The Naked Olympics - A Fun Look At How Our Athletes Would Cope Today!

Manchester United Player Anderson. picture setup. mirror.co.uk
Manchester United Player Anderson. picture setup. mirror.co.uk

Long ago in ancient Greece, when men were men and women were grateful, the Olympics were the highlight of the year. There were lots of men competing, but no women, which was probably a good thing, because all the sports heats were done completely in the nude. Buff, butt naked, or as my friend used to say, nekked as a sparrow on a roof. Whatever that meant. The games were taken seriously, yeah how? Um, sorry lets get back to the point and show a little bit of history for you to prove that I know what I am talking about. Okay here goes.

The ancient greek word for exercise literally means stark naked. So every time you go swimmng, take time out in the gym etc you are not exercising, oh no. You are butt. Naked butt.

The Olympic games were a religious festival in honor of Zeus, and the demands were out of the ordinary and carried out with much grovelling and bowing. Not a pretty sight when you are naked. Women were not even allowed to watch, that must have been a blessing in disguise, but then again maybe not. I can't think of better way to spend the afternoon myself, but there you go. The good thing was that women could compete sometimes in the equestrian events, but only by proxy. The first woman to win was a spartan Princess.

But we are getting off the subject. I digress. What the heck does that mean? Anyway, naked Olympics. Um.

 That has got to hurt! telegraph.co.uk
That has got to hurt! telegraph.co.uk

Back in the day they used to do all manner of different sporting events, but these days there are a whole lot more. For a start they didn't have bicycles. Now that would be so painful its actually funny. I wonder how long you could ride the bike for before you started to get butt burn?

I suppose you could combine the cycling with the old fashioned joust like we used to do in England. Carry a long pole and just knock the person off the bike. Instead of being angry at your opponent you would just be grateful that the pain was only in your shoulder. And the cool grass will help with saddle soreness!

Nude Rugby

Now this is a sight to behold. Loads of men rushing around a rugby field clutching the ball stark butt nekked. Evidently its quite popular in certain places around the world! This picture was taken in New Zealand.

Now, I don't know about you, but rugby? Surely tackling each other to try to grab the ball has got to be dangerous! The rules of rugby are, you get the ball, get ready to kick it over the poles and that's how you score. Its called a Try and a Conversion. Seems to me that if they get a bit too close there will be more Tries and Conversions than was necessary!

Denver Broncos  I am so glad to see he has got his helmet on!
Denver Broncos I am so glad to see he has got his helmet on! | Source

Good 'ol American Football!

Now see? Look how safety conscious this guy is. He is wearing a helmet. So that's okay then. Did someone forget to wash his clothes? Maybe he overheard someone say nude is the new color! I don't think that running naked up a pitch with just a helmet on is actually going to give him any sort of protection, but hey who knows?

So I am planning on writing to the Olympic committee and stating that this should definitely be in our Olympics. We are trying to get back to the ancient games, do as they do etc and so on. And I believe this is the way. One question though, what about streakers? That's part of the fun watching any football game or even rugby. At one stage there is always a streaker that comes running onto the pitch. What's the angle with this game? Are they going to invade wearing full body armour or even a suit? I am sure that everyone will go mad looking at those tight pants!

Naked Volleyball
Naked Volleyball | Source

Volleyball

Now this one looks very civilised. People swimming around in the pool tapping a ball over the net. Like fishes swimming in a fish tank. No I am not going to mention tackle, put that thought away! I actually think this one will catch on. Just think how much you would save on electric, you could use this as your daily bath. Just get out the soap and shampoo and you are well away. Just hope it stays nice and warm otherwise they may just catch more than a ball. I hear strange things happen when you sit too long in cold water!

Naked Pole Vaulting
Naked Pole Vaulting | Source

Naked pole Vault

Now in case you haven't noticed, I have given this guy a bit of dignity. Believe me, you wouldn't have wanted to see the original! Oh there are so many remarks I could make about this, grab the pole, run along and jump as high as you can. Just make sure for goodness sake that you grab the right pole! The mind boggles at the thought of making that mistake!

What I want to know is, what happens if you land in a wrong position? I mean, it could be really painful couldn't it? Enough said!

