Top 10 Reasons why Football is Stupid

Top 10 Reasons why Football is Stupid

Gabillions of fans follow it, thousands of humans play it, a few unfortunate souls make a living from it: it's football and it's stupid. We'd be better off standing in a field covered with bacon fat waiting for passing grizzly bears, but for some unfathomable reason we tend to prefer football to outdoor activities.

Herein we present the Top 10 Reasons incontrovertibly pointing to the stupidity of the sport. Many more reasons exist, but in the interest of brevity and possibly squeezing out a few more articles on the subject, the list remains capped at 10. Feel free to append your own addendums to the Comments box as the bottom: you will not be censored unless you are a Browns fan.

The Top Ten

10. Everyone gets hurt. The game causes injuries beyond the wildest dreams of orthopedic surgeons. Professional running backs survive an average of less than 4 years in the league. Punters, long snappers, cheerleaders, and popcorn vendors regularly pull hamstrings or suffer career-ending sunburn.

9. Rookies make too much money. Unproven players fresh out of college realize yearly salaries beyond the wildest dreams of wildly successful orthopedic surgeons.

8. Every field is the same. Baseball stadiums offer a modicum of originality. Football fields are cookie-cutter predictable length-wise and width-wise. Every field is depressingly flat, stupefyingly green, and inordinately free of obstacles. At least X-games competitors have to skate around stuff and jump over stuff.

7. It's a closed system: Even the wealthiest of the wealthy are shut out of this invitation-only club. The number of teams is locked down tighter than the cue cards at a Miss Universe Pageant. A truly fair league would permit more teams to join so more people could earn a living.

6. You can't say the name of The Big Game: All-pro lawyers have worked long and hard to prevent sentient humans from accidentally uttering the Official Name of the championship game. The actual contest doesn't usually turn out to be all that super anyway. It hasn't been played in a bowl for a long time.

5. They keep adding games: Despite the plethora of injuries, league busybodies continue to add more games to the schedule. The last undefeated team to win the S***r B**l won 12 games in the regular season: now it's up to 16 and within a few years it will jump to 18.

4. Players get fined for floppy socks: Every game has assigned to it a former player responsible for policing uniform violations. Pregame inspections include the threat of fines and severe finger wagging.

3. The scoring is misleading: A game in which 1 touchdown is scored may end up 7-0, but it's actually 1-0. A soccer game boasting such a score would be considered tedious and unworthy of attention by football fans.

2. The quarterback doesn't even call his own plays: These prima-donnas get to wear a wire. Their helmets include radio receivers connected to coaches clutching plastic-coated play charts contrived by graduate-level statisticians. No other players are granted such a luxury.

1. It's not NASCAR: Everyone knows the only true sport is a millionaire turning left at high speed in a multi-colored car with a carburetor.

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Comments - you wanna say somethig? 27 comments

nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Welcome Broncos fans. Football is still stupid.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Oscar , the only NFL quarterbacks calling their own plays are the retired quarterbacks on the sidelines serving as offensive coordinators.


Oscar 3 years ago

hese reasons they give are so contradicting and they don't make any sense, for example number 8 why would having metal poles sticking out of the ground make the game better, number 3 if you had touchdowns equal to 1 point than a field goal would be .42857143 points-that really makes sense, number 2 most quarterbacks in the nfl actually do call their own plays and in no other sport are the plays so complicated, number 1 i don't know what its saying, number 5, they haven't added games since 1977, number six you can say the name all you want, and number 7 what makes rich people better than famous people, and there arent enough good quarterbacks in the world for the number of teams we have now so adding teams would just add the equivalent of more chiefs-jaguars games


nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Welcome Ravens fans. Football is still stupid.


Cj 3 years ago

Whoever made this is clearly brain dead from watching old men chase each other in circles.


fred delkin 4 years ago

Very wise commentary...now let's hear some of the same regarding that overhyped ther game of 'futbol' that the rest of the globe pefers over the all-American antics on our gridirons...I've forced myself to attend MSL games now played in my backyard and found no reason to get excited...


