Things Legal and Illegal in Your Backyard

__________________________________________________________

I'll be brief

take a good look at the photo below. A good long look. What do you see? Two all-American middle-class working families. One family is barbecuing. One man is mowing his lawn with an antiquated lawnmower with no 3.5 horsepower Briggs and Stratton motor. The women are all in dresses. Everyone is all smiles. But maybe it's my cynical nature, but the woman pouring the man with the old-fashioned lawnmower a drink is a bit too friendly. Could be that they have got something going on the side. This was popular back in these early days of our nation. Just when Americans were tasting wealth, power, and buying life and things on credit. Oh, the barbecue grill is a darling. I wish I could own one just like it.

Oh, do not get me started. Up until now, I have bridled my excitement about finding this piece of artwork. I've been a member of HubPages for four years and never found such an exquisite piece of artwork. I think that this piece of artwork should replace the bald eagle as our symbol of America. Call it "Free capitalism."

I know that I am sounding much like a Communist, but I am so excited about this picture that I wish that when I die I could wake up in this picture. But Kenny, you are a Christian. Don't you want to go to Heaven? Well have "you" ever been to Heaven? Can you tell me what all is in up there? Well, why can't I wake up here, overdose on grape Kool-Aid and have my stomach pumped at the all-American hospital that is sure to be near this neighborhood by a pretty nurse named, "Blanch," whose husband is a Mason and a member of the AFL-CIO.

The perfect symbol for America

Source

There is nothing wrong

with being American. I am proud that I am an American. What I hate is that I was born in 1953, way too late, and too young to even know what the radical, prosperous 50's were about.

Now my sister and her few friends talked of the Everly Brothers and how sweet they looked, and a mention or two about Elvis, but that was all I ever knew about Rock 'N Roll.

So I am placing this blue text box here in plain-sight for you to know that I am NOT slamming the American Dream or our great nation. No sir. I love America.

And I dearly love graphics like the one above.

Proudly signed,

Kenneth Avery

Proud American

and Member of HubPages

I want to talk to you briefly

about your backyard. Have you taken the time away from your hectic, rapid-pace lifestyle to pay any attention to your backyard, except to mow its grass? I didn't think so. Do not worry. I am as guilty as you are about this dark neglectful attitude that has surfaced in us Americans in the last few years. It's shameful, I tell you. To let our precious backyards go untended, unnoticed and mostly-never enjoyed.

God should strike us down for this sin of greed to put our names of a 30-year mortgage that includes home and two acres and a backyard. Then we work our butts off 55 hours a week and some weekends to just to make the mortgage payment. We can all starve, but we got to make that mortgage payment. It's more serious than life or death for the same bank that let you borrow money to buy this home and two acres will be the same bank who rolls up one day with legal papers and sorrowful looks on their faces as they tell you, "Jim, my boy. You have been a good customer for over five years, and we appreciate that, but Jim, my boy, it's either pay-up your late mortgage payments or we will take ownership of your home with two acres of land including that once-beautiful backyard that you let "go to pot," all because you had to get ahead at work."

__________________________________________________________

Yes, sir. Nothing beats a meal in the backyard

Source

More behind-the-scenes of "Backyard America"

Getting to know your Hispanic  neighbors in the backyard. Good for you.
Getting to know your Hispanic neighbors in the backyard. Good for you. | Source
A 50's family barbecue complete with the dad in long pants, loafers, and the kids all dressed appropriately
A 50's family barbecue complete with the dad in long pants, loafers, and the kids all dressed appropriately | Source
A 60's family barbecue. Yeah, man. Far out. Dad looks so mellow and mom so pretty and the kids all well-behaved. This is suburbia. Not the inner-city America.
A 60's family barbecue. Yeah, man. Far out. Dad looks so mellow and mom so pretty and the kids all well-behaved. This is suburbia. Not the inner-city America. | Source
One thing that is legal to do in all 50 states of America is take a nap or read all while in a hammock you bought at a local TARGET
One thing that is legal to do in all 50 states of America is take a nap or read all while in a hammock you bought at a local TARGET | Source

Did you know that you can do these things in your backyard

  • Eat raw steak and drink ruined beer
  • Sing "She'll Be Comin' Round The Mountain (When She Comes
  • Quote poetry if only to yourself
  • Stare at the grass until you doze off
  • Roll on the ground and pretend it is to exercise your heart
  • Sing folk songs while wearing cardigan sweaters, loafers, and sunglasses and all while it is in the middle of July
  • Tame a rodent
  • Listen to a book on tape
  • Play some of your old 8-tracks as long as you do not disturb your uptight neighbors
  • Drink alcohol as long as you abide by your local alcohol consumption ordinances
  • Tell Jackie Gleason jokes until you vomit