Naked Tennis

Who's for tennis?
Who's for tennis? | Source

The Wobbles of Wimbledon!

Long hot summer days, the sound of tennis balls on the court, strawberries and cream and oh, what's that? Look out Ethel it's a nekked man on the court! Now if Wimbledon was like this it would be packed out to the rafters! Game Set and Match, Fifteen Love and Deuce! I wonder if the Royals would sit through this?

To be fair, I think the guys would get away with it, but the ladies? Nah! Bit to much wobbling and bobbling! I can't see Andy Murray our British hope from Scotland doing it. He looks miserable at the best of times, let alone being asked to do a streak on centre court! But hey who knows? Maybe it will put a smile on his face!

So get out the chairs, lay the tablecloth on the ground and get yourself ready for the Wimbledon you have always wanted to see!

So, which one do you fancy taking on? I believe that naked Olympics should definitely make a comeback. Just think of the money you would save if you didn't have to buy all that kit! No shorts, no T shirts and definitely no socks. We could all afford to do this. I personally think that butt nekked trampolining would be best but hey ho that's just me.

Not a pretty sight though! So when you are sitting down watching those boring people race around the track, trying to beat their own records and thoroughly doing our heads in because they have taken off all the great programs on tv, just think, it could have been so much more interesting!

copyright nell rose

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Comments 81 comments

QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 4 years ago

Oh God Nell! You have left me absolutely amused and speechless! I do not know whether to laugh or cringe. Excellent yet again!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I had a hard time finishing the hub; I was laughing too hard at the wobbles and bobbles section. Great, great fun my friend! I'd pay to see these events....I'd pay double....oh hell, triple at least!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Well this hub is a refreshing athletic treat. I'll need to read again on my computer since my phone doesn't do justice to your photos! I say bring back the naked Olympics...maybe even just wearing a fig leaf!:)


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

I didn't see the naked ladies volleyball team. I can wait...


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Qudsia, I tried to keep it decent, lol! I know the limits on here, but it did make me laugh when I was looking for photos! on a serious note its strange how we took it for granted thousands of years ago, and yet these days we are embarrassed by it, funny isn't it? thanks so much and nice to see you, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi billy, yep me too! lol! I think the pole vault would be the most interesting though, don't you? lol! thanks as always billy, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi linda, yes a fig leaf would be great, as long as the weather was calm! haha! glad you liked it, I just got so fed up with the Olympics, its driving me mad and it hasn't even started yet! thanks as always, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi A.A. maybe if you go to the Olympics they may have a volleyball match that you will like? especially if its the nekked version! lol! thanks as always, nell


JKenny profile image

JKenny 4 years ago from Birmingham, England

Awesome Nell, absolutely awesome, couldn't stop laughing at the naked tennis bit hehehe...Then again, I find watching Andy Murray hard enough as it is, don't think I could standing seeing him au naturel! Great stuff. Voted up etc.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

So that's where "stark naked" came from! Awesome hub. Naked Olympics--what a concept. This was so entertaining from start to finish. Thank you for that!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi JK, lol! can you imagine Andy Murray? Oh what a sight that would be! he is so miserable! Now if that had been John McEnroe then that would be funny! thanks so much, glad you liked it, cheers nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Victoria, I wish they would bring it back, they would sell all the tickets then! haha! glad you liked it and thanks!


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

How racy and amusing, Nell. I imagine this would make Olympic tickets even harder to get. Voting this Up and Funny.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Leave it to Nell to overlook lady's sports!


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 4 years ago from US

Oops, I thought the first one was Obama at first! Guess even another country couldn't get by with that...oh well, still a hoot. I sort of like naked tennis....

Got you up and over.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi alocsin, yes the tickets would fly wouldn't they? haha! thanks as always, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Sorry Will, the photos of the ladies were a bit to racy! haha! I did try, honest! thanks for reading, cheers nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Polly, lol! no I wouldn't have done that! the secret service would have been knocking on my door! you like naked tennis? you surprise me! haha! thanks as always Polly, cheers nell


Larry Fields profile image

Larry Fields 4 years ago from Northern California

Wow, Nell! You've really outdone yourself. Talk about pushing the envelope!