ThomasRydder 4 years ago

Good!! To each his own, Ni :) Thus it is the world goes round and round...


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@ThomasRydder: I don't feel victimized.


ThomasRydder 4 years ago

Mildly interesting article, but I'm afraid you are the victim of severe misconception and misinformation.

10. Not everyone gets hurt. The chances are likelier in football..but then again, in soccer, rugby, or darts, you don't wear pads either.

9. The sole comment I agreed with. But rookies (and athletes in general) in EVERY sport are grossly overpaid. On the other hand, the average career is like 5 or 6 years. I'd want to make it when I could, too.

8. I don't see soccer or tennis played on fields or courts of different dimensions.

7. Supporting an NFL team (largely because of #9), is an expensive venture. Factors must be considered, relating to a particular city (and local and tv market) being able to afford said team. However, it's been done. Carolina and Jacksonville in 1995, and Houson in 2002.

6. For this, I might ask what other sport decides it's champion in one final game?

5. The 1972 Dolphins went undefeated 14-0 (not 12-0, mind you), then went on to win each playoff game and ultimately the SUPER Bowl against The 'Skins, 14-7.

4. One reason there aren't more injuries than there are is the strict guidelines on safety and uniforms that fit properly. NO SLOPPY SOCKS ALLOWED!!

3. The scoring system is no less ridiculous than, say, tennis. 15-love? really? Just because a bit of math is required for calculating a football contest, that's no reason to question the logic.

2. In today's age of technology, we have offensive and defensive coordinators, and something called the "booth", those glass-enclosed rooms waaaaay up high, where guys with binoculars and microphones can spot errors in formations, missed coverages, and guys who are constantly screwing up assignments. True, it's not as romantic as quarterbacks and middle linebackers calling everything, but they DO have the option of changing alignments and calling audibles. And THAT can be more difficult than calling the original play.

1. Every team on the roster has at least 100 plays on either offense or defense, a couple dozen formations, and a very few seconds to run a play, while at the same time figuring out if the play or formation or play they selected will work, or to change it in time to avoid penalty. But hey, that is WAY more boring than watching grown men go in circles real fast.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

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nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

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uberman 5 years ago

I have to say, I have played soccer, rugby, lacrosse and football. Football is the only game that let me catch my breath in-between plays. I was not required to think independently. I got into 2 fights because I don't like being "good gamed". The amount of protective padding was ridiculous, I COULDN'T get hurt as long a everyone played by the rules. I was forced to practice 2-3 hours EVERY day, which made no sense. It was like Olympic training for checkers. I believe that the slowness and lack of thought that goes into football is the reason that Americans have taken to it so well (though other countries scoff the game). It is just reality TV for over-compensating American males.


fdelkin 5 years ago from portland, OR

having played football (both prep & college)and having coached Pop Warner, I love the sport and find it infinitely more diverse in skills than the other 'football'(in which I coached my daughter's grade school team)...NFL has become America's favorite sport (sorry baseball)...yes, grid play is injury-prone, but

the hurts are real, as opposed to all those 'flops'made by soccer stars at the highest level of the sport


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

I feel like Stan Fletcher.


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 5 years ago from Deep South, USA

I think my lack of interest in football (or any sport) is directly traceable to my family's lack of interest. I grew up without that enthusiasm around me, so never acquired it. And I lived in Dallas for eight years, where it is considered heresy not to watch the Cowboys' games!

Jaye


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 5 years ago from Deep South, USA

I think my lack of interest in football (or any sport) is directly traceable to my family's lack of interest. I grew up without that enthusiasm, so never acquired it. And I lived in Dallas for eight years, where it is considered heresy not to watch the Cowboys' games!

Jaye


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

I like to eat wings and ribs while watching football. In fact, I could easily forget about the football! Sorry it took so long to comment. Hubpages seems to have decided that I don't need to be notified about hubs!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@JayeWisdom : I respect that.


