The Pro's and Con's of Having a Female Assistant Coach in The NFL
Change is not always a bad thing.
When I read the headline (read around the world) "Jen Welter Hired as Assistant Coach at Arizona." I remember saying under my breath man, how things are changing and some better than others. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Simply defined, it was time.
Actually it was a wonder that hiring females as assistant coaches and other positions did not arrive earlier. Why not? I mean, you have the powerful N.O.W. (National Organization for Women), plus the firepower of the Affirmative Action, female coaches that have met with friction getting a good job in the NFL, NBA, MLB, or even the NHL can get things done, so this is not that big of a story. But it's a pretty good story if you like changes in a set and established organization such as the NFL which might evolve into the "Noted Female League," in years to come. Who knows? I would ask who cares, but I and mostly male football fans care.
Personally I like this ground-shaking change. And if the truth were known, guys, you do too. I hate to burst your bubble. The changes you dream about with a female in the midst are not going to happen. Welter and all other females who get hired by the NFL and MLB, are going to be judged and treated as employees, not "sex kittens." Let's face facts. Vince McMahon, C.E.O., World Wrestling Entertainment has already got the diva, "sex kitten" female wrestler market pretty much covered.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, Bob Dylan.
The NBA announced recently that Nancy Lieberman would accept a position as assistant coach with the Sacramento Kings, so there you go. You can start humming folk music legend, Bob Dylan's standard, "The Times They Are-a Changing."
I can see the humor in a story like this. For instance, "Roy Stump," a once-full-time road-kill exterminator sits down (at 11 a.m.) for breakfast and his eyes are magnetically-drawn to the Jen Welterman story. His breath comes in short gasps due to the excitement of actually getting to see (a) female on the sidelines during an Arizona Cardinals' game. You see, "Roy" is not a woman hater. He loves females. He loves his wife, "Barb," a shift manager at the local Waffle House and if it were not for her paycheck, he and the household would soon be a dimished statistic.
For the rest of that day, "Roy" kicks back, pops a few cold one's and dreams of how a female will change the face of the NFL. He smiles a slumbered smile as he sees the installation of poles up and down the Cardinals' sidelines for Jen to practice her sideline job as a pole dancer. "Roy" also sees her dressed in skimpy attire, of course in Cardinal colors, to keep her linebackers' attention. And "Roy" really loves how CBS or whatever network will carry Cardinals games will instruct their sideline cameramen to zoom in more than a few times on Jen fixing her make-up and hair.
"Roy" wakes up and a great notion hits him. He spends the rest of the day on the phone talking to his unemployed colleagues who have now read the news about a female being hired as an assistant coach in the NFL. Before long, the idea of a road trip is hatched and ten unemployed men, grown men supposedly, are planning on using "Roy's" 1977 Winnebago to head to the Arizona Cardinals' season-opener next year.
Female assistant's is not anything to laugh at.
The "Pro's List of Things That Come With Having a Female Coach in the NFL" are things that female coaches bring to the NFL, NBA and maybe the MLB are . . .
They will definitely smell better than the guys who are under their authority. My point? Haven't we smelled Old Spice long enough? These gals with the lucrative contracts can easily afford those high-end perfumes, so I speak for their players in saying . . ."bring it."
These female coaches have the looks alright. If I were a professional athlete, I had much rather be sitting on the bench (a good place for me) and have my female position coach come and sit with me and ask about my feelings--since we are down 22 points and only one minute to play--rather than be berated and tongue-lashed for missing two key tackles that helped our opponents score important points.
The female coaches are superior listeners. Think of it, guys. No matter what you say or how you say it, they will remember each syllable, so that can work in your favor. If you, the professional player, is accused by another player on your team, in a sit-down discussion with your female coach, she will surely know the truth from a fabrication when she hears it. Count on it, bud.
The "List of Con's That Come From Havng a Female Coach in The NFL" are evident as well. Bruce Arians, head coach of the Arizona Cardinals may be an offensive guru, but he has no way of seeing the onslaught brought by female coaches that is soon to invade his organization.
Things such as: the female is a dangerous hunter. And can get her way with enough pouting and sticking-out her lips. "I want that Arians guy outta here," Jen Welter might say to the Cardinals C.E.O. And before you can say bad decision, so long, Bruce.
Plus in a team meeting, Arians or any of the male coaches or employees cannot touch Jen or raise their voices to Welter or any female employee of the Arizona Cardinals. If this should happen, this will be grounds for a lawsuit and ESPN will be all over it night and day.
Down the road it might get worse. Just what will NFL (and other professional sports leagues) do when these assistant female coaches ask for and get seperate showers and dressing rooms? You know that the male assistants where were there before the girl coaches will balk and possibly engineer a protest that ESPN will be all over day and night. ESPN is going to have a field's day with assistant female coaches.
Do I need to go further?
Now with all things being hunky-dory and well with the world, there is that one area in which NFL players, coaches, agents, and sportswriters will have to "suck it up" and go forward and that is when Jen (or other females) experience that painful "time of the month" and are in terrible moods when asked, "Jen, your linebackers played like high school players--why the lack of focus?"
The Arizona Cardinals athletic offices are shaken as if a 9.3 earthquake is happening. Then only God and His grace or maybe ducking behind a massage table will save the poor male from the near-fatal consequences of asking such a stupid question.
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