Like Will Starr and A.A. Zavala, I have a small quibble about gender balance. This was mostly about men's nekked olympic sporting events.

How about women's nekked olympic softball? That would have some great possibilities.

Here's what a sportscaster might say:

"When the next batter stepped up to the plate, all of the male eyes were glued on the pitcher's mound."

Or is that too far out in left field?

Voted up, shared and more.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Larry, lol! thanks! I did try and find a few women photos but they were a bit to risque! so I stuck to the easy pics, thought I had better! lol!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Nell Rose.....I have tried for 10 minutes to contain myself and control my fits of laughter. YOU are an absolute HOOT, GF!!! What SHALL we do with you???

This is the funniest stuff all month! I LOVE it! What I wouldn't give to hang out with you for a day....especially at the OLYMPICS!!

I will say I am so relieved you are impeccable at putting your hubs together and have PERFECTED keyboarding. I would hate to have seen a TYPO in the sentence..."Sure, tackling each other to try and grab the... ball..... has got to be dangerous..." OH! shame on both of us??! lmao....


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

This is very entertaining and funny, Nell! The photos are great, too. Thanks for the amusement.


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

For the record, I've heard that there is naked men and womens wrestling on the internet, but I don't know if it's Olympic style. Maybe Greco-Roman?


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

This is awesome Nell, I was cracking up with all the pictures and hilarious images going through my mind! I echo Bill's comment about paying to see this, hahaha LOl Great job Nell! :)


lilyfly profile image

lilyfly 4 years ago from Wasilla, Alaska

Just a HUGE uplift! Yo0u have the games in your own court!!! love yaz, lily


remaniki profile image

remaniki 4 years ago from Chennai, India

WOW Nell, I really did not know that you had such a good sense of humor. Fantastic hub. Kept me reading from top to bottom at one go. Lovely hub.

You must have spent quite a bit of time getting appropriate pictures. Sharing it across to spread laughter among the hub community. Cheers, Rema


Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Nell, what a hoot! Well done on covering up their more delicate parts.

Voted up etc.


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

History says athletes who performed at the Olympics were always youth, who always competed nude, attracted spectators of many kinds. Married women were not allowed to enjoy this feast. Girls, however, were invited to ogle and fantasize about future husbands. Then wars were suspended, clothes were stripped off and wine was devoured in what was the pre modern equivalent of Woodstock, the Super Bowl and a suburban key party. Now, athletes depicting skimpy bikinis, exposing portion of their breast and buttocks is about glamor or soft porn to be precise.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi effer, hee hee! typo me? lol! couldn't resist it! I was so fed up with the flippin' Olympics that I just wanted a different slant on it! I knew that they did it au natural back in the day, so I wondered what it would be like now! haha! I wish! perhaps it would generate a bit more interest! Over a million tickets haven't been sold! Mind you for 400 pounds, approx 700 dollars to watch the second rate games I am not surprised! thanks as always, and glad you had a laugh! lol!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Alicia, glad it made you laugh, and thanks as always, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi A.A. not sure about that? probably is out there, in some countries it still takes place, and of course there is no stigma on the style of fighting, thanks!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi josh, thanks! lol! couldn't resist it! now I can watch the stupid adverts for the Olympics with a smile on my face! haha!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi lily, lol! glad it brought a smile, love ya back!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Rema, yes those pictures certainly made me laugh when looking for them, these were the least offensive? I think that's the word, but they just made me laugh! my friends call me the clown because I always make them laugh, not a choice I would have liked but hey! haha! thanks for reading, cheers nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Jools, yes that took a bit of doing, couldn't get the hang of paint in gallery! haha! thanks as always, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Vinaya, yes just like Woodstock! lol! and yes on a serious note these days nudity is always seen like that. its a shame really because our bodies are the same as everyone elses and nothing to be ashamed off, thanks so much for reading, cheers nell


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

That is such a good idea, I think I will contact the Olympic committee to ask them to adapt it for this years games. The athletes could be tattooed with the various logos.

