OH, SO YOU'RE A HOT DOG ARE YOU?! -- History of the NBA Finals Part 4

1950s

To understand Red Auerbach -- is to understand why people use Facebook.

In other words...the people who use facebook...should really take a lesson from Red Auerbach.

For people are always looking for an opportunity, for instance, to make a movie or sell a screenplay.

The equivalent in sports of doing this -- is to take a team from scratch and build it into a champion.

Why?

Because it is a success that comes YOUR OWN WAY to the extent that it's possible for something to be your way.

We all want money, but Red Auerbach and people who want to get into film, want to make money...their way.

Yet the people who can actually provide these opportunities...know how many motherfuckers there are that want to do this.

Better yet...fucking Hollywood is the only game in town.

There's only one Hollywood.

There's only one...NBA.

And so Auerbach/aspiring writers, when an opportunity actually comes along, jump on that motherfucker and are so grateful.

Or are they?

For you see...to actually become head coach of an NBA team by the time you're 28 years old is like becoming a best selling author...when you're 28.

Lots of people out there have struggled for a long time to get where that 28 year old is at.

Most of them are a fuck load older then 28.

And thus when you make it, there is already ALREADY a problem.

Tension.

Anything you don't have to struggle for, ladies and gentlemen, will give you a sense of "well of course I should be getting these rewards I'm getting".

Because you don't have an adequate sense of the fact that the world is designed to fuck you and keep stuff from you.

This mentality, every day in Hollywood, goes against a big boss who knows he's the only game in town, knows there's thousands like you who are struggling, and thinks you should be respectful, compliant and more then anything...GRATEFUL.

Out of this dynamic...is how the NBA would come to be great.

Because Red Auerbach would prove "ungrateful" to Uline and Kerner, the bosses of the Washington Capitols and Tri-City Blackhawks.

The bosses had done a great job of putting a league together that embraced diversity, the BAA's big accomplishment thus far.

Auerbach will come up to this promising BAA flat tire...and pump it up with NBL skill...to create the very first...the VERY FIRST INTEGRATED SPORTS CHAMPION.

FROM SCRATCH!!!!

Auerbach combines the chocolate with the peanut butter in a way that actually translates to good basketball in the actual physical sense...not just what White had done...which was in the PAPER sense.

Auerbach and Tri-City Blachawks owner Bob Kerner would be the microcosm of tiny NBL (Auerbach, good basketball players) versus big BAA (Kerner, tycoons, etc.)

The bums versus the establishment.

The people who had to prove stuff versus people who didn't have to prove stuff.

At this point, Boston, Auerbach's new team (a BAA original), was in last place and had only one good player -- a 6'8'' center named Ed McCauley.

Auerbach was the leader of this shitty underdog wingnut group.

Going against a man in Bob Kerner who had moved this franchise over and over again as they got better and better.

I wonder which one the fans would like.

Kerner, the big BAA arm, will demonstrate to the world what a lot of girls do in high school which causes such tension amongst guys in nightclubs and such today...

A business hierarchy.

You're not judged by how good looking or how good you are at something...you're judged on viability in the business world.

And thus...girls in high school have an almost completely agreed upon hierarchy as far as boys they'd fuck.

This hierarchy is never discussed or spoken of...but everyone knows it.

The people who think they're above you on that list...then talk shit until guys like you and Auerbach embarrass them in front of the world at an actual talent.

Mine was basketball which thank god people cared about, because a writer who writes and talks like me...ain't what a chickie would call business world viable.

So in this case, Auerbach, is looking at an opponent in Kerner who is telling all the chicks of the world (or team owners), where he should be playing and what's a better venue to be playing and who's better because they're there and you're not...

Observe.

He starts in Buffalo. They're the Bison.

Buffalo is fun...but only if you're a sports fan.

Owners and their 23-year old girlfriends...hate it.

Small towns are one thing. Small and cold?

So Kerner moves onto Davenport, Moline, some other shit in Southwestern Illinois. He calls them now the "Tri-City Blackhawks".

Okay...that's all pretty cool.

But...now the rest of the business world now sees Davenport, Iowa as more of a preference, thus higher on the secret list...as Buffalo!

So Buffalo's at the bottom.

Tri-Cities next.

And once you get yourself a place in St. Louis, go 24 miles and you're now in one single city that's better then three of them combined.

See?

For the rest of time, nobody fucking goes to Buffalo or Davenport....when St. Louis is calling.

Imagine what people who didn't know better in Buffalo and Davenport would think about that, psychologically.

All for the sake of big business.

Auerbach was NOTHING LIKE THIS.

