate "ugly wins" but...
It was an ugly win.
The Niners suck?
The end.

Well here it is....the last week of the NFL regular season has arrived. And here I find myself down by 3 games coming into week 17. So, here it goes...

New York Jets @ Buffalo: How's this for a stat? Before Jets starting QB Ryan Fitzpatrick trimmed his trademark ugly beard, the Jets were 5-5, and he accounted for 16 touchdowns and 11 interceptions. In 5 games since he trimmed the beard? The Jets are 5-0, and he's thrown for 13 touchdowns and just 1 interception. It's gotta be the beard, right? Anyhow, yes, the game is in Buffalo, but the Jets are a better team, and they find a way to win this game and make the playoffs.

New England @ Miami: The Patriots still have the #1 seed to play for. The Dolphins just suck. Absolutely suck. Patriots win.

New Orleans @ Atlanta: Kudos to Atlanta for beating Carolina last week. I think they finish the season strong and beat Drew Brees and the Saints this week too. Still a disappointing season, but at least they'll finish it with a W, and probably send Sean Payton out the door for the Saints too.

Baltimore @ Cincinnati: Yeah, this season was a lost cause, but, WE SWEPT THE STEELERS. THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT. Anywho.....as tempted as I am to pick my birds again this week, I don't see it happening. Bengals will win this one.

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland: Oooooooh, I'd hate to be the Browns this week. Steelers win, BIG.

Jacksonville @ Houston: Did you see what Houston did to poor Tennessee last week? While they won't open as big of a can this week, they still have enough to beat Jacksonville and get ready for the playoffs (yeah, I don't like it either, but NFL rules are NFL rules).

Tennessee @ Indianapolis: Someone get me a plane ticket to Indy! I hear the Colts are looking for a quarterback! Look, this game is going to be UGLY, but at least Tennessee has a guy under center whose actually played games this year, something the Colts might not have. Titans win, but I am in no way confident about this pick.

Washington @ Dallas: Speaking of tough games to pick. Does Washington rest guys up now that they know they're (regrettably) in the playoffs? Does it even matter, because Dallas somehow beat them the first time? What exactly is a Kellen Moore for the Cowboys? I still think Washington is talented enough to win this game, and I think they put an end to Dallas' miserable season with a win.

Philadelphia @ New York Giants: *yawn*. This game should have the option to be flexed off the schedule all together. I think the coach who loses this game could be fired. Frankly, I think the coach who even wins this game could be fired. I guess.....I'll pick the Giants. I guess.

Detroit @ Chicago: Tough game to call. Which of these two teams will we get? Last week was a nice rad win for Chicago down in Tampa Bay. I think the Bears end the season with a win this week, and put yet another bad Lions season to rest.

Tampa Bay @ Carolina: The Panthers, after going undefeated for 14 games, came crashing back to reality last week with that loss in Atlanta. And guess what? Now they have to win this game just to assure themselves of the #1 seed in the NFC! Crazy, right? I think that loss was the best thing to happen to this team, and I also think they beat Tampa this week.

Oakland @ Kansas City: Sorry, Oakland. Kansas City has too much to play for to lose this game. Chiefs win.

San Diego @ Denver: Can we finally all agree now that Philip Rivers is one of the most overrated, overpaid quarterbacks in league history? Because damnit he is! Broncos win this game, easily.

Seattle @ Arizona: Oh Seahawks, how you've lost your home touch. Losing to the Rams in front of The 12th Man? (it's your fault Ryan). Anyhow, this should be a good game, but the Cardinals are just rolling right now, and they'll dispatch of the Seahawks this week with a win.

St. Louis @ San Francisco: Wanna know how many people care about this game? The Rams and the 49ers, both NFC teams, are playing this game on CBS, the AFC network. If THAT doesn't say it all.....anyhow, I mean, I guess I like the Rams this week? They seem to have some momentum....oh wait, they're playing the 49ers. Of course the Rams win this game.

Minnesota @ Green Bay: For the NFC North! Toughest game to call this week. It's official, Aaron Rodgers and that offense look rather pedestrian now. Minnesota got a big win over the Giants in primetime. BUT.....I don't think Minnesota is ready for that next step, which is winning a critical primetime road game. Packers find a way, an ugly way, to get the W and the NFC North crown.

Week 17! Let's do it!

AHHHH. ONE WEEK OF REGULAR SEASON LEFT AND THEN PLAYOFFS. IT'S INTENSE LIKE CAMPING.

I picked the Jaguars while he picked the Texans.
I picked the Colts while he picked the Titans.
I picked the Lions while he picked the Bears.
I picked the Raiders while he picked the Chiefs.
I picked the Vikings while he picked the Packers.