Good fun. Thanks Nell.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Thats a great idea christopher! I did wonder where to put the logos! lol! thanks and glad you liked it, cheers nell


molometer profile image

molometer 4 years ago

Well Nell,

after almost pmsl reading this brilliantly funny hub.

I got to thinking. How about nekked ski jumping? it would be fun.

The cool breeze blowing through the nether regions. Would be invigorating.

I like your idea for nekked trampolining... excuse me while I 'crack up' again. lol

All the buttons and sharing. Thanks Nell for this lovely rib tickler.


kikalina profile image

kikalina 4 years ago from Europe

Hillarious! Ty!


My Minds Eye53 profile image

My Minds Eye53 4 years ago from Tennessee

Very funny! Didn't the Greeks also fight in the nude?

Voted up and shared


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

You NEVE cease to Amaze Nell, what a Totally Fun, Educational (Ha, Ha,) read. Who knew? And wouldn't you have LOVED to have been a Fly on the...WALL! My sister dates a Nudist, and he goes on Nude Ship Voyages...the Crew must need Glasses when they get home...All that EYE strain!


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

very amusing piece, but in all seriousness, I did hear that the original games were done in the nude and no women allowed. try that today, and there would have been a lawsuit, eh?


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi molo, ski jumping?! haha! brilliant! now that would be cold! or maybe invigorating! yes the idea of the trampolining does appeal to me, I like watching people bounce, on the trampoline I mean! lol! thanks!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Thanks kikalina!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi My Minds, yes they were the ones that started it off, that's why I think they should bring it back! lol! how funny would that be? thanks so much, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi b. your sister dates a Nudist? haha! oh my God nude ship voyages, I have never heard of that before! I suppose after a while it would feel normal, I would think anyway! lol! thanks as always, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi avian, yes exactly! why should we miss out? lol! thanks for reading, cheers nell


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 4 years ago from West Virginia

Awesome article Nell. This would be interesting to say the least! It would make it much more enjoyable to watch then I must say:) It just gets so boring for me. I try to watch it, but I am easily bored. What can I say? This was clever Nell. Best wishes.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi lyric, lol! yes I would definitely go to watch the Olympics if it was like this! its driving me insane! I will be glad when its all over and done with, over six years of hype is beginning to catch in my throat now! haha! thanks again, nell


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

This was hysterical! I can imagine CNN covering those Olympics! What woud the cameras zoom in on?

"I hear strange things happen when you sit too long in cold water!" That one really cracked me up...not to mention the visuals in my mind.

This was too funny and original as you always are!

Voted up, funny, and interesting, yes, interesting!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi tills, lol! I can just see the CNN crew screaming, they are all nekked! haha! thanks as always, nell


bethperry profile image

bethperry 4 years ago from Tennesee

Sigh..oh damn, Nell, you have me reminiscing about my teens and all those delicious fancies I had back then involving Bjorn Borg getting Love in the buff. Shame on you!

But amusing Hub, much "food" for thought. Thanks for posting!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi beth, haha! love it! thanks for making me laugh as usual! cheers nell


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

seriously, Nell that existed? Wow, you enlightened me, my friend :)

I dunno IF I would be able to see that kinda olympics 'cause my kid would be totally banned from seeing it and I would be not amused ;)

voted up as interesting hub!

Sharing it across


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Ruchira, lol! yes it certainly did! that's how the Olympics started, yes that's true, not very good for the kids, thanks so much nell


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 4 years ago from malang-indonesia

Very provoking title. I never know that the naked Olympic was existed. I can't imagine with the audience watch the naked show....hahaha. But this time they really sweating. Thanks for writing and share with us. Vote up!

Prasetio


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 4 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

What a treat! I'm OK with all the nekked Olympians being men, btw. LOL

I love your spirit! I see that none of the advertising gods are allowing ads on your page. Ha! Obviously they, unlike the Greek Gods, have no sense of humor.

"Just make sure for goodness sake that you grab the right pole!" I'm laughing so hard I could cry.

Up and so, so funny. :)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Sally, lol! just thought I would go for the laugh for a change! haha! I didn't realise that the hub gods took my ads! oh pullease! oh well never mind, glad you thought it was funny, I enjoyed writing it, thanks nell


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 4 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

I think the weightlifting could prove the most revealing - full frontal with the whole body pressurised. Maybe not ;)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Paraglider, thanks for reading, haha! now theres a picture I can't get out of my mind! lol!