______________________

Here are some highly-illegal things you had best not do in your backyard

  • Have knife-throwing contests - you can argue that your backyard belongs to you, but friend. When you resort to using deadly-weapons of death for entertainment, you are breaking the law and you are liable for all injuries that happen on your property.
  • Nude dancing - this is an offensive act to your neighbors and against the law because your backyard is not a licensed-establishment for such dancing.
  • Chug-a-Lug Contests - you can drink alcohol within the law, but when you start yelling, screaming, and doing inappropriate things in your neighborhood you can be arrested for disturbing the peace.
  • Throwing rocks - at cars going by your home.
  • Shooting a BB gun or pellet rifle at people jogging by your home.
  • Jumping out from behind the bushes and scaring people who are liable to have a massive heart-attack.
  • Cut trees and let them fall blocking the road beside your home.
  • Promoting rodeos - with live horses, Brahma bulls and other rodeo-related animals.
  • Having circus-activities such as high-wire walking, lion-taming, riding seven or more elephants to the delight of your neighbors who are calling the police to arrest you.
  • Concerts - is a tricky event. Sure you can have a clean, decent concert but not a loud, head-banging, amp-exploding with fire and sparks everywhere concert and yell anti-American curse words while doing "Bang Your Head." This is 2014, friend. Heavy Metal is a thing of the past.

__________________________________________________________

Here are a few things you cannot do in your backyard

Source

COCKFIGHTING is against the law in most of the 50 states of America. The only legal place to hold cockfights is in Puerto Rico. If you are caught doing this illegal-act in your backyard in America, be ready to pay hefty fines, do jail time or both. Just enjoy your backyard with legal activities with family and friends and leave illegal cockfighting to people who do not care about our laws or backyards.

Source

BATHING BEAUTY CONTESTS with pretty girls who have been drinking booze and losing all o their sense of judgment. Oh, the men of your neighborhood might drool with excitement as these young girls, 22 or over, and legal, sway and bump to sexy music and allow their swimming suits to somehow drop to the wooden stage you and your drunken buddies have worked all last night just for this event. Oh, how your wife and your buddies' wives will scorn you menfolk for doing such an inappropriate thing.

Source

POT-SMOKING will land you and the pot-smoker in jail really quick. I do not care how lax some laws in the big cities of New York, Los Angeles and Boston are. I am talking about suburban America here. And there is a law against allowing a controlled-substance such as marijuana to be smoked or handled on your property. Now if you live in Colorado, go ahead and smoke pot until you think you are Casper the Ghost. But beware of such activities in your clean, God-fearing suburban neighborhood.

Source

VICIOUS DOG-FIGHTS with dogs of any breed are highly-illegal in suburban America. Remember the trouble that once-NFL great, Michael Vick stirred-up when he was arrested, sent to prison, and paid millions in fines for promoting dog-fights on his property, well do you want to end-up like Vick? No, you sure don't. You can pet your friendly poodle or retriever all you want. But do not be lured into the dark world of dog-fighting.

" Class dismissed. Be careful driving home "

More by this Author


Comments 5 comments

LisaRoppolo profile image

LisaRoppolo 2 years ago from Joliet, IL

In all seriousness, I think the tides are turning. More people I know are starting gardens. And I know several people who wish they could have a garden but are stuck paying down their condo mortgages before they can even think about moving somewhere with a yard. It's a slow transition, but it is coming. On a personal level, we spend a great deal of time in our yard, not just tending it, but having BBQ's with friends over. Makes the weekends that much better because we both work so much.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago

That’s so funny. When you have a backyard like mine, you don’t do anything in it unless you want to risk an injury. My neighbor rolled down the hill in her backyard and broke both legs. Her injuries were so severe that the doctors had to fight hard to save her legs. I wish I had a backyard like those in your photos. I especially related to the one with the backs of the little kids showing. We laugh, but that’s how women dressed in the 50s. They had what they called their “house dresses” for everyday wear. My mother dressed like that all the time and didn’t wear pants or jeans until she was older. The little children look just like my brother and sister, clothes and all. What a memory trip.


Helena Ricketts profile image

Helena Ricketts 2 years ago from Indiana

I LOVE this hub! I have to check our local ordinances quite often to see if things that I'm planning to do in our back yard are allowed. Surprisingly enough and to some of my neighbors horror, they are. :)


Radcliff profile image

Radcliff 2 years ago from Hudson, FL

You have a knack for getting your point across in the most entertaining way. Although I must say my in-laws can, in fact, dance naked in their backyard because they live in a nudist colony/camp/whatever. But I don't think that's the all-American backyard enjoyment you're talking about here! Hahah!


sheilamyers 2 years ago

I love the picture you posted. But in today's world, according to my little bro, the lady should be handing the guy with the lawnmower a can of beer. Why? He insists it's a federal law you have to drink beer while you mow the grass. Oh wait! That's only if you have a riding mower. Don't worry, he doesn't get drunk and try to mow his grass - he only drinks one beer while riding.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working