Auerbach wanted to go to ONE place...SPECIFICALLY CUZ IT SUCKED...and MAKE A BETTER SITUATION THEN KERNER WILL EVER HOPE TO FIND.

A better situation then BIG BUSINESS can hope to find!

This is why so many girls who are sweating thugs and punks when you're 14 and 15 and 16...are suddenly ditching them for the white preppy kids when they're 17 and 18.

This is why if you notice...you were left pretty much alone in gym class when you were a freshman...compared to the last two months of sophomore year. Weren't ya?

Those kids knew they were going to be obscelete...after all that social promotion.

And they were coming after everything Red Auerbach represented.

The great part is...they didn't know Auerbach was a threat yet, as he sits in last place for the 1951 season.

Auerbach would pass on Bob Cousy in favor of Cooper.

To the fans of Boston, it was the first thing they would know about this new cocky kid Auerbach...that he passed on their boy from Holy Cross...for a black dude.

HA!!!!

Okay -- quick fast forward to the 1980s -- that Laker team that went against the Celtics.

Fastbreaks?

This was a RED AUERBACH TEAM PLAYING RED AUERBACH'S FREAKING TEAM!!!

McHale, Parish, Bird, Johnson and Ainge were the 1950s when big city BAA had their way.

The NBL...had Auerbach had his way...would have been Magic and Kareem's guys.

You've got George Mikan doing hook shots even.

They would have hired him alot faster.

But the Lakers back in Auerbach's coaching days were invincible.

Invincible.

Vern Mikkelsen and George Mikan dominated.

And so in the meantime, the old big city BAA...was trying to stick it to the old tiny-city NBL, not knowing yet that the real NBL enemy to strike was on their very Celtics.

Just like in football, the less marketable motherfuckers were the ones winning and thus claiming all the big market prizes.

In 1950, the NBA drafts the first three black players. Earl Lloyd would go to Rochester, Chuck Cooper to the Celtics and Sweetwater Clifton to the New York Knicks.

Earl Lloyd, the one of the group is was sent to a team doomed to fail and had no support compared to the big city Celtics and Knicks...would not only be the only ones of these guys still alive today...but the only one with an NBA title.

It happens soon.

Just like they weren't expecting Auerbach, they weren't expecting black superstars. For some crazy retarded reason.

All the stereotypes that a racist would have about a black dude would point to -- he can take your ass in sports. But whatever, I didn't grow up back then.

In the meantime -- how to contain that big white fucker George Mikan?

Well observe Shaquille O'Neal today.

Kobe Bryant wasn't going to pass the ball to this dude when he's got all the range in the world and Shaq doesn't.

If you make it so that foul lane is wider...guys like Mikan will have more people who can come in to compete with simply because there's other place to stand.

Making a telephone booth wider would make it so that not only does Shaq have more people who can fit...but it DOESN'T HELP SHAQ NOT ONE BIT EVEN IF IT DOESN'T HURT!!!!

You have added nothing to Mikan's game by giving him the option of shooting far jumpers, meanwhile you encourage more motherfuckers to try to snatch his airballs.

So the lane widened.

Up until this very point, it had been Red Auerbach's idea to turn Bob Cousy (reacquired through the dispersal draft because the Stags fell), into an actual Jason Kidd NBA point guard.

Or a Mike Bibby.

Or a Tony Parker.

He was worried that Cousy was too rube-like to really be one of those studious playmakers.

Well Kerner and other people's attempts to screw Mikan...would result in Cousy being able to take his time before doing so, for he would get to DRIVE TO THE BASKET.

Cousy thus is like Joe Montana in the West Coast Offense.

Levels to its' efficiency? Tight end to wide recievers going long to hitting them behind the recievers?

In year 1 and 2, Cousy drives the hoop, taking advantage more of his youth.

Then as he gets older, there is Ed McCauley to pass it to as well as others.

Cousy, McCauley, and then Bill Sharmin, and suddenly the Celtics are rising.

See? Gradually out of the cellar...ever so slowly...doing it all Red's way...

The Mikan rules would work out GRAND in 1951.

Rochester Royals center Arnie Risen and backcourt man Bob Davies would finally overcome that sonumabitch.

Risen was a big time scorer.

They took a 3-0 lead in the Finals versus New York.

New York, behind Sweetwater, would come all the way back and not only tie the series at 3, but be up by 2 with 40 seconds to go in Game 7.

Then Risen is fouled a few times and hits every one of his free throws.

The Knicks with almost the best victory ever...but na.

Knick basketball has its' sorry ass roots even as early as 1951.

So Rochester was the champions of the world.

The BAA STILL couldn't fuck with the small towners.

And so there would be more rules...

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