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 4 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

In fact I was watching the women's weightlifting this afternoon. Most of them looked like what we use to call "big sonsie lassies" you know, the farmer's lass, tough as boots, but still feminine. But the Russian woman - try as I might, I couldn't see her as anything but a man: features, hair-style, physique - Only your naked olympics could confirm. . .


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Lol! I know just what you mean! did you see the judo? there was one particular girl who would have frightened the life out of me in a dark alley! not saying who! shush! lol! lets just say the 'normal looking' girl beat her!


DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 4 years ago from Oakley, CA

Oh, my! Laughing my (not so nekkid) butt off here! Pole vaulting--ouch! Baseball, maybe? Oh, watch out for that line drive! This was hilarious--brilliantly so!

But, oh gosh--they couldn't put it on TV...they'd have so many censored blackout stripes that the entire screen would be blacked out..it would turn into a radio broadcast! What a bummer!

Voted up, funny, and shared!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi DzyM, lol! yes that's so true! I never thought of that! lol! thanks so much for reading, nell


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Nell what a great hub.. I love it... How did you find this out?.. I am amazed.

lol

debbie


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

lol! Thanks Deborah, I just couldn't resist it, what with all the Olympic hoo ha! it was fun to research! lol!


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

This has to be my favorite. hub...I showed my husband ..he loves it too...Debbie


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Haha! I just wish the Olympics were still like this! sooo much more fun! thanks Deborah.


Suzie HQ profile image

Suzie HQ 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

Hi Nell,

Oh wow, what a riot - Must say I missed out on the naked rugger bugger's in NZ when I was there!! What a shame! Would definitely pay triple to see Roger v Raffael in the naked Tennis!! Oh bring on the Naked Olympics I say!! Excellent hub, voted up, +++++ and shared!!!


Gordon Hamilton profile image

Gordon Hamilton 4 years ago from Wishaw, Lanarkshire, United Kingdom

Well - what an interesting concept, Nell. Actually, I think I may have heard before (years ago) that the Olympics was originally a naked event and forgotten about it. As things stand, I'm not a big Olympics fan but that could change... I would never have believed that women's beach volleyball could possibly be improved upon! :)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Suzie, lol! wouldn't it be great? that would be a day out for sure! mind you if it was tennis I was wondering where they rub the tennis ball! haha! thanks so much for reading, cheers nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi Gordon, lol! yes that volleyball would have been quite crowded! lol! the olympics did start like that, back in good old Greece, now I know why I love Greece! thanks for reading, nell


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

This was SO funny. My imagination just ran wild!

I voted this Hub up and funny, I'll share tweet and try to pin, but I don't know which board I can pin it to: ha,ha. I have one "health and well being", would that do, suppose????


rcrumple profile image

rcrumple 4 years ago from Kentucky

Nell,

How come only male athletes were pictured? lol I'd be looking forward to seeing a women's volleyball team here, or, even the Lady Godiva's of the day on horseback. But noooooo! Show the guys only! Bet the price of tickets would skyrocket!

Great hub! Funny as they come. But, where are the girls? lol


greatstuff profile image

greatstuff 4 years ago from Malaysia

I didn't know that these games exist. Something that company like Nike will not endorse. No business opportunity for them; no clothing to sell except maybe shoes. Do they wear shoes?


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi greatstuff, not sure if you are being tongue in cheek? lol? no they don't exist it was a joke, and yes they do wear shoes! lol! thanks for reading, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi richard, sorry! haha! I just thought womens wobbly bits were a bit too much to cover up on here! guys? easy peasy! lol! thanks for reading, or looking or.....!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Hi mary, lol! that may do it! I just couldn't resist writing this one with all the hoo ha about the Olympics! I thought this might be more fun! lol! thanks so much for reading, nell


IOwn profile image

IOwn 4 years ago from My laptop in the UK

Haha, funny Hub you have here Nell, I enjoyed it!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England Author

Thanks IOwn, glad you liked it, nell

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