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 5 years ago from Deep South, USA

You made a valid point about horse racing, nicomp. But I'm never going to like football!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@JayeWisdom: Horse racing is not a sport. Horses die with regularity during training and racing. It's fine with me if people want to watch/bet/participate, but let's not compare it to football!


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 5 years ago from Deep South, USA

Here's another, with regard to high school football: Practice begins in the hottest part of summer, including in super-hot states such as Arizona. Already, a high school student and a coach have died from the heat (and the coach wasn't loaded down with pads and a helmet). It's insane to have practice during the daytime in temps of high 90s and over 100. I've seen suggestions that practice (if it must begin in summer) be held in the evenings, but it's still pretty darned hot after the sun goes down in the south U.S. where I live.

By the way, I think your article was written tongue-in-cheek (?); however, all my life I've REALLY believed football is stupid! That may be because no one in my immediate family ever cared about the sport and my exposure to it did nothing to make me like it.

Horse racing? Now, that's different!


danielleantosz profile image

danielleantosz 5 years ago from Florida

not much of a football fan, but I do agree that not all of your points hold water. A few are spot on, though. Truth is that all sports harken back to a "Warrior" time that is no longer applicable. In the past humans would settle disagreements with physical altercations...as we have gotten wiser and can discuss our differences something needed to fill that primal void. I believe that is the purpose sports serve.


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Its a tribal thang. Good for men to vicariously get their aggressions out- also good for tax bases, gamblers and week-end outings. Your ten reasons why its stupid rock. Go Vols!


Robwrite profile image

Robwrite 5 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

Football is just rugby with padding.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Watching football, nicomp, is also cathartic for the average male viewer. He can watch players knocking the stuffing out of each other and no one gets punished ... except for a penalty or two. Great entertainment!


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

Why don't they learn to share the football? Why fight over it? When I was in kindergarten, I lerned to share! Perhaps football mirrors business: It is warfare; take no prisoners...


Cbrown6093 profile image

Cbrown6093 5 years ago from East Texas

WHAT? Only a few of your arguments have any validity to them in my opinion.. let me briefly run through the list and give my input. (I played the sport most of my life including a year of college ball).

10. I will concede the fact that yes several injuries to occur yearly. But if you can find a serious sport where this doesn't happy i'll be very surprised. Baseball, basketball, soccer, rugby, cricket, and even nascar have injuries occur.

9. Rookie players are paid based on their resumes the same as any person coming into the job market out of college would be. The better players receive more money and the lower players receive less.

8. Every field is the same due to a set of standards to keep the game fair. It would be ridiculous for one team's field to be 12 yards longer. Stadiums are built differently and have different features.

7. You have proved my point against this one in argument 5. More teams clearly would mean more games.

6. Are you really that upset by this fact? And it could be the same way in any sport. The World Championship and World Series do not allow teams from other countries to enter, so why should they be called WORLD CHAMPIONS?

5. The NFL is a sport as well as a business with millions of dollars changing hands during the course of every game. So clearly to add more games would mean more money.

4. Would you expect the CEO of a company to show up to work in a pair of athletic shorts and a t-shirt? Obviously not. This is a key part to the success and a basic rule of every business. DRESS CODE.

3. Baseball - player touches 4 bases. Should they get a point for every base they reach. Basketball - free throw = 1 pt. Field Goal = 2pts. 3 pointer = 3pts. Soccer - a goal may be 1 point per game. But a win is 3 and a Draw is 1. It is all just a matter of reference. Any serious follower of a sport knows what scores how many points, and that is all that matters.

2. On the other side of that wire is an offensive coordinator and a head coach that are making millions of dollars to do their job. The quarterback makes the pre-snap on field decisions: audibles, deciding who to throw the ball to, keep or hand off, etc.

1. I will not say anything against NASCAR, but the fact that this is your number one reason why "Football is stupid" clearly shows that you merely do not like the sport.

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